Cant say that I am any thirstier than before but I do have an achey, itchy boob and the scar area is still tender from the rads. I think the SE of rads is ongoing for a while. Not going to get off that lightly even though it was two months ago. Shoulder ache too. No SE from the Tamox that I have noticed. Happy Easter eggs to you all. xxxx
Hi bird, glad things are getting back to 'normal' for you. I get the thirst thing too, I'm a 'just' rads and tamoxifen girly though so put it down to the latter, although the person I saw at onc review, said she had never heard of this complaint, and it wasn't a SE - really felt like I was making it up! I was gulping in excess of 3L but it does seem to have settled to about 2L per day, but if I don't drink enough I get a banging headache , just think I'll have to put up with it for the next 4.5 yrs!
Hope you get yours sorted, I'd be interested to know what your onc thinks.
On the Easter egg prices - do you not have an Asda? £1 for a small egg with choccy bar, cheaper than a bar of choc!
Take care x
I haven't been on here for ages, been busy trying to get back into this going to work malarky!!! Hair is growing back nicely it's approx 1 inch long and I no longer wear hats or scarves!! I just had a "i can't stand wearing these anymore!" moment! I've had lots of compliments of how funky my hair looks but it could be that peeps are just being nice. Anyway I don't actually care cuz I am just very very very happy to have my hair back! Hoorah!!!
Anyway I see that some of you are getting pains ect.. post rads. I am now about 7 weeks on from finishing my rads and for the last 2-3 days I have noticed that my boob is achey and my arm is feeling heavier than ususal. Anyone else had similar?
I also notice that I am suffering alot more with dehydration. I used to feel a little odd if I didn't drink enough but now if I don't have a least 2 litres of fluids a day boy do I feel really odd!!! Dunno if its down to the tamoxifen or is it due to the savage effects the chemo has had on my kidneys. Dunno. Will ask my onc when I see her in a few weeks.
Anyway I hope you are all doing ok and are getting ready to stuff yourself with overpriced easter eggs!!!
It isnt just me then? Havent been this fatigue through the whole process. Stabbing pains and shoulder ache too. Must be the rads still working coupled with the Tamox. Just gotta learn to live with it. It can only get better? xxx
Yes, I'm getting shoulder ache on and off, 7 weeks on and am also easily tired. Some days I am rearing to go and on others I can barely get out of bed. Frustrated, but trying to be patient!
Havent posted for a while. Was just wondering. I am 6 weeks post rads and have felt really well during and after. But now 6 weeks later am getting the fatigue and stabbing pains and shoulder ache. I thought by now it would have all subsided. Did anyone else get symptoms this far post rads. Must admit have got lazy with arm exercises. Could be that. xxx
Well done Lynne - glad you got through your three weeks ok. I've 6 more to go and just beginning to go very pink tonight. Hope it calms down overnight.
Good luck in the coming months.
Just finished my rads last Saturday (19/3/11).
Skin held up very well; using plenty of aqueous & aloe vera; also using some gel patches the radiographers gave me for my "hot spot".
I have gone very spotty; looks like an insect has taken a liking to me and I have a very neat row of rather large spots, inbetween a lot of small ones.
Not itchy thankfully; burned quite a bit at end of week 1 to mid week 2; since then settled. Nurse told me not to use any perfume normal deoderant for at least 2 weeks as you still "cook" for 7 to 10 days.
No tiredness to speak of; due to appointment times I went part-time in week 3 and took a couple of days holiday today & tomorrow to chill out a bit before going back to work on Wednesday (23rd).
Just so I didn't go cold turkey for the hospital I had my regular fasting blood test this morning for the type 2 diabeties I was picked up with when having my pre-op tests for the first WLE at end of last September (lucky me).
Not sure where the last 6 months has gone; follow up appt in approx 4 to 6 weeks when I hope Onc will confirm nothing else just annual mammogrames for 5 years; then every other year for another 5.
I finished rads last week (3 days ago). My skin wasn't itchy at the time but is now. I was fine for the first 3 weeks (I had 1 booster week) but am a little tired now, nothing major.
For those of you yet to have rads, it was FINE. I was back at work so was really busy and frankly, there were days when lying on the radiotherapy bed was a nice rest!
I was quite worried pre rads but it was fine, nothing to worry about at all. If it wasn't that radiation was dangerous, I'd happily have rads daily to keep the C away!
