I have been diagnosed with early breast cancer. I have had a lumpectomy which showed a grade 2 cancer, and sentinel LN biopsy which is normal-no spread. I’m due to start tamoxifen and radiotherapy. Emotionally I feel nothing. I’m not Ill, feel like I’m taking time off work for nothing, feel like my friends are unduly concerned. I feel like a fraud! This makes me question myself and why I don’t feel anything, no fear, no worry, I feel numb. Is there something wrong with me emotionally? Has anyone else experienced this? Initially at diagnosis I was afraid but as things has progressed my feelings have changed.
No there is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are your feelings and I’m sure many of us have felt numb at some point in this battle. But if it changes, don’t be afraid to seek help and support.
Hello @Intercitygreen
Your diagnosis sounds a lot like mine: small lump picked up on my first routine mammogram surgery followed by radiotherapy and I’ve now been on Tamoxifen for 12 months. I had my first annual review yesterday which mostly comprised a chat with a fabulous nurse practitioner and it gave me a chance to reflect on my treatment.
At my diagnosis appointment I felt like the surgeon and BCN were very matter of fact: “don’t worry, it’s all very simple you will be OK”, which was absolutely fine at that point but even with the “simplest” diagnosis don’t underestimate the effects it can have on your mental and psychological health: the effects are not dictated by the size of tumour or treatment plan!
I lost my dad when I was 13 in quite tragic circumstances so throughout my life I’ve felt like nothing could be as bad as that, and I am not very good at asking for help. I totally underestimated the emotional impact my diagnosis had on me.
I found around 6 weeks after my surgery (all very straightforward easy recovery) emotionally I fell off a cliff! It was at that point I found this forum and quite literally collapsed in a blubbering mess through the door of my local Maggie’s centre: there is no substitute for talking to other people who have experienced what you are going through.
I am not suggesting for one minute that you are following the same path as me, there is no such thing as a “normal” reaction to a treatment journey: you are walking down a very well trodden path but you make your own footprints 
and everybody is different.
You may find that you don’t need support however please be assured that any support you do need is available, whether through this forum or groups run by Maggie’s or MacMillan: the breast cancer world is full of the loveliest kindest non-judgemental people you could ever wish to meet.
You should never think of yourself as a fraud (I think that is a common feeling especially for ladies who are fortunate enough not to need chemotherapy and those who don’t experience outward appearance changes) every feeling and emotion you do (or don’t!) feel over the is 100% legitimate: a cancer diagnosis in any form is like nothing else you experience in life, and having experienced it you may move on and forget about it but it will always be in a drawer somewhere in the back of your mind and only people who have experienced one truly understand it’s effect
Wishing you all the best for your continued recovery and radiotherapy treatment: again my BCN was very matter of fact about it, however it was my lovely oncologist that explained quite how it would effect me physically and I was told yesterday that the fatigue effects can remain for 18 months!
lots of love AM xxx
Hello Numb
Thank you for posting about how you have been feeling since your diagnosis of breast cancer.
People feel different emotions during breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Some may feel shock or anger, while others may feel a numbness, as you describe. For many, their emotions will change from moment to moment. There is no wrong or right way to feel.
It is good that you have some time off work after your surgery. Although you feel well your body is healing from the surgery and being able to rest is important for this process. If you are worried about the emotional numbness you feel you may find it helpful to talk to your breast care nurse or treatment team. They can let you know about any local support available for you.
We offer a range of free supportive services for anyone who has had a diagnosis of breast cancer which you may be interested in. They include face to face and online courses and events. For more details about all of these services, please see the information on the link.
You may also want to post your question in this area of the forum to hear other people’s experiences of how they felt during their breast cancer treatment. Sometimes hearing from someone who has been through similar can be helpful as you will have seen from adoptedmanc’s reply
Do call our Helpline if you would like to talk this through or have any further questions. Your call will be confidential, and the number is free from UK landlines and all mobile networks. The number is 0808 800 6000, (Relay UK - prefix 18001).
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Best wishes
Cassie
Breast Care Nurse
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