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Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

21 REPLIES 21
Eglis
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

@DeeBee76  Good luck for your phone call …. positive vibes being sent your way 

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi Eglis, thank you so much for your lovely message, honestly this time last week I was oblivious to all of this and now it is consuming me, I will try some meditation but I think I will  wait until I have had the phone call on Wednesday thank you for your suggestions I will try them.

You are right, although I don’t think I’m super woman, I do feel a huge sense of responsibility for everyone, kids, parents, husband, work - as ‘the eldest’ I always have. It is hard to let go of that and also for everyone to stop sitting waiting for me to do everything. But I’m sure things will sort themselves out.

take care and sending you a big big hug xxx

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Thank you so much Blackcat182 for your reply, as soon as I finished reading I phoned for a go appointment to ask for something to help me sleep as I am getting a bit grumpy due to lack of sleep and over thinking. I have a call back tomorrow afternoon and hopefully I will be prescribed something to help.
I am nearly at Wednesday afternoon and the phone call to tell me what type it is. 
I hope you are doing well.

sending a big hug xxx

Eglis
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

@DeeBee76 

I have just read your messages and want to say, your reaction sounds all so like mine was.

My routine mammogram identified something and I was ‚lucky‘ enough to have the first biopsy on the same day.  It’s natural to go into shock - I rode my bike home but not sure how!
I have four children, live abroad from my elderly parents and felt so awful making everyone enter the journey with me.  I‘m a master at putting on a brave face.

sleep - what was that!  I was often wandering around during the night keeping those demon thoughts at bay.

It gets easier - it really does!  Once you know what it is, treatment plan it will get easier as you‘ll be able to focus on moving on.

I tried really hard to focus on facts rather than the what if’s.  Easy to say I know bit it did help.  Try to find things to give you ‚time out‘.  Tricky I know when you are working and have children.  It is time to put yourself first now - I found this extremely difficult but made more time for myself.

My life savers were yoga (you tube Adriene) - she has 30 day challenges and sessions are about half an hour.  She also has sessions for anxiety.  I‘m convinced these enabled me to go to op feeling perfectly calm.  Another great app is the Untire one.  I used this religiously as I could lie on sofa and do some of the meditations - they have seated mind exercises too.  Walking was also great for clearing my head and I became one of those crazy people who touch/hug trees.  Find anything/something that gives you a feeling of strength.  Netflix for brain numbing distraction.

Lastly don’t be too hard on yourself.  You don’t have to be Wonder Woman.  Do whatever feels right for you and priorities yourself and your well-being.  Big big hugs coming your way ...... take each day as it comes and try to focus on the ‚now‘ x

Blackcat182
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Your not alone in feeling the way you do, i remember not be able to sleep or eat when I was first diagnosed. I finally went to my gp who prescribed some sleeping tablets (zopiclone) short term. just being able to sleep made such a difference to my state of mind. Once my treatment started I felt more in control and my sleep improved. I think most of us go through this stage, it’s all such a shock and your thoughts can take you to a dark places. But you won’t feel like this forever.. it will get better. 
xx

 

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi Shareena, thank you so much for your message, I will phone as I am not sleeping and I am trying to hold things together for everyone and stay positive, I think I need some guidance on how to cope with this.

take care and sending a big hug xx

Shareena_BCN
Community Manager

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi @DeeBee76 

I'm sorry to hear this. If you ever need to talk things through, we are always here for you - 0808 800 6000 https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you

Sending my best wishes, 
Shareena
Forum Moderation Team

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

@adoptedmanc Thank you so much for your message and hug, it means a lot. Definitely today has been the most stressing and upsetting for me for some reason, I hope tomorrow will be a bit better.

I am trying to keep upbeat and positive for everyone at home, but have struggled today, as you say weekends and the change of routine makes things seem different.

