Feeling completely overwhelmed

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272 

Love the pic, very flattering!

My initial treatment was going to be mastectomy and then hormone medication for 5/10 years, but they do oncotype test after surgery ( for certain types of bc, think HER neg ) and it came back as possible high risk of reoccurrence in the future, so I was given the option to have chemo to lower risk, it’s 12 weeks of paclitaxel, it hasn’t been too bad no horrendous side effects, just tiredness, achey…but I know how it pans out now so don’t make any weekend plans as that’s when it hits. After this I’ll go on the hormone medication for however many years……whatever it takes!

Be interested to hear whether you get a goody bag next week , good luck.

Have a good weekend xx

[claud272]

@Mrsmillie Bah to sucky Thursdays. Rber you're doing amazingly and one step closer to the end of treatment! Good luck this afternoon - May I ask what is prescribed?

Age is just a number sweetie...oh my pre op assessment is next Tuesday...what goody bag awaits lol who doesn't like a present lol

C x

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272 

Happy to be of some help 😊……. I was given a ‘goody bag ‘ at hospital when I went for pre op assessment, it included a mastectomy pillow, front fastening bra and softie, but, I don’t know whether this is the case across the board at all hospitals, I’d already purchased pillow from a cancer charity on line…..oh and also a bag for holding drain, keeps it hidden away and makes it more comfortable because it’s not dangling down. I took the dressing off after about two weeks when it was starting to come off bit by bit anyway. I think the length of time it takes to fully recover varies, but even after a couple of weeks you slowly  feel you can do more, but try not to push things too much, and of course do the recommended exercises as soon as you feel able.

I’m a ‘bit’ older than you ( 65….ahhh, how did that happen 😂 ) so you’ll be great. I’m off for 7th session of chemo this afternoon, my favourite day of the week….NOT…but, got to be done.

Have a good day xx

, 

[claud272]

Hey @Mrsmillie 

You're such a star. Your journey makes me feel that I can do so as calmly as you post surgery. I think it's not know what will happen going into and coming out off is what makes it daunting. Mine is 12pm so have to be kept overnight. I will miss my partner and teenager so much. It will be so weird for them not having me around! I haven't had GA, so a bit nervous but need to trust the experts for sure!

How long did you take to recover fully? Like you I prefer not to look at the scar. How long did you keep dressing on? I am slightly worry about the water sloshing lol but read that it will go away by itself. I try now to keep supple also with exercises. Hmm thanks for the heart pillow tip! I will go to find this now lol so many question for this newbie!

You rest well, night night 

C x

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272 

I’m glad you have got some peace of mind regarding the surgery and can gradually come to terms with treatment.

I had a mastectomy at the beginning of July, I got to the hospital at 08.00, my op was performed about 11.30, I was dreading anaesthetic as I had not had good experiences previously but, can honestly say no problems at all, I was awake by about 13.30, sipping water, feeling fine, by 15.00 I was on the ward having tea and toast ( never has white toast tasted so good! ) and left hospital 17.30…..back home in my own bed ( eating more toast ) by 19.00. I felt no pain, bit of discomfort that’s all, I had one drain, the district nurse came on day 2 to empty it, then again on day 4, day 5 she came and removed it. I had a mastectomy cushion which I found very helpful in making it more comfortable to sleep as it feels like it’s protecting the wound area. Look at the wound area when you feel ready, I sort of peeped a bit at a time because I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to things like that! Above all be kind to yourself and do things bit by bit until you get your full strength back.

I hope things progress smoothly for you and get in touch if I can offer any further nuggets of advice.

Take care xx

[claud272]

@Andrealand @Mrsmillie 

@Andrealand do take it easy with work, don't over-do it ok? You're indeed a superwoman!

So my journey goes like this: Had biopsy confirmed her2+, ER+ on my right. Just my luck. So got pushed all the way thru all scans, echo, onco appointments after initial biopsy with breast surgeon. Then, got chemo lined up this week but suddenly I started to feel real uneasy!! And did a u-turn and wanted op first! I am so so stressed and anxious from spread etc. So it got me here today. But fr MRI the found cysts in my left breast so, back for another biopsy. Even though scary, I am glad someone is looking at the scans closely!

So in conclusion (believe me when I say back and forth like pendulum between chemo first or op first!!!) I am given the surgery date for mastectomy 9 Nov. I haven't been  sleeping well since 1 Oct, feel almost like a zombie now (just in time for Halloween!)

