Hi, Im not too sure why I am on here writing this, iv never posted anything on a forum before. But I don’t want to speak to anyone at the moment, and thought this might help get my worries off my chest so to speak.
Well, Sunday 4th March I went on holiday, a week in the sunshine with my BF of 7 months, our 1st holiday together, and I was really looking forward to a relaxing week Sunday evening I was having a shower and felt a lump in my left breast, but I didn’t think too much about it… It will just be fatty tissue and it will be away in the morning. But as the week went on I became more and more aware of it, and I was getting annoyed that it was still there. So Sunday 11th March we arrive back in not so sunny Glasgow, and all I could think about driving home was, WTF !!! and I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something just wasn’t quite right. It was a strange feeling, but I felt I had to get this checked out ASAP, so Monday morning I phoned my GP and managed to get an appointment for Tuesday morning. Once Id made the appointment I felt a kinda sense of calm, I thought to myself … right Iv got cancer and im going to deal with it !! that thought was in my head for a few minutes before I laughed at myself… don’t be so silly, your 36 years old, its just a silly wee lump, its just fatty tissue or a cyst or something like that. I almost phoned back the doctors to cancel the appointment… no point wasting his time, but I didn’t. So Tuesday morning comes, first think I done before I even opened my eyes was to feel for the lump… I cant feel it… for a split second I chuckled to myself, iv been so silly worry about this lump for the past week, and its just disappeared. But then I felt it a small hard lump in the same place its been every other morning when I felt to see if its still there. So I go to the doctors, sitting in the waiting room and I could hear the doctors voice telling me its just a wee cyst nothing at all to worry about, but then I hear him shout my name. I calmly explained to the doctor that i had felt a small lump and just want to have it checked. After asking me a few questions he felt under my arm, telling me there was no signs of swelling, so thats a good sign. Then he felt where I told him the lump was, half expecting him not to feel anything, but he said ohhhh I see what you mean !!! when he said that I burst in to tears, I thought f*ck there is something wrong with me. The doctors spoke for a few mins, telling me that given my age and no family history, that it was unlikely to be anything more than a cyst, but then he said, Ill make an urgent referral to the breast clinic, because we cant rule anything else out !! I don’t think Iv thought straight since I left the doctors. I keep feeling the lump hoping it wont be there, im driving in my car and I burst into tears, thoughts keep coming into my head, who will look after my dog, im never going to have kids, I cant cope with this, I don’t want to die OMG am I going to die. Im terrified, i don’t think iv ever felt so scared in my life. I know most lumps are not cancer, im a rational person, im a nurse, I know Im going to get an appointment in to attend the breast clinic, and it will just be a cyst. But what if its not !!! I only went to the doctors yesterday and it feels like it was 3 months ago, I feel like my head might explode, I don’t thinking I can cope with waiting for an appointment and then waiting for results, let alone cope with what the results might be. I feel sick, im sooo scared
Sorry that went on a bit longer that I had intended, I just needed to get it all out, my head feels like its going to burst.
Hello lizmil
Welcome to the forums, I’m sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at the moment. I’m sure the users of this site will be along to support you soon.
You may also like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 600 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 to 2.00.
best wishes
June, moderator
Oh lizmil you are in the worst place at the moment. Everyone on here can understand just how you feel because we have all been there too. It is horrible but you will get through it though just as we did. You have already said you have an urgent referral so the wait might not be too long.
Hopefully it will be nothing because remember most lumps are not cancer. But even if you do get the news you don’t want it is not the end. As you can see by reading the posts on this board there is life beyond.
There is no point in telling you not to worry but try not to be too despondent. What you are feeling is entirely natural.
I hope that you will be on here soon telling us all it was a false alarm.
Thanks 
iv found it very helpful reading the posts on here. I’m feeling more positive today, the odds are in my favour n I’m tryin to focus on the positive rather than the wot if. It’s just horrible wen the wot if thoughts take over. The positivity off all of ur stories really is amazing.