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well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Rather than a badge maybe I should shave don't touch in my fluff!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

'Its all about positive thinking. Thinking negatively and having a 'woow is me' approach can cause physical effects too. Even if you're positive as I'm sure you're friend was before she died, at least she died happy by being positive'! - my 'boss' ;-/

This is just one of the 'motivational' pieces of claptrap my boss came out with today - after she'd told me how soul detroying it was at work with people losing their jobs........oh and by the way 'when do you think you'll be coming back to work?' hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahah this is me laughing lividly 🙂 I am one of the most positive people I know!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Daisy girl I am definitely up for that badge!! I am comfortable coming on here and chatting/ranting/crying or laughing but it seems to be the sole topic of conversation elsewhere. Bumped into a colleague today and said hi how are you, reply was immediately "No, more importantly how are you, never mind me!!!" I know it's well meant but good grief not everyone else becomes unimportant!!! Just climbing off my soap box now and mini rant over!!!

DaisyGirl
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Oh, and if anyone other than my OH ruffled my fluff I'd break their arms off!

DaisyGirl
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I have suffered two recent incidents created by complete strangers who have had bc (and should know better?). The first was in Sainsburghs, the checkout assistant spotted my LD sleeve and announced that she too had LD, I quietly said I was sorry to hear that and then she proceeded to ask me if it was breast cancer and how was I coping emotionally, I said I was doing OK but although it must have been obvious that I didn’t want to talk about, she just carried on babbling about the local support group and if I ever wanted to talk to come and find her. The customer behind me heard the whole conversation I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

Then at the weekend we were having breakfast in the hotel we were staying at (OHs birthday and we had gone away to forget about the last 9 months) and the lady on the next table said “oh I see you are in the same club as me” and held up her arm to show me her swelling. I said “I am sorry that you are also in the club no-one wants to join” and went back to eating my breakfast, but she clearly wanted to talk about it and this was in front of the whole dining room!

I’m going to get a badge to pin on my headscarf/hat that says “I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT CANCER OK?!” would anyone else like one?

Mezzomamma
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I could have been offended by having my hair ruffled but--it was by a woman I know who has been through BC and chemo in the last few years and I know it was meant as a gesture of affection and solidarity. It would probably have been a hug if I had been out of the car, but she came over and reached through the window as I dropped my daughter off.

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

The site i work at everyone has been amazing but i think i need to stop answering the phone to head office, clearly when they realise they are speaking to me they get all tongue tied and cant get off the phone quick enough or end up saying something stupid.

The most current one, someone said to me 'oh are things better for you now' so far ive had a lumpectomy - about to start chemo then rads then 5yrs of tamoxifen.... going to to get a lot worse before they get better! Der!

skinnyminx
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I know what you mean, why do our heads suddenly become public property to be touched and ruffled just because we've lost our hair? Bog off! It's my head, please ask my permission before invading my personal space!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I have read this thread and smiled a lot but I did’nt think I would have a story to add to it; that’s changed and I have two!
I went to the dentist yesterday for the first time post chemo. I explained what had happened over the last few months. Throughout my entire treatment whilst my mouth was open and I could not respond the dentist muttered, ‘poor you, oh dear poor you’. I thought about biting his finger off and saying ‘oh dear poor you’. Sadly I only thought about it!
I now have a fine covering of fuzz on my head and went out today for the first time without a scarf. Two people who I barely know thought it was appropriate/acceptable to ruffle the fuzz and say that my hair was coming on nicely. I don’t think they will do it again!

Those two stories aside most people have been lovely.

Lizzy1977
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

cheeky bugger! Can't believe some people. As with the other posts I am peed off with the MacMillan ads. Just left the hospital after my mx and the hospital TV had a constant MacMillan ad..argh! Then my surgeon told me my mastectomy scar looks fantastic. Not for me mate!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

this wasn't well meaning but totally annoying.

I came from chemo ward after having a relaxing massage to a full lift (one was out of order) - I got in and the lift became overloaded - there was a rather large bloke who told me I had to get out and walk - I wouldn't have minded if I 'looked really well', but I had headscarf on, eyes watering like I'd been crying all morning and had a towel impression on my cheek and looked pretty rough - I couldn't believe what he'd said and I couldn't contain myself, I retorted with 'wouldn't want to get stuck in here with you if the lift gets stuck with all this weight in here' managed to stop myself from swearing though.......... bliddin peasant

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Listen to this!

