Am so anxious after MRI & CT Scan at week-end

[Jobey68]

Good to hear from you MoDo! Another stage about of the way , see you are dealing with this inspite of thinking you couldn't! Wishing you a speedy recovery and I would say that's just a sticker from the monitering on your back too and should be ok to peal off Xx 

[ann-m]

hi Modo,

It's probably an electrode that's been left from monitoring you during the op, so it should be ok to remove it - I would!

Good to hear about the drain, or rather lack of one, at least it's one less thing to think about.

ann x

[MoDo]

Hospital said they rarely use drains now, so I'm ok.

Thought they may of forgot.....

[MoDo]

Thanks ladies for your lovely messages. 💕

Was suprised when I didnt get a drain, not sure why I haven't got one, do any of you know why ?

Also on my back on opposite side I've got a plastic tag with a silver stud in middle of it, im thinking it is off those sucker things they put on your back or maybe where a wire was.

It feels stuck to  my back so don't want to just pull it off....any ideas ??

Just done the first exercises and was suprised how easy they are to do.

. 

[Thistledown]

Great news that you are back among us, MoDo, and wow, no drain ! 

As Paulus said, no juggling with a drain bottle is a huge bonus, and I echo all the comments to take it really easy with that arm in these first few days, the numbness is really weird at first, but you will surprise yourself by how quickly you get back the arm movement...but small steps !

Just enjoy a bit of care and fussing from family, and lots of cuppas..., you are brave, don’t forget, and you’ve got through this ! 

Kudos to you 😀

Xxx

[ann-m]

Good to hear the first major hurdle is out of the way, Modo, you’re well on your way now.
ann x

[Jill1998]

Welcome back Modo - glad you are home and doing ok .

[Paulus]

And no drain/s !!  How good is that, no accessory to juggle about all day, that's great x

[Paulus]

Good morning MoDo

Warm welcome, back from outa space, and back amongst us and cups of tea.  Early days yet, kind to yourself, and gentle exercise when you start to get back to 'home mode'.  Don't rush - but gentle movement.

That step is now out of the way  -  and although you possibly don't think so right at this moment, you will start to mend, much more quickly than you think you might right now.

All is well, you did it, hugs aplenty xxx

[MoDo]

They let me home last night about 10.30pm, no drain.

Feels quite painful this morning and swollen.

Everyone at hospital really lovely, seen my surgeon beforehand & had another chat about ANC he said he  could do partial clearance but lympedema risk still there.

Also could end up having another operation.

So I  asked him what he would do if I was his Mother or Sister & he said full clearance.

Am bit nervous about moving arm at minute, but starting easy exercises later.

Thank you ALL for your continued support & getting me through one of tbe worst times in my life 💕

xxxxxxxx

[JaneBelinda]

Thanks TDown. I am hoping for minimal SEs as I am off on holiday to Turkey for the WRC at tb3 end of this week. xxx

[Jill1998]

Yes Helen ( Thistle ) have to say it was a pretty surreal experience - like one of those bizarre dreams when you are very stressed.

[Thistledown]

Jill,

Loved the mental pic of waltzing past Costa Coffee in fluffy dressing gown and black Clark’s shoes 😄...somehow green teal stockings are in there too ... would have been tempting to have floated in and asked for a flat white..., thank you for the laugh...

JaneBelinda,

Well done on getting rads out of the way, yay...! I finished on 24th August, was warned that things will still be ‘cooking’ for 10-14 days, peaking around then, and they were very right...! But it’s been pretty OK, just kept on with instructions, drink and cream...(if it gets very sore under crease, leave off the cream and use a dressing, I used Helena’s (Ladybowler) recommended Polymem ones, - and Medihoney barrier cream is the dogs articles for sure, it’s great!) Keep doing as well as you have been.. you’ve pretty well blitzed it..! 

xx

[Thistledown]

Hope you are now out the other side and recovering well, MoDo...xxx

[Jill1998]

Hope you are doing ok MoDo .

[Paulus]

Nearly there then - if not already gone to sleep xxx well done, anaesthesia is the only thing to do when you're wearing those socks, haha !! Hugs aplenty.

[MoDo]

Thank ladies,

Still in ward, supposedly going down about 2.30ish....Still really anxious but have calmed down some.

Got lovely green/teal coloured knee high socks on, so glamorous...😃

For varicose veins.

Seen consultant had another chat about  lymph nodes & asked him his opinion if I was his Mother or Sister & he said full clearance !