Have a lovely weekend, thank you so much for your support, big hugs xxx

adoptedmanc
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

@DeeBee76 

Just wanting to send you a big hug back. I’ve always found any health worries I’ve had to be massively magnified at the weekends. If you are anything like me you probably spend most of your week with a hundred important things racing around your brain, so when you stop at the weekends your brain just goes racing round looking round for other things to worry about 😢

sending you a Saturday night hug 🤗 

AM xxx

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi Tappin thank you so much for your reply you are so kind.

I am so sorry to hear that you are facing losing your coil, have they said this will be permanent? Are there any herbal remedies you could take in the meantime to see if it would help you through? I hope so and have my fingers crossed for you.

I have always been a big believer in age is just a number and you are always one day older than the day before, you will stay active, I can tell from the way that you write. You will beat all of this and be back to what you were doing before you know it.

Take care and sending you a big hug xx

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

I am so grateful to you for your replies you have been so kind. I hope you are ok and doing well.

I don’t know anyone who has BC and am so so shocked I just cannot get over it. I am so sad that I found out by seeing my mammogram staring at me large as anything as I went to the dr’s room, I knew straightaway as I could see the dark round blob on the screen. OMG I cannot stop panicking tonight and I can’t stop shaking. Wednesday feels an age away, I suppose it will be here quick enough but it doesn’t seem that way right now. I keep wondering what that dark blob inside me is doing right now, is it getting bigger or spreading or moving, I am so sorry I just don’t know who to talk to and I am so scared. I am so scared that my kids won’t have me around and I waited so long to be able to have them. Sorry for the outpouring I am just really struggling tonight.

Sending you a big hug xx

tappin
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

I too had an elective mammogram in August (I'm76 and have always been careful to look after myself) and got a call back. Again, as you said, 'probably nothing', but then it's 'a few spots of calcification-very common, nothing to worry about, but we'll do a biopsy to make sure' Go back and I'm told 'Your cancer' -I was speechless with shock to say the least. It then was it's a DCIS- contained in the milk duct. So I need to have it removed. Then next visit, we need to do a SNLB-sentinel node lymph biopsy to make sure it hasn't spread-it was 2mm-now i'm waiting to be told what next-I feel railroaded!

I have taken HRT in one form or another since my mid-forties, when I flooded walking up from the beach one day whilst on holiday in Spain!! I now have to have my progesterone coil removed and stop using the oestrogen gel. Taking HRT has given me my life-no one believes I'm 76, i'm active, busy-a bit overweight but then since Covid many of us are! My bones are also strong! So what happens when I stop all the hormones???? |I can't bear the thought! 

adoptedmanc
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

@DeeBee76 

Bless you! I can totally relate to how you are feeling, I too was just so convinced there was nothing to worry about. All that information they give you about how only 4 out of 100 mammograms being recalled and then only one of those actually being cancer: not much use when you are that one!!

I (and everyone else in this forum) can relate to the anger at being told and feeling like “I just don’t have time for this” “how dare you tell me I’m “ill”” when you don’t feel poorly.

I didn’t know anyone who had had cancer prior to my diagnosis (however it seemed everybody “knew somebody who….”!) however I finally ventured onto this forum and was fortunate enough to be able to chat with my friend’s mum who had had breast cancer 20 years ago, the support of your family and friends will be invaluable, but being able to talk to others who have walked or are on the same path cannot be substituted  

There are no scripts or right or wrong ways to feel in this situation so be kind to yourself 

From a practical point of view, you will be assigned your own breast care nurse who you should be able to contact and talk to and ask any questions of if you don’t understand anything you are initially told, also the breast cancer nurses available through this site are brilliant  

The plus side of being diagnosed with such a “common” cancer as breast cancer is that the treatments are continually being developed and improved 😊

lots of love 💕 

 

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hello @adoptedmanc, sorry I am not very good at these messages, sorry for not adding your name when I messaged you back last night.

