well meaning (but annoying!) things people say!!

[Kittie]

You can call him pretty THICK, but I call him a DICK!

[sugar8]

It's so great that we can get to the stage when we can see the funny side of our illness. It took me a while but I can talk and laugh bout it now.

[Sue C]

If you don't laugh...you'd cry x

[Andreaj]

Had a good one today,

I told a client I was working with that I have cancer and will be having treatment, as I had to make future appointments with him.  

He said 'cancer eh, my mum collapesed out shopping, found out it were cancer, dead two week later'

 I was so shocked, it was funny, but I kept my head down working - there was a long silence then I think he thought that was probably not the best thing to have said so he added 'course that were ten year ago, things are better now, they live longer dont they'

so I nodded and said things have improved a lot yes, he then stuck his foot right back in his mouth adding

' yup when your numbers up its up eh'

he really was not being nasty he was just pretty thick !

[OrangeGirl]

I know this wasn't said and it's not really annoying, just funny.

My Mum made these trifles as a food offering a few days after I'd had my mastectomy and I was left uni-boobed.

My boyfriend and I cried with laughter, my Mum was mortified - she hadn't seen the significance!

Just to make you smile!

[VictoryV]

Hi,

Thought I'd share a comment I received recently from my MIL.

I had a lumpectomy in Dec 15, followed by 4 sessions of TC chemo and 20 rads.  I am now on a waiting list for surgery to reduce the size of my other breast to "level" me out. I am a 34D on my left side and a 34G on my right, I've been wearing a prosthesis since the lumpectomy.  A couple of months ago while having lunch with my MIL I said I was so looking forward to getting the surgery done so I could stop wearing the prosthesis. She said "oh but surely you're used to it by now"!!!!!!!!  Words failed me, if I hadn't been so stunned by her comment I would have asked if she fancied swapping places with me!!!!

Vik x

[sugar8]

So funny . From the mouths of kids eh?

[Sarah04]

Hi OnceWild

Kids are funny aren't they. My 6 year old keeps asking if the nipple will regrow. I've said no a thousand times so the other day she presented me with some blu tac she had rolled up and attempted to paint pink and announced if I get some strong glue and stick it on it'll be exactly he same as the other side 😂 X

[OnceWild]

My lovely daughter (aged 14) is very squeamish so I was dreading telling her that I was going to have a mastectomy. I was very surprised when she took the news in her stride, saying 'it's not like you need it anymore cos you're not going to have any more babies' !  I took it in the supportive manner it was intended.

[Fiona Bergin]

Hi ladies,

I am just joining. This thread made me smile. Thanks. Is anyone on a chemo called Caylex ( this May be spelt wrong)?

[sugar8]

My own registrar said to me at my First oncolgy consultation that he was choosing my TCh regime because my cancer was not that bad  as it hadn't spread into the lymph nodes. I felt trivialised but on reflection I realised that it was a language difficulty.  Each person Cancer is unique was what he might have said or ws trying to say.

It has left me with niggly doubts though.

[sugar8]

Good attitude Angel 77. How r you doing?

[moorcow]

Travel Insurance - haha

Hi everyone; I just booked some single trip travel insurance; as I was going through the 'declaring preexisiting conditions' part of the process I wrote Breast Cancer into the slot given. The page then gave the words Breast Cancer again in a drop down menu and asked me to "CHOOSE CONDITION" !!!! OMG I haven't laughed so much for ages - no I don't choose the condition ta very much. Have written to the travel insurance company to point this out.

All the best, Moorcow

[angel77]

hi , i have been having a read up on here and to be honest i dont care who knows what im going through ,i really couldnt care less as its me whos fighting it and no one else . i know people care and find it hard to put in to words but i can tell you what annoys me and angers me is  when people say to my husband " hows you wife doing " errmm excuse me but ask me not my husband . that frustrates me lol .... other than that all is good pmsl... i also find my self laughing at the crazy things and just want to be happy every day ,my daughter says i am mad cus now the smallest things make me smile 🙂   hope you r all doing ok x

[pen]

Just wandered on to this thread and have had the best laugh in weeks. Its all true and very familiar. This thread has really cheered me up.

