Hello Everyone, and thanks for all your lovely messages, Appt went well, MRI and mammogram, and got asked lots of questions by the staff doing the mammogram, -like pain, new lumps, etc etc. now I just have to wait, hopefully only another week, keep telling myself that if they had found anything i would of had a phonecall by now. so feeling calmer etc. Meanwhile my lovely BCN has arranged for me to see someone about my extreme tiredness, so have an appt on Mon 10th. Just plodding along day by day. Had a bit of a wobble last Monday - due to tiredness and ended up in tears- oops, thought I had beaten that bit.
Hope you are all ok, Take Care, and sending lots of Huggles Jenny. x
Yes I feel that way too!
I had a mastectomy in Jan 2014 with radiotherapy and im on Tamoxifen everything went well and like you im pretty positive most of the time. All of a sudden this month Ive started having this dread that its going to come back again. Maybe because its October and it feels like everyone is talking about cancer, or because i was diagnosed a year ago today.
Ive got a book from amazon called Emotional support through breast cancer the alternative handbook, by Cordelia Galgut. It really helped me to understand that nearly everyone going through this is feeling pretty much the same and my feelings of insecurity are ok and natural.
Hello lovely Jenny
You are bound to be anxious, i freaked out over the pink awareness month thing yesterday, was in floods of tears and told a good friend to go away as she could not understand! oh dear!
I have never had a scan of any kind. only a manmmogram and do wish they would offer to scan me sometime soon as i i get worried too.
your mum did VERY well Jenny 101?? wow!
anyway, look afteryourself and keep us posted on how things go for you.
chat soon and huggles as always xxx
Hello Ladies, i am due for my 2yr checks on fri24th Oct, and am thinking all the things that you have all listed. Last night I kept thinking that the lump- necrosis in my good breast that has been reduced was bigger, and harder and different. Then I started on the remains on the left side, but they seem ok this morning. Does it ever end. I also wonder if IT(C) could come back elsewhere. My lovely dad died many years ago, of cancer of the liver, they never found the primary source. we were told on the Tuesday, and he was gone on the sunday night. My mum- bless her-had skin cancer on the back of her head- to late to operate as she was by then about 95. but old age got her before the C, at 101yrs. somehow I cannnot help but worry. at times.I wish they could put me in for a full body scan, but i know this will never happen. oops sorry bit of a winge, guess I am getting a bit-lot anxious about the appt. Thanks, jenny
Take Care everyone.
Sometimes i think that the longer i survive, the more my time is running out (if that makes sense?)
But you can't think that way can you. The 'what ifs' etc,.. life now has to be about living in the moment.
My big fear is after my five annual breast checks and I'm put back on the three yearly mammograms. I had a mastectomy, so only have one breast to have flattened. The good one. I won't get the extensive breast check on the 'bad' side, where it is more likely to come back if it is going to. So it's down to me to do all that for myself - and what if I miss something???? Lumps aren't easy to recognise in scar tissue, or in lymph nodes.
Wow and I thought that I was the only one who had all those scary thoughts and fears! I am coming up to a 2 year diagnosis next month as well and every time it pops into my head I go off to another place in my head and start imagining all sorts.
I don't mention it to anyone much, mainly on here because i know that each and ever one of you will get it. I still wonder if family and friends around me actually "get it" and the way i feel and what goes on in my head at times. Every little ache and pain, twinge and headache makes me feel sick with the thought of what could it be. When I watch the news (especially today and what a lovely woman like Lynda Bellingham is going through with her decision to withdraw treatment next month), I imagine the worst when I go for my 2nd anniversary check-up.
What puzzles me is that when i have had the surgeries, chemo, rads and now the hormones for 5 years for Breast cancer and your first mammo is NED, how are they able to tell whether or not there is anything going on in other parts of your body when they are just concentrating on the boobs??? As I had a full Axillary Clearance of my left lymph nodes in the armpit because of positive nodes, what if there is a stray little bugger floating around somewhere in my system?? what checks can be done to look at all the relevant areas where it could pop up next? I feel like i am driving myself round the bend womndering all these things. I am due to see an Oncology nurse (my Onco has moved me over to the Onco nurses now) in November, I wonder if she can give me any answers???? Help!
