Moan moan moan…hate doing it.I was the one with a smile always on my face during treatment.Was told how positive and inspiritational I was.Now I’ve finished rads just over a week and I can say only here I feel in the depths.Have got into the very bad habit of staying in bed till half nine.I could never understand people wasting time in bed and now I struggle to motivate myself to get up and start the day, I want it to be as short as possible.Living alone it’s easy to do and become despondent.Energy levels are still too low to start looking for a morning job but when I browse it makes me worse as I know I’m not capable yet.I’m a cleaning supervisor and can’t do that yet but feel I should.Been living in a bubble world since op and feel I should be doing something proactive.Money depleting and now I need a crown on my tooth which is expensive.Lost all my confidence to look for work.Still doing a little light afternoon work and being paid but it’s not enough.People around can’t understand really and look perturbed if I start telling them of long term effects…they don’t really listen and just have stock replies.Feel overwhelmed with my dad suddenly going downhill, crying on the phone to me with pain, wishing he was dead.He wanted me to shop for him the other day when I went down and couldn’t even help him with that as can’t carry heavy bags back to his.he doesn’t know I had cancer…I had to ring my daughter to fetch them.This is not like me, all I can think of his how I want to go back to my life before.How easy it all seemed.Sorry for the rent…I normally keep it all in for fear of it spilling out and upsetting my daughter’s.
Oh treeze, I don’t know what to say,except in terms of what you’re feeling, you’re not alone. I still struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and seems to take me until lunchtime to get going. Said I would go back to work after easter, but now doubting that ability.
Only a week after rads, you will still be feeling the effects. In fact it peaks 2weeks after you finish, so it is normal to still feel tired at this stage. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. I too am on my own, and although I don’t tell my daughter everything, I can ask her for help and she is very supportive. You may find that your daughters want to help. Do you have any family or friends that can also chip in? Maybe worth giving the nurses here a call and I’m sure they’re be very supportive.
Sending a hug xx
Treeze i crashed a week or 2 after finishing rads too. I think it is great to finish but then we find ourselves alone and although treatment is tough it keeps us in touch with people and the medical crew. I had my hubby and kids to get me up and out but i still have low days now - 6 weeks later! You also have the worry of your dad too. Please, please tell your daughter how you feel. You need the support and someone to listen. Also call your BCN who is also there to support you too. I hope you feel better soon. I am sure it is a symptom 9f finishing rads xxx
Treeze I crashed too. It did get better but I find mornings are the best and afternoons a struggle. It seems to hit us all differently but I echo what Sue and Ali have said about reaching out to your daughter. Can you arrange for shopping to delivered when you are at your Dad’s? If you’re unable to tell him your diagnosis, can you say you’ve pulled a muscle in your arm? It’s horrible being the new women we never wanted to be, especially as everyone thinks you should be “cured” now. Can you access some counselling via BC nurse or Macmillan? Big hugs to you and rant away! Xxx