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just got to have a little rant.....

49 REPLIES 49
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Sue c..yes not bad glad t get anorher one down. Boob going bit sore now feel like someones sat on my chest...i wish! Lol..hope ur well lovelies xxxx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Evening Ladies

How did you get on today?

Sue xx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Sue c , ive got one early next week i think with rad nurse. I was okay today not as breathless i had a nice african male nurse, put a smile on my face made me forget about my breathing lol.... anything that gets you through they say....hope your treatment is going well..big hugs xxxxx

Lilacmoon14
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo I was only joking about a fire alarm going off and now its happened to you. Bless your heart x A story every day.
Keep going ladies, its all eorth it in the end x
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Ladies
Lucaboo you're having to cope with a lot! Can't believe you also had an alarm go off! I would imagine the breathlessness would be due to anxiety. I've not heard of this problem before. If it persists, then speak to the head of the radiotherapy team. I had a review at the end of the week.... Do you get one?
Sue xx
Thistledown
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Lucaboo 

 

If fire alarm had gone off for me, suspect I’d have been left on the couch as I prob wouldn’t have heard ! 😖, I was so concentrating on the noises of the machine ! Sorry to hear of your breathlessness problem, that does sound like stress..and who can blame us?

Have you tried apps out there for relaxation and anxiety - daughter suggested I try Headspace, she uses it (has post natal depression) and finds it really helpful, in dealing with stressful thoughts etc. I tried it in the early days and it definitely helped me too, going to get back in to it now as I just get waves of dread oftentimes...like I’m sure others do. 

 

Hope you get through tomorrow without headache or anything, fire alarms and broken machines included ! 

 

Sue, thanks for the tip re Medi honey, I’ve seen it mentioned elsewhere on the forum, but not in relation to radiotherapy soreness, I think I’ll send for some in anticipation, - feel pretty sure the nipple area is going to definitely suffer..that is the worst area, where all the scars are..

 

Keep strong, Lucaboo, that bell will be sounding before you know it xx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Well done Thistledown sopleased ur 3 down! Be over for us all soon thankfully. I had fire alarm go off today whilst i was on rad bed lil no wonder bloody breathless . Intercom came on and said take no notice it was testing fire drill omg haha i had bisions of being stood starkers in carpark lol ...xxx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Sue c..no im not having boosters thankgod i know ive got away light compared to others. I did notice today felt breathless thought omg if im like this at 2 what am i hoing to be like next week??. Hoping it was just stress and not going t go worse as i go on. Xxxx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Ladies

If you start to get sore skin, I would recommend Medi honey. This was given to me by the nurses at the time, but you can also buy it on Amazon. My skin held up pretty well, but towards the same end, the nipple area was quite sore, and this cream was very good.

Sue xx

Thistledown
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Third session today, yay, only 12 to go !!

 

So far it’s trouble free for me - fingers crossed and everything, except I’ve been a bit worryingly pink in the affected boob since my TM - the (female so far!) radiologists keep making concerned noises about ‘am I moisturising ?’ ...Yes, so far I’ve used Aveeno but today (at my daughter’s suggestion and with the radiologists’ blessing) I am trying a baby moisturiser that’s recently been in the news as being a bit of a wonder cream, and have to say it seems really nice, and even seemed to reduce the Lily the Pink effect I’ve lived with for weeks...🤞 - all nice natural ingredients and here’s hoping !! 

 

Lucaboo, so pleased to hear you are getting along well too - albeit with headaches and males (!) but good on you... we are getting through this..

 

Lilacmoon, thank you for the info regarding the machine ‘workings’ - would really have appreciated that induction course you had as I find it still totally mystifying, watching this thing whir round and about...think there were three directional zappings from the noises and movements happening today, (I struggle to hear the noises though, with my deafness, but am fairly sure... 🤔)

 

We have no bell up here 🙁 - tempted to stick a ringtone on phone for the end of treatments day !

 

Roll on ringing that bell for those of you that can, and those of us that will do it mentally.

