Dear Wantolive,
I really feel with you. I keep fingers crossed all will go well for you, whatever therapy is necessary.
My lump is somewhere around 13 mm and apparently not the fastest growing (first time in my life that I'm grateful for being slow), also ER positive. My nodes also look fine but they will take out a few just to make sure. It's pretty standard these days, as far as I know. Results should come in about a week after surgery, and then we'll take things from there.
I was rather amused when the consultant who explained a little about the OP told me that they need to inject a slightly radioactive dye into the breast/tumor to help them find the nodes. Apparently the dye makes your skin go 'blue' (well really more like grey) for about 24 hours or so. My husband, quite rightly, said: 'Well, at least it's your favourite colour.' That made a rather crappy day feel a little lighter.
I'm now focusing on two things: getting the lump out and being offered a mug of tea afterwards (this was mentioned by several of the lovely ladies on this thread and I love the idea). Everything else can wait.
Is there someone who could drive you to radiotherapy and back? I will have to go from Dunfermline to Edinburgh probably by bus (we don't own a car), and I don't know, yet, how many weeks it's going to be. The nurse said something between 3 and 5. I've read it can be a bit tiring, but I guess everyone responds differently, and it also depends on the dosage.
I really understand the feeling of being in another world and the longing for a normal life. I sometimes still think I'm going to wake up from a dream, or that someone's going to call and say they've made a terrible mistake. But then I also find that the more days pass since the diagnosis, the more I get used to the state of things as they are now. It sounds odd, maybe, but I'm trying to be as normal as I possibly can while also making sure that I do what feels right and is good for me.
My niece, who works as a psychologist, said that it is important to give way to all kinds of emotions - positive and negative. It's harder to deal with the latter but it's better not to keep them buried. They're part of what happens to you/us, and I've found that they're a bit like the current autumn weather hereabouts: the clouds come, look really rather dark sometimes, and it rains, sometimes hard, and then they pass again, and although maybe the sun looks a little dimmed at the moment, it still comes through and shines from time and time, and I appreciate that.
I wish you all the very best, and please do keep in touch!
Rapunzel, xx
- I sometimes gag when brushing my teeth. As has been said before the nurses etc were all lovely - I remember talking to the anaesthestist (sp) then next thing I was waking up in the recovery room.