[sugar8]

Hi Matilda

I agree with you. I am very selective whom I tell and i still think I will be the dinner party conversation. If i could have got away without telling anyone I would have been happier. A lot of predjudices still exist (I think)

[Lisa_C]

Someone gave me a towel to use to dry my hair quicker while I was having chemo!

[story_so_far]

I am nearly 2 years past having cancer now but still remember the worst thing that happenedto me when I was walking down into town to the doctors for a flu jab. A workman off of a building site shouted over to me and said "Have you got a light mate!!! ?"  OMG I was so upset. I walked right up to him and said "I happen to be a girl who is very ill with cancer!"  "Oh replied the man, anyone can make a mistake" I didn't know how to answer so walked off trying to hold back my tears.

[ProjectKylie]

I have a friend who offered me the contents of her cat's brush. Well the cat and I are (were) ginger. 😕

[skinnyminx]

People do say things without really thinking...

MY BC was ER+ and I was told by a well-meaning (but rather nosey) person "you should have the other breast taken off then you could take HRT".  Really??!!! 

[SML1903]

Hi Everyone

I was diagnosed in March this year and have had 3 lots of FEC and my 1st lot of Tax 10 days ago. I have to have a mastectomy as my lymph nodes are involved and then radiotherapy.

My sister lives 100 miles away and I didn't want to tell her my news over the phone or before she went on her holiday. I therefore decided to go and see her after she got back from her holiday. Of course she was really upset when I broke the news and rushed over to give me a big hug. As she knelt down she looked at me and said " you know you don't need them anymore have them both off " I only have bc in my right breast so was a bit taken back. I know she was only trying to help bless her but it still shook me up.

[Mathilda]

Hello, I am joining you! (65 years old, Triple negative, Chemo before Surgery, 1st Chemo 6 days ago, fourth granocyte injection today).

This is a good thread. Love all the postings.

It's amazing how people react. One of my friends recited a poem to me, dark and dire! I just stood there not knowing where to put myself. One said, that probably the whole town would know by now; if she would ever have BC she would not tell anybody. But how could you, people would find out, I rather be up front about it (like Kylie Minogue, I am sure she helped a lot of people). Though occasionally I think I wish I hadn't told anybody.  Do you feel the same? 

[skinnyminx]

Bumping my favourite thread....

[trish1109]

Alot of people are like that , itnis a major thing we are going through , Today I received the news that I thought I would never here , I beat cancer , operation was on the 24th of March . I kicked cancers butt , .xxxx

[Magical_Moon]

Taxiforjac,
That is unbelievable!!! Obviously, the 'empathy' gene has been deleted in her psyche.
Peace and Positivity,
M x

[Taxiforjac]

I'm loving this thread and just wanted to add my own little classic. When I told a colleague I would be having a mastectomy she replied "oh poor Tony (my husband), you'll have to tell him to cop a good feel while he can" !!!!! WOW!

[secretxxangel]

I've had a quick read through this thread and I must admit I disagree with most of you...sorry...I LIKE hearing people telling me to be positive, that BC is treatable these days, and how well I look etc...because I'm a pessimistic at heart and without encouragement (fake or not, I couldn't care less), I would crumble. I love to see that people care, even if they don't quite know how to put it into words.

What I'm deeply scared of though, and that's why I'm telling about my diagnosis only to the people I have to tell, are the nasty or disgusted reactions/comments. The ones that hurt rather than annoy or bore. I am dreading those...

[poemsgalore]

Good answer knoxy. 

