Totally felt alone at most parts, but I have a whats app group of ladies that are amazing which I was lucky enough to meet prior to lock down but I echo completely the lack of one to one support from family and friends has been hard to cope with...due to lock down. I am just finishing chemo and booking in for radio, hubby ok but not that supportive in any capacity emotionally, does not get it at all, which has made the isolation unbearable at times. I started tamoxifen prematurely and I was crying most days!! I stopped it as I was not supposed to have started it and the tears stopped, I think its the initial phase of your hormones readjusting but it was quite overwhelming. I have up and down days emotionally and depends on level of tiredness and I am trying to pace activities/jobs etc.. I feel stressed about every treatment decision as I am so reluctant for any of it really!
Sending lots of hugs..
You are doing great, as hard as it seems you are on the right side of the mountain. Treat yourself well, and treat yourself to whatever you might fancy.
It is lonley, but there is always someone around on this forum, for empathy and support. Hug. Wonky X
Nicmic, respect to you plus a big virtual hug. Hope you are loving your new home and getting lots of rest and relaxation. Wonky x
Thank you for your kind words Nicmic, OMG, you have been through so much, but sound a very strong a determined woman. But I think that’s what we do, don’t we. People ask how we are doing and we say ok or not too bad, But inside we are screaming how do you think I feel I have cancer. and I’m the same, I don’t want to say to much to my mum as she has just lost my dad, my daughters both have young children to deal with and home schooling atm. Maybe I need to look into some counselling.
I hope you continue to get stronger and manage to have some quality of life, think we are all looking forward to real hugs and some normality back (whatever that is now)
sending you huge hugs xxx
Hope everyone has managed to have a nice weekend.
I think it takes time to absorb what is going on and process all the feelings from that. I was diagnosed at the end of october 2019 when i was admitted via a&e after waking up and not being able to walk...and i was due to fly to Saudi that evening to start my new job. I was diagnosed with breast cancer with mets in my spine, liver, ribs and collarbone. I had worked for quite a few years as a cancer MDT coordinator in NHS & private hospitals so i knew straight away what that meant. Also my mother has passed away at the age of 39 from metastatic breast cancer (and my cousin at 30) and it felt so surreal...i was 37, same age as when my mum was diagnosed. I soon became paralysed from waist down due to my spinal mets. Long story short but i spent nearly 5 months in hospital. I tried to keep a lid on my emotions as i needed to focus on getting some mobility back so i could at least get out of those awful adult nappies and hoists and also working out where to live, benefits, etc. I was literally now also homeless. Thankfully i was discharged from hospital just before the covid lockdown and was transferred to a rehab centre in Bristol in March and after 2 weeks there i got into my new flat. Happy to report some feeling and movement has returned and i am out of those awful nappies and can transfer out / in wheelchair using a board... thanks to physio, hard work and ignoring neurosurgeons who said i probably wouldn't get anything back in my legs. However, after spending months suppressing my emotions whilst in hospital i was suddenly alone and left to deal with a tidal wave of raw feelings and fears. So even though i was diagnosed 6 months ago i feel i've only really started to come to terms with it emotionally since moving into my flat. I have appreciated the privacy and space on my own to work through those feelings and ugly cry to my hearts content. But it is also incredibly lonely even if someone is with you...words can't describe how you feel and for me i am also cautious with what i say as i don't want to upset friends or family.
Joby - I can only try to imagine what you're going through what with losing your dad just days before your diagnosis. Please be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself. Let those emotions come through and feel whatever it is you want to feel. Both of my parents have passed away and the grieving process is ongoing. I have recently started counselling sessions which has helped, even if it's just an hour of me crying and rambling on. Personally i have found it such a release. If it's something you might want to try maybe ask your CNS or oncologist. There are also great helplines run by charities that offer support. Nothing can replace that comfort and warmth you get from a hug...and don't worry, i'm sure you'll be drowned in them from friends and family once this covid lockdown eases up...you'll end up having to barricade your door shut haha! Just hold on, it won't be long now.
Sending you call a virtual hug!
First, apologies to Jo for hijacking her thread but your comments resonated with me. This is an article one of the nurses posted here a while ago. I wish it had a permanent and very prominent place. It addresses all those questions you’re asking yourself and the writer really seems to understand - which kind of suggests most of us go through a similar phase. I hope you find it useful. I’ve read it many times now, whenever I’m having a bit of a wobble: https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-wha...
Happy to hear you rang that bell x
Thanks for your reply Julia, You seem to have had a similar journey to me.
I had a lumpectomy in March, seem to have been waiting ages for rads to start. But started Thursday. And will be all done next week. I feel everyone is expecting me to be ok come Wednesday, but I don’t think I will be. Guess we have to give ourselves time to heal both physically and mentally.
so pleased you got to ring that bell 🔔 Best wishes Jo x
Thanks for your kind words Jill1998, I know I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself atm, and need to get my mojo back and get on with things.
I haven’t been in touch with any support groups as yet, but maybe it’s something I should look into, might be good to talk to others.
kind regards Jo
I'm with you on going through all of this during lockdown!
Diagnosed 11th March
Lockdown 23rd March
Surgery 15th April
Results 28th April
Radiotherapy 25th May!
Yesterday, 29th I rang the bell!
I'm obviously over the moon and relieved but I kinda feel like....hang on, wait a second what the hell just happened the last few weeks????
I have had tremendous support from everyone around me and involved in my life, the hospital staff etc have been amazing, I really can not complain! But I feel like the loneliest time in my life is about to hit home! I have not dealt with or really processed what's happened, what's happening now and what is going to happen! I haven't dealt with any of it as it's all been someone else's life not mine!
It's still all very surreal.....
Hi Joby ,welcome to the forum .Cancer is most definitely a lonely experience, no-one no matter how caring and supportive they are can possibly understand how it feels unless they have been through it themselves .Even without the additional constraints of lockdown I found it a very isolating experience .The support of the lovely ladies on this forum who were going through treatment at the same time or were further down the road really helped me .There is never a good time to have cancer but just having had a bereavement and then the restrictions of lockdown will have made things even harder for you .Are there any cancer support services locally to you that you could access for a bit of support - a lot of charities are doing telephone or online counselling sessions .Given that restrictions have been eased a little could you meet a friend for a walk in the sunshine and a chat this week to break up the monotony of rads ? Best wishes Jill x
started rads on Thursday, having the one week instead of three. So far ok really. But have woke up this morning and feel an emotional mess. Feel so lonely, having gone through this whole experience in lockdown and not been able to hug friends and family has been hard. Hubby is here, but sometimes I feel he must be sick of me banging on about breast cancer. Started tamoxifen 8 days ago, so maybe it’s my drugs kicking in.
also lost my dear dad, 5 days before I was diagnosed, don’t feel I grieved properly for him yet.
I so want to met up with my girlfriends and life feel normal again. Anybody else had this feeling of loneliness? Feel that no one really understands what I’m going through, even though everyone has been really supportive, guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself today