Good morning ladies. Oh, gosh, those really ‘down’ moments or days that appear seemingly from nowhere are awful, aren’t they. They are to be expected though & the emotional outbursts - whilst not always welcome - are a good release. I have heard of several people with no medical issues having huge meltdowns this week over seemingly innocuous and inconsequential things. The last year in general has been a huge strain for everyone - more than enough for most people without having to go through a shattering & life-changing diagnosis & treatment at this time. We just have to try to roll with the emotions as they come & completely accept both the good & the bad feelings but it is really tough at times.
Being able to come on here & talk about these things with others who understand is a huge help.
@MaryJane it is lovely to hear from you. I think you were the first person to reply to my first post on this forum back in September when I was worrying about telling my adult children about my diagnosis. We have both been through an awful lot since then & I am sorry you have been feeling so bad recently. You are right that it does seem relentless & never ending & I am sorry to hear that you need targeted treatment until November. Ongoing treatment of some sort & living with the knowledge of what we have been through & the fears that will always be somewhere at the back of our minds is what we have to accept I suppose. Our previous lives are firmly in the past & I am sure none of us really want to accept the ‘new’ life. Let’s hope that time will enable us to do so but in the meantime we need to accept our low moods.
I am seeing a ‘wellness counsellor’ next week - maybe she will have some good advice.
Take care everyone xx
@Guest userSorry to read about how you are feeling - but we are on one heck of a difficult regime and we should not be surprised that we have these breakdowns not only are we going through chemo, surgery, and everything in between but our hormones and our body is also changing it is one heavy load to carry.
I was diagnosed last June/July it is a long time to be on that treadmill so I can understand where you are coming from. Bad days are ok and to be expected - they also make us recognise and appreciate the good days (I think we are overly apt to beat ourselves up).
I made a lady smile the other day as we sat waiting for our treatment I noticed a small china bell along with a sign that read something along the lines of -
If after you finish you course of treatment you would like to ring your own bell then please do.
How disappointing I said to her, on the tele they show you the staff ringing a large metal bell and everyone clapping (she smiled and said) 'I know'!...😀
Yesterday my hormone tablets got delivered, this morning I could not find them so had to go outside and tip the bin over I found them safe and sound (stuff happens).
I have just finished 15 days of radio. Probably least invasive treatment after chemo and surgery but did not expect the complete emotional break down that hit me during radio treatment. Sobbed on the (socially distanced) shoulder of the radiotherapy nurses at the start. And again in the focus charity centre in the oncology unit when I had to be re-measured / treatment replanned because post surgery swelling had changed. Then again in Maggie's after radiotherapy machine broke down one day. Ended up calling GP as felt so bad and just sobbed again (she gave me number for samaritans!!) Think an awful lot of pent up emotion I had just been holding in without realising - had thought I had been handling this fairly well until now. It feels relentless. Diagnosed last July/ August. Radio now done but have ongoing 14 cycles of Kadcyla chemotherapy until November & then hormone therapy. Am feeling more positive now but recognising I need to be kind to myself. I cannot yet see the point at which I can start to move on and I guess I'd had it in my head I would be there by now. BCN had said at start should be through treatment by Easter. Sorry, bit of an offload here but this thread just resonated. Today is a good day. Tomorrow will be a good day too.
I guess it's not for no reason, you’ve had a really difficult year on top of the really difficult year the whole world has had. It’s so tough keeping everything together. I felt really tearful on the radiotherapy table today and wanted to jump off and leg it out of the department as fast as I could and not go back.
Its sounds really tough for you right now. A friend told me it’s okay not to be okay, and it’s brave to be able to admit it, when everyone seems to expect us to battle our illness all the time. Sometimes I just want to howl!
Sending you a big virtual hug
Happy Tuesday Poppy,
Hopefully a better day for you, we all have these days when we just can’t understand what has happened to us. I myself had a couple of bad day when having radiotherapy thinking do I need to carry on, you can do this and I know you will.
Wishing you well, as I always say one day at a time.
A very big hug 🫂 with love Tili 🌈🙏
The third session today which went well. When I got home had something to eat and drink then a few hours later I felt so down really small things started to get at me making me want to cry and throw in the towel so I ended up going to bed and watching the TV to distract my thoughts.
Does this, has this happened to anyone else - a complete blackness for what seems no reason.