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so lonely

18 REPLIES 18
Amy30
Member

Re: so lonely

wow. Karen and Jakki - this disease is just so cruel. It seems to have such a devastating effect on otherwise good relationships. The first time I read your posts yesterday they were so powerful they had me in tears. I am home from surgery now. Couldn't stop crying in the hospital - the morphine made everything exaggerated and a couple of wonderful nurses really had their hands full with me!

I am so sorry to hear your cancer is back too Jakki - I am astounded coming back on here how many people I have recognised from the first time round who are now going through this again - and how many have had to put up with really tough circumstances at the same time. It makes me feel a bit less alone but also so angry at the injustice of the world.

I've started reading a really good book called 'What We May Be' on a subject called psychosynthesis that was leant to me by a lady I work with. I'm finding some of the exercises quite helpful in finding strong sense of identity, self understanding and sense of calm. It's not easy reading but if you're into a bit of psychology and are prepared to try some of the visualisations & meditations can give some real insight. I'm really changing in this respect - a few years ago I dismissed this sort of thing as mumbo jumbo.

My love and support goes out to you all. I am being overwhelmed by love from my girlfriends and family, still finding it hard to accept the absence of a man in my life and how much they have let me down, but growing stronger in myself.

Amy xxx

karencats
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi just came across your post and wanted to say that my husband left me 3 and hald years after my breast cancer for my best friend so i too lost both with double betrayal.

I have to say my husband was fantastic as the time and such a rock, but wanted to let you know that what 9 months on i have got stronger (i was a blubbering mess i had 3 young children) but time is a great healer i am sorry your breast cancer has come back but you will see light at the end of the tunnel and i have also gone through menopause as had ovaries out. I am now 40 have got my sex life back with two 28 year olds and am now seeing a 34 year old who is lovely. So a big hug from me and things will get better.

karen x

daisypink
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Amy

just wanted to come on here and tell you your not alone and i can can understand how you are feeling, My hubby and I split last year and i have since found out he had someone else, its been very hurtful for me and the hardest thing is knowing he lied to me whilst i really needed him. This was six months ago and now i'm just waiting for my divorce settlement so i can try and get my life back on track.

Like you my cancer is also back, i have lung secondaries though, so i feel as though i have a huge battle on my hands right now. I am tired, scared and lonely and some days dont know how i get out of bed.. but i do.. the survival mechanism kicks in and you have to.

I'm glad your parents are coming over to support you, i would of been lost without mine.. good luck with the surgery....

take care and keep us posted on how your doing...

Love jakki
xxx

JulsRis
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi there,
good to hear you;ve had some 'normal' time, and a bit of a clear out by the sounds of things, its good to be in control of some things eh. Dont forget who you are and what you want.
lol Julie xx

Amy30
Member

Re: so lonely

Thank you again. Feeling strong today for the first time since diagnosis - haven't cried once (whereas was a blubbering mess for the rest of the week). Even had the strength to get rid of someone unhealthy hanging round my life and feel good for it. My parents are coming to stay indefinately on Tuesday. Went to see a silly chick flick with a friend tonight and felt completely normal for a little while!

Other women are great at times like these - I've got to stop relying on silly men.

A x

JulsRis
Member

Re: so lonely

Amy,
I read your post and want to hug you right now. Lifes hard for you now and I understand that you must feel completely overwhelmed with your relationship dificulty and your health. It will get better and more manageable in time, you know that. One step at a time, try not to be so hard on yourself, like the other ladies have said have a good cry when you need to. Share it with people who make you feel good about your self, you are loved by your friends and family, i know they arent near but im sure they would want to know how you are feeling and family would feel sad to think that you are doing this all alone.
treat yourself , have a clear out , throw a plate!,
lifes not fair sometimes, we all somehow get through adversity, somehow and wonder how we will . Counselling is a positive thing to do, Ive had some in the past and think its a good healthy experience.
Take care for now, look forward to hearing how you are soon,
Julie x

suebeth
Member

Re: so lonely

Amy
just want to send hugs and good thoughts your way...

hang in there - we are here whatever time of day or night...... dig deep - you will get through this
love and hugs
suex

Annie42
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Amy

I also want to give you a big hug!

I was and still am, single and I had to go through all my treatment without a life partner. But I got through with the support of my close family and friends. A couple of acquaintances actually have become great friends as they supported me thru the worse of it.

i know its easy to say but keep your chin up and keep fighting back. As Lenova says you come back much tougher.

