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wow this is scary

24 REPLIES 24
hopalong
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Ladies, Well this last week has flown by in some ways, after a few more hospital visits I now have a surgical plan and date. Mastectomy SNB and no reconstruction (my choice). Now I am going to take some time for me to relax for a week before my op and everything else that needs to be done. A cocktail and sunlounger are calling me,  I have been reassured by my insurance company that I am covered for everything other than breast related issues and I would not get my money back if I decided not to go, so my suitcase is packed, and the surgeon can be impressed by my tan lines. Hope everyone has a good week, leaving this thread behind and I will pop up somewhere else on the discussion board soon. xx

hopalong
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Thanks songbird and Lucy, will be ringing the helpline to clarify a few points from yesterday. Over the last 2 weeks I have always had a hankie to hand, and sometimes 2 packs open in my handbag, you cant beat Aldi for their prepacked handie size. Every cloud has a silver linning or so they say and thanks Lucy for pointing out I still qualify as a younger women, that put a smile on my face this morning. Although I was semi prepared for the news its still a shock so am sure I will be using the forums more in the coming few weeks/months, I read more than I posted last time round, will keep in touch x

Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Hopalong
I am sorry to read that you have this new worry, please feel free to call our helpliners for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2

You may find the following link to the younger women area of the site helpful for more information and further support ideas:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/younger-women

Take care
Lucy BCC

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Morning Hopalong. thank you for updating. Sorry it's cancer again and all the waiting around that dx brings.
You sound like you have a great team:) And the massage and reiki sounds just what you need.
Big hugs and I always carry a spare hanky if you need it.
x x
hopalong
Member

Re: wow this is scary

As promised the news is in. The positive is my follow up mammogram found the problem, the not so positive is the journey begins again. Still a little in limbo as had lymph USS and biopsy and definitive surgical plan will be dependent on these results (but will be mastectomy) so another 2 week wait is in store, but I already feel better knowing for definite what is wrong. The centre was brilliant this morning, had a masage and reki, much better than clock watching and hopefully will help me sleep tonight.  When I said i was getting my results today they booked me in for a treatment tomorrow either way, to celebrate the good news with me or to help me cope with the not so good news. After lots of phone calls and a few tears its time for bed, night all

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Hopalong I'm so glad you are looking after yourself and going to the center that helped you last time:)
I have my fingers crossed that you will share some positive news!
Good luck
x x
hopalong
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Thanks, I have been busy at work this weekend, decided it was better to go to work than go off sick before my results through so I haven't got lots of people gossiping about me, untill theres something to gossip about. Not told anyone other than my immediate boss. Think this weekend at work has done me good have had the best sleep in a while, only 1 more night to go. Have been in touch with a centre I went to 7 years ago and am having some chill out time there tomorrow pre results. Never had this anxiety 1st time round as went for a routine post op check and told that I had DCIS, on the Friday teatime and operated on Monday morning. Whatever the result will post on here as sharing positive news is good to dispel the myth that all lumps are cancerous, and if it's not positive news then I know I will be well supported on here and by the BCC team like last time. x

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Hopalong, sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice, but just here to give you my support.
A day of not knowing is bad enough let alone 2 weeks. Not long til Tuesday now, hope the weekend wasn't too bad for you and you managed to find some distractions.
I wish you all the best for your appointnment and hope it is benign.
Big hugs and lots of love
x x
hopalong
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Ladies, sorry if hijacking this thread but you sound like a supportive bunch, don't really know where to post. Have been on a scary ride over last 2 weeks, didnt know anything was amiss. Was diagnosed with DCIS 7 years ago and had wide local excision clear margins and no further treatment. (found after investigations into a nipple discharge), discharged after 5 years and now just having yearly mammograms. 2 weeks ago I had a mammogram recall, followed by core biopsies, just had a call from the hospital to say I need to go on Tuesday for my results, feeling really anxious this time around, (obviously knowing I have had a cancer diagnosis never really goes away but after so many years it takes on less importance) any advice, ideas welcome thanks x

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi 🙂 Good to hear from you and that you are feeling ok.
Roll on next week to get that surgery over and done with! Keep busy my friend
x x
LuckyLass
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Attagirl Debbie! Just deal with one day at a time, stick with the positives.

debb1e
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Update ..........

