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so lonely

16 REPLIES 16
lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi catweasel,
Your mornings work sounds really positive, thanks for sharing. Motivates me more to find something similar in my local area. Yet the times i most think about it are during the *out of hours times* must get this head sorted.
Thanks for being there snd sharing your news x x
Catweasel
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Lexilou
Had the first moving forward this morning, it was very good. Had a talk from a clinical oncologist and a physiotherapist which were very informative. There were 2 ladies there that I already knew as well.
Local to me are weekly walks, Wednesday's and Saturdays which I intend to join, mainly the Saturday one in case I do return to walk. The idea is to walk and then finish with a coffee and cake (which sounds good to me!).
I feel quite a bit better in myself at the moment but that could all change as we all know.
My social life is starting up again though I am still having some issues with one friend who is visiting me shortly, I am thinking of leaving some of macmillans brochures around as a hint (you never know it could work).
Lots of people seem to be going away shortly, unfortunately I have to wait until September unless I can book somewhere before that, though what with all these group things coming up I might just wait.
Hope you get sorted with the moving forward and good luck with everything. Xxx
lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

ey Catweasel,

Oh my goodness - what tough times you have had. Good luck with your course - I need to enquire & see if one is running near me.

I ordered that booklet thru amazon & have read it cover to cover. At the end there is a poem which I found very frank & applicable. I think in trying to protect me young people I have tried to convince myself that all will be well - yet my heart is screaming *how do you know*! I feel like printing out the poem to take to my workplace - yet fear they will think I am mentally unbalanced & recommend I stop work again. I am now different, very different.

Thank you for your time & support here, best wishes with all of your challenges x x x

Catweasel
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Lexilou.
Thanks for your suggestion re the emotional support site, will give it a read.
The moving forward was suggested by my breast care nurse but I also found it on this website, it depends where the nearest one is to where you live. The first meeting of three is this Friday for 3 hours, along with the yoga, walking and other exercises I don't think there is time for work. Also I have my father to think about these days, he had bladder cancer last year, we even went for radiotherapy for the same 4 weeks though he took hospital transport while I drove. He isn't getting any younger and I live closest so end up doing most (not that I mind) but I'm not the favourite daughter so whatever my sister does is marvellous!
Anyway enough of that rant.
Good luck with the moving forward.
best wishes xxx


lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Catweasel,

I also looked for support & advice re occupational health review on a different thread. (you may find it if you search occupational health) in the search box. My OH report is challenging for me, but I do wish to return to full time work. However with all the anguish I am experiencing at the moment I am not sure that re-evaluation of my life and work balance will possibly move to the fore & actions taken to change this situation.

I do love my job & find it very satisfying, though it is challenging both in mental and physical terms.

I have just ordered a book - Emotional support through breast cancer - you can read reviews here

http://www.emotionalsupportthroughbreastcancer.co.uk/

How did you access the moving forward course ?

Best wishes, Lexilou xx

lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Sorry for typos fat fingers, small phone pad !!
lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hello catweasel, I think you have this right. I do love my work, but hate confrontation and wonder if i tried to return to soon. Good luck with your plans. I found a blog One Woman Walks Wales... a dufferent cancer, but wow that lady is strong. I long to get my walking boots on for a serious saunter !!!
Will update as all pans out.
Much love to all who have responded here x x
Catweasel
Member

Re: so lonely

I have been reading all your comments with much interest.
I was due to return to work the week commencing 2 February but my OH manager (who knows what I have been/am going through) wants to to see the works doctor (I work for a large organisation) as at our last phone conversation I mentioned I didn't think I was coping well emotionally (I have also been independently referred for counselling). This doctor can't visit for another week so my GP has given me a note for another 4 weeks. I can honestly say I could pack work in today as I haven't missed it all the time I have been off, the friends and the gossip are different.
I will have to go back shortly as my full pay will stop and OH have said it will be quite a long phased return and my line manager knows I have various group sessions such as 'Moving Forward' etc so will ensure these don't clash.
My consolation is that at 55 I can take my work pension if I want, either finishing work altogether or keep working but on reduced hours (I will be 55 in April), however in July there are changes to the pension altogether so I think I will take as long as possible from work, try to make the phased return to work as long as possible and then think about things then. As I have been reading elsewhere when you have been given a bc diagnosis and go through all treatments, then you seem to re-evaluate your life and things around you and realise what is important and not suffer fools gladly and whilst I do not have partner at present I hope to at some time in the future.
Love and best wishes to all xxx


lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

My team mates know i am still recovering, some are very good at offering support, mental and practical.
lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi seabreeze,
Your comments again are insightful. When i went to OH and the plan was made, OH said these were their recommendations. Work has adopted them but without any discussions with me, even though OH also recommended regular meetings to assess my ability to cope. I feel there is a wall of silence, i ask questions regarding next steps and had a curt email to attend work as rostered as was too short notice to change the shift pattern. That was not what i had asked for, i was looking for advice on how to move fowward and confirmation that they would accept the recommendations. I have lost faith in the team who are suposed to be managing me, i am not sure that they are aware of the legislation in place. HR is a one person unit, and in this instance has been copied on communications, but also remains silent.