[helenann]

Good luck MoDo- thinking of you today- sure you'll be fine. Love, Helen xxx

[Jobey68]

All the best for today MoDo 😊 Will soon be over and you will be back home in your own bed, look forward to hearing from you Xx 

[Jill1998]

Guide wire

[Jill1998]

Oh yes - don't forget your slippers - I had to walk down to surgery in my black clarks shoes and socks and a pink fluffy dressing gown - not a good look .also had to walk down for my guide wear wearing the " outfit" past WHSmith ,Costa Coffee .....😬

[JaneBelinda]

Thinking of you today MoDo. Hope you’ve got your best dressing gown and slippers with you and a few magazines to keep you busy. Try to relax...everyone at the hospital will be absolutely on your side today and know how to look after you. Just think of that lovely cuppa and a nice sandwich waiting for when you recover later today. Xoxox

[MoDo]

Chick🐥 - Jill - Ice - Elaine & Thistle thanks so much for your continued support, you all amaze me 💕

Thistle, again you have explained yourself to me so well, I could almost see you doing all those things with your grandson and on your bike, and it does give me a surge of positivity, as you say if you can do it so can I.

Thanks for your uplifting message & your kindness to me Thistle, as all the ladies on here do. 💕

From day one, you have all  helped & supported me without fail....💕

[Elaine73]

All the best for tomorrow MoDo. You will be absolutely fine 💕

[Thistledown]

Thinking of you MoDo

Reading your fears of not being able to ride your bike and lift up your grand-daughter (bet she’s cute), and grandson..., here was I today,flying up on my bike to the shops to get some cash out for the train before it arrived, (nearly flew off once as I braked so hard..stupidly in such a rush...but as it turned out the trains were cancelled anyway due to an emergency situation...😏.. so my daughter and three year old grandson came for me.

I spent the afternoon running around after him, lifting him into his car seat and on to loo (he’s currently potty training with a rather clever loo-based potty!), and he weighs a ton, looks more five than three, bless him..

I had full ANC (21 out) on 29th May, with a TM, I’m 64 and determined it won’t curtail my life, - shoulder and arm are a bit sore and weak lately due to recent rads treatment but it’s getting better, exercises definitely help, both the arm stretching and the Lympho preventative ones..

Will be hopefully out on boat soon, lots of rope pulling and lock turning,... so if I can do it you will be fine !

No one could be less fit than me, but determination and stubbornness go a long way, you’ll kick it in to touch for sure.. never fear.

(Just remember, that first week after op, gently does it, I forgot after two days, and stretched out arm to turn off bedroom lamp,..ouch !! )

Keep positive, and get this over...will be thinking of you sitting there, and knowing just how you are feeling...

This time tomorrow, it’ll all be over and you will hopefully be home.

Hugs xxx

Helen (Thistle) 

[ice_cc]

Best of luck MoDo, you'll be absolutely fine 😊 x

[Jill1998]

well I'm waiting for sugery on my leg and told not to move around so I will be on line - won't be going jogging or anything - I will try to think of some jokes /funny stories - when I had my lumpectomy - a lovely lady chatted to me while I waited to go down - cheered me up .

[Chick1]

Hello MoDo,

Wishing you well for tomorrow. Remember those nice deep breaths and just try and think through one step at a time. Try and get a good night's rest. 🐥 Chick X

[MoDo]

 Jill, 

Thanks for suggesting I log on here, wouldn't of thought of that.

I will definitely be doing so.

Thanks JaneBelinda & Ann also for your messages...💕

[Jill1998]

You can do it Modo - log on here while you are waiting we will support and distract you .

[ann-m]

Hi Modo,

It's quite usual for anxiety to peak the day & night before, so be kind to yourself.

Tomorrow you're getting rid of the little b****r, so good riddance to that, then it's the first big step out of the way.

On the day itself, I felt more releived than anything & my BP went down.

Sending hugs

ann x

[JaneBelinda]

Aw MoDo...I’m so sorry you are feeling so teary and fearful. Big hugs coming your way...

[MoDo]

Well, it's surgery tomorrow, arrive at hospital at 7.30am.

Scared stiff of operation, going to ask for pre-med as I feel so anxious.

Even though I've had lots of reassuring messages & read tons of experiences on  here I'm still thinking all sorts of mad stuff, expecting my arm to be useless afterwards, not being able to go back to doing stuff I used to do  - i.e. riding my bike, picking up my baby grand-daughter & 3yr old grand-son, doing my garden etc......So fearful inside & teary.

Feel like I've got no strength & my mind whirling, can't snap out of it........

[MoDo]

Sunflower,

Thanks for your reassuring message.

It's experiences like yours & other ladies who have messaged me that made me decide eventually to go with ANC.

Risks of lymphedema are bit less with radiotherapy but will at least have peace of mind ( especially with my mind) 😀

Great to hear also 10wks on your forgetting about lifting heavy objects.

Thanks for your good wishes...💕

[Sunflower18]

Hi MoDo,

Im currently undergoing chemo but back in June I had a lumpectomy and total clearance of nodes.

like you I had many questions about total  clearance. Basically I had a smallish lump and def 1 node. The MRI showed 4enlarged nodes but subsequent biopsies only can back with 2 infected. Yes I had to have 4biopsies under my arm which was one of the most painful things ever!

Anyway decided that a full clearance was the bext option. I did have major concerns re lymphoma esp as I am only 49 and fairly active etc. At least you can do things to try and manage any potential swelling.

Anyway, so pleased I opted for full clearance as when the final results came back the pathological results showed that it had spread to 7nodes! Obviously not enough to show up in biopsy. I had all 27out so ended up with a clearance of 20. 

Surgery went well well and whilst the first few days are hard the use of the arm does get easier. 10 weeks on and I often forget that I am not meant to be lifting heavy objects!

Good luck with everything.

jo x

[MoDo]

Thank you Thistle,

I'm very anxious over surgery, it's the ANC more than lumpectomy that's troubling me, keep thinking my arm will be useless ( its my mind again) I keep seeing myself with a limp arm & more.

Thank you for your support Thistle it means a lot....💕

[Thistledown]

Hello MoDo,

I have just caught up with your posts, not been on forum for a few days, and I am, like the others, so pleased that you are clearer in your mind and more settled after enduring a stressful few days. I can totally sympathise with being upset at throwaway and patronising comments..and I’m deaf and tend to mishear stuff as well, which definitely doesn’t help ! 😊

I hope your op on Tuesday goes well, I’m sure it will ! It’ll be fine, and you will either be home (all done) on same day or the next, depending on how late in the day it is, no doubt a bit sore but unbowed ...it was my first experience of an op (apart from a minor keyhole gallbladder one seven years ago) so I was dreading it all but it was fine, honestly. The hospital staff were lovely, too, bless them.

Let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes..it’ll all be over soon, and that big step out of the way..👍, in the meantime enjoy the rest of the weekend !!

xxx

[Jobey68]

Good to see you are feeling calmer MoDo, it's so easy for things to upset us when we are feeling so vulnerable.You really will feel a whole lot better once things get under way, up to now it's been an endless waiting game but once treatment starts you will begin to feel more in control, it's amazing what we can cope with! Xx  

[Chick1]

Hello again MoDo,

So glad you have resolved your situation and that you seem comfortable with it.  That was good letting the BCN know how you feel and getting the apology.  I think being able to let go of such niggles can make a difference so good on you. 

As you said "At the moment I have small lump, with one known node involved, early stage & very treatable." - so just hold on to all that, especially those last two words!  Keep looking forward.

Wishing you all the best for surgery next week.  I hope you have something nice planned for the weekend.

Best wishes to you, Chick1

[JaneBelinda]

Ooohhhh....MoDo...you are certainly sounding more relaxed and positive 🙂 Lovely to hear xxx

[Paulus]

I am very glad for you that you have resolved this MoDo.  Now a nice calm weekend and next few days, no more thinking, decision made, all in order in your mind now . . . . be kind to yourself, eh ?  xx

[Jill1998]

Glad you feel better .

[MoDo]

Spoke to BCN earlier, she's had a talk with Consultant & his opinion is still the full clearance, with one lymph gland affected they won't knowuntil they take them out how many are affected.

Also with radiotherapy your more at risk of having more shoulder trouble aswell, but lymphedema risk is slightly less than ANC risk.

I asked about the comment she made about living longer, and she meant both are same outcome & meant it generally & not personally, and she apologised.

I told her it upset me.

At the moment I have small lump, with one known node involved, early stage & very treatable.

As for surgery I'm  still anxious but do feel calmer after the phone call.

So it's lumpectomy & full node clearance next week.

I also asked her to refer me for counselling as I need to discuss this whole experience properly to help keep me sane, wíth that & this wonderful group & support you all give I might just make it out of this.

💕💕

 Meant to also say Elaines message was what made me go with the ANC as I too would of been always wondering if they had got everything. So will have peace of mind.

Thank you Elaine....💕

[MoDo]

Hello Linda, 

I'm sure too consultant wouldn't have said ANCif I didn't need it. It was when a nurse on careline suggested the radiotherapy route to me. So I've asked BCN to ask him his personal opinion for me.

Just to sure in my mind.

As lymedema risks trouble me a lot. x

[LindaBag]

Hi MoDo,

I can understand that you are distressed about the situation you are in. I myself know that it is all to easy to over analyse every comment made and drive yourself mad with worry. I had a level 3 ANC in March and so far have had no problems. I have continued with the arm exercises as I have further surgery and radiotherapy to go through and want my arm to be in as good a shape as possible. I also massage my arm twice a day as instructed by the BCN.

I am sure they would not be suggesting lymph node clearance if they did not think it was best as they are keen to keep surgery to the minimum as possible but with the best outcome for you. I think the decision is harder if cancer cells are detected by a sentinel node biopsy but it sounds like yours have been detected by ultrasound and biopsy, as were mine, so it is more likely that there could be additional nodes with cancer cells but they can only tell by removing them. Obviously you need to ask questions to feel comfortable with your decision but remember everyone's situation is different. I myself recently had to make a decision between re excison and mascectomy and found it hard but I have confidence in the surgeon and felt better once I had decided on the way forward.

I hope you feel better when you have decided what to do and that your operation goes well. 

Linda x

[MoDo]

Thanks Paulus, 

I will look up PALS NHS.

So kind of you to care about me being calmer, I have settled some, I could feel it ebbing after being on here.

The chat with BCN yesterday certainly hasn't helped.

Not sure if she right BCN for me.

I found the Pals Nhs page nearest place to me isChristie's about 2 miles away.

Thank you.

💕

[Paulus]

Just had a quick look myself  -  do a search for 'PALS NHS' and it will take you to relevant page for you to type in the area you are in and the contact details within relevant hospitals. x

You need peace of mind MoDo x maybe a 'third party' can just set your head straight again, but honestly, I have no expertise here  -  I just want that you are calmer than you currently have been xx

[MoDo]

Paulus,

I will look up PALS and speak to them, I take it they will be at the hospital or are they a separate place, I haven't heard of them until Chick mentioned them.

I did agree to WLE and Full Clearance at the appt & consultant did say it would be best.

It was only when I got told about radiotherapy having similar outcome that I questioned it.

Also the lymphedema risk & the constant worrying about protecting the arm.

Elaines message did make me think about the wondering & I think for that reason I may do the Full Clerance, still need it to becertain in my mind though.

Thanks Paulus xx

[MoDo]

Jo,

Before I went to see consultant I'd heard about how good BCN's were, when I met mine don't think I clicked with her straight away, I didn't feel comfortable.

Did think it's possibly me being nervous etc, but it hasn't improved much.

Then the comment yesterday  I felt like it wasnt needed as obviously I'm confused enough to phone her.

I could of got her totally wrong & I'm over reacting.

When I explained  my concern to her at beginning of conversation, she replied bit impatiently - look you have got cancer in one of your lymph nodes etc, I know they are very busy but I was under the impression you could ring them anytime more or less.

Not what I expected from a BCN.

I will wait for her to phone today & ask for appointment to see consultant before Tuesdays surgery.

Even though I don't like the full clearance option it may be the way forward, Elaines message did help me think about it.

Thanks Jo....💕

[Paulus]

Dear MoDo

Perhaps Chicks advice to involve PALS - but urgently in this situation - is a very good idea? ( I have no experience here, sorry ).  Your head is spinning like a top, and I think that if you do not get some very clear feedback from medical team, you are just not going to be at peace with yourself?

You may not have paperwork, but somewhere there is all the detail on file, I am convinced, all about you and your current diagnosis and the reasoning for what they recommend.  I didn't have paperwork either at your stage, I think I'd written the basics on the edge of a Metro newspaper after the consultant told me the Lump and the swollen node was definitely cancer after I'd had the ultrasound biopsy.  I didn't have MRI - I was 'felt', lump and underarm node 'noted', mammos, ultrasound biopsies done, all on one visit at the 'one stop shop' within the cancer unit - then I later had CT and bone scans to check all was clear.  It all kind of followed in order, and by the time I met with the surgeon to discuss what was going to happen to me and sign the consent form, I understood ( albeit not thrilled with ) what would need to be happening. ( I was recommended chemo before and after surgery by oncologist but I was always clear in my own mind, at 63, I would not have chemo ).

I always went/go alone because I am a private person - and generally calm.  I know also that you are private  -  but I really think that maybe you need to consider having someone else on board with you at appointments because you really are finding this very stressful. 

I really hope that you get some answer today, or at latest tomorrow, to get you calm over the weekend and through to surgery day. xx