 

Good luck all, and thanks for the support ! 

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

That's good Lucaboo, glad it's going OK.
I think you're doing all the right things. Rads can make you dehydrated hence the headaches and fatigue.
Always made me feel uncomfortable with male nurses, but they were always prefessional and I just had to get on with it. How many are you having? Are you having the boosters too?
Sue xx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou Sunflower and Sue c..for words of encouragement and support it certainly keeps me going. I got my 2nd one in today 20muns early and 4 men only nurses omg it makes me smule to myself u couldnt make it up really could you. Rads are going ok feel bit achey under arm and get banging headache after each one. Ive drank loads and moisturized and had few pain killer so im not complaining there are people going through far worse than me. Hoping all you lovelies are staying well and getting stronger by the day...love and hugs xxx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi lucaboo 

So glad you had a better day! Now you know what it's all about, you will be much more relaxed, and you'll be surprised at how quickly it goes.

Sue xx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Good evening lovely ladies...well hurrah!!! I actually got one rad session in today, on time, and a nice you man to unzip my gown..oh the joys!!!. I was as you all know very apprehensive. It was a bit scary but got through it, and im sure tmrws will be easier as i know the proceedure. 

It gave me rotten headache and sore ache under arm but ive done as you ladies have advised drank plenty and moisturized twice ill do another tonite. 

 

I was very tempted to ring the bell on my way past to celebrate id got one down!!. 

 

Hope all you ladies are getting through your smoothly and thanks for your support. No doubt i will keep you update with the next curve ball to come my way lol...love and hugs xxxxx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou Sunflower, i will think of a name for my machine tmrw..that is if i get on it lol..i will keep you posted..xxx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Aww thankyou Thistledown , its all a testing journey for us all. Your post made me laugh about the bond senario..think that was me today, Skyfall after i went off into orbit haha xxx
Lilacmoon14
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thistledown-you mentioned the location of the zapping and the x-ray?
On the machines i went on, i was zapped to my right boob. Partly coming from the direction of top left for one zap, then the machine moved over to my right side and I got another zap coming in bottom right. So whole coverage in the end. When i had the boosters they were head-on. I asked why and they told me that the zap from the boosters is more targeted and can be applied head-on (or should that be boob on??) as the zap doesn't go deep enough to do any internal damage.
And the x-ray was boob-on as its a harmless zap.

I had an induction session with 5 other ladies before I started my course. It was about 2 hours with a tour of the unit (my treatment hospital has 12 machines) and a powerpoint presentation that covered everything that would happen.

Did anyone else have that?? It was really handy. Although i did have one of my meltdowns as reality hit. Strangely enough I actually enjoyed the sessions in the end, for some obscure reason!!!! Silly mare............
Lilacmoon14
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

The worst melt down I had was a huge panic attack while on my way to a meeting in London.
Ducked into a hospital I was passing and it just all came out in front of total strangers.
Everyone was fab. Hugs, handholding, water, tissues. All from total strangers.
After that i decided there was no point trying to work while having rads as im an emotional soul!!
Taking time off work was the best thing I could have done.

Afterall, we are the most important ones in all of this so we can do and behave how we like!!!

xxx
Thistledown
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo 

 

Just seen your post, - feel really gutted for you, that’s awful ! As Appletree says, it’s our under-resourced NHS behind problems like this.. Not impressed with the embarrassment of the male staff, either, but I have to say my post-op nurse was male, and he was lovely, - admittedly I was full of drugs that night and couldn’t have cared less about modesty then anyway, but hey ho.

 

Like you, I was up at the crack of dawn, after bad night’s sleep...shower, breakfast was water, a banana, (no appetite..) and painkiller in anticipation of the upraised arm and as shoulder is still recovering from the 40 minute planning session, it’s a bit creaky and sore. Arrived early - 8.30, (appointment was at 9) to be told session was to take place in main hospital building for some reason - panic to find it in the vast bowels of the place but got there eventually...

