Hello there Nursemakeyouwel
I'm really sorry that you are feeling so low. As Zuleika said we have been through so much and it is really tough some days. I started Tamoxifen in July2013 and was told before i was even prescribed that it would be 10 years, initially the joint / muscle pain was similar to Taxol and thoroughly misery making.... Not sure if you have picked up on other threads but it sometimes depends on the brand, thats one thing you could maybe look at, TEVA seems to be the kindest brand. I am certainly much better since i changed in February 2014.
I do practice Mindfulness and have read some books by Jon Kabat-Zinn (maybe this is the one you have read) but am currently using 'Mindfulness for Health; Relieving Pain, Reducing Stress and Restoring Wellbeing by Vidyamala Burch and Danny Penman. This is a book with a short Foreward then it covers 8 weeks for which there is a supporting CD and i have downloaded to my IPhone. It is really easy to follow and very effective. There is quite a lot of evidence around about the effectiveness of Mindulness when used for Depression, even suggested now in the NICE Guidelines.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on......... Take Care Gilly x