Take care

Anne

ForumMember
Member

Re: so lonely

hi amy,
my heart goes out to you , i know only too well what your going through, before i was diagnosed with breast cancer , my patrtner left me for a younger model , then i lost my wondreful dad, who was my best friend , i thought my world had ended,then a year after i was diognosed with breast cancer, i was like you could not stop crying , but then from somewhere you gain that inner strenght that you had when you was first diognosed, it comes from nowhere , plus the family support is something you cannot be without , be open and talk to everyone ,cry till you cannot cry anymore , go for walks to help clear your mind and also have "me" time" , to recharge you batteries, ive heard that counciling is good but have not tried it myself,
everything will come right for you in time , believe me , it has for me , im so much stronger now, and i hope you will be too, take care of your self amy and if you ever need to talk , im here , jan xxx

debbi
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi amy

emigrate with your friend x

Amy30
Member

Re: so lonely

thanks for your kind words and cyber hugs. A couple of hours on the phone have cheered me up a lot. good luck with your chemo helen - it won't be fun but it is only a few weeks and then you start to heal. A x

princess18
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry to hear things are so sh*t for you at the mo. I know it prob won't help but I just wanted to send you a huge 'cyber' hug ((((((((((o)))))))))) and to let you know we are all here for you,

Take care,

Kelly
-x-

ForumMember
Member

Re: so lonely

Dear Amy

I am sorry to read that you are going through such a difficult time and just wanted to say that you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of our helpliners, they can offer you support and a 'listening ear'. Our specialist nurses can talk to you about other ways you can find support through BCC's other services. The number is 0808 800 6000 and it's open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.

Kind regards
Lucy

Lenny
Member

Re: so lonely

dear amy,

just came across your posting and wanted to let you know you are not alone, as carol says you have started a survival strategy already, by coming on here and asking for support. and now just reading your last posting i can see how courageous you are, you are doing all the right things.

no it won't be the same as before because this is now and you are a different person now, not least because of all that has happened. how brave to ask for counselling... asking for help doesn't show your weakness but your strength and with that strength you will be able to fight this disease! it's you and now that counts, just concentrate on getting thru' the next thing, be it a night with some quality sleep or getting to the next appt.

this is my first diagnosis and i start chemo on monday, so i have zero experience of treatment but everything i've read of your postings makes me want to say, hang in there... you can do this ... you are special and there will be help for you, probably from the place that you least expect... and definately from talking on here.

like others have said, take good care of you... at the moment you are the only one who matters,

love and support,

helen

Amy30
Member

Re: so lonely

Thank you all for your comments. I've started to tell my friends who are all being supportive but it just isn't the same as having a life partner go through it with you. My family live overseas but are coming over next week to help. I've arranged an appointment with my GP to see if he can help me with the sleeping and also some counselling - so really trying to take advantage of everything going. Still can't stop crying though. It's all so overwhelming! I didn't really grieve when my husband and I split and I think everything that has happened is all coming out at once.

joannafinch
Member

Re: so lonely

Dear Amy
What a horrible time for you. Do you have a any family nearby? Are there other friends who can help you and who you can talk to? Its at the lonely times that a site like this can really be so so wonderful. I really hope you can find a community here that will help you through. Perhaps there are also face to face support groups you could link into? There are lots of people who will think about you and who will wish you well and who will respond to your posts.
Take very good care of yourself. Have a lovely hot bath, use some wonderful smelling moisturiser, treat yourself to something great everyday.
Jo
xxx

lisa72
Member

Re: so lonely

Amy

Im so sorry you are feeling so low. I was just sat feeling sorry for myself - Im a just over a month into chemo and feeling very down at the moment - then I logged on and saw your mail. You sound like you have had a bad run with your husbands betrayal and the cancer returning. Have you any close family or other friends you can lean on ? I hope you find some other support you really need it now but remember you have beaten this thing once and you will do it again.

Take care of yourself.

Lisa x

cb102
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Amy,

I am sorry to hear how lonely you feel right now. It is good you have come back to 'talk' to us on this site, at least you can share your experiences. I can not begin to know how it feels to have a husband leave you after being such an hero. As bad as what he did it sound as though he was there for you when it mattered.
Is there anyway you can contact him just for a chat? Perhaps you don't want that.

I too had a friend that emigrated and unfortunately we don't correspond as much as we ought. Friendships are so valuable aren't they.

Regarding your recurrence, here is where I can perhaps empathise. I can only say that the feeling of devastation is what I felt as well as utter tiredness of the continuing round of surgery and treatment. I expect you feel overwhelmed at the moment, I think you have begun a good strategy to cope though. Take one step at a time and this first step is to revisit the site. I know there will be lots of support for you here even though we can only send cyber hugs.

Take care sending cyber hugs

Carol

Amy30
Member

so lonely

Hello girls. I haven't really been on here for over a year as my treatment finished in October 2006. At the time I was really happily married and my husband was an absolute hero. My best mate was really there for me too and through them I got through a helluva lot without too much emotional scarring.

However - skip forward to December 2007. I found out my husband was having an affair with the girl he sits next to at work and he left me for her. My best friend is currently making plans to emigrate to Australia in a couple of months time and I've found out on Monday that the cancer is back and I have to have a mastectomy within the next two weeks.

I cannot believe the contrast to how I am reacting this time round. I just can't stop crying and feel devastatingly alone. Waking up in the night with noone to hold me or talk to is breaking my heart. I feel like absolutely everything in my life is out of my control and all my confidence has been shattered in a matter of days.

Just need some emotional support right now.
Amy