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Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Shnug

It's so reassuring to hear from you ladies who have been through surgery . I'm sure I'll still be scared on the day but it's good to know you and Znandra both say the same about surgery .

I have said in not sure if I will ever have reconstruction  but that's something that I'll decide later . Once I know how I feel after surgery . 

Have they discussed further treatment with you yet ? They have told me they have found 2 lymph nodes and just one lump in breast 30mm but they have said there is always a possibility they may find more that hasn't shown up.

Hope you're recovery is going well x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Znandra

So pleased to hear you've had your surgery and you're feeling better and thank you I have certainly started to feel better after your reply. It's just the unknown of the surgery I suppose . 

Really hope you get good results once you see your surgeon again . All the waiting for results etc is a very scary time, made even worse by having to attend appointments alone . 

I've already been told I'll most likely have chemo and radio but they will know for sure after the op. I said I'm prepared to take anything they will throw at me to be free of it . Very scary times especially with the current situation .

Take care and keeping everything crossed for good results for you x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi. I had my surgery 2 weeks ago now. Had a single mastectomy so I lost my nipple and boob. Also had lymph nodes taken. A agree .... It felt like 2 seconds and then they were waking me up. I was really scared, but it wasnt as bad as I thought and the pain has been ok. The hardest part is mentally getting my head around losing a boob as immediate reconstruction wasn't an option. Had my lymph node results last week  ... all clear thank goodness. Had pathology results from op. 2tumours. One 3.5cm and the other 2cm plus several areas of cancerous cells. So they wouldnt have been able to get it all with a lumpectomy. I want reconstruction in the future. You will be fine. Stay strong. It will all be over before you know it xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Cdlucy... I had my surgery a week ago today.. I lost my nipple and had a full node clearance..I was sent to a private hospital here in Liverpool and I was very nervous before surgery.. But honestly our reality is they put you to sleep and literally 2 seconds later (I was in surgery for almost 2 hours) they wake you up! But like I said our reality it was 2 seconds.. So just kept telling myself that which helped my nerves... When I woke up I felt such a relief and I hadn't felt that happy for years!! Just to know it was out of my body (fingers crossed) yes I've lost my nipple and I'm in some discomfort which hasn't bothered me at all because the relief puts everything else into perspective if that makes sense 😊 I go back to see my surgeon a week this Wednesday (3 June) and that's when he will give me all the results of the surgery and the biopsy of the nodes etc and so on.. He will also tell me if or when I will start radiotherapy.. Not sure about chemotherapy yet.. I'm hoping i won't need it 🤞 but for now I have allowed myself these 2 and a half weeks between surgery and my appointment with him to be happy and enjoy this feeling of relief and not to dwel on what he may tell me or what my next step in treatment will be... Its exhausting emotionally living from one appointment or procedure to the next with that underlying fear inside you isn't it.. So yeah I haven't thought about anything other then to let my body heal and do my shoulder exercises lol and enjoy my family.. Its been wonderful

 

If the surgeon says I have to have further surgery I won't be as scared I don't think because it wasn't a bad experience I was looked after so well and everyone was wonderful.. Surgery was such a positive experience I won't fear it again.. If I do find myself in that situation I have decided I will ask them to remove my breast and be done with it.. There was one embarrassing moment during it all... Apparently I had gone to school with my surgeon!! although I didn't remember him he remembered me 😳 which was a bit cringy him drawing around my boob 😂 but funny as well lol

 

All I would say because you will feel nervous or scared or both on Thursday.. Your operation will take 2 seconds and then it's all over and done with and what your left with is that wonderful feeling of relief... I will be thinking of you all day Thursday and I'm sure everything will go as planned.. Don't be scared because that will be the day you start getting control back.. Oh and that cup of tea after they wake you up is the best cup of tea I've ever drank!

 

You take care and stay safe during these mad covid times xxxxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Znandra

I'm just wondering how you are getting on. I'm due to go in for my surgery on Thursday. I'm having a mastectomy and full node clearance. Have to say I'm slightly scared . Hope you're ok x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Oh that's wonderful cdlucy.. I can imagine how relieved you must feel ❤️ I know our journeys won't be easy but I'm guessing it's a whole lot easier when you know the odds are in your favour and you know you're going to be ok 😘... Fingers crossed I will be saying something very similar in a days time... Take care and stay safe xxxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Oh the waiting is so hard isn't it.  Thinking of you. 

