My husband is post stroke & although we have succeeded in improving his physical capabilities he does still suffer from the mental effects, has a poor memory and does not cope with stress well.
Because of this I have made light of my lump, I cannot cope with increasing his stress as that will only increase mine, and feel isolated. I do have a couple of good friends but cannot communicate often with them because he does not understand their sudden concern. One of them brought me some lovely flowers, he was puzzled as to why… so you see I cannot telephone & chat about stuff that worries me.
I am scared because the first surgeon told me I needed a mastectomy in order to get a good margin but at the second appointment I was told they plan on a lumpectomy, removing the nipple but leaving the areolla. As the lump is very close to the areolla, I cannot pinch the skin there, I cannot understand why they want to keep it. The breast care nurse told me that whatever they find during the operation, they will only do a lumpectomy because unlike the bad old days, women no longer wake up having had an unplanned mastectomy! I would rather be sure they had removed everything first time… I don’t want to come back for another operation because they didn’t take all the cancer, & I don’t want them to cut into the tumour & spread cells.
When is your op , is there still time to discuss which operation you will be having with your surgeon ? Given your anxieties would they consider a mastectomy if you pushed for it ? It must be very hard trying to keep your worries from your husband but you really do need support - could you meet your friends away from the home to share how you are feeling ?
Just to add to what Jill has said, Bridget, do come here if you need to offload.
ann x
Hi Bridget I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this and hope you can find some of the support you need on here. It is a lifeline to many, including me.
I felt very much like you, that I didn’t want further operations to secure clear margins, and wanted to be sure all the cancer cells had gone. I had chemo first which shrunk the lump and cleared all active cancer cells. The surgeon was very pleased and felt he could do a good job with a lumpectomy. But however much I tried to convince myself that he knew what he was doing, I knew that I would be continually anxious if the whole lot didn’t go. After all, it is us that are left with the results of the surgery, and having to live with it every day.
I had my mastectomy on 7 Feb and have had no regrets. At the end of the day it is your decision, your body. Perhaps you could ask one of your friends to go with you to your next appointment, or make an appointment with your BCN to go through your worries and help you explain your wishes to the surgeon.
Take care and and gentle hugs. Xx
Pre - op assessment is usually with a general nurse so you may not have a chance to discuss your operation .If you get through to the reception at your breast unit you could explain the situation re the call back from nurse and your husband and see if they can arrange a specific time for you to ring the nurse or ask if you could go in to talk to someone about your op when you go for your pre-op assessment .Like Butterfly says - it’s your body and you have to live with the consequences of the op not the medics .
PS don’t worry about’ whinging " - this is the place have a good moan /rant - we understand !!
Just wanted to add to this. When i had my lumpectomy I instructed the surgeon to go for it and take it all out in one go!! I didn’t want to have to go down for a further up to obtain clear margins. I was operated on and the surgeon removed all the cancer with clear margins on his 2nd attempt during the same procedure. He told me when I came round that if I hadn’t spoke to him beforehand he would have had to carry out further surgery. Maybe it’s worth you having this discussion if it’s possible to get clear margins by taking extra? This was 6 months ago and you cannot tell in a bra and barely without! Good luck for your op and recovery ??
Brilliant - you should never feel you have been railroaded into such an important decision - Im really glad you were given the time you needed by the nurse .???
That’s great news Bridget !!!