[knoxy]

When being admitted to hospital for my lymph node biopsy the poor student nurse asked me would I rather die in hospital, a hospice or at home to which I replied "I don't give a toss as long as it's not today"

[lisac]

When looking on the net for hats my hubby tried to "lighten" the mood by saying my mum could make me a hat from an old pair of curtains, he then went on to say during my oncology appointment when hair loss was discussed that he had a spare crash helmet! If this is what I get from my nearest and dearest God help me from others...after explaining how hurtful and inappropriate his comment were he said he felt stupid, to which I agreed. After reading some of the comments on here I am going to laugh when I can and when I can't I will not be biting my tongue .…lol....I will try x

[poemsgalore]

My (younger) sister usually calls me by my name (Kathleen) but since my DX she insists on calling me chick on facebook. I didn't know whether to start clucking or just laugh. I love her really though.

[anne71]

When I was having my 2nd lot of chemo on NYE one of the nurses said to all us patients in the room that she'd had a test which said she had a 90% chance of getting pancreatic disease but she just lived her life and didn't let it get her down, that we shouldn't let it stress us too much .......errr,we've all GOT cancer??
My sister also drive me mad with unfavourable comparisons to her friend who'd had BC (so have I) ,I wanted to tell her that each person's different as is each cancer but kept quiet instead as I realised her trivialising my situation was her way of coping.

[Butterfly318]

Sounds like a well briefed and knowledgeable mate there Debs......Gilly x  

[Debs-]

Oh sorry but i just have to add the friend that thinks im coping with it all to well and went on to describe that it will hit me soon cause she was like me when told she was borderline diabetic 😉

[Debs-]

I have had a friend obsessed about me loosing my hair in the future...laughing that my hair might come back straight(i am naturally curly and want to stay that way)...laughing that i may turn grey and then adding i should cut off my hair and keep some as my 2yr old likes to play with it!!! (which he dont) ...then she joked that i would hit menapause now before her....may i add she is not a close friend lol. And dont you just love the face book friends who start posting breast cancer survival rate posters and expressing how much better it all is now in hopes you will see it and it will build you up !!! The list goes on 

[Butterfly318]

Oh Girls you've gotta laugh...

Pinkrunner.. The only people who can understand how this feels is somebody else going through just the same.....As you say friends can be supportive but really can't understand unless they are going through it at the same time.  I do hope i will have a better insight in the future rather than a selective amnesia which i think i sometimes suffer from..... 

Hijaqs    Your Mum could be a stand up comic with cracking one liners like that.

Poemsgalore.  Aren't you just so glad you dont live with such a nice / knowledgeable / sensitive chap.....

Keep your chin up girls.  Take Care   Gilly x  

[Emma76]

Ive had that too! Really annoying, from a close family friend whos known me since i was quite small, "oh nobody dies from it these days !"

Er well actually.......

[poemsgalore]

I briefly visited a different cancer forum. I was incensed to read the reply a man with bladder cancer gave to a woman worried about breast cancer. . He claimed that BC is just like any other long term illness!! When I politely put him right, he couldn't see what he had said wrong!! What did he know anyway!!

poemsgalore xx

[hijaqs]

Me: Mom, i've got to have a mastectomy

Mom: never mind, love, they do immediate reconstructions nowadays.  

[pinkrunner]

Hi Butterfly318 and Grumpy

God I know exactly where you are coming from !!!!!!  Im just about to start chemo and obviously feeling very anxious and distressed etc.  What really annoys are the people who say to you - you dont have to go through any of this alone - we will be there for your.  Then you don't hear from them for weeks ! Lol !  I am lucky though because most of my friends have stuck by me.  Although sometimes when they text or ring I don't want to talk to them and one of my friends can be quite persistent !  This does **bleep** me off somewhat - they don't really know what you're going through - sometimes you don't want to talk to anyone,  Still chin up girls apparrently it's not as bad as it use to be !!!!! - Really ????!!!!!!: xxxxxx Pinkrunner xxxxx

[Butterfly318]

Evening Grumpy

I will try to remember that F**k Off reply.....  I've had various throw away comments from different sources since my diagnosis.  Sometimes I have been so stunned i haven't really said anything.  One friend, on learning about my Diagnosis, assured me i'd be just fine, 'Breast Cancer is just like the common cold' these days.   I hope she never gets this particular cold.