Have you all got any tips to share about the op...I think I will have a drain (or two!) And what can I do to prepare? And how do you care for it? I know it will all look so alien, but I am seeing this as one small step to recovery.

You ladies are so amazing, to have got through each of these stages and I am sure facing tough mental challenges too! I take inspiration from you all...so grateful for the support here.

My mind has been a mess. But today I think ot becomes clear. The medical team is onboard. We are going to do this together!Sure hope my confidence is this high come the 9th!

Keep moving forward - need to be brave!

Claud x

[Andrealand]

Bless you. Always good to take someone with you because there are always things you miss as it is so overwhelming. Stay strong and keep in touch.

I’m doing fine, good to be back doing some work.

Much love

Andrea

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272 

Hope all goes well with your appointment today…..thinking of you x

[claud272]

@Andrealand 

Thank u for checking in. At work right now and so grateful for your message! I have surgeon appointment later today, taking hubs so I can get my head round things...Will update later.

Hope you're coping OK...got long story to tell sigh

C x

[Andrealand]

Morning @claud272 , how are things progressing with you and how are you feeling in yourself?

Hope all is well.

I’ve started this week working from home, feels strange and I have to remember to take things slowly. Still waiting for Radiotherapy dates to come through.

Much love

Andrea

[WestieRuth]

Dear Andrea

i was er pos her 2 pos

after chemo and surgery and hormone therapy

I acheved a complete pathological response

my advise

keep going dont miss any chemo unless your ill

discuss with your doctor taking vit d it helps to acheve CPR

get counselling 

take care

ruth x

[claud272]

Hi @Andrealand 

All was in a blur. I heard stage 3 HERS 2, still not entirely sure what it means but I think chemo, surgery then maybe radiation. Oncologist next Thursday. I have no more tears left in me. Seems almost surreal...luckily partner was with me. I am unsure how to break news to my 14 yr old, how do you? Feel so tired, exhausted and emotionally drained the past weeks fr waiting.

I need to try and fuel my body I guess. What did u know post confirmation? I am scared, but need to try to be adult about it all. A step at a time. 

Maybe I will have a better night's sleep now. I appreciate you checking on me...I do feel much less lonely...bless your heart.

C x

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272 …..will be thinking of you and keeping fingers and toes ( and dogs paws ) crossed xx

[claud272]

@Andrealand 

It this evening, tq for checking in....Will keep u updated...keeping everything crossed!!

C x

[Andrealand]

@claud272 Hi, just thought I would check in to see how you are and whether you have had your results back today.  Hope all went well and here for you if you need to chat.

Take care

@Andrealand 

[claud272]

@Andrealand @Mrsmillie 

Thank you for both your advice. It certainly makes me feel less alone in this. U did help...I went on my bike, did exercises! Trouble is family is in the other side of the world. I am so grateful you have actually gave me good tips! I had thought of other stuff to relax me. Saw videos about unhelpful thoughts! Our minds are so powerful really!

@Andrealand - how you feeling post op now? Like you I also have a teenage son, worried how he will take the news having loss his dad 5 yrs ago. So same like you having loss your daughter too (((big hugss))) indeed life is so unfair...I feel the same too. I pray everything goes OK for you too!

@Mrsmillie - You are so strong, life throws us so many tests! I must learn from you and draw from your positivity. Its so comforting to know all you here totally get it!

[Mrsmillie]

@claud272  I feel for you so much, I know exactly how you must feel at the moment…..I am now 4 months further on than you, but I can still remember those feelings of complete fear/stress/anxiety which are definitely at there worst while waiting for any results….at least when you have results you know what you are dealing with and what the treatment plan will be…..and you must try and remember that bc is so treatable, please keep away from online searching it will drive you crazy and a lot of it is out of date info, plus each diagnosis is so individual as is the treatment plan.
You probably already try and keep yourself occupied and do things you enjoy to take your mind away for a while, it does helps a little…..after many weeks, I decided to give a low dose antidepressant a try and I can honestly say it did take the edge off the anxiety almost immediately……I know this is not for everyone but for some it can help. You’ve probably already tried the apps to help with relaxing at bedtime, they didn’t work for me but other people have good results, again, it varies from person to person.

