--- Hi Lynne
DO keep talking - I find that talking is something that keeps me (semi) sane. (just over a year since diagnosis for me). I\'ve learnt over the year that I need to talk, and I\'ve also learnt exactly who I feel comfortable talking to (or actually need to talk to - my husband is guilty of being an ostrich with his head in the sand for much of the time). I know I\'m guilty at times of saying \"I\'m fine\" , \"I\'m OK \"(or some similar non committal statement . OK I know I\'m not, but I do it where I know the \"recipient\" of the comment, is not someone i actually wish to talk to on this issue. I need conversations relating to my BC to be more than one sided. Currently having some counselling in an attempt to sort out the contents of my head, which I regularly describe as \"a mess\".
I think JPoet is correct - we all have some degree of post traumatic stress from going through all that BC throws at us.
jpoet I\'m afraid the word\'s \'I\'m fine, thanks\' have usually escaped from my mouth before my brain has engaged in this kind of situation, but I agree that one of the responses you have suggested would often be more appropriate.
I think we\'re all guilty of saying what we think the other person wants to hear - it\'s conditioned into our thinking from a very early age!
Tell them how you feel I was also diagnosed shortly before last Christmas (in fact I had my \"anniversary\" lunch with a couple of friends just yesterday) so I understand only too well the situation you describe. Since I am in the same situation, perhaps I may be permitted to make a strong suggestion:
(1) DON\'T react with the standard British knee-jerk reply of \"Fine thanks\", but
(2) DO say \"Thanks for asking, talking about it helps\" followed by something like:
- \"I\'m still feeling really shell-shocked\";
- \"I can\'t explain how terrible it\'s been and I still have really bad days\";
- \"I\'m finding it so hard to come to terms with what I\'ve had to go through\";
- \"The past year has been such a disaster: it\'s going to take me a very long time to recover from the trauma of it all\";
- \"I think I\'m suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder\" (even if you aren\'t - although frankly I think the majority of us are to some degree).
You are quite right, though, if you don\'t keep talking, if you bottle it up, you will indeed suffer.
By the way, I wish you had given this thread a heading, as others might miss quite an important topic to discuss!
Here\'s wishing the best for both - and all - of us.
--- why is it that when i was diagnosed last christmas everyone and their aunt wanted to ask how i was, and wanted to undertand what was happening to me, then i was too shellshocked to deal with it and talk about it in detail.
Now when i could do with someone to talk to they all smile and ask \" ok now?\" and i smile nicely and say yes thanks. Because im back at work they think its forgotten and its business as usual.
Now is when i could do with talking, even my husband wabts to \" put it behind us\"
If i dont keep talking i\'ll go insane!! arrrgggggg