 

Turns out the machine I have been scheduled to use for the duration was having it’s service that day...😏- so it was a long wait for the one in the main hospital, but once in there it went ok - and even though I am a left-sider, no breath hold was required, glad of that ! Shoulder was wincingly painful until they shuffled me down the bed and that released the pressure a bit, lots of realignment and x-rays later, the session began and was over virtually in a couple of minutes ! Weird how the machine bit was out of sight during the actual session but was in my face during the x-ray alignment....

 

So really, it was absolutely nothing to be worried about, and you will breeze through it, I do hope tomorrow will bring no delay to you or your poor lift ! (Mine (husband) had to go back into work as he had important meeting, and the delay was stretching out, so thank goodness my daughter had popped out of her work to come and lend moral support - went home with her...) 

 

Had to laugh though, as during the x-ray realignment, I wasn’t aware that that was what they were doing, I was convinced I was having the treatment itself and I could feel every supposed laser beam and twinge as it got me..but it wasn’t and hadn’t even started...

My imagination is too much sometimes, unfortunately drama documentary/Bond-type scenarios had left me, except probably the Bond scene with the laser machine ! 😂😂

 

Keep positive and tomorrow will pass...sorry that I am one ahead of you now, though. I really wish we were local and able to help you with your lifts, (as you are the same weeks as me), - you’ve enough to contend with without the worry of getting there..I know I’m very lucky as a non-driver to have my ‘escorts’. 

 

Sorry for going on a bit !!

 

Best wishes for tomorrow xx

 

 

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thanks Chris, i hope your session went ok another one down!! Dear god im praying i get one in tmrw lol...big hugs xxx

mcnulcc
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo. Sue by the time I got there this afternoon they were running around an hour and a half late. There were however people still waiting as I left who were waiting when I arrived. Don't know what is going on. Its a new unit with new machines so I have no idea why they are breaking down. Anyway all seemed to be working as I left so fingers crossed for you in the morning. Chris xx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oh Lilacmoon your right, i couldnt make it up. I am seeingvthe funnier side of it tonite but dear god i wasnt this morning. Have you ever had a split second moment when you think ..this is it im going to have a meltdown and theres nothing i can do to stop it! Haha. Well lets see what tmrw brings prob fire alarm lol big love and hugs xx
Lilacmoon14
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oh my darling lady, what a bloody pain in the arse!!! Massive massive hug to you xxxxx

Couldn't make it up could you??

Rest easy that you've been through the worst case scenario. All you need tomorrow is for the fire alarm to go off 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Please let us know how it goes??

Much lov x
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou to all the lovely ladies who have taken time out to support me it so keeps me going. Ill try again tmrw and maybe i will be back on here saying one down! Love and hugs xxx

Optimissy64
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oh you poor thing - so sorry to hear this, especially as you had been so anxious beforehand. Sod's law.......

 

I take it you are a non-driver and having lifts out of necessity? (But if by chance you do drive but are worried about driving during rads, it is very doable when you have rads - don't be afraid to drive yourself if you are a driver.) Even though obviously it is nice to have company, it's less stressful to sort it yourself if you can. (And completely ignore the above if you are a non-driver!)

 

Best of luck for tomorrow and everything crossed. x

Appletree
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oh dear Lucaboo, that's dreadful, especially as it was your first session.

 

It sounds as though the hospital where you're being treated is a fairly small one. There are 7 machines in the radiology department I had to go to. On one session, one of the machines gave up and remained out of use for about a week, so a whole lot of us ended up being well over an hour late on more than one occasion as people had to be switched around. That hospital serves a very wide geographical area extending across four counties, so 7 machines are kept pretty busy normally.

 

I put it down to lack of maintenance thanks to an under-funded NHS, understaffing ditto, and the weather.

 

All the very best for tomorrow

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oh, thats awful!! Really feel for you.
Sending you a massive hug xx
Let's hope for better things tomorrow...
Sue xx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Morning all, thought i would let you all know how i went on this morning on my first rads.

