I had bilateral skin saving mastectomy and reconstruction in Oct. 2009 having being diagnosed with cancer in both breasts in 2008. Developed a severe infection had implants removed and large amounts of chest wall fat and skin. Left with LD muscle only which now has skin grafts on. Not what I signed up for. Am having terrible difficulty coming to terms with all that has happened. PS wants me to go for further surgery but feel all I will end up with is scarred lumps, they will never be breasts and then there is the risk of more infection or splitting of the skin grafts. Don’t want to go thro skin grafts again pain associated with it akin to child birth without the pain relief (I’ve done that too!.) Is there anyone out there who has had similiar experience? I am aware I am so lucky because I am alive so please no platitudes - trust me they don’t help, even when I say them to myself. Sometimes I feel like being a miserable ungrateful cow. Just don’t feel like a woman anymore and definitely don’t look like one.
Hi sjh,
I’m so sorry you have had problems and can entirely empathise with you, having also had problems with the reconstruction journey, which started for me in January 2004 and is only now finally coming to an end.
(Please see my profile for my initial history etc.)
Following my delayed LD recon with expander implants, I developed a severe infection in the right side, 6 days post op.
This resulted in my going back to theatre for removal of the implant and subsequent problems with wound healing, necessitating use of the VAC machine to aid closure of the wound.
Several surgeries followed over the next 4 years, having implants replaced and then removed due to recurrent infection (both sides) a few weeks later.
By November 2008, I was in constant discomfort from the (by now)contracted implants and cosmetically I looked as if I had 2 mis-shapen, asymetrical lumps of concrete that didn’t move, stuck to the front of my chest and I thought that this was how I’d have to spend the rest of my life.
Psychologically, I was at my lowest point since the horror of my diagnosis and felt completely unattractive even though I have the most fantastic husband who loves me with or without breasts - as long as I’m alive.
I was finally referred to another surgeon (out of city) and underwent successful Bilateral TRAM / DIEP last July. I had nipple reconstruction in May and having them tattooed tomorrow.
Of course I’ll never have “real” breasts again but I now have soft, natural looking “breasts” which look (and feel!)fabulous in “ordinary” bras and swimwear - and they wobble along with the rest of my body!! Undressed, I have a scar on each “breast” but these are fading and are even less noticable since I’ve had the nipples done - my surgeon also tells me that the scars become even less noticeable once the tattoos are done, as the eye is drawn away from the scar and to the “nipple.”
My confidence and self image have soared since my sucessful TRAM / DIEP last year.
I know that I couldn’t live looking and feeling like I did and yes, I’ve been unlucky and had an awful, painful experience but I’m finally coming to the light at the end of the tunnel - and for me, it has been worth it.
Have you thought about getting a second opinion too?
I’m very aware that this is a long post now,even though I’ve tried to be as brief as I can, at the risk of boring you - so I will close now but please don’t hesitate to ask me anything at all, or have a rant - anytime - I’m more that willing to listen and share, whether it be on here or via pm.
Please take care x
I had a failed diep last year with mx, and changed my surgeon – i had expanders put in on the 21st of july but had to have one of them removed due to infection last week. it is really a horrible experience and i feel like i am never going to have breasts. i am sure everyone feels that way at some point but its truly just devastating. the right expander which is still in place, is being monitored in case it needs to be removed as well.