Kip

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi ladies , 

I totally understand how you're feeling Znandra. Eveytime I've had a scan since my diagnosis I've also thought I'm going to be that one !! Emotions all over . All I can say is , for me the results have come back really quick because routine procedures have been cut . 

I had my mri last Wednesday and my nurse rang Friday with the results. Then I had my ct on Friday night and was told results would be a week. When I saw the number of my nurse come up on my phone Monday morning I panicked fearing the worse !! Thankfully she told me there was no spread apart from into the lymph nodes , which I knew anywhere. It was a huge relief and every possibility had crossed my mind. Every niggle I had was a spread somewhere . Although the consultant hasn't confirmed things , I'm sure my nurse wouldn't have given me results without being absolutely sure . 

Although I know I have breast cancer I feel very lucky it isn't anywhere else and I kind of now know what I'm dealing with and just want to get on with surgery .

Sending positive thoughts for your results xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Thanks for your replies... Its biopsy results tomorrow.. Dreading it but want it to get here now! I still feel scared but my emotions have settled down a bit now... All I know is how all your replies have helped me cope a little bit better so thank you to everyone .. I keep having irrational thoughts like... I've heard so many encouraging and wonderful results from many different women which is brilliant but then a little voice in my head is like.. I will be that one who is unlucky which doesn't help one jot and I hate myself thinking like that but then again I suppose its all part of this process of not knowing my results yet.. This time tomorrow I will be back on here with my results asking for info or some guidance 😍

 

Sending my love to you all... Stay safe all xxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi,

Ive just sat and read through this post and was compelled to drop in.  I was diagnosed 2 years ago and you could all be writing my story.  I dont think unless you have ever received the news "you have cancer" you will ever fully understand just how that feels.  I was 48, 2 teenagers ,fit and healthy and found a lump.  Fast track a few weeks and wham..you have cancer.  Those first few weeks were beyond a doubt the worst in my life.  Waiting for tests, results and treatment plans seems a lifetime.  My emotions went from strong positive to curled in a ball sobbing and everything in-between.  I came to realise this was normal.  Letting out the tears and anger helped, sometimes just doing something else for a while.  There is no hard and fast rule for how you deal with this, everyone is different.  The one thing that we all have in common is this forum.  It is a lifeline!!  When I felt nobody could understand, someone always did on here.  So I'm glad you've found us.

Im sure people have already said this but once you get started in a treatment plan you do begin to cope better.  I had a single masectomy, no recon and still haven't.  Not for everyone i know and you must make the choices with a selfish frame of mind.. what feels right for you!  I then had 6 x chemo, full node clearance, 15 x radiotherapy and now on 10 years of Tamoxifen.  Wont lie, wasnt all plain sailing..but you do it, i i worked throughout, albeit at home, and still got out and about and enjoyed life.  

I can imagine having the coronavirus situation thrown into the mix must be hellish too.  So i just wanted to say, take it a day at a time, dont berate yourself if you have a downer day and keep on talking on here.. sending you all big hugs

Kip

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Znandra

It seems you and I are around the same stage of diagnosis/treatment. I had an mri on Wednesday and a ct on Friday . My mri results came back really quick and my nurse called me Friday . I have just one lump in my right breast and 2 cancerous lymph nodes . She said they will most likely do a complete node clearance . As scary as this sounds I'm pleased they have confirmed it hasn't spread to my left breast. Also they have said it is invasive ductal and HER2 negative. 

Now I just have to wait for my ct scan results and hope it hasn't spread elsewhere . 

They have said they are hoping for surgery in 3/4 weeks then depending on the Covid situation chemo/radiotherapy afterwards. 

It's all very scary isn't it . 

Sending positive wishes xx

 

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Mine went straight into a drawer! The folder nobody wants. Mine is ductal invasive ER+, still waiting on Her results. 

Xxx 

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Best of luck.. Hope all goes well for you xxx

I was given a folder full of different information on the different types of breast cancer but I will be honest I haven't even opened it yet.. I suppose I just need to process my diagnosis first and I will deal with the rest when they tell me this Wednesday (biopsy results) what type.. Size.. Where in the breast my lump is

Best wishes to you xxx

 

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hey ladies,

It’s now ten days since my diagnosis. Surgery booked for next Thursday, hopefully wide local excision and SNB. Surgery being done at a Private hospital due to Covid. Stupid things such as getting sports bras etc is so much more difficult at this time. Thankfully M&S delivery times are still good! I still feel very numb about it all. It’s the waiting that is the worst for me. Once I know what I’m dealing with I find it easier. This forum is truly a godsend and I’m so thankful I found it. My husband and kids are fantastic but I don’t want to worry them with anymore.  

Thinking of you all 

xx 

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

We have found ourselves here trying to cope the best we can.. I have so many texts.. Phone calls.. And best wishes which I don't want to sound ungrateful I have lovely ppl around me.. but they constantly remind me of my situation.. Every text turns my stomach because I'm made to talk about it.. But as I've said (I don't remember where or to whom it could of been even on here? ) all I know I feel a little less fragile then I did the day before.. I feel a little more stronger and a little bit more positive! this is definitely a journey none of us asked to be on.. But bad stuff happens to good ppl all the time.. All I know whatever happens I can't give in to the fear because the fear is like the cancer.. I'm choosing to be more positive even though I don't feel it all the time but i will run with it... Sorry for rambling on ladies I'm finding these days that I'm just going on my instincts and probably not making much sense xxxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Thank you ladies 

Its all happened so quick , I'm not feeling ill in any way. I was still running two weeks ago . Im 46 and have a 14 year old son. I found a lump and had a biopsy. Then 5 days ago they gave me the devastating news they had found cancer in my breast and lymph nodes under my arm . I'm having an mri tomorrow and a ct scan on Friday . Then they will decide where to go from here. 

They have said they are looking at surgery first because of Covid . Hopefully chemo/radio but not sure if that will go ahead at the moment . I'm just scared it has spread as I have a pain in my upper back and every little niggle is a worry . 

I suppose once I have all the facts and a treatment plan I will start to feel better . It's just the not knowing although they have said they think they are looking at invasive ductal which is the most common . I just have to keep telling myself that treatments now are so good and improving all the time and whatever the outcome they will treat me . X

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Ahh you're like me ..... I have five children too. Aged from 20 down to 12. I'm 48. I like your friends quote about crosses to bare  .... there is a lot of truth in that. I found that I went on a real low after diagnosis. Then I began to feel a little more positive the second week. But since yesterday's results I'm on an all time low again. But I'm trying to stay positive. Let me know how you get on with your results. Hayley x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

I think that's the point isn't it.. The one question we are all scared to ask 😢 all I know is that if ppl where made to choose a cancer... This is the one we would all probably pick because its so common and the survival rates so good... I have to find some sort of comfort in that...

 

I'm 55 with 5 great kids from 35yrs down to 19.. Its a mother's biggest fear isn't it.. Not being there for her kids but as the days pass and the shock of being told is wearing off a little I'm finding that I need to focus on the more positive things which are different for each of us xx

 

None of us probably couldn't even imagine finding ourselves here and on this forum but here we are.. Someone once told me who had lost her teenage son through drugs.. 'We all have our crosses to bare we can choose to either pick it up.. Or drag it behind us' I suppose there is a truth in that about facing any situation.. All we have is hope and today

 

I would hate to make someone feel worst with my comments I'm grasping in the dark with you trying to climb out of a dark hole but with each day I'm finding I'm not as fragile as I was the day before.. And there lays the hope.. Everyone has said it gets better and it seems they are right which reinforces the hope more xxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

I know exactly how you are feeling CDLucy and it's helpful to talk to women going through the same thing. Try and keep your chin up ..... that's what people keep telling me, but it's so hard when you are in that situation. I am also worried about not being able to watch my children grow up. I had an MRI mammogram yesterday where they put the contrast dye in. It confirmed cancer in several areas of my breast and also confirms I need a mastectomy. They weren't sure if I could get away with a lumpectomy before that.  I was hoping for reconstruction at the same time, but am told this is not an option due to the coronovirus pandemic 😥. I have my pre-op tomorrow, but they say they can't give me a date for the operation yet. It's all really terrifying.

Also thanks for the reply Mai7. I'll have look at the other chat forums. 

Hayley

 

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi , I like you am recently diagnosed ( 5 days ago ) and I'm terrified . I'm booked in this week for a mri scan and awaiting a ct scan appointment and more results from my biopsy . I have been told they think it's Invasive ductal cancer as it has gone into my lymph nodes but will know more once all scan results are back. The first question I asked is will I survive to see my son grow up . They told me they are looking to cure me but obviously they need all results . I'm trying to stay positive but I'm up and down . I just keep thinking treatments nowadays are improving all the time . Hope this helps x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi 😊.. 

I have to wait for the 6 May for my phone call (because of the covid crisis) they will give me the biopsy results and tell me my options and treatment plan I think?

I'm glad I found you all too this has been such a life line.. I'm trying to protect my family a little bit by not telling them all my fears but it's comforting to be myself here so thank you for listening 😥😍 xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Thank you ❤️ I thought it was a little odd and I think that's what shocked me as well 😥 I had no time to adjust.. but maybe with his experience he knows it is? Crawling the floor is a good description of what I'm feeling.. I'm trying so hard to flick that switch in my head so I can at least stop crying about it.. I'm annoying myself.. Each day I feel a little more hopeful but mornings are worst for me.. Waking up and remembering but like you said its early days.. You are such an inspiration so thank you for caring enough to answer me ❤️😘 xxxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Shnug, just wanted to say hi and glad you found us.  It’s a lot to get your head around, isn’t it?  It feels so unfair, I know.  Once your treatment plan is in place it gets easier as you have something to focus on.  I hope you get on ok at your appointments this week.  Once you have a treatment plan, have a look around the “going through treatment” threads on here to chat with others going through the same. Xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Znandra,  I can assure you that you can get through this with every variation of moods a human can experience.  It’s better for you if you can be upbeat, of course, but don’t expect too much of yourself.  We all metaphorically crawled the floor in the early days.  It’s a little odd that they have told you that you have cancer before your biopsy results.  As far as I’m aware cancer can’t be confirmed for certain until the biopsy results.  I hope you get some sleep tonight.  Maybe a nice mug of hot chocolate or a chamomile tea but as Jaybro said, avoid Dr Google! Xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

It's hard to know what to say isn't it.. I woke up crying this morning then just thought to myself.. I can't have another day feeling this way because these feelings will destroy me before any cancer could.. So I came down and found this group 😍 Im not sure I can offer you any words of comfort but I can offer my time to listen ❤️ I hope you get the positive news you need.. I don't know you but I will honestly be thinking of you xxx thank you replying to my post xxx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

I too am feeling the exact same emotions. I went along for the mammogram feeling quite positive  expecting them to tell me it was a blocked duct or something. I'm only in my 40s, with no family history of breast cancer, and so I thought everything would be fine. When I was told it wasn't it was a big shock. Biopsy results confirmed invasive lobular breast cancer. They aren't sure whether it's in just part of my breast or in 2 sections, so I'm having further tests done tomorrow and going for a pre-op on wednesday. Tomorrows results will confirm whether I need a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Happy to chat to anyone going through the same thing at the same time. Pretty scared too 😥

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Thanks Jan.. You make so much sense which is so comforting.. I will no doubt read and re-read both your replies until it goes in my head.. I'm having trouble taking things in atm my concentration level is zero atm

 

Once again thank you so much for your kind words and sound advise 😘

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Thank you for your reply.. The doctor words were.. Sandra you have breast cancer 😳 so I'm assuming the biopsy results will just comfirm this statement?

