waiting....and mini melt down....

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Hi All,

Well it looks like i am in the same boat with the waiting…i’ve already had a ductal carcinoma confirmed in my left breast and i am now just waiting for the results of the sentinel node biopsy before i can start chemo.

I think now though things have finally got to me. This weekend i had pretty much been in tears the entire weekend.
Its over stupid things though.

  1. i can find a decent bra after the sentinel node op. I know it sounds daft - but i’m 37 and i dont want to wear old frumpy things.
  2. My hair - i cant do anything with it. I am on letrozole and i am sure its made my hair go funny. i just feel a complete mess.
    And wig shopping didnt really help - again there werent many modern styles…so i am scared of looking like an idiot!

I think i am just frustrated, and angry and down. The tears just wont stop and neither will my brain…i feel like a complete emotional train wreck at the moment

My poor OH gets the brunt of it and i have half convinced myself he is off out the door as i dont know how he will put up with all this for a year or so! He has been so good with me, and i feel so lucky to have him by my side. i dont think i could do this on my own…

I just want to be positive and not cry any more…why am i finding this so stupidly hard. There are some amazingly strong ladies on here and i want to be one of them!!

Rae

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Hello you have made me feel very humble,my cancer seems nothing to what you are going through be strong you can beat this. I have just had the all clear from my operations but it does not stop me from having mini melt downs.I am 53 and cant find a decent bra either but peacocks have a little crop top that has no seams and is very thin,with small cup which you can take out they are very comfortable to wear I am a 38d and they just about cover the dressing which I still have.
My friend had a wig which she got from the NHS nd then got her hairdresser to style she looked great. Good luck I know this is all a whirl wind and it will pass stay strong x

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Rae, just you go right ahead and cry, rant, scream, sob, quiver, and anything else you need to do.

Then get your biggest box of tissues, perhaps a bar of chocolate, wipe your nose and eyes with one and eat the other. Take care to get them in the right order, chocolate crumbs aren’t good for the eyeballs and just melt up your nostrils.

A couple of things that might help (on top of the tissues and chocolate).

My surgeon suggested a close-fitting sports bra after my WLE and SNB. I wore it day and night for 21 days, and that helped me to feel more comfortable. I went back to my regular bras fairly soon. Can you look at the time with a sports bra just the same as wearing a sticking plaster, not for long and good for you for a couple of weeks?

Hair. Hmm. Can’t suggest anything much. Perhaps a change of conditioner, aimed at older hair, might help? If you’re going to try the cold cap you’ll need some conditioner anyhow as they put it on before the cap goes on.

Wigs. I didn’t wear mine, so can’t help. Just went commando or wore a Buff. But there are some nice ones around. I know someone used to use a wig that just went on like a hat and a big thick bandeau hairband. It looked lovely. It was longish and wavy, and she used to pin it up. Looked fab. And at £35 each, when it got a bit skanky she didn’t even bother washing it but bought another one.

As for feeling like you’re feeling, you’re human and that’s allowed. If you’re not sleeping you might find it helpful to ask your GP for a couple of tablets to take if you really get desperate. You’ll probably feel much more human after a reasonable night’s sleep.

And give the helpline a ring too, they’re brilliant.

As for the “amazingly strong ladies”, you can ask anyone you give that label to, and they’ll all tell you they’ve had days like you’ve had too.

Hugs

CM
x

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Hi Rae,
Sorry you’re feeling so down. Firstly, most of our OHs have to take a lot and they generally hang in there. Don’t know why mine didn’t run for the hills yesterday but he’s sitting smiling at me as I type.
As an older woman I may have less exacting taste in bras, but have you checked Amoena online? Their range is fairly vast so you may find something.
Where are you looking for wigs? I was given mine on NHS because of total hair-loss on chemo - it’s Ellen Wille and their range is fairly modern. A good hairdresser can customise a wig to make it more ‘you’.
Take heart, you can still be your gorgeous self in public.
Of course you feel vulnerable just now. There’s no-one here who hasn’t felt that way. Letting the tears out will only do you good so open the taps and let them go. I spent yesterday with red piggy eyes and a swollen nose but woke up this morning feeling so much more like me.
Best of luck with everything,
Kathleen

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Hi Rae, I don’t know where you live but I went to Trendco in London for my wig. They were so lovely there and they made it into such a positive expereince. Take a friend with you. I wore my wig straight away and everyone commented on how nice my hair looked.
Clare x

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Hi Rae
sending you big hugs like you i’m an emotional wreck getting angry and crying at anything and taking it out on my oh.I’m 34 and had my WLE AND SNB op 5th march get my results the 22nd I am wearing the sports bra’s as they are the only bra’s which don’t rub and it wont be forever,I wish i was as strong as some of the ladies on here but hopefully i will get stronger,Think it will get easier when i find out my treatment plan keep your chin up big hugs
Becky xxx

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Thank you lovely ladies…

Choccie Muffin - you are right re: the sports bra. Its a good way to think of it. Like a sticking plaster…
And i agree - choccie in the eyeballs…not a good idea!