Cheers, Michele x
Just noticed your post, haven't been looking at the forums for a bit. I totally understand what you mean about not being able to be positive. I think it's hard for most people to feel positive every day, so how can we do that when we're going through a trauma like being diagnosed with breast cancer. You're right that the forum is great for checking things out and realising that you're not the only woman who feels like you do. It's miserable feeling miserable, but at least the forums reassure you that you're not alone.
Not sure if you noticed the book I recommended earlier in this thread, if you're interested in reading, you might like to try it as it's reassuring that you're not mad, just going through a terrible time. Have a look back and see what you think.
Hello, Melena. Pleased to read you are feeling a little less anxious.
I know exactly what you mean about not quite being able to take in that someone has had cancer and actually got though it to tell the tale. I think for a long time in the past, we have all been programmed to see cancer as an automatic death sentence, but thankfully that is no longer the case for so many of us who survive treatment, and go onto live for a good number of decades.
The worry of a recurrence never totally goes away, but anxiety does lessen the longer you are away from finishing treatment, and you can start relaxing a little- although that is far easier said than done, as I am sure you ladies will agree!!
Hiya Kazey I am doing ok at the moment and have got over my wobbles for the time being. I just sometimes find it amazing that you have been told you had cancer but are still here to tell the tale. I am getting stronger now and now the weather is better am feeling better. I go for my first yearly mammogram next month so not looking forward to that but at least I know if there are any problems they can put me right.
Thank you for caring and I hope you are well too.
Just wondering how you are doing. I hope the posts you have had have reassured you that you are not the only woman who gets scared like this. Hopefully, it helps to know that you are not the only one going through this nightmare.
Let us know how you are,
Dibbles4 has put it in a nutshell. I am currently two years with NED, and the fear of it returning is always there, but blends more into the background the further you get away from the end of treatment.
In the early months, the fear is very much 'in your face'- every little ache or pain causes a major panic that it could be back- whereas before diagnosis, you would have put it down to what it very likely is- a pulled muscle, a 'stitch', indigestion or a cough caused by an allergy or virus. It is only natural to asume the worst after having been through treatment for what can be a life-threatening condition.
Thankfully, breast cancer nowadays has one of the highest cure rates, and I remain forever grateful to those 'guinea pig' ladies from the early days of treatment decades ago, who underwent treatment which has since been perfected, and from which patients nowadays can reap the benefit.
The worst time, as others have said, is the run-up to the annual mammogram, and really nothing can be said or done to allay that very natural fear- so for the rest of the year, I try my best to keep upbeat, to enjoy each day, and to save up all my fear for the once a year anxiety ordeal- then hopefully get another NED, so continue enjoying another year until it comes around again!!
I too went through the same scary thoughts, its so hard to be p[ositive 24/7 and tiring, be honest with yourself, cry if you want to admit that your'e not feeling positive.
I was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer with lymph nodes affected 10years ago, I thought I was given a death sentance. Its not true anymore, this is not a death sentance. I still had the anxiety and the fear of return until I was discharged last year.Thats when my life stopped being on hold, and I could begin living again.
As long as you keep going for your check ups and everything is normal, focus on that, it brings you strength.
Don't forget to carry on talking about your anxiety, your nearest and dearest will understand, and NO they will not mind listening to you no matter how many times you ask them to listen, just remember they are probably waiting for you to make the move, as they don't want to push you.
I'm sure that every woman who has had breast cancer will recognise what you are feeling. How could you not be scared after what you've been through. Our world is changed totally by our diagnosis, so negative thoughts and feelings are inevitable. And there is nothing wrong with feeling negative. I keep recommending a book that totally helped me to feel okay about what I was feeling. It helped me to see that I'm not mad to feel like I do, it's the people who expected me to 'get over it' and 'move on' who are mad. I still keep it close so I can read a bit when i'm feeling low. Don't know if you're into reading, but if you are you might want to take a look on Amazon. It's called Emotional support through breast cancer and it's available as a book or a kindle. It's by a psychologist who's had bc herself, so she knows what it's really like. Her name is Cordelia Galgut.
Anyway, it might be worth a look. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up for not feeling positive all the time.
Love, Kazey x
I had a mastecomy June 2013 and had chemo and Rad's and all was well and cancer gone.I take Letrozole.
However I get these scary thoughts of whether the cancer will come back. If I here of anyone dying from cancer I get scared that one day that will be me. I am mostly positive and have got through this well but it just these thoughts now and then. Does anyone else get these?