 

I was up at crack of dawn to get lift organized etcetc got to centre at 8.15 my appointment was 8.45 first on the bed i was told. So far so good. Sat there till 9.30 by this time my stress levels were rising a bit, only 4 people there. Then at 9.40 hay ho a nurse appears gives me gown mmmm, tub of cream and quick chat. Told me to go get changed and they take me through to machine room.

There were 3 men omg and a 2 female. Got all lined up on bed half starkers as you do, nurse said we will talk to you through intercom because breathing box usually on machine has gone missing?????. So im lay there ...no ones talking, after about 5mins i'm panicking, next thing intercom comes on machines broken down ffs!!!.  Young male nurse hurries in to tell me to cover up cos 3 burly computer men are coming in room to try fix it. Omg i burst into tears the whole bloody senario and the build up to it. They sat me back in changing room and shut the door.

So after asking nurse how long did she expect to take them to fix it she said they had 3 machines 2 were down and a waiting room full of people who should of been on other machines, so it could be well into afternoon. My poor lift sat outside thinking he would be back in work by at least 12 as my app was 8.45am. So nurse said come back tomorrow and we will start again. Omg omg...i cant tell you the stress!!.

So trip for nothing, huge effort and expense to get there lift wise and emotionally bloody wrecked.

Ive just had coffee and biscuits to chill out a bit but my god what a day!!!!xxx

mcnulcc
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo.. Sue got your message, thanks for your kind words and support means a lot to know we are there for each other.

Like Thistledown I like to think I am mature rock chic who is retiring disgracefully it's hard to recognise myself when referred to as this 59 year old woman. When I read my letter I thought bloody cheek there are still loads of years left in me!!

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep in advance of your early start tomorrow. This time tomorrow you will have one session under your belt and can start count down to the finish.

I have been up since 4 this morning think it's a combination of the heat and the Letrozole so kicking husband into the spare room tonight and turning the fan on to full blast to see if that helps.

I know what you mean about the gowns when I had my planning meeting they gave me a paper towel to cover my modesty however tommorow they will give you your very own stylish gown that you get to keep for the course of your treatment. It's very haute couture with fetching velcro fastenings. Not something you would wear for a night on the town but practical for the task in hand ha ha.

Anyway off to water the garden before the nightly ritual of water more water and moisturise before bed. How very rock chick life is at the moment Speak tomorrow. Chris xx
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Evening Ladies
Just wanted to say best wishes for tomorrow.
The first one is a little daunting, because of the fear of the unknown. It takes slightly longer on the first one too, because they've got to get the positioning right. But, you will soon get into the swing of it all, and it will become easier.
I've just been on another thread, talking about fatigue, so it's worth mentioning here, drink plenty of water, at least 2/3 litres a day. It really helps with the tiredness.
And just to finish with,.... A little story from my rads.
They always had the radio on in the room. One day, as I was lying there, Frankie goes to Hollywood came on, with their classic song 'Relax', and the best line ever...... 'Hit me with your lazer beam'!!
I thought someone was taking the p***!! Still, made me chuckle.....
Sue xx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Haha appletree..that made me laugh, mines more of a bridget jones movie tho than a james bond ...still we can dream im looking forward to seeing if i get a gown this time, everytime i go for assessment theyve run out, i swear to god im so used to it ive near walked out the room topless lol...that would soon wake them all up haha xxx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou Appletree for the reassurances, i know its fear of the unknown and ill probably be back on here tmrw wondering why i was in such a panic. I know you all have been or goingvthrough same journey of emotions and tribulations, so i thankyou for taking time out to help me, this forum has been godsend to me as i have no support. I hope your healing well mentally and physically too...love and hugs xxxx

 

Appletree
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

I had been going to suggest imagining we are in a James Bond movie, ready to be rescued and scooped up from the couch and carried off to ..... well, somewhere luxurious, but are we at out best when stripped to the waist? I'm certainly not, what with ....... well, I won't spoil your nighttime cocoa.

