Stop worrying about your emotions and do not try to control them, except maybe for the kids. Everyone else should know or needs to know that cancer is one of the most frightening things to occur in adult life.
Also, suppressing those emotions will not help your mental health and you need to realise that you need to think about your mental health while cancer is ongoing.
Cry when you need to, do not force yourself to pretend to feel okay, and talk about it to anyone you feel comfortable talking with and take as many duvet days as you can. Opt out of responsibility if you can or want to, and do not socialise if you don't feel like it. As much as possible, go with your moodYflows. Eat, sleep, watch tv, walk, work, read, whenever you feel like doing these things and don't press yourself to act normally or routinely.Do not feel guilty
Im sorry to hear your diagnosis and - like us all on here - we’re here to support you through it all.
Everything you describe is perfectly normal (especially the meltdowns!). I found the nights and early mornings particularly difficult, even though my diagnosis was a few days before Xmas and I had people staying (I live alone).
Anxiety and fear are normal emotions at this time, but this is very treatable and you will be fine - honestly!
Reach out whenever you want - we’re all here - there’s nothing you’re feeling that we’re not (or haven’t!). We understand completely Xx
First of all, a big hug. This is a very confusing time right now and the more you try to suppress your concern/terror (from your kids for example), the more it’s going to come out in panic attacks which you may not be used to. There are loads of strategies to help but they take time and practice, which is no help to you this minute. I found plugging into YouTube several times a day got me through - I like Progressive Hypnosis’s Manifest Healing and Good Vibes which has a wide choice of binaural beats. Weird, but they help. As for the MRI, tell your consultant if you are terrified. I just had one with two prescribed tablets. I lay back and listened to the clanking of the machine (and I’m claustrophobic lol).
In my first months, I didn’t want to see anybody. Fortunately I was dependent on friends for lifts so I couldn’t isolate myself and I’d advise you to surround yourself with people who can be useful to you. That may sound odd or selfish but start setting it up now, while you are still ‘well.’ I mean people who can give you emotional support and listen to you; people who can help you with the kids; people who will just be a great distraction - that kind of useful. Different people have different skills and therefore uses. The best gossip may be a great distraction but you may not want him/her to take you to an appointment. The important thing is that, possibly for the first time in a long time, you are now going to put yourself first. You have to.
When you go next Thursday, you need the equivalent of a PA, someone discreet who can take notes of what you’re told (because you will probably hear the words and take nothing in, if you’re like most of us). You may go with a list of questions - your companion can ask them if you forget. And this person needs to be someone who will read your emotions - a hug if you need it, silence and space if you need it. It may not be your best friend! And bear in mind that some people (like me) don’t need to know all the facts and prefer to get on with it with minimum knowledge. You decide what’s right for you. You can always find out when it’s over!
As Joemic said, steer clear of Google from now on. It can’t take your emotions into account and it can’t provide exact information about your unique condition. It has caused many of us to go into meltdown by making that mistake. There’s a great team of nurses here at the number above who can answer questions and give you advice when you can’t ask your hospital team. In fact they may help you with your anxiety and have advice about dealing with bc on your own, with 3 kids.
I am the queen of catastrophising and panic and I can tell you it’s very frightening, but it’s not as frightening as your imagination makes it. We’ve all got through it and you will too. You will pick up good advice on the forums but you’ll find your own ways through the different stages so I wish you the very best of luck in what lies ahead, uncertain as it is right now. You’ve made a great start by reaching out early.
Jan (diagnosed 18 months ago) xx
You are completely normal. I'm a few weeks ahead of you in treatment terms and I'm still having the odd meltdown. Just put whatever you are feeling here, the ladies who have already been through or are still going through treatment will support you, they really help also I would recommend this forums 'someone like you' service they put you in touch with someone who has been through what you are going through now, they have finished their treatment and can phone you and talk to you directly about what's ahead and support you with whatever you want to talk about to reassure you. I found it really helpful. You will have good and bad days as we all do and still are. You are newly diagnosed and still processing what's happening, its all totally understandable and yes you are very very normal. You are also stronger than you think but still entitled to feel crap from time to time xx
Thank you for your reply. I was told from the ultrasound that the lymph nodes are clear but I’m freaking out that they’ve got it wrong. I’ve also read that I may have an MRI so see if the cancer is anywhere else. I’m so scared and honestly not sure I have the strength to do this. I’m a single parent to 3 and it’s not fair on them 😢😢 xx
You're emotions are absolutely normal, it is very much a 🎢 rolercoaster of a journey you are embarking on. Waiting for results particularly are hard, one minute you're up and the next in the depths of despair.
Things will settle down a bit once you have all your test results but these can take a while, unfortunately they are all needed in order to make a clear treatment plan - sometimes results can change after biopsies and then surgery.
Try not to google (easier said than done), there's a lot of false information out there but if you do need to look, make sure you stick to reputable sites such as this and macmillan.
People on here will give you support, just ask - there are so many of us who have trod the same path as you so really understand how it messes with your head and we are still here, so please reach out, don't suffer in silence.
Sending lots of hugs
Joemic x 😊
I was given a breast cancer diagnosis on Monday. Still waiting for biopsy results next Thursday to determine type/stage etc. I was in a daze for the rest of Monday, had an absolute meltdown on Tuesday, Wednesday I was slightly better and yesterday I was ready to fight. Unfortunately today I’ve woke up and I’m a really dark place. Is this normal? Having panic attacks and getting myself really upset ? Xx