too stressed for words

[Guest user]

from wot im understanding its going to be chemo cos im only 41 and can handel it ? well thats how he put it as for being on me own in there i wont be my soninlaw is in the same day same time for an op too so ill go walk abouts lol hate hosptials at the best of time spent to many days in there im just trying not to think about it cos i know ill be ill hate needles they freek me out but after having lumps removed from my knees some yrs ago i know not to be put out with gas dont half give you a bad head when you come round, in all from my first appointment to my dx it has been 5 weeks altho doctor said it was cancer the 1st time from 1st to knowing if they got it all and wots next it will be about 8/9 weeks waiting then we can move on to the next stage , wots getting me though these weeks is the fact its only 9 weeks till my grandson is born

[Minimunchkins]

Bless you honeybee - you've really been throught the mill to get to your dx haven't you.
Well, from one of many who've been there recently, the WLE & SNB should be a doddle.
As you say they're generally just day-case surgeries - unless you end up at the end of the surgeons list and it gets too late to discharge you (they do keep an eye on you for a few hours after surgery usually to ensure that you've had a drink & something to munch before you go).
Take a book or ipod to keep you company - my ward didn't have space for someone to wait with me and take a loose top instead of bra to come home in. Bra's are ok but a loose top is much easier to put on with the dressings etc. Did they say it'll be chemo because it was Grade 3? They did for me + I also had a 2nd lump of IDC.
Good luck on 30th for clear margins & nodes.

XX Chris XX

[Guest user]

all i know is when i go in on the 30th i will only be in for the day i know i will be having a general anesthetic having the lump and the nodes removed while under then it will be 10 days later i will know if the nodes are clear and if they got all the lump then should start chemo sometime in may and possibly rads after that

[Guest user]

Hi Maz,

Sorry it turned out to be something but at least you have a way forward now. I had a bc with some DCIS round it and had a lumpectomy (WLE) and Sentinel Node Biopsy to check the lymph nodes. It was only a day surgery and thankfully the lymph was clear and the WLE hurt far less than the little incision under the arm. Both were bearable and I was back up and about quickly.

Have they told you whether you will need chemo? Most people who have a WLE have rads - I am just waiting for mine now - pretty automatically but chemo depends on size and other factors. I now know that I don't need it. You may not necessarily? It is such a lot to take in at once and I found I kept having to ring up the BCN to check things particularly early after dx. Hope you have survived the forum downtime. If you have any questions no matter how strange or silly they may seem, there are plenty of people here who have had the surgery you are going to have and we are more than willing to help xx

[Guest user]

havent been able to update but have some news 23rd was cancelled and i went in 10th my god it bloody hurt lol anyways she gave me some hope she said nothing had shown up on the mammogram but the fna came back as a 3 and the ultrasound was showing as a 4 now from wot i was understanding at the time it ment it may not be bc any ways away i went to come back on 16th to find out the result well hope was in bits as they said grade 3 dcis and that they will have me back in on the 30th to remove the lump and nodes from under my arm 10 days laters i will know wots next so still a waiting game even after the DX lol. i remember being told its none responsive to hormon again i dont know wot that means or wot it means for me infact i dont really know wot to think or wot to do or how i should be feeling if i talk about it im told to shut up cos everything will be fine there is no need to worrie then your so strong you will get through it not saying i wont, hate the fact they all talk behind your back and because 1 family member has came out the other side with only 1 day off work through chemo and everything then it should be the same for me i have said we are all different and i hope i sail through it as good too but whos to know anyways best i get to doing the kids bedrooms goto keep busy, so happy the forums open for now cos keeping it all in was hell tracy i hope you get off this waiting room soon cus you are right the waiting is the hardest part
tc
maz x

[Guest user]

well i rang bcn she was on hoildays but another said she would ring me back after she found out when well she did and it seems its 23 rd of this month so i still aint no closer to knowing wots next
tracy i take diazepam and i too have the the woozy feeling which i hate so dont tend to take em and just put up with the pain (in back and wot feels like under my ribs ) so with that and being told cancer i worrie it may already be elsewhere i just didnt know it still with luck by the end of the month i should know for sure didnt think it would take this long cos it has already been 3 weeks and now another 3 to go at lest im getting somewhere
tc maz

[anxious]

Honeybee,i can really identify with what your going through. i am in a similar situation.I am awaiting a bone scan result and every limb seems to be aching.I went to my doctors today and she tried to get the report from my bone scan on her computer screen but it doesnt look as though its been typed up yet.I am now in possesion of diazepam and have just taken one.I was making myself ill with worry and i am now experiencing quite a woozy feeling.This waiting is mental torture and i dont think there are many people who can carry on as normal when awaiting results that could dramatically change their lives. Just wanted to share that with you so that you know that you are not alone.I am so thankful we have these forums as if we didn't the isolation of this disease would be awful
take care
Tracey

[ChoccieMuffin]

Honeybee, call your BCN and pester her to find out what's going on. If you haven't been assigned one or you're not sure, call the clinic and pester them instead. Mistakes do happen sometime, so don't feel you're bothering people unnecessarily. Good luck.