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Thistledown, omg made me laugh that 64 yrs old woman. Haha now i think of it when i saw mine its funny but at the time i was like what the...lol...ill be sending you positive vibes at 9.00 pity you were not at my centre we could high five on way in and out haha. Good luck for tmrw ill be thinking of you let me know how you go on...love and hugs xxxxx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou Sunflower made me smile that about the rug! So true...and thanks for birthday wishes alrhough its been a quiet one this year. Im hoping ill have more birthday cheer after ive got these rads over with. I hope your healing well and are able to move forward with things. Its a tough journey for sure, but helped along by lovely friends on here who are always around to pop on and support you in times of need...im thankful for sure for this forum..love and hugs to all xxx

Thistledown
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo

 

We are going to be fine!! Your appointment is at 8.45 so you’ve got 15mins on me, mine is 9am, let’s send each other positive vibes....

 

Know what you mean about the ‘anonymous thing’ , I got referred to as ‘this 64 year old lady...” - made me feel ancient as well as an impersonal sort of statistic... cheered myself up by thinking ‘lady? Nah - more retired rock chick!’ 😂

 

Well - we can at least use our imaginations, if nowt else - 👍

(Appletree, a drama documentary, that is certainly one great way to deal with it - hopefully my over active imagination will not turn it into an episode of a particularly difficult case for ‘House’ ...)

 

All the best for tomorrow - let’s rock on and kick it..

 

Thistle xx 

Appletree
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Dear Lucaboo

 

Very best of luck for tomorrow. I'm sure you'll find it all much easier than you fear. Admittedly, the couch is not designed for an afternoon nap, although I was told by one radiographer that someone managed to do just that! Imagine you are the star of a drama documentary and tell us all about it tomorrow.

 

There is another thing; the waiting area and treatment room will be lovely and cool as they have to be. The machines switch themselves off if they get too hot.

 

Big hug.

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Thankyou Lilacmoon, its just awful isnt it when letters come like that, i had just settled myself mentally put everything in order on my head and wham, everything seemed to get all messed up again. 

I thankgod for this forum though or think i would of gone mad lol.... i know what you mean about your saftey blanket taking the stuff with you to appointments, i didnt take letters but more good luck things photos of my lost mum and dad etc as my saftey blanket, really its what gives you comfort. 

Ive made some lovely caring friends on here that have helped me alot even though they themselves are going through the same rough journey mentally and physically. 

Im like you though i think im just a stresspot, and you would think i was leaving the country if you looked in my handbag ready for rads tmrw lol...im first on the rad bed apparently at such an early appointment each day so ill probably be the only one there. After tmrw, when i seen how it all runs im sure ill be less anxious.

i hope you are healing mentally and physically too Lilacmoon having gone through all this, and thankyou for taking the timeout to support me.

 

I shall be back on tomorrow to let you all know if i coped or went off to orbit the moon!...wellwishes and love xxxx

 

Lilacmoon14
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Dear Lucaboo, Happy Birthday for yesterday, hope getting the rant out of your system helped??
I can remember feeling anxious everytime a letter came throgh the door. I just kind of opened them but didn't read them as seeing everything in black and white made it even more real. But i filed them away and took my file to all my appointments as a kind of safety net. No idea why but prob because i wanted to have everything to hand in case of anything.
Please don't worry yourself about the rads. Im the biggest stresshead ever and got myself really worked up but all for nothing. Again, rads was like my security blanket and i felt very much in control knowing the zaps were pinging away at me killing off any nasties hiding in my boob.
As you will hear over and over, drink heaps, moisturise at least 3 times a day and remember the actual sessions are pretty much less then 10 mins from the second you walk in to the room. Its just the bleeding trip there everyday thats the faff!

Good luck tomorrow, you may well find its a complete anti-climax!!
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi Sue C, thanks for your support. Im just the same google everything. I think the reason it took me by suprize today was i had already sent in my form to say i did not want copy letters after i had my appointments. So when i got them all today i was a bit taken back. None the less it was nothing i didnt know already but it just makes everything, certainly for me a reality. 