The itchy red rash look is normal after rads. I used hydrocortisone cream given to me by the hospital and its almost all gone now. I did think that after 4 weeks i would have no itching and i havent really just a small patch. You will get these knife like pains that catch you out from timne to time and some swelling which I believe is all normal after a course of rads. I havent had any fatigue other than the normal tiredness i would feel anyway. I like you am glad that is all over with. Good luck. xxx
Hi I am only a week post rads. Thought I was doing really well no tiredness skin probs and then the end of my last week the tiredness hit and I had a really weepy day. I am so not a weepy person, saw the GP who has signed me off work for 2 weeks but I have to go back to see him and not just go back to work. Also got the worst itchy rash on my boob, think is you forget you are itching it looks a bit like a heat rash with loads of little blisters, Will get GP to look at it on tuesday and learning to pace myself on the activity front. But at least not doing the 3 hour round trip now so all good.
Hey we are back online. Hi girls how are you all?
I must have been "jumping the gun" as they say. 4 weeks post rads and have started to get knife like pains. Also I thought my skin had healed but now have an itchy patch back. Have used hydrocortosone cream(spelling) and E45 for itchy skin but nothing seems to work. Has anyone else had ongoing side effects 4 weeks on? Nice to be back. xxxx
Haven't posted for a while but have been keeping up with the conversation. I'm nearly 3 weeks on from finishing rads and am doing OK. I did get a bit tired towards the end and afterwards, but have just had a really nice few days in the New Forest and managed some good walks.
It's interesting about the aches and pains - I've had achey shoulders, especially in the mornings, for the last couple of weeks. I put it down to the radiotherapy but I'm taking Tamoxifen so maybe it's that. I see onc on March 23rd so will also ask.
Karen, sounds like your hair is growing simiilar to mine. It's fine on one side but seems to be growing in all directions on the other and forming a 'mohican' in the middle!
Adi, I had 6 lots of FEC and found radiotherapy a doddle compared to chemo. It doesn't hurt - like Ann says there's a bit of moving you around to get you into the right position, but other than that I found it OK.
Lilac, hope you are getting your kitten under control!
All good wishes to everyone,
Funny thing is I didnt really know what to expect before rads. I had my lumpectomy 7 weeks previous and was almost feeling back to normal so it was a bit of a dredge to get going again for treatment. At first I thought how am I going to go to the hospital every day for a month (no weekends). But I got into a routine with my cream, energy drink and a treat after. The only thing I didnt like was the pulling about to get into place and having to keep still with my arm up. But apart from that I had no problem and the time past very quickly. Fortunately I didnt need chemo and I have heard that if you have had chemo the rads is a doddle in comparison. Plenty of fresh fruit and veg and exercise. Most people seem to suffer extreme fatigue after rads has finished, but I am two weeks post rads and havent felt tired throughout or now. My skin didnt react too badly and only have a very tanned boob (only wish it was all over). I wish you luck and its good you have company although it didnt bother me if I had to go it alone sometimes. You are literally in and out. You are nearly there. xxxxx
p.s. I hope you get some shut eye very soon as you must be feeling so tired. Ann xx
Morning Springblossom, not liased before but was interested to read your comments on rads. So glad to hear that you have not suffered as that will be sometime soon once all the chemo has finished. Just had FEC 2 on wednesday then one more before Tax. Any other hints would be appreciated.... Did it hurt? We all seem to tolerate this treatments in different ways. Wish I could have the answers to everything that goes round in the brain especially when on steroids and have to get up at 1.00am as cannot sleep. Could spring clean the house but can't because of restrictives with wounds etc and would wake daughter up who works long hours! Luckily she does shift work so is able to take me to my treaments - so lucky to have her at home still! Take care have a good weekend x Adi
Nice to catch up with everyone and see where they re at. We all seem to have finished treatment and are ambling back to normality (what ever that is?). I still have not had any SE from rads and my energy level hasnt changed. By boob is paling somewhat and the skin seems to have calmed down nicely. Am now going to use my aloe vera and radiance gel as the A cream smell is reminding me of the rads. As far as Tamox is concerned am now on my third packed (so two months in). No SE there either. Appointment at Onc at the end of the month then nothing until June. I think the only thing that will bother me is my first mammogram/ultra sound. Wouldnt like to repeat this experience but on the plus side have met some lovely people and appreciating life and not letting myself go in any dark places, not always easy I know. Take care all. xxx
Hope everyone is doing ok. Finished my first full week at work since October today. I got very tired Mon-Wed but I'm back to just a few hours sleep a night again now - very normal for me, even before the BC.