You have to take all this step by small step and you will come through……I’m sorry I can’t offer any great words of wisdom or comfort but hopefully on Friday it will all become clearer for you……good luck and sending you big hugs xx

[Andrealand]

Oh Claud, bless you and I’m sending you a massive hug and all good vibes xxx

i know exactly how you are feeling as it was the same for me. I managed to pass the time by being surrounded by friends and my sister who lives far away came and stayed with me. I think because I had already suffered grief after losing my daughter I felt that anything else thrown my way I would just work my way through and use the coping mechanisms that I adopted during those terrible days. I took lots of walks out, cleaned and tidied the house constantly, got my exercise bike out and just tried to mentally prepare myself for my results. 

Support from friends and family and keeping busy my friend.

I am now 7 weeks post surgery, it’s been a roller coaster but I’m taking each day as it comes and being very very kind to myself. My son who is 16yrs old has been amazing and has helped me stay calm when I wasn’t and I only see him part of the week as he is at his dad’s on school days.

Fingers crossed for you for Friday, let me know how it is. Remember, be kind to yourself, eat well and rest when needed.

much love ❤️ 

[claud272]

Hi

Can't sleep waiting for my results day for D-day on Friday. Totally new and overwhelmed, never felt so out of control and the stress/anxiety have rocketed sky high (and beyond!) It made me lose appetite, just cannot relax (desperately wanting to)! Never been so petrified in my life, single mum of a 14 year old. Loss my husband 5 yrs ago.

Can you tell me what do you do to ease anxiety and stress....its really not doing me any favours. 

HELP!

Claud xx

[Andrealand]

Thank you for your reply.

I am trying to stay positive and some days are harder than others. I know I am a strong  person , I've been through so.much worse when I lost my daughter at 8yrs old .  Some days I feel like life is so very unfair but I have my son and myself to focus on and i will come out the other side. I'm working on staying strong and learning again to take each day as it comes.

I had a massive drop in energy yesterday and overcome with emotion so late last night I wrote a list of things to do on a daily basis to keep me moving and motivated.  I've been such a busy person before the diagnosis,  taken time away from work , been surrounded by family and friends taking care of me and now it's time to get back to some sort of routine. I'm going to pick up work again and do from home as a start. Get back to doing yoga and walking again as I feel very weak at the moment.

Hope you are well and staying strong too.

Bug hugs ❤

[Pigaletto]

I was diagnosed recently too and understand how you are feeling. While no-one can take your worry away, I can offer some comfort in that it is easier to deal with once you have the results, and can focus on your treatment. It sounds like they caught it early enough for a lumpectomy rather than mastectomy which is a positive in what I do understand is otherwise scary because it is all new and happens fast. 

What helps me is to focus on the positive, but not deny or not allow my feelings. You can't change your diagnosis but you can focus on the fact that the cancer has not spread further. Start by visualising yourself as a fighter and survivor and take this step by step until it is behind you. Use this forum as much as you want. Talk about your cancer with other women, you will be amazed by how many have been through this and out the other side. I hope we can all support you, albeit in our 'virtual' community.  Sending a big, enveloping hug to you.  You will be ok. 

[Calendula]

@Andrealand I have a lump on the underarm side of the armpit scar. I hope it's normal! I'm massaging it gently each day to try to break it up a bit. 

@louby_lou69  Yeah, lumpy boob. Feels horrible and quite alien and is still tender. Again I'm massaging it gently, but as you say, how would you spot a lump when it's all lumps?  

Hope both you gals are ok xx

[louby_lou69]

Hi

My incision is under my boob up and along where the top of my bra runs. I think they took the 3 lymph nodes via there because I can't see an incision in my armpit.

My boob is very lump and hard though - how I would ever feel another tumour in there I don't know.

If you're worried ring your BCN 

Lou x

[Andrealand]

Hello Lou,

Hope you are well. How is it all going?

Can I check with you if around your armpit area where the incision was made you can feel a lump?  I've just touched around the area as it was feeling heavy there and I can feel quite a lump. 

I'm hoping this is just from the scarring?

Regards 

Andrea 

[louby_lou69]

@Calendula  @Andrealand 

Yes I had a drain. My op was on a Monday and I had it taken out on the Friday. By the Sunday my breast had become swollen and was very uncomfortable. I did go and have it checked out a couple of days later but it was just normal post-op swelling. No seroma thankfully.

