Just diagnosed and so scared

[Cirrus]

Hi Janine

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply - please forgive me!

How are you doing now? Have you been given your treatment plan and an idea of what to expect? The emotional ups and downs are a massive part of this and the psychological aspect of breast cancer cannot be underestimated so don’t give yourself a hard time for not always feeling like you’re “coping” - if there was ever a time to give yourself a free pass to be a mess, as well as lots of TLC, it’s now!

So hard when children and grandchildren are involved, isn’t it - you want to be strong for them but they just want you to let them look after you! So I really hope that you’re letting them. It’ll make them feel better, too. 

I can’t believe that it’s been 4 months since I started this thread. It’s gone so quickly despite feeling like it would never end. I’ve had two rounds of surgery (lumpectomy and again to get clear margins) and am due to begin radiotherapy on the 16th Jan. I’ve also started tamoxifen, which I’m really not enjoying, but everyone is different. Still feels like it’s happening to someone else. 

I’d love to hear how you’re getting on if you want to share (but only if you want to).

In the meantime, big hugs!

xxx

[Cirrus]

Hi Donna

My turn to apologise for the late reply! I hope you had a lovely Christmas and that this new year brings lots of wonderful things your way.

🥳CONGRATULATIONS🥳 on finishing treatment (apart from tamoxifen obvs) - that’s really wonderful! I’m so pleased for you. You’re so strong and positive but I know how much energy goes into keeping that going - respect! ❤️ 

I hope that school is going well and that you’re not too exhausted by the new job on top of radiotherapy, even now it’s finished, as I appreciate the fatigue can really linger and it does sound like it wasn’t altogether unpainful for you!

My radiotherapy (4 weeks worth, like you) begins on the 16th January - as if January could be any yukkier. But, come Feb, I’ll pop out the other end like a tiny newborn lamb, ready for some gambolling! I’ve got to admit that I’m finding the tamoxifen hard going though - mood swings a go-go with awful low mood at times. Plus the sweats. And the insomnia. I’ll give it a few months but if the side effects don’t improve then I can’t see myself sticking with it for 10 years for just a tiny percentage of improvement in long term outcome. Just want this all to be over and to feel human again - right now I’m doing a good impersonation of a very tired Creature From The Black Lagoon. I don’t know how you manage to work as much as you do cos even just a few hours plus domestic stuff leaves me utterly wiped out. 

Talking of which, I could really go a nap right now! 😂

Big hugs to you xxxxxxxx

[Divadelph]

Very welcome 😘. A book which was recommended to me on the forum is "The complete guide to Breast Cancer" really useful for all questions and lots of practical tips...it also makes you realise how treatable it is! Sara x

[Nannyof2]

Sara, thank you SO much for your reply - it has helped me enormously! 
I go between terrified to ‘I’ll be ok’ to grieving for my previous good health - all within a few minutes!

The wait between diagnosis and plan (next week) has been agonising and I’m putting a brave face on it for everyone....that’s exhausting! Of course, at night and early mornings is the time when I can no longer distract myself 🙈

I’ll certainly keep you posted and - once again - thank you SO much x

[Divadelph]

Hi Nannyof2

Sorry to find you here but also pleased you've reached out😊. I think the absolute worse time is in the first week or 2 after diagnosis, your mind goes into overdrive and imagines every possible scenario. I think most of the ladies here would agree that nights and early mornings are the hardest. I actually asked my doctor to prescribe sleeping tablets for the first few weeks which really helped me cope. I was diagnosed mid Nov, had mastectomy  12th Dec(it really is very manageable) and will be given full details of treatment plan 6th Jan. A couple of things which helped me to deal with the anxiety were....calling the breast nurses on here with questions, please don't Google as you will find stuff that terrifies you and won't even be relevant, ask to be referred for the "someone like me" programme, try keeping a diary, when I'm having a wobble it helps to look back at previous entries to know that I can cope! Take one day at a time, I know it's a cliche but it's SO true😁. Keep reminding yourself that "thoughts are not facts" atm you have no idea what treatment looks like and that's the most difficult part, once things start moving forward it gets easier to manage the emotional side of things. Let us know how you get on. Sending love❤. Sara

[donnadonuts]

Sorry to hear this but please try to not be scared. It’s so beatable and once you know what you’re dealing with we will be here for you to advise and listen ❤️  If it makes you feel better I found recovery from surgery not too bad   It took probably four weeks to heal but only two weeks where it was painful etc but manageable pain   I wasn’t at work as it was school holidays ( I’m a teacher ) but I probably could have worked if I needed to.  I’ve just had radiotherapy so can put your mind at rest about that but not chemo as I didn’t have it. Radiotherapy made me tired but that was the Driving to the appt every day for four weeks / I worked every day during it and was absolutely fine.  I’m now recovered and although tender the redness has gone already and Im not too tired at all.  I know we’re all different but I think it helps to hear different stories. If you have any questions just ask. You’re not alone xx I hope this has helped a little.  Donna xx 

[Nannyof2]

Hi everyone,

Thank goodness I found you all!

I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Xmas, which really floored me....no biopsy results yet, but 99.9% sure of what it is from the images 😞

Im finding the nights really scary and first thing in the mornings - I live alone and trying to keep a brave face on!

I’m desperate to know whether it’s possible to work through chemo, how sick I’ll feel, how quickly I’ll recover from breast surgery (I need to work if possible)....

SO many questions - I’m sorry! X

[Wozeywifey]

Hi Cirrus 

I'm in your boat, just been told I have breast cancer.  I'm so sorry.

It's a strange feeling isnt it. One minute I'm strong and coping, the next I'm a mess. Seeing my 3 children crying was so hard. I also have 2 grandchildren. 

Another reason to fight it. 