 

It has been a week without any hospital appointments which has been kinda nice because it allowed me to shut it all out to a degree .............. full day of it tomorrow, MRI scan, then to another hospital for the pre op tests ......... a week today the op will be over and hopefully there will be nothing else, well except for the radiotherapy which apart from the having to go to the hospital every day doesn't sound too bad.

 

Feeling ok .......... thinking I'm blocking it out quite a lot at the moment, trying not to think to much

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

I'm so glad:) If they can't see anything in the lymphs, then that is a really good sign. I had ultrasound after mammo and the lymphs looked clear. And SNB was clear.
I'll wait with you for the op:)
take care hon
x x

debb1e
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Thank you songbird for thinking about me 🙂

 

Feeling really good and positive now, had the lymph node scan and he couldn't see anything amiss which isn't a 100% guarantee that it hasn't spread but a really good sign. They'll still take some sentinal nodes out when they operate to make sure but it's positive!

 

Had a really good chat to the nurse and doctor and feel a lot calmer now. When they first delivered the news it was just to much to take in, all I wanted to do was get out of there and digest the news but this time I felt more me and able to ask the questions I wanted to ask to put my mind at rest.

 

I know I may still have the odd bad day over the next couple of weeks while I wait for the op but I feel really good at the moment, long may it last! (13 days to be exact lol) .............. now it's 'wow, this is an emotional roller coaster!' 😉

 

Hope everyone else is doing well and feeling positive and thank you all for your support 🙂

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

good luck tomorrow Debbie:)
x x
Jaye
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Debbie

 

Glad to see you have posted again on the forum, we all know what you are going through as most of us have been there too.

I lost about 4 or 5 lbs in weight in a couple of weeks through not being able to eat due to the stress of it all.  Hardly slept either, it is just horrendous at first as your mind goes into overdrive.

 

Hope all goes well for you on Friday and this is the place to come and offload when you feel you need to

 

Good luck

 

Jaye X.

 

 

 

debb1e
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Thank you songbird 🙂 .......... writing that really did help me to push myself to exercise which always clears my mind and it did work to a big extent, at least I'm feeling more rational now and have stopped crying! lol

 

Only two more days and then I may have more positive news about whether it's spread ..... either way I will hopefully be more in the now, not knowing is the worst ......... or at least I think it is

 

Thanks everybody again

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Debbie, good to hear from you:)
You are coping with the worst part - the waiting - and doing all the right things. If I live to be a hundred I'll never forget how truly horrendous that time was(just last year!! my op was on 19 Aug). I'm tearing up knowing you are going through that too.:(

Don't you worry about being all positive on this forum. We all know how it is. Like Jo1 said, Right here is where you can vent, let it all out, without worrying you will upset anyone. We are here for you
There is nothing stupid or pathetic about how you are feeling. You are in survivor mode and you will get through this.
I hope what I have written here comes over the way I mean it:)
May I suggest mindfulness and breathing. My therapist told me about it. Worked for me.
Best of luck Friday
x x

debb1e
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Thank you everybody for your replies and kind words.

 

Am very up and down, stayed with friends over the weekend and felt very positive about everything, didn't feel worried or scared then Monday morning everything hit like a brick, was hoping it would pass today but felt the same today ...... trying to keep busy but can't seem to get stuck into anything, after 5 minutes I stop, it's weird, never felt lie this before, I'm a really strong person normally. Don't want to eat because it makes me feel sick which I am sure is the stress rather the cancer so consequently am rapidly losing weight, feel tired which again I think is down to the stress so don't want to exercise which I normally do a lot of and cures any bits of stress I've had in the past (gawd am I feeling sorry for myself???) ... don't want to tell friends and relatives how I'm feeling because I don't want to upset them and worry them, and also because I can tell from the people I have told that they feel awkward and don't know what to say.

 

Actually writing this has done me good ............  I'm going to make mysef exercise which hopefully will clear my mind a bit and will also make me hungry

 

Sorry for sounding so pathetic! Having lumph glands scanned on friday and a biopsy of them if they see anything, if that is clear I think I will feel a lot better, the waiting and not knowing is not good. Hope everybody out there is feeling ok and keeping positive, hopefully when I next post I will be more positive and not stupidly worrying about what I can't control.

 

Thank you again for all your support

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Debbie, how are you doing?
x x
Jaye
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hi Debbie

 

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  I too was diagnosed with tubular cancer in January this year.   I did'nt find out mine was tubular until I had had my WLE (lumpectomy) and sentinal node biopsy in March.  They originally told me it was ductal cancer,   I was diagnosed after a routine mammagram.  From what I've read I think tubular cancer is quite rare, only accounts for about 2% of breast cancers and as you say it's a slow growing cancer which is good news

Do you have a date for your operation yet?   I waited about 5 weeks to go for the op and the waiting is the worst bit as you just want to get on with it all.