While waiting in the restaurant for my bleep to go off when my chemo was ready, I over heard this lady on her mobile saying "yes, she's back in recovery etc etc. The other person must have been sympathetic as she replied "no it's cool, mum will be fine I am not worried it's only breast cancer"!! She then went onto say "they found it in her routine mammogram, it's grade three and quite aggressive so she's having chemo but it's cool" I was so angry I wanted to punch her. How insulting. When Mum was diagnosed three years ago before me I was so distraught I felt it was end of world.

skinnyminx
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Only just caught up with this thread. Just after I returned to work after my treatment a colleague referred to my breast prosthesis as a "chicken fillet" - I was so upset 😞

DJ007
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

What!!!!

The word muppet springs to mind for some reason...

Easier said than done, but she is definitely not worth getting upset over.

Sending a big hug.
Dx

gooseberrygirl
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

A woman actually said to me, "if I had Breast Cancer I would want both breasts off, otherwise your just a freak" Three days after my mx I was speechless and then felt very upset!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I thought i was being a meany but so fed up with every magazine I pick up being full of it!!! and the macmillan advert I could scream, my 9 year old is coping beautifully without the suggestion that her Mum might not be around anytime soon!!!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Here here!!!

I know its important, but i just want space......and breskfast!!!

Sadie Xx Xx

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Sadie I'm with you on this one!! I'm sick to the back teeth of Macmillan radio adverts & October is Breast Cancer Awareness month & read all these "inspiring" magazine articles about how all these ladies "beat" the disease.....NO, B**ger off & leave me alone!!!!!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

..........not a person, but the radio!!! Every other advert is cancer related! Have a coffee morning to raise money, see your GP if you have XYZ symptoms!! Cant even eat breakfast without being reminded!!!! Sadie Xx Xx

RevCat
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Super trouper... I am speechless.... alas in my line of business some people do see it that way.

NO NO NO and a gazillion times NO

Whilst I believe that nothing will come my way that is too much for me to handle (and that's me talking about me, not a mandate for anyone else) it sure as anything is NOT a blessing not a test. What a pants divinity that'd be.

supertrouper
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Have any of you felt like being given breast cancer was "a blessing" or a "test" to get through?

My District Nurse said that some of her patients had described it in this way. I think my reaction took her by surprise.

DJ007
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I had a couple of similar comments. I founda good response was to make eye contact, tilt head and say in an enquiring voice 'Swap?'.

Normally had them backtracking rapidly!
Dx

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I had a great one yesterday. My friends mum asked how I was doing after chemo. I said I didn't get up till lunch time as I was so tired. She said lucky YOU some of us have no choice and have to go to work!!!!!!!!

Stupid bint, I will have her job and she can do chemo!!!

Lavenderlassie
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

What????????
How about "I have been advised I can expect to be tired for some time to come" ???
You don't have to say who advised it!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

now i am back at work everyone still saying how great my hair looks i have
half and inch all over, style suits u !!!!!!!!!!!!?? what!! its is not a style it can not be brushed any other way than what is growing !???????????? then they say how i must be feeling great to be normal again, not tired from chemo, or sore from rads, treatment all over so normal!! i did 2 x 4 hours per day im on my back, they then say, oh do u think something is wrong, u should not be so tired now treatment finished>!"$%^&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????

GIJaneH
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

My entertainment on Friday was to visit the school of which I am a Governor, for a look round the alterations over the summer and chat with the head. I found him outside and said hello.. "be with you in a minute - you look GREAT! You've done something to your hair!"... and off he went in the opposite direction for a little while. I fell about! Done something to my hair! Later, he asked about the treatment, cause he knew nothing about it... so I let him off...Jane

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Towards the end of my chemo last year one of my friends who had turned out to be less supportive than I had hoped made a cracker of a statement. At this stage I had been hospitalised several times with neutropenic sepsis for quite lengthy periods. There was talk of a night out coming up with a variety of friends. I said I would be happy to go provided I was up to it. Her response was to say "of course you will be fine. Your body is coping with all this a lot better than you think."It was so ludicrous I had to laugh!
AM

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I just hate it when people say how good I looked with no hair, being bald isnt so bad (huh, have u ever tried it!!!) and now its started to grow,I get how great it looks, it suits me, ha, well why did they always tell me how great it was waist length, cant have it both ways!!!! and then they go on to say, oh well now rads finished u will be back to normal next week, no more appointments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arght!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magda
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

why do so many people say such insensitive things like this?
i got 'well you lucky thing thing did you know that when you have a boob job it involves a tummy tuck too' WHAT!!!!!!
Boob jobs... tummy tucks... ive got cancer darling wanna swop!

