Hi
This diagnosis turns your world upside down and removes almost all sense of safety so it’s no wonder you feel ‘lost’, which was the impression I got from your post. You may already have a breast care nurse assigned to you (this is standard practice) who can answer any questions or address any fears you have. Personally, I would ring the nurses at the number above - they are so reassuring and comforting without patronising you or forcing the issue - just to talk.
It’s important to remember that we all react differently. Some people need to know every single detail and check everything for themselves; others just leave it to the experts and get on with the minimum information they can handle (me!). There’s no right or wrong. You’ve made a good start, finding this site and posting, which couldn’t have been easy. It was months before I found it. Just please don’t Google anything about breast cancer. There is so much out there but there’s no filter. It can be outdated, outright wrong, not applicable to your particular diagnosis and, most important, it cannot respond to emotions - and you will probably be a complete mess right now.
I found it helpful to give my husband specific tasks to support me. I say give, I mean I asked him! It certainly reduced his anxiety because imaginations go into overdrive in the early stages. What’s important to remember is that virtually everyone who uses the site has been through some if not all the treatments so you can be assured by this wimp that, unpleasant as it is, it’s all manageable. You’ll learn to trust your team and relax into it once the uncertainties have gone.
This is now about YOU. You need support so you will need to get help for your daughter immediately - you can’t be dealing with her anxieties too. Ask the hospital if there’s a support service for families . Some have closed because of the pandemic, some have gone online, including Zoom, some like Maggie’s Centres remain open - I can strongly recommend Maggie’s for your daughter if you’re lucky enough to have one you can access. Maybe you can learn together. I know when I visited the chemo suites prior to treatment, I was expecting to see people vomiting and lying back distraught. What I saw was people tucking into NHS sandwiches with NHS cups of tea and having a good natter - and not a bald head in sight. A lot of anxiety is based on preconceptions and we all know what cancer preconceptions are - they need to be changed. I speak as someone with multiple lifelong phobias so I do understand her condition. If there are no support services, I’d strongly advise her to see her GP at least (you didn’t indicate her age).
I wish you all the best. You can post here as often as you like and you’ll get a friendly response. Good luck,
Jan x