[Guest user]

well it monday and still no appointment everything is getting me down i feel like i have pain all over the place i know it most likley worrie just wanto know wots goig on so stressed that the longer they leave the worst it will get but i know for my kids sake i have to be strong but one can only take so much

[Guest user]

oh kaz im sorry to hear that c how new to this i am i dont know nothing nodes ?????? im just going to go with the flow they can do wot they want i want to be a great grandmother and seeing as my only grandson is 4 i mean to be here a long time yet thats wot is keeping me going and the fact i still have 3 children at home youngest having autism and my 3rd daughter due to give birth in may so they keep me on my toes ,this waiting game is killing me on top im trying to give up smoking not going to well but i have said once i have no more i aint buying anymore talk about stess head and seeing as 9th of march is none smoking day i might just say enough is enough and keep to it might be taking on more than i can chew but ay thats life wot i do know is your not alone and we all know wot you are going through be strong hun dont give up maz xxxx

[miniminx]

Dear Kaz

So very sorry to hear the news and as hard as it is you really must try to think positive. I know what we are all dealing with is the most scarey thing any of us have had to face but you know you are not alone. Crying is good, never apologise for crying. If we did not cry how else would be get through the waiting and then the treatment. The waiting is very very hard, I have to wait until 9th March to go back to hospital and it is impossible to function properly. Do not think of leaving anyone, you can fight this just remember to be strong. I only wish I could come and give you a big hug and a shoulder for you to cry on today.

Keep your head up and try to smile through those tears. I am thinking of you.

Tracy xxx

[Guest user]

no unfortunatly it wasnt good news, the node in my neck that was swollen had cancerous cells, so now im awaiting a ct scan to see if it has spread anywhere else, inc a brain scan as i have had a constant headache for over 2 weeks now, im sure the stress of the last week hasnt helped that. its odds on i will have chemo again regardless but all i can think of is that they are gonna tell me my days are numbered i am terrified all i can think off is my family cant bare the thought of leaving them, ive done nothing but cryi have to wait til next friday now to know my fate 😞
kaz x

[Guest user]

Honeybee-I finished Chemo in November and Rads 1st feb and now on Tamoxifen but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you felt in that shop today. I remember going into Asda to buy myself some PJ's for the hospital (lumpectomy) and up until that point I'd coped fine but I found myself walking down the aisles with tears streaming down my face.
But..it's ok. we're allowed to sometimes lose our way. This is a pretty darn big thing we are having to deal with.
I hope the news you are waiting for is good news but even if it's not, you will get get through it and this is a fantastic place to share your thoughts and feelings and ask all the questions you want.
My best wishes go out to all of you waiting for results or just starting on this long, and sometimes difficult, journey.
Karen

[Guest user]

thanks good news i take it kaz

i didnt have a good day today thought everything was going well but i crack in the shop of all places couldnt for the life of me buy the right paint felt like a right plonker couldnt wait to get home laughing about it now tho still no news from hosptial which is the pits the not knowing wots next it so hard maybe something in the post tomoz

[charhie]

good news x

[Guest user]

its a swollen node in my neck same side i had my mx
kaz xx

[Guest user]

thanks every one
kaz good luck to you this isnt the first time i have found a lump infact its the 3rd but never have i gone this far very first lump was almost 10 yrs ago now went to doc as you do she gave me the once over and went and found 2 more lumps was sent to hosptial only it was very much different i didnt get the once over or any scans i was ask questions and set away with the its hormons dx , then about 4 months ago i found a pea size lump under my arm doctor said they thought it was just a cyst and sent away again well im any very awear of changes in my breast after having my mother go through bc im always checking mine in fact there isnt aweek that goes by when i havent checked so this time was no different only the lump was huge infact i didnt even have to press to find it wots mad is i have always had small breast but the last 10yrs (since the birth of my son ) they have grown and for once in my life i was very happy well as i have told my 17 yr daughter i would be happy to be small again if it ment not having to go through this

[ChoccieMuffin]

NED = No Evidence of Disease.

And if you're talking about lumps in breast or nodes, that is seen as a local recurrence or a new disease, not secondaries.

Hope that helps, but you might find it useful to call the helpline for a more detailed conversation.

CM
x

[sarah68]

Hi Kaz!

Sending you a PM. Got your contact request - accepted!

sarahx

[Guest user]

i thought if it was secondary cancer it cant be cured???, plus im worried its gone somewhere else like my brain, lungs or liver! what does NED MEAN??

[sarah68]

Hi Kaz!

Sarah here again (not stalking you, honest!) Just wanted to say quickly that even if the worst DOES happen, and it IS cancer - God forbid it isn't! - it CAN be treated! OK, it's terrifying and not at all nice, but they can treat neck/clavicle lumps. I had similar dx. last Feb ('10) - a recurrance just over 2 years after original dx- and after 8 months of treatment, have been NED for 6 months.

Hang in there!