I need to go and buy some normal non-wired bras (all of my bras are underwired). These sports bras are ok but I find they restrict my tummy sometimes and also ride up and I have to keep pulling them down.

Sleep is my main issue at the moment, I can't get comfortable and because I'm menopausal I'm plagued by hot flushes all night so the fan is on and off about 20 times a night.

I've been using  the Wild deodorant which is totally natural and environmentally friendly, really impressed with it and my underarm feels less sticky and clammy.

Three weeks post op and I'm feeling better and better each day. I reckon at 4 weeks I could go back to work - sadly I aren't as I'm having chemo.

Lou x

[Calendula]

@louby_lou69   @Andrealand Just wanted to say you have made me feel less alone - I am sitting here, almost three weeks post-lumpectomy/SNB myself, and feeling really wobbly as both my armpit and my boob are swollen and sore. I was absolutely fine straight after the op and have never lost any movement; it's just the swelling making everything difficult. It came up about a week after the op - surgeon drained it when he took dressings off but it came back. BCN told me on phone it will resolve itself over time, but I will go to her clinic on Tues so she can have a look. Like you, my scars look scabby but basically alright. I can't go braless either but part of the problem is that everything rubs in the underarm - bra, sleeves, arm etc. Makes it difficult to keep moving. 

I hate this bloody thing. 

Love, C x

[Andrealand]

Hi Lou,

Good to hear that you are now managing to do a few things and great to hear that the lymph nodes were clear.  So hopefully I'll be doing a bit more in the next couple of weeks.

I've got an appointment on Monday for hopefully the drain to be removed.  Did you have a drain?  Then my next appointment is 2nd September with the surgeon to discuss the results and the next steps.

Not sure if I'm being optimistic and thinking maybe I could possibly be back at work by end of September all be it I think I am going to ask if I can work from home for a while.  I'm finding i'm on go slow mode and taking me much longer to get myself ready.

I know what you mean about the bra, when I take mine off for when I am having a bra the boob just feels really heavy and so much easier when secured in the bra.  I've brought a perfect set from Tesco which are not wired and very comfortable.

Keep me posted on your progress and let me know if you too had a drain and I'll post again once I have more news.

I have my sister staying with me and she has been bloody amazing.  Don't know what I would have done without her.  It's definitely a journey where having the right people around you makes all the difference.  We are having lots of laughter and good chat and whiling the hours away.

Speak soon

Andrea

[louby_lou69]

@Andrealand I'm now nearly 3 weeks post op (on Monday) and it's flown by. My armpit feels sticky and clammy which I presume is the lack of lymph nodes and I'm still wearing my bra at night. It just doesn't feel comfortable if I go bra less. My boob still feels quite swollen and tender and areas of it are numb. It's unbelievably itchy at times which I think is the nerves knitting back together. 

My scar is healed and is now looking scabby and dry. It doesn't look very pretty and is a bit puckered in places but there are only two people who will see that so I aren't really bothered, it's covered by my bra.

Ive got normal movement and have pegged washing out, cleaned the bathroom and hoovered (although had to use my left arm). I drove yesterday, just a short journey to see how it felt and it was fine. I'm not going to drive much and do unnecessary journeys but at least I know I'm ok.
I went for what I thought were results yesterday but it wasn't results it was just a follow up appointment- he did tell me the three lymph nodes are clear which was good news but no further results are back. So I'm back to waiting again.

Lou x

[LMitchell]

hello ladies 

just thought I would pop by and see how you are doing and offer my experience of mastectomy. I was surprised that after three weeks I felt pretty normal. It was still a bit numb but could do all the usual things, just not lift anything heavy. The first couple of weeks I did think I would never feel the same again, but it does which was a relief. The fourth week I did five hours a day at work and was ok, but knackered at the end of the week so take it steady. I enjoyed work, was a good distraction.

So was nicely getting back to normal and the pesky cancer cells were found in the lymph nodes so I have now this week had an axillary node clearance. Having gone through the other op I feel confident I will feel normal again on three weeks. 

Be kind to yourselves and ask any questions, I’m happy to help. Stay strong and binge on crap tv.

hugs

[Andrealand]

Morning Lou,

How are you feeling now which I am presuming is now just over a week on from the operation?  I had mine on Monday morning so would be great to hear how you are getting on?  Oh and thanks for the tips on pillows, bras, got them all sorted.  I took my bra off on the Monday night, ooh, that wasn't a good idea.  It really does help wearing the extra support.

