It sounds like you've been having a tough time. I'm sure some of the other users will be along soon to offer you their support and knowledge. In the meantime you might find it helfpul to talk things through with a member of staff ont the BCC helpline. Here you can talk things through with someone show will be able to offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 600 and lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 10 to 2pm.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator