Hi Jack, just wanted to say you are already helping her by reaching out to us for help, you'll pick up tips and support on here that will be useful to you both in the coming weeks, just be there when she does need you, it may take time but we all deal with thus differently. We will support you so that in time you can support her
Hi JackPeterWhite, I’m sorry you find yourself on this forum but hope between us all we can help.
Without knowing your wife it’s realky hard to know what’s going on for her. For me I really struggled with feeling out of control and drove my husband mad insisting I had to do everything for myself. I did ask him for help when I needed it but if there was a way of doing something myself I would.
When I was first told I had Breast Cancer I was at my mammogram recall appointment, they asked if I wanted him to come in but I said no as I knew I had loads more tests to do and he’d be sat on his own upset. I thought it was to protect him but looking back I think I was desperately trying to get some control.
I know it won’t be easy, and I’m sure you’ve tried, but you’re going to have to tell her how you’re feeling. Explain you understand she’s going through a horrible experience and she’s probably worried for herself, you, the family, the future but you feel.......and then tell her what you’re feeling. Ask her to consider letting you be more involved by letting you come to her appointments. The breast cancer nurse can probably put you in touch with a support groups for the partners and they might be able to help too.
I chose to have my husband with me and to have him there when I first saw my scars etc but your wife might be totally different. I’ve met women who’s husbands still haven’t seen their scars years on.
The loss of a breast,or breasts, or part of a breast can have such a huge impact on your identity and your sense of self you may have to accept she wants to do this on her own and just be there for her to support her in anyway you can
stay strong xx Melanie
Sorry to hear about your wife, it's not the situation anyone wants to find themselves facing.
I really do not know what to suggest about helping her, other than, dont back away, continue offering her help/support (I know it's difficult to do when it's not accepted) and hopefully when she needs you she'll lean on you. Maybe it's her way of protecting you!
I hope you get some helpful replies from others in your position.
Love and thoughts
hello I am new to this forum. I have a problem- my wife has been diagnosed not long ago , but she doesnt want me to help her, and she alwlays goes to the doctor alone. Any tips what to do ?
Thanks in advance
Hi. OK, so I saw my surgeon this morning. My BC is a 15mm Grade 3 Triple Negative Right Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. My pre op was done at this mornings appt with surgery booked for 11th April to have the tumour removed, I was told surgery will be followed by chemo and radio therapy. I'm feeling a lot calmer now I know what I'm facing. Still very overwhelmed by the diagnosis and all the info but at least I'm able to focus on 1 step at a time xXx
My daughter's 29 and my son is 25 and I have two grandchildren 5&2 which feel like my own. Even tho it's happening to us we worry more about them. Keep me updated and keep your chin up xxx
Hi Alvilajo, I am thankful for the early trials detecting my cancer 🙄! Telling my 11yr old daughter about my diagnosis was the worst ever, that's what's upset me the most so far to be honest 😢. I will be thinking of you on the 29th, hopefully by then I will have my op date and have an idea of my treatment plan 🤞🏻. I am sending you PMA and hugs, we will kick ass and give this cancer the 👢🙂 x
Hi Mai7, I too am 48, and am just so thankful for the early trials. I'm so glad I looked for and found a forum that can offer so much support, it certainly makes you feel less alone and less scared. I intend to remain as positive as possible as I believe that is half the battle won - although I'm also realistic and know I will have my low days. Thank you for your hugs, and I'm thrilled you have come through the other side x
Hi ya, same here 49 and early mamogram trial picked it up. My ops on 29th march. It is scarey not knowing. I feel glad in one way as I never knew or even thought I would get breast cancer and had no idea. Having a little one would make things tougher for you. They are brilliant at what can be done these days so I wish you all the best. We can do this 😊 Xxxx vic p.s I've just bought new Bridget jones pants for my op 😜
Hi Jeaniebop, welcome to our lovely forum where you will get lots of support. Sorry to hear of your diagnosis; it is a very scary time and you are doing really well to be so positive. Its a bit of a rollercoaster ride emotionally so don't feel bad if you aren't able to feel positive all of the time, you can still get through it all in whatever mood! I was diagnosed age 48 in March 2017 so I'm coming up to my 2-years-since-diagnosis. I was very scared just like you but with the help of this forum I felt much better. I'm back into the full swing of life again a year after finishing chemo, surgery and radiotherapy. Sending hugs. xx
The pants did the trick, made me laugh
I'm glad you found the forum eventually, it's already helping me, and I certainly don't feel alone anymore
Will prob do like you did and skirt around the forum/posts until I know more on the 25th
Thank you again for replying
That was like me, I had had my 3rd post 50 routine mammo, it was picked up on that I knew nothing at all about it. They told me it was caught early, was small and very treatable. It is a bit of a roller coaster because nothing seems to be happening and then all of a sudden it is appointments everywhere but that is part of the process your breast team have to go through to put together your own specific treatment plan.
I was diagnosed Sept 2016, op October 2016, 20 sessions of radiotherapy December 2016 and I am on tamoxifen for 10 years as mine was hormone recepter positive. Life has got back to normal albeit a different type because of our experience, it does change your priorities.
I didnt find the forum until I was waiting to start rads and spent several weeks just skirting round it before I finally signed up, I wished I had done it earlier because it has been an absolute godsend to me during my rads, and ever since.
It will not be long before you will be helping ladies who are comiong on after you and that is the special thing about this wonderful forum, we can talk openly without fear of upsetting our famil yand friends.
Have a good weekend and I will be thinking about you on the 25th, I am out for the day then but will check in later that evening to see how you got on.
Just in case you need them here is a pair of our virtual tough pants, they have very deep pockets so that we can all get in there to be with you, also I hope that they bring a smile to you. they are freshly laundered as you can see.
Thank you for replying Helena,
I am on the whole keeping positive. I really do thank my lucky stars for the early screening programme, I was unable to feel anything abnormal. It's great that there are forums like these where we can openly talk about our fears - without upsetting/worrying our loved ones. I'm glad you've got through your own treatment and look forward to the day I can offer my support from the other side
Hello and welcome to the forum, not a place any of us would choose to be but one thign is for sure you will get loads of help and support from the wonderful ladies on here who are either going through the same as you or, like myself, have finished treatment.
This is the worst time whilst you are waiting to find out what your treatment plan will be but once that it is in place, honestly it will help as you will know what you are dealing with, what is going to happen and when. We can all relate to that feeling of wanting the world to stop so we can get off but the good thing is that it has been found and can be dealt with, thank god for routine mammograms and the new proramme of inviting ladies at an earlier age.
Sending you loads of hugs and remember we are all here to help and support you in whatever way we can.
Hi, I went for my biopsy results on Thursday and was told my lump is cancerous, at this stage the consultant has been unable to tell me what size, type, or what my plan going forward will be (only that the lump will be removed). Apparently the breast clinic I am under have weekly team meetings on Tuesdays when all new cases are closely looked at by the consultants/surgeons, unfortunately my results weren't ready until Wednesday so my case has been put onto next Tuesdays meeting. I have an appt booked with my surgeon on 25th Mar where my cancer will (hopefully) be explained in more detail, blood tests, pre-op checks will be done etc, but in the meantime all sorts are going round my head. I have a husband, 2 grown up sons in their 20's and an 11yr old daughter who I'm keeping positive for outwardly but inside I'm screaming. It's all happened so quick from my 1st ever mammogram on 22nd Feb (luckily I was selected for the 47-50yr old early trial screening) to now, i want the world to stop so I can get off x