I have another friend who, rather than ask if i am OK, (she really is under no obligation  to do that) will say 'You're looking well'  She goes to great lengths to tell me about somebody (could be a historical diagnosis or somebody in the Care Home with her Mum) who is 'much worse off than me'.  Before she leaves she always makes sure that she asks after my Husband and Son because of course this Breast Cancer really is very difficult for them both.  She has no idea that i don't need her to tell me that.  My Mother in Law and Sister in Law kindly tell me that regularly........

I always try to smile and remember peoples good points 'cos i have some lovely friends and family but it really is a steep learning curve about peoples idiosyncratic behaviour

Take Care    Gilly x

[grumpy]

A classic yesterday - people do not die from BC these days, it is really just minor hiccup.....

Well, yes treatment IS wonderful these days thanks to the NHS, but no way is it MINOR.

I am very sharp with these comments nowadays, and I hope folk learn from my response - which varies from gentle explanation through to F### off.

Grumpy

[skinnyminx]

Bump

[poemsgalore]

As a little girl, teenager and young woman, I always had long hair. After my chemo had finished and hair came back, my lovely dad (during a phone call) didn't ask me how I was feeling now, just asked how long my hair had got. I had to smile. At 62 I'm still his little girl (He's 83 this year).

poemsgalore xx

[Guest user]

Just joined the forum and really appreciated this whole thread (started back in 2011!). Best thing I have read on any of the forums out there.

[GingerLaces]

Picked up friend from airport and all I wanted to hear was what a great time she had. But no she was keen to tell me that her sisters friends wife had died of cancer. Where did that come from ? I don't even know her sister! Not sure what answer she was expecting from me.....

[CanonJane]

Elli - I had a friend (with hair so short that it could be chemo hair coming back) who offered to shave her head in solidarity with me.... told another friend, (who's much more concerned about her looks) and she thought for a while then said "that's a lovely suggestion... and I WOULD join in, but I've just spent so much on my hairdo, it would be such a waste" I too fell about....

It's not just us with our bald heads, I realise... I went to a party last week, and a lady I hadn't seen for months came in, looking fabulous. I heard someone complement her on her hair (which was great) and I also complemented her. There was something about her reaction that made me say "you don't seem very happy with it".... I've lost my hair... poor girl.... It DID look fab, but I know I never felt fab in my wig....

kbo, as WInston would say...

Jane

[Morwenna]

Positive? Yes, I'm positive I got cancer!

The other day when somebody asked how I was doing, I replied "Well it's tough you know, I'm getting kind of whingey now, ask my husband!"
To which they replied, "Ah well, you must be feeling better then, if you're whinging"

."No, .... I'm whinging because I have had six months of chemo following two painful surgeries, and I still have rads to go. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and far from getting used to my appearance, it upsets me more and more each day. I hate having cancer, and I'm never going to be the same again......!!!"

All the above was in my head of course, although I may have been heard to mutter, "not really ....... "

[HJU63]

Just remembered what my boss said to me the day before my first operation:- I had some work that needed to be covered whilst I was away and at the time I was hoping to be away for just 3 months or so. On my final day in work, the day before my surgery my boss still hadn't told me who was to cover the work . I rang him and told him that I would be leaving in an hour and that if he wanted the handover he needed to make a decision - he came to my office and spent 5 minutes telling me how I needed to understand how hard his life was, how busy he was, how he had staff off sick and problems, blah, blah, blah! I was so incensed but very calmly offered to swap my life for his so that he could go and have the cancer treatment and I would deal with his busyness. As you might imagine he just shut up.