Bird - intersting that you say you are suffering with painful arms, wrists and hands on the Tamoxifen as I am also suffering with really painful elbows, making them weak to lift even the kettle at times (NOT a good thing!)which has only started since starting on the Tamoxifen.
I generally feel ok but ache like crazy first thing in the morning and shuffle out of the bedroom like an old woman all bent over. I only takes a few moments pass though. I couldn't cope if that was most of the day.
I have my first Onc review next Thursday since all the treatment finished so I will mention the achy bones and a couple of niggling questions I have.
My hair is growing back nice and thickly. A little greyer and it seems to want to grow flat one side and kink up the other side but hopefully that will sort itself out.
I have been haunted with dark thoughts though that I've found difficult to shake, more so now than when I was at the beginning of all this and going through the treatment. So what's that all about?
On the plus side, I have lost almost a stone in weight with almost no effort at all and can at last get back into jeans I thought were lost forever!!
Hi folks, I think the emotions are always going to be there after a bc dx, I think we need time to adjust to the 'new us', and any new aches and pains are always going to have us worrying.
Lilac - LOL, I couldn't think of a user name when I first joined the forum, I didn't want to use my real name, but my son reckons I'm going to end up like one of those strange old ladies who have loads of cats in the house, and walk around muttering to themselves! I don't own a cat, but I do love cats, and feed the local strays and bring them in for the occasional warm 🙂 so sorry I cant help with the poop situation, and have wittered on rather a lot there!
Hope everyone else is feeling ok, and SE aren't too uncomfortable x
Blimey I can't believe its 4 weeks already!! No idea where they went!!! Glad to hear your tiredness is lifting. Mine has too. I am actually waking up early - well when I say early I mean around 8am - before it was not much before 11am!!! So a vast improvement! I'm due another echo in a couple of weeks. It's not too bad just a bit undignified!! But hey getting my boobs these days really doesn't phase me!!!! I hope you get on ok with the herceptin. I've had 6 now and so far so good. No side effects at all.
Its the tamoxifen that I am getting side effects from - well I think its from that. I am getting pain in my arms wrists and hands which is not pleasant! seeing GP on monday. am also getting alot of upper gastric pain - but again I dunno if its related. Oh the joys!!! I am going back to work the week of the 21st march! Eek!! I think I'm looking forward to it but I'm not sure yet!!!
I hope you get your little kitty sorted out soon too. Not nice having to clear up kitty poo!!
Finished rads 4 weeks ago now and the tiredness is finally starting to lift - maybe the spring weather is helping. A few aches and pains also but nothing major. Heart ultrasound next Wednesday in preparation for Herceptin. I'm eager now to get that underway and see how it affects me so I can start making some plans to get back to work. Still very up and down emotionally, but that seems to be quite common after rads so I'm just treating it as a phase I have to get through.
Crazy Cat Lady - do you know much about crazy cats? Or are you a crazy lady who likes cats? I'm asking because I've a kitten who has taken to pooing on the floor recently instead of her litter tray. Any tips gratefully received!!!
I finished rads 5 months ago and there's still a tanned outline that shows, particularly where it disappears into my armpit.
The thing to watch out for over the coming weeks is an increasing stiffness of the pectoral muscle, I found I had to increase the exercise levels to deal with and have also started physio.
Finished my rads Xmas eve, boob still slightly darker than other one, I will say though that it is still swollen, so am a little lopsided!
Glad you got to the end of rads without too many probs x
Thanks for your good wishes. Feels very strange today not going to rads. Not the high I expected. Am still microwaving and itchy but apart from that full of energy. Will post here when the fatigue sets in and you can say "I told you so" ha ha. Again I had that dull ache you are experiencing for quite a while. I have been on tamox now for nearly 7 weeks and no SE to speak of. Problem is every ache, pain and headache it going to be blamed on Tamox even if that is not the case. Im going to get on with life now, and am so grateful and appreciative that all that is behind me. I didnt have chemo so my treatment was a lot shorter. I wish all those ladies embarking on this journey the best of luck. You will get there as we all have. xxxxx
Hi just saw your post about 'dryness' and painful bits! If you go to the thread on hormone treatment and go back to about Jan 9/10. etc I think you will find quite a few posts about this and some remedies for it of one kind or another.