Andrea x

[Andrealand]

Good Morning, 

Well, had the Lumpectomy and Lymph Nodes removed on Monday morning.  Home by 3.30pm the same day.  I do feel battered and bruised and if I'm honest, a little more weary than I thought I would be.  I would love to at the moment be able to curl up in to a ball in bed or lie on my left side but unfortunately not possible at all at the moment so it is what it is.  

I've had this sensation/feeling before as I had C Sections with both my children and so it is a familiar feeling but nonetheless painful and like a heavy weight underneath my armpit.  It doesn't look very pretty under there, I hope this improves with time, oh, and I've also a drain which isn't ideal.  I'm hoping I can have this taken out on my next appointment next Monday.

So, next appointment is with my surgeon on 2nd September and hopefully if all clear do I presume that it will be a round of Radiotherapy and then maybe think about going back to work?  

Ooh it's a bumpy road and so so grateful to have family and friends helping me along the way.

I'll let you know how I get on with the drain.

Andrea x

[Kelli_41]

Thankyou Eglis xx🤞

[Eglis]

Good luck for your lumpectomy.  Hope all goes well!

[Kelli_41]

Hi Andrea, 

How did you get on Wednesday? Know exactly what you mean 're overwhelmed xx I have my lumpectomy tommorow and am scared as hell! Hope your doing ok 💛

[LMitchell]

Hello there Andrea

I am on the first stage of this journey too, diagnosed 15 June. I too was scared stiff waiting for the HER2 result, I think because that was the only time chemo was mentioned, and I think it was just something to cling on to, one of the early pieces of pathology they shared with me. Well, a few weeks later I am four weeks recovered from a mastectomy (decided I wanted to be sure they go it all), and am HER2 negative, which was such a relief at the time.

I am only now getting my head around all this - those first few weeks were just a blurr, I read forum posts and nothing seemed to be real. But now I think I would decribe my feeling as numb (physically yes from the mastectomy and the wonderful drugs they gave me to keep the pain at bay, but also in my mind). 

I personally find knowing as much as I can all the different scenarios is a great help and my docs and nurses have been very good at humouring me with this and telling me everything I want to know. I hope you are finiding your way along this road, and remember we are all here for you.

[louby_lou69]

I have managed to put clothes over my head too. 
I am washing up, getting washing out of the washer with my left hand. Wiping surfaces, dusting. The only thing I haven’t done is any hoovering. 
My biggest struggle is not being able to drive, I feel so trapped. 
Lou x

[Calendula]

Hi Andrea

My experience, in case it helps....... I am now just over one week post-op, and although weirdly tired all the time, I am surprised at how mobile I am - got a t-shirt on for bed, no probs. Everything is sore still but more like pre-menstrual tenderness/swelling than actual pain.   

I bought this bra before my op - came across it by accident after lots of searching - and it's been really comfy and supportive - it's been on pretty much 24-7. 

https://shop.cancerresearchuk.org/product/theya-healthcare-front-fastening-post-surgery-bamboo-bra

You might need to go up a size - my bra size suggested M but it turned out to be a bit snug so I exchanged for an L which was fine. 

CR have other bras in their shop too.

I made myself some heart cushions and I am really glad I did. Helpful in the car but also when sitting or sleeping. There are loads for sale on Etsy. 

Fingers crossed for you, and hopeful thoughts,

cheers, C xx

[Andrealand]

Thank you Lou for your reply.

I find out tomorrow the HER2 result and really hoping it is all fine and then can go ahead with the lumpectomy on Monday. 
I shall let you know tomorrow the result. Sitting here this afternoon in the lovely sunshine trying not to overthink it all. Music playing in my ears and I’m off to Yoga shortly. It’s all about distractions otherwise the brain just goes in to overdrive!!!!!!

How are you feeling now a week on from the operation? Are you up and about and back to doing normal things as before?

Andrea x

[louby_lou69]

@Andrealand 

Hi Andrea

This is such a supportive place, everyone is so lovely. It's a total shock isn't it but eventually you do get your head around all the new language and begin to understand it. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you. It's good you have a supportive son and network around you.

I had a lumpectomy and 3 lymph nodes removed last Monday. The operation isn't bad at all and there is very little pain afterwards, it's more discomfort really.