Its very scary when you get diagnosed - I know like everyone here how you are feeling, it takes a while to sink in and the waiting can be awful.

I had radiotherapy 10 weeks after my operation and finished that in June - waiting now to go back and see my breast consultant but still haven't had an appointment come through yet.

 

Keep posting and any questions just ask away.   This forum is great - it has been so helpful to me.

 

Good luck

Jaye x

Jo1
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hello Debbie,

 

Yes, it's a great shock, and you're absolutely right that here you can say anything you like about the situation you find yourself in, we all understand where family and friends usually can't.

 

Of course we can't say whether or not the delay would make a difference, but from all I've read and heard, most of these cancers are fairly slow-growing. My bc was different to yours, lobular, and I first mentioned it in the cancer clinic when I went for my annual check a full year before any action was taken (I had cancer in my other breast 5 years earlier), and was definitely there when I went for my mammogram a few months before that. Unfortunately, lobular cancer doesn't usually show on mammograms.

 

The action taken when you were at the hospital tells me they acted exactly and as quickly as we could hope - they seem to be taking the very best care of you - something to be really pleased about. They gave you news you would never wish to hear, but happily for you, it could be balanced to some extent by telling you about stage 1 and that tubular is a 'better' bc to have.

 

You need to take care of yourself, try to relax, but you'll find bc pops into your mind all the time as you've found. You've had a shock, and will no doubt have sleepless nights plus all those hospital appointments taking you into things you dread, but you will cope with it. Come on here whenever you need to, shout, cry, ask questions, but don't search google, stick to trusted sites like BCC, ring the helpline for good advice and a caring person to listen. I did, many on here did and do and found help.

 

Take care Deb - gentle hugs, Jo x

songbird68
Member

Re: wow this is scary

hi Debbie, you came to the right place:) You are exactly where I was this time last year, so I'm dropping in to lend you my support and big hugs as you start on the journey no one wants to be on.
I found it helpful (still do!) to check out the inspirational stories, maybe you will too.
The worst part about cancer for me was all the "hurry up and wait" - there is so much of that! As you wait for appointments, surgery, pathology, treatment - everything. Everyone says that they feel much better and more in control when there is a treatment plan in place. I agree with that.
Get to know your team, particularly the breast care nurses. Mine have been wonderful and I'm sure yours will be too.
the bursts of panic get easier to handle with time - I still get them, but it's not all consuming anymore.
Good luck hon, and sorry you have to be here too.
x x
June_BCC
Member

Re: wow this is scary

Hello Debb1e

 

Welcome to the forums.  I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis, the first few weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with your diagnosis and treatment.
As well as the support you will receive on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-

 http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early...

 

You may also like to talk things through with one of the helpline staff, they are there to offer emotional support as well as provide information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.

 

Best wishes

June, moderator

debb1e
Member

wow this is scary

Got diagnosed today ...... getting diagnosed is a bit of a story, found a lump over 18 months ago, went to the docs who sent me to the hospital, I lived in Oxofrdshire then, they couldn't see it so thought everything was ok. Moved, felt the lump regulrly to see if it grew, kind of hard to tell when your feeling it all the time ...... I never go to the doctors so thought about going back but didn't until I went for something routine, mentioned it ..... the doc here was very good and 'on it' so to speak, went to hospital to have it checked out, they found it straight away, mammogram, ultra sound, decided to (in thier words) be extra cautious and biopsy it there and then ........... so to cut a long story short, that was last week and today got diagnosed but they say it is stage 1, and tubular which apparently is good, it is one of the least spreading and mostly I am feeling very optimistic and good but am getting bursts of panic, that word cancer is darn scary .. and the fact I know Ive had it so long ... or is it long?

 

Not sure what I want from here but thought it might do me good to waffle a bit in a place where people in the same boat and a lot worse undoubtably, I know I should feel lucky in a way, it could have been so much worse .................. it's daft the things I am thinking off, every ache and pain I've had in the last few years I am now linking it (irrationally) whereas before I just thought heck those aches my parents talked about coming on in your 40's are just beginning ....

 

Thanks for listening anybody thats out there, I am Debbie