 

I suppose I'm trying seek comfort wherever I can.. My mother had breast cancer 13 yrs ago so I know it's not all doom and gloom but I needed to reach out to ppl who understand exactly how I feel so thank you for your reply it means such a lot 😘 xx

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Znandra

 

I wholeheartedly back what Mai has written. Getting a cancer diagnosis is always terrifying, I suspect because we’ve been educated to regard the disease with terror and it’s surrounded with negative language like ‘battle,’ ‘survival’ and fighting,’ unlike other life-threatening diseases. It kind of sets us up for fear right from the start. As Mai said, there are thousands of us here, at various stages of our treatment and after, and the important word is ‘here.’ Breast cancer recovery rates are very high, way higher than even 10 years ago. Try to keep that in mind.

 

It’s not going to be an easy ride. There may be unpleasant surgery and treatments but you find your own ways of getting through and every one of us experiences it differently. So please don’t switch off that innate optimism. Don’t assume it will all be horrific because you hear about horrific or horrid things - it may not be like that for you. You will be introduced to a whole new language which you can adopt as essential for your wellbeing or ignore (as I did) and just let them get on with it. What difference does it make in the end? Meantime there are two things you can do that will hold you in good stead. Avoid the internet for anything but support. Above all, do not turn to Dr Google. For all its wonders, it is a minefield of outdated, sometimes inaccurate information, often way above our pay-grade and never related to our unique circumstances. That way lies more terror. Be warned 😉 

 

Equally important, look after your emotional health. I think it plays a major part in this whole experience, from diagnosis onwards and definitely afterwards. Practise, practise, practise your mindfulness or meditation or yoga, whatever you feel comfortable with. I found some very helpful videos on YouTube. Progressive Hypnosis’ Manifest Healing has been invaluable for 18 months Many of the videos from Michael Sealey have helped, as have Good Vibes if you accept that binaural beats can help. Don’t be put off by ‘hypnosis’ - it’s fundamentally relaxation. I remember some days where maybe 4 or 5 hours were spent with these, helping keep me grounded and feeling more in control of my world.

 

Start spoiling yourself in ways you would have considered self-indulgent before. There’s great comfort in cuddly things, especially while you can’t get hugs from your friends. The important thing is to feel good. Share your fears with someone you trust - don’t worry about upsetting or worrying them, they can deal with it. It’s time to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t come naturally. If your worries are overwhelming, ring the nurses at the number above. I can vouch for how wonderfully reassuring they can be. And the forums are always here for you to share with people who understand because it’s not always easy for ‘outsiders’ to understand this new world you have entered.

 

I wish you all the best with your results. Till you have those, you don't know what you are dealing with so why waste energy worrying yourself sick over something unknown. Take good care of yourself,

 

Jan x

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Re: Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

Hi Znandra, welcome to our lovely forum but sorry you find yourself here.  The biopsy is the final test to confirm whether suspicions are cancer or not so that leaves you on the anxiety fence for a little while.  The waiting is a very anxious time.  If it is cancer there will be lots of emotions to work through but there are lots of us that have been through the most aggressive treatment and still here and doing well. Myself included.  I always tend towards the optimistic and sometimes I wonder if that sets up us for a bigger fall but it also means we are good at picking ourselves back up again so it’s a double edged sword.  Breast cancer is a whole new world of terminology and language which send you in a bit of a spin.  You might want to avoid it for now until you have your biopsy results.  Try and do things which help your anxiety for now like walking in the countryside or a creative hobby.  Please feel free to offload here as we understand how disconnected people feel once they enter the new territory of breast cancer.  Once you have your results, depending on outcome, we can help you get the support you need or wave you off from the club no one wanted to join.  Xxx

 

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Diagnosed 2 days ago.. Scared

I found a lump a few weeks ago because I'm such a positive person I assumed I would get told.. No your fine go home! I didn't.. Now I'm trying to cope with all the usual emotions.. I didn't prepare myself for bad news therefore my whole universe stopped in one moment 😢 and I feel so stupid for being too optimistic the one emotion I'm not coping with is fear! I'm so scared I'm going to die.. Its only been 2 days since the diagnosis.. I don't and won't know anything until the 6 May when they phone me with the information regarding the biopsy.. Surely I'm not alone feeling like this.. So why do I feel so lonely and scared