I will speak with Macmillan, the stress this is bringing is immense. Thank you again for your thoughts x

Seabreeze
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Lexilou,
Sometimes it helps to unravel things a bit....
OH sound like they are supporting a very gradual return and that is positive. I presume OH are commissioned by your company to provide advice?
If so your line manager and above should be adjusting workload so that it is reasonable for the hours advised by OH. Do you think managers aren't doing this?
Is there a separate HR dept? If so it may be worth seeing if they can help your managers to follow through re OH advice.
Macmillan have an employment advice team re issues on return. May be worth calling them too.
Have you told team mates you are still recovering from side affects? It is hard when people see you and say you look really well when you are still recovering.
I'm sure your friends will understand if you speak to them about it.
Beaming some fight back vibes to you.
Seabreeze

lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Stella & Seabreeze,

Thanks for your input here. Yes Seabreeze - we shared some comments elsewhere. I too feel now documentation & use of union rep is the only way to go. Just dreading walking in their tomorrow - I know some will feel I have been ungrateful. I choose to believe they are acting in ignorance - but that can only be an excuse for so long, at some point you have to acknowledge the rights & law. My return has been over last 10 weeks & am still far from my contractual hours. The OH recommends many more weeks building up my hours. Whilst I have great friends I dont want to burden my young peeps too much & have no *significant* other to cuddle up to at night. Sounds a right pity party - will pick up again soon

The team I work within is quite large - but we all have our own workloads - I feel to be critical of the management may well destabilise the team & this will bring more angst my way. I have tried to talk with the line manager & one above with spectacular failure.

Seabreeze
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Lexilou,
We've met on another strand...I have just started a phased return too and have to say it has been far from plain sailing due to speed of return suggested by OH (8 hr days plus 2 hrs travel standing on train after 2 weeks), repeated misinformation from employer about how phased return works and then a meeting from hell with 2 seemingly unbriefed, uninformed, men wading in...refusing to accept 2 x fit notes from 2 x GP's that speed of return was too fast. For clarity I have always worked hard and to a high quality and have never taken the **** on hours in fact totally the opposite, the company has with me!
Thankfully line manager has been honest and open which has helped.
Other colleagues in the office have been fine, many very nice, with many messages of good to see me back and some of the colleagues I most respect in terms of the quality of their work and as individuals, genuinely saying and behaving as though they are delighted/really pleased to see me back. This is helping me rise above the male in waders....
I also have some colleagues who I know are looking out for me should I need...which also helps re the uniformed male in waders....
A good friend told me it had gone too far and I needed to get the power back so I documented notes of meeting from hell to try to ensure I was not the victim...which seems to have helped, dug out the power boots, wore a different skirt which makes me feel good etc....
Have to say it was disappointing that my security access pass had been deactivated so I couldn't even get into the office on day one without reporting in as a visitor. Nice touch!

Have you actually returned to work and who in particular is avoiding communication? Do lots of people works there, do you have anyone you trust and get on with?
Seabreeze
lexilou3
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi Stella - thx for this post. I have been going back for some weeks now, due to fatigue finding it frustratingly slow. And there is a plan in place for me to gradually increase my hours. I like your tip about walking in with a colleague. I have seen from another much older posting here about a book Emotional Support through breast cancer, the alternative handbook which I am going to order too. 

Throughout these treatments I have looked well (surgery x2 & rads) now on oral meds. I just had a long chat with an adviser from BBC too - good cry. Feel better if not resolved the issues.

Have you returned to work yourself ?

Best wishes, Lexilou

Kentstar
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi, going back to work can be so difficult. Do you have a colleague at work that you like and trust who would meet you outside and walk in with you? I assume you will be on a phased return to ease you back in. Sending lots of positive thoughts. X Stella
Sam_BCC
Member

Re: so lonely

Hi lexilou

 

Whilst you are waiting for the other uesrs to reply with their experiences you might find it helpful to talk things through with a member of staff on the BCC helpline.  Here you can share your thoughts and concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information.  The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 10 to 2pm.

 

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

lexilou3
Member

so lonely

I am feeling so lonely. Am trying to return to work, struggling with fatigue, battling with employers, communication is non-existant despite OH recommendations. want to work but walking thru the doors is so tough. Union involved, but so hard. Any suggestions welcomed .