Am not quite at this stage yet, re-excision after initial surgery next monday, so all rads and tamoxifen treatment been put back till I get path results from that...
However I'm sure you will find useful info on that thread. If I knew how to do this 'bumping' up thing that I've seen others do I would but I'm not that clever!!
Good luck anyway.
Hi springblossom - it is a great feeling when you know you haven't got to go to the hospital again tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.....you've finally got a bit of your own time back. Enjoy!
I was relieved to read that I wasn't alone and that you too had experienced similar abdominal pain, so maybe I won't panic just yet. I have my next Onc appointment in just over two weeks so I will have been taking the Tamoxifen for about 5 weeks by then, so I'll see if it settles and mention it when I see him.
Enjoy the half-term but as I've mentioned before, beware the tiredness!
Hi Bird icy-k and all
Yipeeeeeeeee!!!! finished rads today and the thought of not going there every day hasnt quite sunk in yet. The itchyness is subsiding and the tiredness hasnt kicked in at all yet - probably due to the fact its half term and am too busy to think about it. 12 year hormonial grandaughter living with me - not easy and pre-menstual at the moment.
I have been on Tamox for about 7 weeks now and after a couple of weeks I too had that dull ache in the abdomen (like period pain) for some time. Now it has gone. Not having hot flushes as yet and apart from some aching shoulders nothing else. Dare say I am tempting fait.
Ye good lies in this week. Good luck to everyone still having treatment. There is an end in sight. xxxxx
Bird - I worked throughout my treatment, just taking a week here and there when the side effects were at their worst. I don't know how I would have coped either financially or emotionally if I'd been off from the beginning to the end. I am now on day one of half-term and catching up with housework etc but I know by about Wednesday I'll be pacing around bored and wishing the week away! Can't win really.
As for the Tamoxifen, I have been on it just two weeks so none of the expected side-effects too noticable just yet. Except, the last 4 or 5 days my lower abdomen has been quite tender. Ive prepared myself mentally for the dreaded 'dryness' to happen at some point but not this dull pain. I know this may be a little too much info, but sex has been painful and I've it avoided since. So what's that all about?
I have been trying to find a thread on here that might give me some answers. Maybe other ladies experiencing the same thing, but as yet can't find anything.
As for the black eye, well it's a sort of pink and yellow colour now,the swelling has gone down lots and the stitches are to come out tomorrow.
Karen - good grief! It sounds like you would fit in well at a punk gig! I've seen people come away form the gigs looking like how you described!! Poor you though, falling over is not funny, especially when there seems to be no real reason! Blimey. Well I hope your bruises soon disappear.
Karen and Lilac - also sorry to hear about your achy bones. I hope they are settling down now. I have not experienced the achy bones - apart from one episode of very painful shoulders. But the tiredness has become ridiculous. I felt great after the end of rads but a couple of weeks after and suddenly I feel tired again and am sleeping a lot. Probably a mix of all things. I'm not sleeping well due to the night sweats and hideous chills so I guess sleeping until late morning is going to be my norm until I go back to work.
How are you finding the tamoxifen?
Springblossom - fab that you have got to the end of your rads. How are you finding the free time? hows your skin doing? My skin is ok but the nipple is still abit sore and swollen and I finished rads 18 days ago. I keep getting this weird intense burning sensation on the underside of my boob, but I guess like everything else this will fade with time.
Any of you gone back to work yet? I am hoping to return next month - but I am in the hands of occ health and what they decide sticks unfortunately!!!! I need to go back though cuz I am skint.
take care y'all
Springblossom - sorry to hear that your skin has been affected by the rads. Last one tomorrow! Hope you have a nice treat planned afterwards.
Karen - think you deserve a treat as well. I'm not superstitious but even so I'll be wishing for some good luck for you this week to balance out the bad. I've got the achy bones as well and had been blaming it on the Tamoxifen as I started it at the same time as rads but maybe it was the rads.
Springblossom - the blotchy skin will probably last for about 2-3 weeks going by my own.
Beware too about the tiredness. About two weeks after I finished the rads I felt tiredness and achy bones like I've never felt before.