I would definitely get some soft, non-wired sports bra's in a larger size than you would normally buy. They must be comfortable and not be too tight. I bought some front fastening bras from Sainsburys. You need to wear a bra to aid recovery.  I would also suggest whoever picks you up from hospital brings a couple of pillows to make the journey home a bit more comfortable.

I also had a small heart shaped pillow that I took into hospital with me and found it great to put under my arm - it gave great comfort and support and was nice to protect that area slightly.

At night I struggled to get comfortable as I find sleeping on my back really  tricky but again, I used a  pillow under my arm and lay on my left side  and that seemed to work for me. 

You will be fine, the doctors are highly skilled and explain everything.

I had to wait for my HER2 results too. 

Please keep posting

Lou x

[Eglis]

Dear Andrea

Big hugs coming your way.

My only advice is take everything step by step.  Try to focus on facts rather than what if’s …… it’s a horrible time.  Take comfort and support from family and friends.  I also worried about being strong enough - we women have great strength in us but be kind to yourself.  Shout, rant & rage, have a good cry but then look for something beautiful or listen to some lovely music.

can really recommend Adriene yoga on you tube.  She has a session for anxiety.  
Wishing you all the best for the next part of your journey.

[Mrsmillie]

@Andrealand 

Hi, just reaching out to offer any support I can at this worrying time for you. Feeling overwhelmed is an understatement, at times it feels like it is all totally consuming! I had mastectomy 5 weeks ago and now waiting for appointment to see oncologist for possibility of chemo…..it’s the waiting for results or appointments that is the hardest.

Its good that you have family around  to support you, but sometimes it’s good to offload onto this forum as it can feel like you’re overburdening those close to you with your worries and concerns.

So sorry to hear you have suffered the loss of your daughter, it seems like your son is doing his best once again to be strong for you and protect you…..he sounds great.

Good luck for Wednesday, sending good wishes x

[Calendula]

Hi Andrea

Welcome to the gang nobody wants to be a member of. 😕 So sorry. I don't have the answers as I am only recently diagnosed and de-lumped myself, and still in shock from it all.  Your feelings are just what all of us here have felt, so in that sense, absolutely normal. It is a massive and horrible shock and you feel so alone with all of it. Be kind to yourself and try hard to resist looking for answers on the web, as it WILL make you feel far worse (it did for me). It will seem like everything takes forever to happen, but try to stay steady - for better or worse, you are in the system and it will be dealt with. Don't hesitate to call the helpline if you want to talk about anything, or just to vent your feelings - they are brilliant. 

Thoughts, C x

[Tili]

Dear Andrea,

So sorry to hear your news, however you have come to the right place, lots of lovely ladies around to help you through…..any time of day or night, just pop a note on and someone will come and have a chat for me when I was first diagnosed, like you can’t believe it happening, found this site  I was able to unload my feeling at any time.

Will be thinking of you, please keeping posting, let us know how you are getting on. Hopefully you will have a nice day, with your outstanding son. 

Good luck for next Wednesday. Big hugs Tili 🙏🌈x

[Andrealand]

Hi,

I am new on here so hoping for any advice or words of reassurance.

I have just been given my results on Thursday after a biopsy and they confirmed Breast Cancer and so now waiting on the HER 2 result but they have provisionally booked me in for a week Monday for the lumpectomy.  I feel like I'm pretending it is all okay and putting on a brave face and keeping busy but really I am petrified and am hoping I have the strength to get through all this.  It all seems to have happened so quickly, within weeks.

I've stepped away from work for the short term and they are supporting me 100% so good that I can focus on me and the next steps.  I am feeling much more anxious this week awaiting the HER 2 result than I was last week waiting on the biopsy result.  I actually feel physically sick when I stop and think so at the moment I'm just keeping going as if everything is all going to be okay.

i have suffered pain in the past as I lost my daughter in 2009 to Swine Flu, she was 8yrs old and it took me a very long time indeed to get to a place where I was able to function again.  I have my 16yr old son supporting me as he did through my grief but I do worry about him and hope he can stay strong.  He has just popped his head through the door and told me off for being on the computer so late in the evening.  Love him to bits and he has had to deal with so much at such a young age.

I have a truly amazing sister who has just been and stayed with me for the week (she lives 2 hrs drive away) and a network of friends who are here to support me.

Will post again once I have the HER 2 result on Wednesday.

Regards

Andrea