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Confusion

5 REPLIES 5
Kissesxxx
Member

Re: Confusion

Thank you so much. Your response has just helped me calm down slightly. There are just so many negative thoughts and the worst scenarios going on throughout your mind it's hard to tell yourself to calm down sometimes.

Mum had her scans yesterday so now it's the waiting game for the results and the plan now 😞 god knows how long that'll take but it's another step yo knowing where we are at.

 

I hope you are doing well and are keeping strong too? You seem like you're a very positive strong individual ❤ I will check out the YouTube videos. I feel guilty for feeling strong and positive because I feel like that will just bring me crashing down if it's not treatable, it's all so bizarre. 

 

Thank you so much again for making me feel eased and a little more controlled about this shit storm. Xxx

 

 

Jaybro
Member

Re: Confusion

You’re welcome. Unless you have been told it is terminal, please don’t think that. The lymph nodes are there to catch unhealthy cells, whether it’s breast cancer or most infections. If there are infected nodes, it truly does not mean it’s spread beyond that node cluster (which probably will be removed in surgery). Of course it’s a possibility, but only one in a menu of many alternatives. Recovery rates are as high as 90% when breast cancer is caught early. Your mum’s is more developed but that doesn’t mean her odds are low.

Personally I don’t think it’s a case of thinking positively or negatively. It’s a case of acceptance, encouragement, team work and thinking optimistically. If your mum has a 75% chance of full recovery, why shouldn’t she be in the 75% rather than the 25% (which is where our fears usually focus)?

The important thing is that your mum has the right support and you are sensitive to her needs. There will be times when she may want to punch the next person who says “You’re looking well” or “I don’t know how you manage it.” Fear is infectious. Your mum may absorb it from you. So focus on the positive: it’s been diagnosed, the nodes have fulfilled their purpose and your mum is in good hands. Tests can reveal good results as well as bad. I’m contradicting myself now because this is all positive thinking lol. Breast cancer is such confusing territory because we’re all different and our diagnoses are unique.

And don’t forget to take care of yourself. Breast cancer is hard on everyone. My oncologist always asks how my husband is and how he’s coping! There are excellent videos on YouTube if you haven’t found a way to reduce your anxiety. Look for Progressive Hypnosis. The Cure Anxiety one is great. It’s not a cure but it helps. And steer clear of Google - it’s a minefield. All the best for tomorrow x

Kissesxxx
Member

Re: Confusion

Hi Jan

Thank you so much for your detailed response. I've been driving myself absolutely insane with negativity and only thinking the worst, so somewhat you have reassures me slightly. It's always so hard when it's always been mum looking after me and now all of a sudden she needs to let me look after her.

 

We are just so worried because it is in the nodes it's spread further and is terminal, which I guess everyone fears? I just wonder whether its common to spread or if usually the cancer doesn't go further than the nodes.

 

She has her mri and ct booked in for Monday, so I guess the worst wait of our lives starts again, but I need to try and stay positive, but I swear our minds try and keep us feeling negative?

 

Thanks again for your lovely reply. 

Evie-S
Community Champion

Re: Confusion

Hi @Kissesxxx - I’d also like to send hugs and strength to you and your Mum. I typed a reply to you earlier today but clearly did something wrong as it isn’t here now - but Jaybro has written a far better one than I did. Keep in touch - we are here to help you as well as your Mum with support and questions, sometimes you may feel that you don’t want to ask a question in front of your Mum. You might also want to call the nurses on here - number at the top of the page - if you have any medical questions. They are also very supportive. Evie xx

Jaybro
Member

Re: Confusion

Hi

I’m so sorry your mum finds herself in this position. Infected nodes are not uncommon. What it means is that they are doing their job. They are infected because they are stopping the cancer from spreading. All hail the mighty lymph nodes! 

The lymph system is pretty complex. Some bodies may have a cluster of 9 while other bodies have 10, 20… I had 19 infected nodes out of the 21 removed in full axillary clearance. It’s a common procedure carried out at the same time as a mastectomy and can provide a lot of useful data which informs what treatment follows.

This is a terrifying time. Old hands use words like scanxiety because they are just so used to long waits for results. Unfortunately there will be a lot of waiting, at times it may feel unbearable but your mum isn’t alone and she’s not the only person experiencing these feelings. I particularly identify with her sense of being alone in all this. It’s not true but that is how it feels. It’s hard to share some stuff, you want to protect those you love from the hard fact, you feel you need to conceal your emotions, you are terrified but don’t want to worry people…

On a negative point, if the delay in diagnosis has affected the extent of her cancer, there are grounds for complaint via the patients’ advocacy service. Worth bearing in mind if it would help. However, it may not have made any difference. My oncologist told me that my delay wouldn’t have made any difference. It would be the same treatment regardless (I waited 11 months because the pandemic had arrived and it was hard to see a GP - STUPID)

I hope your mum gets her results soon and they are reassuring. Treatment isn’t nice but it’s all doable, especially if you can build up a good network of support, and success rates are improving every year. If you can go with her to her appointment and make notes, that’s invaluable. You can then prompt her if there is a question she forgets to ask. Enter an oncologist’s office and your mind goes blank!

All the best

Jan x

 

Kissesxxx
Member

Confusion

Hi guys

Not sure where to turn, my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer which is also confirmed to be in her nodes. They will not know any more until she has the results back from her mri and ct scan which is just traumatising. The consultant briefly rang mum and told her, didn't make her feel reassured or see if she had any questions so mum feels like she's been left to face this alone with very negative thinking. 

Has anyone been diagnosed with breast cancer which is in the nodes and it was treated? She went to the hospital in march with the same lump and they said everything was fine, so she's beating herself up for it being there a while now as well. 

The waiting is just too much 😞