Rest, rest, and more rest!
icy-k Sorry to hear of your fall - just what you needed on top of everything else. But like you have done already, you will get through it.
I have one more booster on Monday and my skin is really playing up now. Its broken down into red patches and very itchy. Have been given some hydrocortisone cream by the onc but the nurse gave me some intrasite gel as she said the hydrocortisone can thin the skin. I also have my 100% aloe vera gel from Amazon which is pure and am using that too. Does anyone know how long this red blotchy itchy skin lasts for?
I think I finally stopped feeling the overwhelming tiredness and aching bones after rads at the end of last week (two weeks after finishing).
Started the Tamoxifen last weekend, along with a daily dose of Cod Liver Oil and Evening Primrose.
All going ok so far
Apart from - for some reason on Tuesday this week I walked into the kitchen and promptly fell flat on my face! I now have five stitches above my newly grown eyebrow and a fabulous multi-coloured and swollen eyelid!
So along with the very short 'skin head' style hairstyle and the scar above the eye I'm beginning to look like a bit of a thug!
What next I wonder?
Why did I kid myself I was getting off lightly with my skin reaction to radiotherapy. What a lovely itchy, red, burning sensation. Onc gave me some cream today to alleviate it. Never mind only two more boosts and yipeeee? What will I do with all this new found time - the mind boggles. Ann xxxx
I agree party poppers and champagne at least at the last rads session!! I have only three left and must admit at the offset it worried me that what IF I couldnt get there or I was too ill to go. But hey just got my head down and went every day like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Not sure what happens next with follow up appointments and future mammos and ultra scans but am so happy that I can now have a lie in once in a while. You will all get there in the end. It goes quicker than you think. xxxx
Don't be surprised if you feel quite upset and let down after you leave your last rads session. I expected to feel elated and happy, but it was such a non-event that it upset me. No one said "well done", or "now you can get on with your life" and my OH hadn't understood how much of a milestone I felt it was, so didn't come with me. And of course for the radiographers it's just business as usual. I think there should at least be party balloons and a cake as you leave your last session!
Day 13 tomorrow of 15, it seemed such a long time to go when I saw 15 appointments for radiotherapy on my sheet of paper, quite daunting. I too have felt quite emotional during this time, the least little thing has me in tears, wished I hadn't watched Ghost on Tuesday, it had me crying nearly all the way through it. Counting the days now, and am wondering how I will feel on Friday!! Will let you know!
Yes, you are right. Life doesnt go back the same it becomes more important. Appreciation of small things increase and the pettiness of what we thought was important isnt anymore. You view people and relationships differently and have much more empathy for what is important. Yes it can be scary but then life can be sometimes. Its a learning curb. Ann xxxx
Nearly there, Springblossom! I'm sure, as you say, the muscular pain is due to the awkward positions you have to hold, but fortunately not for much longer.
Yes, feeling a bit better, Rusty. Knowing I'm not the only one with a 'chatting brain' as Bird put it does help. Also something you said, Karen, has stuck in my head - it IS such a big thing to stare your own mortality in the face, no wonder emotions can hit us with the force of a tidal wave. I'm in reflective mode these days wondering what it is I really want out of life, what I want to change and whether I can really do it. But certainly life won't go back to 'normal' and that's scary.
Had first booster today and four to go. Feeling a bit sore and itchy but apart from that fine. Only thing is have just developed a muscular pain in my inner arm. Have been doing the boring exercises religiously so its not a lack of exercise thing. Must be something to do with having my arm up in that thing every day? Be glad when this daily routine ends. Spirits, as usual, positive. xxxxx
Lilac, sounds good I will see if I can get hold of it.
I am reading a book called A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley. It is so good, i am not letting m yself read it all in one sitting becasue i am enjoyng it so much. A friend recommended it to me, and I wonder if she was being tactless or she perhaps hadn't noticed but one of the main characters has had breast cancer recently, and the two families both lost their mothers when the children were young, so don't read it if you feel vulnerable. It isn't what the story is about, but it is there in the background all the time. Anyway, once I had started reading it I refused to stop because I would have felt even worse if I let it scare me off, does that make any sense at all?
You sound a bit more cheerful, are you feeling it? I always feel so much better when the sun is shining. Good time of year to be coming out of our months of treatments, I think.
We've had sunny spells this weekend in my part of the world (NI) and it does help to lift the spirits.