Ive put them away now and thats where they will stay lol... i hope your well on your way to top health now..hugs and wellwishes xxxx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hi
I just wanted to add that I too do not want all the information. It just makes things worse for me. I'd rather not know... Will just end up googling and worrying unnecessarily.
For me the letters are always obvious. They have their official stamp. Just dread them.
Is it possible for someone else to open them and if its nothing to worry about, just file in case you need it? I have a stack of letters that are stuffed in a file, that I never want to see. Some like all the information. I, like you, prefer not to. We all need to find our own way through and you have chosen your own way of coping. I suggest you ring the secretary and explain.
I would echo others and say, radiotherapy is very doable. I strangely enjoyed it ( and I've heard others say the same). I was doing something positive to get rid of it all, and I had different friends and family that came with me, and we had a lovely catch up.
Best wishes
Sue xx
lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Mcnullcc Chris....aww thanks Chris for the reassurances, im up and down about these rads by the min. It didnt help a friend saying your very brave i wouldnt have them...what a stupid thing to say...esp when i start mon! 

It set me off on a right wobble, coupled with the onco letters that just reffered to me as a 59 year old woman...err hello i have got a name omg it made me mad, its daft i know but you jyst try and hang on to everything thats normal, i felt just like a number. A nobody.

Anyway ive had a rant and a wobble today, so im going to have chocolate tonight as it my birthday as a treat, bugger it all i say. 

So sorry wont get to meet up at rads but thanks for all ur support it really has kept me sane...love and hugs xxxxx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hello Thiseldown, thanks for the support keeps me going. Its a tough time for all us ladies on here, but like you say everyone jollies each other along, some days you can cope some days you cant. 

I hope you rads go smoothly its just getting over first few and getting into routine really isnt it. Im always having a wobble about them, because truth be known i dont want them and i struggle with shall i, or not. But all the lovelies on here have reassured me so ill take my chances. Sending bug hugs and let me know how you go on.....you will know how i have cos ill probably be on having a meltdown at some point...much love and well wishes xxx

mcnulcc
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Lucaboo.. So sorry that this has happened today I know you are worried about Monday but honestly you will be fine it's not nearly as bad as you imagine. I just wish my appointment was in the morning so I could be there to support you but rest assured I will be thinking of you and waiting to see your post that the first one is under your belt. So happy to have today and tomorrow off but can honestly say apart from being a bit pink I have no other se. Slapping the cream on at every opportunity and drinking loads of water so make that your mantra for the next 3 weeks. Sending you birthday wishes and hugs by the shed load. Xx Chris xx
Thistledown
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Hello Lucaboo

 

Just want to add my birthday wishes and sympathise with your little rant, so understandable too, I feel both ways, part of me wants the info and the other part wants to ignore it totally !

 

I too too am starting rads on Monday, been fretting about creams and SEs, - but happily I’ve been reassured by people on here and have got the recommended creams on standby...let’s remember we are going through this together, loads of others too..👍

 

Anyway, birthday Leo, remember you have ‘a natural optimism and a love of being spoilt, or at least being indulged a little,’ ( - according to my friend who knows her Zodiac, when I pointed out that we all like a little treat, she said Leos LOVE them..!!) - .so enjoy a treat today, you deserve it, have a great day.

 

Thistle x

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Appletree....thankyou for birthday wishes. Its daft i know but some can take it and some cant and once ive been told info to keep me from going into anxious state, i just process it and put it in another room in my head!. i decided if i need copy for anything ill request it. 

I know rads will be ok its just the stress of whole bloody thing, truth is its a battle for me as to wether to have rads or not, my mind is screaming no, but the reality is ive no choice if i want the best outcome. Anyway ill try and sing my best birthday songs today and keep cheery...hugs and well wishes to all xxxxx

lucaboo
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Oppitmissy64 ..thankyou so much. Im trying to carry on and keep my birthday face on lol...but omg. And thanks for reassuring words on rads, i know its just fear of unknown and tbh the getting lifts there and back has caused me most stress. I know i can use hopi transport if needs be but i dont want to be hanging around for hours so if i can ill stick to lifts. Ill probably be working for NASA monday morn when im going for my rads lol i certainly will be in orbit haha. Have a good weekend yourself ....sending hugs to all xxxxx

Appletree
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

Very sorry, Lucaboo, to read of your distress, especially as today is your birthday. I really don't know what to say, except that I do hope the day gets better for you as the minutes pass. Many virtual hugs to you.