Katyb - i’ll have a look at those bras. As for wigs i was looking at my hospital (Hinchingbrooke) but i think i will have a look elsewhere now…Am glad you are feeling much better today too :slight_smile:

Clare - i had a look on the Trendco website - there are some nice ones on there - so i think i could well pay them a visit…

Becky - fingers crossed for the 22nd hon. Do you have any idea when you will start treatment? I know i am having FEC-T plus Herceptin its just a waiting game until i can start it.

Thanks you all so much for your kind words and advice. Its so nice to have such support on here. Thank you so so much.

Rae
x

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Hi Rae, best to make an appointment if you go to Trendco and ask for a private room, that way you don’t have to sit in the shop. It can be a bit emotional as well as fun.
Clare x

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Hi Minx 50,
Thanks for your advice too - i didnt see you post first time round for some strange reason.
I have a Peacocks where i live so will definitely have a look in there.
Glad you got the all clear from your op :slight_smile:
Rae
x

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Clare,
Will do…i had a look on the net and they do seem to have a good selection and its also good that they cut them for you there and then.
Thanks so much for the recommendation.
Rae
x

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Hi,

I managed to get two non-underwired bras from Sainsburys, one white and one bright pink. They aren’t the most attractive ones out, but not too frumpy either and very comfortable. As they were only £6 each I looked on them as a short term measure until the swelling goes down, then I can just chuck them out. One tip someone gave me on here was to buy a chest size one larger than usual because of swelling which worked and was much more comfortable for me.

Lynda

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Thanks Lynda. Will have a look there too. :slight_smile:

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Hi Rae
No i have not got any idea when i will start treatment or what treatment it will be :O( my bcn said i will get all my info on the 22nd just hoping its good news as i am getting married in july.take care

Becky xx

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Hi Becky,
I finally got the date for my chemo. It starts on the 23rd.
I hpoe you are doing ok.
Rae
x

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Hi raechi
That’s great news that you have got your date,Yeh I’m not to bad had a very few bad days but hopefully i will feel better soon.
take care xxx

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Hi All
Please can I have some support Im feeling really down, basically ive just been through a year of treatment, grade 2 lobular cancer 2 lymph nodes involved 6cm tumour! found on a mammogram. So Ive had a mastectomy last may and had a risk reducing mastectomy two day ago on my healthy breast which is going really well( drains out tomorrow)I started Tamoxifen middle of January this year and found I started having lower back ache about 6 weeks later. My dr has got me a bone scan booked this Thursday and I had an x ray done two days ago awaiting results. Im petrified its gone to my bones, but i also know from reading blogs that other women get lower back ache / stiffness / soreness hard to describe. Its niggling all the time easier at night but not always there. Have you got any advice please to put my mind at rest. EB

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Dear EB, The problem I have and many other ladies have, is that we are now much more in-tune to listening to our bodies and aware of our health. Every niggle/ache/pain has me wondering if it’s spread somewhere else…I too had mild back ache, a MRI scan showed it to be a degenerative disease, after 3 children and having horses and all that entails looking after them I am surprised that was all I had! Seriously, we all tend to get a bit “over cautious” , and just as well, it shows we are taking our health seriously and you are right to question it. Hopefully your investigations will come back as unremarkable and you relax a bit. good luck!xx

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Hi EB

I have multiple mets in multiple sites and no pain from any of them. What I do have however, is a shed load of joint aches and pains from the Tamoxifen that I have been on since December.

Hopefully it will be absolutely nothing but the dreaded Tamoxifen!

Good luck

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Hi Girls

I wanted to let you know my x ray was clear. So as you can imagine im very happy and exhausted with the whole thing. Thank you both for ur support. I also had my drains out today which was actually not too bad and lasted about 5 seconds. So all in all not such a bad day after all.

EB X