I've almost finished reading a very interesting book: The Emperor of Maladies written by oncologist Siddhartha Mukerjee. It's about the history of cancer and its treatment. Not for the faint-hearted - it's a long book and goes into a lot of scientific detail - but it's beautifully written and makes you realise how lucky we are to be born in an era when cancer is no longer an automatic death sentence and the pace of scientific discovery means that new treatments are being developed faster than ever before.
The book has just been published here, and is on the New York Times Bestseller list (no, I'm not getting commission, but maybe I should!).
Yes Bird you are right - I too have that folder - it could have been me who suggested it. It covers all aspects of moving forward as in SE, emotions and the ongoing of managing the effects of BC and life ahead. Good reading> xxx
I echo that Karen. I think that now we have got to the end of the worst bits you now have time to really think. My head has been foggy and my life in some sort of weird horror movie for the last 8 months. But now my thoughts aren't clouded with chemo and its accompanying drugs, the emotions and clear thoughts are getting more frequent. I feel ok most of the time and pretty kick a**e but at the flick of a switch the tears can come. I have moments of sheer terror, anger, sadness, happiness, frustration, ect..... So Lilac you are defo not alone in the emotional stuff. It is p*****g me off though, am getting rather bored of it all now. I get more irritated with every appointment letter that comes through the post. I know I shouldn't do really cuz I am getting excellent care and feel really looked after but my life it seems will still be controlled by appointments!!!
I saw a counsellor a few times through my treatment and even though the bc thing wasn't what I initially saw her about, she gave me some invaluable advice and ways to really help control my thinking and my chatting brain. They do work as it goes but there are times when they don't, the power of thought is just ridiculous sometimes!! I also found it really helpful to unload onto a stranger. I really hope your counselling sessions help you Lilac.
I have just taken delivery of a free folder full of info from the breast cancer care peeps called Moving Forward. It gives tons of info on what happens next. Someone on this forum suggested it and I am looking forward to reading it because I do feel a little lost at the moment.
Anyway girls I hope you all have a fab weekend
Lilac - sorry to read that you are feeling as you are but I can totally understand where you're coming from. It IS a strange feeling to be at the end of the Chemo and then the Rads. It seemed such a long way off when they first went through my treatment regime back in May 2010 and I didn't know what was ahead or if I was going to be 'better' at the end of it all.
Well, here we all are! We did it! and if that means you/we/I feel tearful, confused, emotional, maybe a little frightened still then that's ok. It's all perfectly ok. We've stared our own mortality in the face and it's quite an awesome thing to have to do. We can only be strong for so long and sometimes it has to give.
Cut yourself some slack, you've done bl**dy marvellous!
Actually, WE ALL HAVE 🙂
Am thirteen rads into my twenty today and still counting. Will be sooooo glad when they are all over. Have a tanned boob and bit of discomfort and mild stabbing pains. Just fed up with this "getting in place" and measurements being rattled on about. They are so nice and we do have a laugh but, nothing personal, will be glad to see the back of em all. Want to have a lie in and watch a bit of "Good Morning" or Doctors Sad but would make a change. This bc journey is so ongoing. But feeling very positive that the end is near. Yes follow up appointments and Tamox but will enjoy life to the full and am really a fine, light night person so look forward to that. Positive thoughts to everyone. xxx
Thank you Springblossom, Amanda and Rusty!
And thank goodness for this forum. It's so exhausting trying to be strong when all you want to do is crawl into a hole somewhere.
I am seeing a counsellor and had an appointment on Monday morning but hadn't programmed it into my phone properly so missed it. I used to be quite organised. You'd never guess now - that's not the first time I've missed an appointment!
There are tough emotions to go through - I suppose it's better to feel them than to bury them because you'd just be storing up trouble for later. Hopefully we'll come out the other end stronger.
I think i am still in denial Lilac, everybody says how well i have done but I can't think why. I've just gone where I have been told, taken what they gave me and don't think about it too much. I get down, and i worry about what if, but hardly ever emotional. I wish i could cry, feels like it would help, but I still feel a bit numb about it I guess, nearly eight months later!
I think your reaction is much more 'normal' from what i have seen. it is horrid, i know, but like the lady said, spring around the corner, sunshine and longer days.
You've been blue before, haven't you? Did you see a counsellor? Do you need to go and see one now, or is it just a blip?
I hope tomorrow is better