 

I'm one of those people who does like to keep written records, so I put letters in a ring folder and refer to them if I need to. Even so, I do understand why you don't want reminders of what you already know; anything in writing does tend to hurt much more as it jumps off the page to us and won't go away. 

 

As for your anxiety about rads, it is very understandable, but I'm sure you'll find that once treatment has started, it is nothing like as bad as it seems at the moment. After my first three sessions, in which I was getting used to things, the time passed very quickly and I was able to pretend I was the star of a sitcom. The screen in the goggles in front of my eyes was quite interesting, and having to concentrate on the radiographer's instructions to breath in and keep the green bar within the blue box for 20 - 25 secs whilst the machine worked, took my mind off everything else.

 

It's now a little over two weeks since my last rads session, my breast is still rather pink and the nipple also, but otherwise the only side effect has been fatigue, which I was advised is very common. So, I've bought myself a couple of nice, linen shifts to wear over linen trousers on hot days. Aveeeno cream rubbed into the breast, armpit and left arm twice a day has helped tremendously, as has drinking plenty of water. Sainsbury's do some delicious Juicy Water with lemons, limes and spring water, and oranges, lemons and spring water.

 

Treat yourself to what you fancy.

 

All the best for today, tomorrow, Monday and beyond.

Optimissy64
Member

Re: just got to have a little rant.....

So sorry to hear that happened lucaboo - even in simple everyday situations I get mad if people don't listen to a simple request, so if that had happened to me I would certainly be in orbit. (I'm someone who likes ALL the letters, as having the info makes me feel in control, but that's not the point, the point is that you DIDN'T want them.) So I'm sorry it tried to spoil your birthday - I really understand your fury. Try to enjloy the rest of the day a bit.

Could I offer a bit of reassurance about the rads - although there is always fear of the unknown, once you've had your first session you will wonder what you were worried about - it really is fine and the worst part for me was the sheer tedium of going to the hospital daily. I didn't burn, nor feel fatigued - drink lots of water and do whatever your unit tell you about creams. Have the best day you can under the circumstances. X

lucaboo
Member

just got to have a little rant.....

Good Morning lovelies, we i hope you all dont mind but i have to vent this morning before i fly off into orbit!. Before my last oncology appointment to discuss rads and treatment, i got a letter from breast unit to ask if i wanted every copy letter sent to gp etc after appointment with the various drs i'd already seen along the way. 

Now some people may like this information, but to me once id been told it,  it put me in a high anxiety state and i wanted to try keep ontop off that not read it all again and start googling various bits of info consultant had ad libbed.

Anyway i ticked the 'i do not want to recieve any copy letters from appoints or gp copies' for my own sanity. This was 3 weeks ago. I handed it in at desk at breast unit.

 

Today, i sat here this morn trying to calm myself ready for the start of my Rads at aintree first thing monday, im having major anxiety about them, when  suddenly postman comes up the path. Its my birthday today so i try to jolly myself along keeping cancer thoughts out my head at least for 1 day. The postman pushes thro a ton of birthday card, omg i thought people must be trying to cheer me up at this time how kind. 

But as i slow opened them all 4 of them it was copy letters from oncologist to gp to surgeon to bc nurse etc etc etc...i was right back to square one mentally sat in tears at the reality of it all. Why oh why dont they listen.

 

I know all the info in the letters i know, but to read it all again from day one omg . So thats my rant ladies im sorry, but i tried so hard today to have a day where i didnt cry.

 

So im off to make cup of tea now and try calm myself down. Thanks for reading...and stay well lovely ladies xxxxx