Welcome to the forum. It is completely normal to feel like you do. It doesn't matter how ' serious' your case is compared to anyone elses- we all wish that we weren't in this situation, and we have days where we all feel that it's just not fair. It is such a disruption to our lives and we feel so envious of other people, carrying on with their lives, while our lives feel on hold, as you say.
But then there are wonderful days, when we get good news, or reach the end of treatment. Along the way, we realise how lucky we are to have supportive people around us, who show such kindness. We appreciate the good things in life much more!
I am having my last radiotherapy tomorrow and I can't wait to ring that bell! I will still need Herceptin injections for a while longer, and I am going to have my delayed reconstruction in a year, but I feel tomorrow is a big milestone, and I am back at work, and really grateful to have got through this. Onwards and upwards. I send my best wishes to you
It was nice to find this forum here. I am staring radiotherapy next week after my operation for high grade DCIS in October. I really thought it would all be over by Christmas and hadn’t reckoned on RT starting almost three months later. I’ve tried to carry on as normal during this waiting period, but it has felt just that- a wait. I don’t feel I can plan anything until the middle of February. I feel that my life is on hold. My family and partner are very supportive, but it is a very lonely feeling. I’m sorry to come across all miserable, and I know there are many, many people worse off than me: women with children, people without close friends and family, people with worse prognoses.
But there it is, and I realise how fortunate I am t o have routine mammograms, free medical treatment, and the support of the marvellous staff- all of them, consultants, porters, nurses, therapists, cafe staff- at our wonderful hospital.
Good luck to everyone beginning RT this January, and to all those finishing their courses too.
Good luck on 16th, the waiting is almost intolerable isn't it, but somehow we survive it, grit our teeth, and deal with whatever the news is. Sometimes there is little to say to the comments, however well meaning, that people make. I think we have a cultural problem with the notion of how we are feeling too. We are conditioned to answer the question of "how are you?" with "I'm fine, thanks" (or similar) but recently I've been consciously not doing that. So without being destructively gloomy and trying to avoid making the other person uncomfortable, I've told them that things aren't necessarily quite how they might look, or that recently things haven't been particularly great for me. Further detail depends on who it is, their response, or other considerations. This is related too to your final point about it being so difficult to believe that yes, we are really living through this ordeal.Telling other people does reinforce the reality of what I'm experiencing. For me the last 6 months still feel rather unreal despite the appointments, procedures, agonising waits, surgery, and scars. I'm now waiting for my radiotherapy start date and still find myself thinking "am I really going to have all of those appointments and be irradiated?" I've even got the preparatory tattoos but it stil feels like a bad dream that I need to wake up from.
Anyway,thank you for your encouraging response, it does help to know it isn't just me! I wish you well with the rest of your treatment and recovery. xxx
Hi there! Your not weak I too feel the same ...... this all came as such a shock to me ..emotions I didn’t know I had?
I am waiting to see my oncologist on the 16 Jan , just had an MRI so if any of the pesky little blighters are lurking it could change my treatment of just radiotherapthy & hormone treatment... just don’t know what to expect....the waiting is killing me (pardon the expression) .....
the worst is when someone says you look so well and your really feeling crap - what do you say?
im sending all things positive to you and hope some of it lands on me......
i still sometimes think is this really happening.......do you feel that?
Thank you all for your support. I'm very much looking forward to having the family around me but I suppose disappointed that the treatment has still not been concluded. It's very wearing having to plan around appointments, wonder what, if any, side effects will assail me, and feel unable to imagine life beyond all of this. However, I've kept myself busy with the lovely things like decorating the tree today and once the family is here they will take the strain. This forum reminds me that I'm not alone and lots of other women are struggling through similar or worse situations. All of you understand too that feeling that the bottom has fallen out of your world and nothing will ever feel quite the same again. Joining a Moving Forward course is a good idea which I'll explore in the New Year.
It is only reasonable that you are going to have "down" days you have been through a lot, which we can all relate to, but as you say there really is light at the end of that tunnel now, I am assuming this is the last part of your active treatment.
Have a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends
I think I need some encouragement. Yesterday I had my dry run and am booked for CT scan, planning, and tattoos end of next week. The radiographers were lovely and all went well yesterday so after more than 6 months of this and finally with light at the end of the tunnel why do I feel so wretched? I feel so bleak and down despite my lovely family starting to arrive for Christmas tomorrow. Am I just weak or ungrateful? I don't know.
I wish all of you going through, waiting to start, or having completed your treatment a lovely Christmas however and wherever you are spending it. This forum is so helpful.