to be perfectly honest this has come completely out of the blue, I had to travel quite a way yesterday to a breast clinic which was in a different county to where we live. Luckily my husband drove me, he could not come in with me, and that is perhaps why I didn’t understand what the biopsies were being taken for, because I was panicking and in shock.

next Wednesday is a phone call only not a face to face appointment and unfortunately my husband works 12 hour shifts and he can’t be here so I will be on my own but I am not sure I will understand anything as I can only see the C word. This time yesterday I was convinced I was going to an appointment and wasting their time, my God I am pleased I didn’t cancel.

if it is ok I will update this when I hear in case I diont understand anything. I have promised myself not to Google anything and so far I am sticking to it.

thank you so much for your support, it means the world.

I am so sorry to hear about your experience and I am sad how you feel, until you are the person being told, I don’t think anyone can understand how much support can mean, and like you say an extra pair of ears to help with what you are being told.

I hope that you get some peaceful closure on this and that your hubby will be allowed with you at all appointments going forward.

sending lots of love and hugs xxx

adoptedmanc
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hello @DeeBee76 

Have you been told that you can take someone with you to your results appointment? If so, I suggest you do. I’m these situations it’s much better if there are 2 sets of ears listening to the information you are being given. 
I was somewhat traumatised at my original appointment alone, as I was only told there was something that needed further investigation in the mammogram and a core cut biopsy was performed without it really being explained. I was handed a sheet with my follow up appointment and I quite literally ran out not knowing what to expect at the follow up. (I did put in a complaint as to how this appointment was conducted) My husband accompanied me to my results appointment and was able to ask questions. 

lots of hugs 

AM xxx

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi Jan thank you so much for your message it means so much to hear from someone who understands where I am at. So far I have not googled and I will keep it that way, I don’t want to scare myself anymore than I have been today.

it is so good to know and understand what the biopsies were taken for, as I said I probably was told but my mind was in overdrive and not taking much in.

it is a comfort to see so many wonderful people on this website forum and it is good to be able to support each other, I hope that I can give someone some help when the time comes.

Thank you for the suggestion of meditation, I will look at what you have suggested to try this as I am desperate to be able to sleep and relax as I am scared I won’t be able to keep up with everything else I have to be able to do.

I hope all is well with you, and I am sending you a big hug. Xxx

Jaybro
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi Deebee

I’m so sorry you’ve had this shock but please remember times have changed and the recovery rates for breast cancer are so much better. You will find there’s a whole new language in Cancerworld and it sounds scary - but in the end, it’s only to determine what kind of surgery you need and what kinds of treatment. So please don’t Google as soon as someone says ‘lobular’ or ‘ductal’, ‘invasive’, ‘aggressive’ - they take a different meaning altogether in oncology. In fact, we’d probably all say do NOT google anything - it can be very alarming, as I can testify!

As the others have said, the biopsies are there to determine what kind of breast cancer it is and then you get a precise treatment plan tailored to your unique condition. There may be further tests but don’t worry about the delay - better to get all the relevant data and the right treatment. Trust your team. Also, think very carefully - would you cope better knowing just the basics, like me, or do you need to have all the data and statistics (bearing in mind statistics aren’t that useful but can be scary at first) so you feel in control of your treatment? We’re all different. Also be prepared for a change in diagnosis - I had four diagnoses in as many weeks and basically numbed out after that. It’s very common.

You have a few weeks now where things can fester in your head and you stay on high alert, which isn’t good for you, or you invest some time in strengthening your emotional wellbeing so you handle what lies ahead more comfortably. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, tai chi, running, baking, medication…whatever appeals to you. But I’d advise you to practise it seriously so it’s there for you when you need it. I got by on a diet of meditation videos free on YouTube (I liked Progressive Hypnosis best - no hypnosis but a guarantee of a a decent sleep and help with anxiety).

I wish you all the best for your treatment. It’s all manageable - look at how many people are here! Take good care of yourself,

Jan x

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi, thank you so so much for replying to me, I wasn’t even sure what I was typing my brain has turned to jelly and is panicking. Thank you for letting me know what the biopsies were for, I wish it wasn’t a week to wait for the results, but it will be here soon enough I guess. I hope that you are doing well and I am sending you big hugs xx

DeeBee76
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Thank you so much for replying to me, it means a lot to hear from someone who understands. This is so scary. Thank you too for explaining what the biopsies were for, they may have told me but to be honest although I was there my brain had left the building. I hope you are doing well, take care and I am sending you big hugs back xxx

Blackcat182
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi DeeBee, so sorry you’re having to go through this, but you’ve come to the right place, this forum is wonderful and has helped me loads.

im no expert but I’m pretty sure the reason for biopsys is to establish what type and grade the tumour is. For example mine was HER2 positive and estrogen positive. It was also invasive and grade 3 which meant it was aggressive. It gives the oncologists the information they need in order to best treat it and get rid of it. So it will determine if you need chemo / radiotherapy/ hormone therapy etc.
You will learn a whole new language over the next few weeks! 
I’m sure someone else will be able to explain it better then me… 😊

I know how scared and stressed you must be feeling as I can remember feeling that way to when first diagnosed just over two years ago now. I hope you manage to get some sleep.

xx

 

adoptedmanc
Member

Re: Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Big big big hugs 

So sorry to hear your news, you are in the right place to let it all out: we have all been told the same news at some point. Receiving the diagnosis is a huge thing to process. I too was only diagnosed after a mammogram but had to wait for the biopsy results to have the diagnosis confirmed. 
They need to take the biopsies in order to work out what sort cancer you have and that will determine your treatment plan. (Eg mine was an oestrogen positive tumour, the size and position meant I went straight to surgery where it was removed, at the same time I had a lymph node biopsy and thankfully there was no spread,  this was followed up with a course of radiotherapy and I am now on hormone therapy to suppress oestrogen and prevent a recurrence)

Only your medical team will be able to give you your full diagnosis and treatment plan, and as tempting as it might be to ask Google for answers I would advise against this. 

Nobody ever wants to enter “cancer world” it’s an undeniably scary door to walk through, however it is full of incredibly kind, supportive and very lovely people, and don’t ever feel like you are being selfish or moaning. 

Lots of love

AM xxx

DeeBee76
Member

Diagnosed Today and completely overwhelmed

Hi All

i went for a regular mammogram 2 weeks ago and got a letter last Friday to say I needed to be called back, I was shocked as it never occurred that I would have anything and I cried when I saw the letter. Today I went to the breast clinic and had more mammograms, when I walked into the Drs office, I knew as the picture was on the screen showing a round dark lump. I said I have got cancer haven’t I and the Dr said Yes. OMG I am floored by this. 
sorry to bore you all, but to top everything off I have recently been put on immunosuppressing injections for arthritis and am suffering with terrible arthritis pain, my Mum has recently had 2 strikes which has brought on dementia and between me and my sister we are caring for her, I have two school aged children and I work full-time. I don’t know how much more I can take. I really feel like my luck has gone missing.

Anyway sorry for rambling I just need to get this out as I don’t know who to talk to, I hope I don’t sound selfish. 
After having the mammogram and discussion with the Dr today I then had some biopsies taken, but because the lump is deep at the back of my left breast the Dr wasn’t happy with the samples taken. So I had to go and have some X-ray guided biopsies taken. Everyone at the hospital was absolutely lovely and so kind.

I have been told that I will receive a call next Wednesday afternoon to advise me if the biopsy results, but the thing is, I don’t know what the biopsies have been taken for, I had asked the Dr if the lump could be anything else other than cancer and I was told no it was cancer.  If anyone reads this and can explain what the biopsy results would be for I would be really really grateful.

I am so shocked I want to sleep but I am too stressed and worried to go to sleep. Thank you so much and sending everyone on here lots of love and hugs xx