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I get 'oh just think how great your new boobs will be' errr no actually they wont be great and my own were flippin fantastic thank you!!!

Magda
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

No you got it right first time 🙂

RevCat
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

"homeopathic fiend" great typo! or was it Freudian or some such? :-))

Magda
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Well once again my homeopathic fiend called to see how I am and as ever the conversation was geared to how wonderful her homeopathic treatments were and did i know how cancer attacks people who are very giving of themselves and nurturing of other people whilst not looking after themselves properly?
Well thats about half the population if we count mothers and carers etc etc!
So Let's guilt you even more for being a caring individual AND not taking my remedies that could make you so much better!
By her diagnosis she,ll never get cancer!!!!! Or is this caring giving individual being a bit mean saying that?

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

The cards would be great I would buy a pack. This thread makes me laugh. When I have my flushed face people say oh you have nice colour !!!!!!! And I get the nice shaped head all the time, you really look good ahhhhh

emmy
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

That would be a bumkin then? I know back to the corner!!!

DJ007
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Ah Ha - I need a wig for my ar$e - oh - that'd be a merkin worn backwards then!

Ninja
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

"I think my a**s is a better shape than my head - what should I do? "

Do what I do with my beautifully-shaped head - go walk down the main street with it on show to all and sundry!

DJ007
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I think my a**s is a better shape than my head - what should I do?

gooseberrygirl
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Oh Ninja, Laugh.. that was the best Laugh I have had in months, loved the card idea...old and lumpy,could market that, priceless, Who said BC was'nt a barrel of laughs. Thanks for cheering me up x x

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

A colleague of mine told me not to worry as she was sure my fabulous sense of humour would get me through the bad days!!!!!! It seemed peevish to tell her that strangely enough I didn't really feel like having a laugh after my WLE and SNB!!!!

I'm loving the pack of cards idea though, brilliant xxx

lisha
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

P.s my heads a crap shape dont even have that going for me lol xx

lisha
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

What about this one...I was down street today outside where i work and some customers said ..Dont you work in the bakers shop anymore? them being customers whom i have known for a long time i told them i was off work at the mo with breast cancer having chemo. Well they said weve had loads in our family with it ,its just like having a cold now.
Well its a good job i wasnt having a bad week or i would have slapped their stupid faces .Having a cold....... how many people have died from that or had to put up with such harsh treatment for months with a common cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

emmy
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I dunno though we do have lovely eyes too!! anyone else got that one? couldn't see them before ???? I must admit this is all so similar but making me giggle too O.K back to naughty corner ! But as least not on my own! xxx

DaisyGirl
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

I think the pack of cards is a great idea! Perhaps it could be coloured schemed yellow or red like in football, you could give people a couple of yellows or go straight for a red depending on how p****** off you are!

Regarding heads, I discovered that I have two birth marks on the back of mine, looks like someone has splashed red wine on me. Can't say it improves the look though...

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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

But some people DO have nice shaped heads which only becomes evident if they lose their hair or shave their head. I would actually have been quite flattered if someone had said that to me.

..But of course only if I had brought up the subject in the first place.

oldandlumpy
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Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

oh ninja you do make me laugh. Perhaps you should market a pack of cards each with one of your comments on.

People could carry them around and whenever someone said something well meaning (but annoying) they could give them the appropriate one and then run. (or stay there and enjoy the expression on their face as they read it)

DaisyGirl
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

Oh Ninja, you made me laugh out loud!!!!!

Ninja
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

"Lucky you, your head is the irght shape for being bald"

.

Ermmm, it's shaped like a head?

At least it's worth being on show, unlike your ar$e which is best kept out of sight.

...But I've never dared to say that...

DJ007
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

When I (very occasionally) wear my wig, people say how fantastic it is and how good I look in it. I know they are being nice, but it also implies that I look like s**t without it - which unfortunately is also true!

Dx

RevCat
Member

Re: well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

"Lucky you, your head is the irght shape for being bald" Eh?

Also:

"You look so much younger"
"You look really trendy/funky"

hey ho.