Love, Sarahx

[Guest user]

when i first went to clinic last jan, doctor couldnt feel my lump only i could and after having a couple of mammograms and ultrasound they did a biopsy guided by ultrasound cos the lump was tiny just 10mm . when i went back in to see consultant he said" well we dont think its cancer but come back next week for results of biopsy to make sure" i went back following week after not orrying at all seeing these ppl see cancer all the time and that didnt think it was, well you could have knocked me over with a feather when they told me it was!!! consultant (a different one) said " you wasnt expecting that was u? " i said no!!! i was told last week u didnt think it was he replied we didnt!!!
so they got it wrong but at least it saved me from worrying for the week i guess. however last week i found a lump in my neck after finishing 9 months of treatment, the fear of god set in, omg not again!! i went the following day and they did a scan an FNA the consultant said it was likely it had returned abut on a scale of 1 to 5 they were sitting on the fence at a 3!! this was same consultant who got it wrong last time so im praying he has got it wrong this time.
the waiting this week has been horrid ive done nothing but sit and cry cuddled up to my hubby. im not scared of going through the treatment again im scared it cant be treated. i was in hospital on sunday and had a chest xray and it showed i had a chest infection, could this be why my nodes are swollen?? im clinging onto the hope it is, i get results tomorrow,the waiting game is the worse and my thoughts are with u maz, but you are not alone , good luck and take care xxx

[Guest user]

hI
When i went to my one stop breast clinic i had all the tests under the sun, finally after 4 hours the consultant came in and said to me it looks like breast cancer! Wow i was completely devastated. He then did a FNA on the suspicious area but the results ( after another hour )came back inconclusive.
I didn't know what to think. I went back a week later for a core biopsy and unfortunately after another weeks wait it came back as cancer.
I know how you are feeling at the moment, not knowing for sure, and it is horrible but hang in there and stay strong, the waiting is the worst part of all this.
Melx

[Guest user]

Glad you have found this site. It has been an absolute saviour for me, from diagnosis to finishing treatment. On the plus side (yes there is one) you meet such lovely people along the way. I must admit that the waiting game is the worse part and so drawn out but once on the journey you just get on with it as you can see an end in sight. BC is so treatable these days that the shock and horror or the diagnosis is the worst part. Good luck. Nothing is as bad as it seems. xx

[ChoccieMuffin]

Oh poor you! The Waiting Room is the worst place to be, and to be dumped back in there again is the pits. We've all been there so we share your pain, and the anxiety is almost a physical pain it's so intense. What with that and the multicoloured bruises, it's the pits.

I developed a one-armed hug where the sore boob didn't get squeezed, and having a second biopsy just adds to the colours.

Hugs to you both.

CM
x

[miniminx]

Dearest Maz

I too have had a very bad day today more tears and "why me's" than you can shake a stick at so as you can see it is perfectly normal. I know what you mean about being black and blue, my right boob has many shades to it and the incision where the core biopsy was taken is very tender............women we get it all don't we!!! But as you can see sometimes the only thing you can do is try to laugh to show to yourself if no-one else that you can get through this one way or another. Like I said before we are all here for each other and you will be in my thoughts. Keep updating on here day to day as well it does help really it does.

Fingers crossed for the next biopsy let us know how you get on and remember keep smiling we will get there.

Tracy xx

[Guest user]

thanks tracy im going to think positive i have too got young children to think of and a new grandson on the way which helps but you know some days its hard and after the phone call today it just became 1 of them days to think i have to go through it all again im already black and blue all i was waiting for was the next step, it nice to know we are not alone cos that feeling is one of the hardest parts
hugs to you too
maz x

[miniminx]

Hello

So sorry that we have to meet on here but you are in good hands.

Like you I have just had a diagnosis of bc after a five hour appt at the hospital on Monday. Like you I went to Doc with lump last Wednesday and an appt was made for Monday. I had all the tests done that day, needle biopsy, several mammograms and the ultrasound scan with core biopsy. I was told there and then that it was cancer and that an appt was made for the following Wednesday (9 March) for my action plan to be given to me and date for surgery. It does seem odd for an inconclusive result to show after they told you it appeared to be bc but I guess it is not beyond possibility.

I can totally relate to your fears and anxiety as I too am feeling just the same. It is normal and that is one thing you must remember. You must also remind yourself that bc is treatable and that many many people after treatment go on to live very happy and full lives. Like me you found the lump early and this is so very important, try to think positive and keep talking to us all on here, we are with you every step of the way to give love and support.

Big hugs
Tracy x

[Guest user]

i found a lump just over 2 weeks ago was sent to hosptail within a week i had a needle biopsy done there and then and after 30 mins or so was told it look like it is cancer so appointment was made for last monday to have a mammogram and ultrasound scan
then acore biopsy i have just had my cancer nurse ring me to tell me results are in but inconclusiveand that a new appointment is being made for yet another biopsy to be done but this time under an ultralsound scan i dont know wot to do with my self my mother had breast cancer some yrs ago and lived to tell the tale but my mother in law lost her battle with it is it normal to have 1 test show up as cancer and yet another to say different?