Let's hope we are both able to kick its butt. 

Lots of love. 

Janine

[donnadonuts]

Hi lovely. Sorry so long since I messaged.  I have finished my four weeks of radiotherapy and although tiring driving there every day after work it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’m now relaxing and finally unwinding after a long journey. If you have any questions about the treatment just ask ! I’m sore and a little red but apart from that it’s healing and i can finally move on from this chapter.  Sorry they didn’t get clear margins but better to make sure and to go back in. I hope you’re now recovered xx merry Christmas to you and your family and keep us posted. Xxx 💪💪💪

[Leahbr]

Hey there, 

I have also just been diagnosed and I am a single parent to a 15 year old boy, I have told him mainly because I have alot more family and friends visiting me than usual.... I cannot lie it was a distressing thing to do having to tell him but I am so glad that it is out in the open, I hope that you can find it within yourself to tell your daughter I am sure that she will want to help you in any way she can, I now have my son helping me more around the house and etc x

[Cirrus]

Hi Donna!

Great to hear from you! Sorry, I’ve only just seen your post. How did radiotherapy go yesterday? How are you doing, generally? 😘

I’ve been a bit floored by a second round of surgery a few days ago. They didn’t get anywhere near the clear margins they needed first time around. I don’t seem to fare that well with general anaesthetic so have mostly been in bed since the op on Friday feeling pretty grim plus the actual surgery feels bigger this time. Sorer. Yuk. 

Anyway, I’m just glad they’re being so thorough! 😬 Results (again) in 3 weeks 

Cirrus Xxx

[donnadonuts]

How are we all doing ladies ? Sorry for delay in posting. Started new role so been mad busy. I start radiotherapy Tuesday so will keep you updated on that progress.  Sending hugs to all ❤️  You can do this ! Xxxx 

[Cirrus]

Hi Karen

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve joined this club and am sending you a very big hug - but you’re in the right place for lots of great support and information. Thank you so much for your kind words. ❤️

Waiting for results is absolutely horrible - the worst! I don’t know if your team gave you any indication about a probable diagnosis at your last appointment, but until you get those results, it’s very, very hard to keep it all together. I remember going in to get mine, ten days after I was told I 99% definitely had breast cancer (a complete bolt from the blue) and my legs were like jelly and I could barely catch my breath. You’re in limbo right now, aren’t you and it’s really hard to stay positive when you don’t know what you’re facing. 

I’m a couple of months further down the line from you (I can’t believe I’m even writing those words) and have had a lumpectomy and a sentinel node biopsy - and I get the results from the surgery...today! So, back to the waiting game. You’re not alone on this dark November morning and I hope it helps to know that - your diagnosis and situation are unique to you but we’re all here rooting for each other from our own places of fear and hope.

Please let us know how you get on at your results appointment. I’ll be thinking of you.

xx

[KarenT2]

Hi there

I have just been diagnosed on28.10.19 and I’m also very scared. Feels like no mans land just now while I wait for further test results to find out what order my treatment will be. Doing my best to stay positive and my work being very supportive. Your not alone in your fear and I’m sure this forum will help us on our journey. Good luck x

[donnadonuts]

❤️💪❤️

[Cirrus]

All fabulous news, Donna! Great to hear that you’re so positive and feeling so good. Very inspiring. Let me know how your rads go. 

You are a mighty warrior! 💪😁❤️

xxxxx

[donnadonuts]

Hi lovely. Glad you enjoyed your holiday and surgery done !!!!  The numbness is weird isn’t it !  I still have a numb booby but underarm much better so trust me it goes get much better !  I have my oncology on Tuesday next week so will have my dates etc to start radio 📻 will update you once I know. I’ve been back to work three days a week and start back full time 28th so will juggle my three weeks Of treatment around work as I fully intend to keep going. I’ve heard mixed reviews regarding radio so I will play it by ear and see what happens !!!  Feeling good as well and breast healed really well and keep slapping the bio oil on and scars fading.  Let me know what’s next for you and look after yourself. Will be back next week with update 😊💪💪💪💪💪💪💪❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️  Donna xxx

[Cirrus]

Hi Donna! So sorry for the silence - I got tied up in domestic stuff before getting away on holiday on the 1st Oct (which was fab!) and then came back from hols on Friday and had my surgery 2 days later!

So, yes, I had the surgery on Monday. All seemed to go ok although I had a wire put in at 8am (which I found pretty unpleasant) and then wasn’t taken into theatre until 3pm! It was a long day and my surgeon was changed at the very last minute too. So, no lipofilling for me after all which, now I’m dealing with post surgery pain and horrible under arm numbness, I’m kind of grateful about because I think the pain and lack of mobility from lipofilling would have been too much. Can always get it another time if need be. But, god, this numbness is really horrible. Yuk, yuk, yuk!!!

Have you had any more feedback since your last consultation? Sounds like you’ve absolutely made the right choice with the chemo. Why put yourself through that if you don’t need to! How are you feeling now? Are you doing ok?

Sending love xxx

[donnadonuts]

Thank you !!!   Had the most seriously dashing handsome doctor ever !!! Swoon swoon and boobies out !!!!!   As seen as young and fit they offered me everything including a trial with chemo. I looked at statistics and no evidence to show any benefit for this at all with our type of breast cancer so I’m saying NO !  I’m having radiotherapy, hormone treatment including a new injection thingy and also a trial of a infusion which is normally for bone cancer but proven to stop breast cancer returning ( twice a year so nothing too invasive ). So that’s my treatment plan decided and will be refered now. Will keep you updated but feel happy with my decisions etc.   I’m not prepared to take on chemo which is so invasive and hasn’t proven to benefit hormonal breast cancer and only in some cases a 6 percent difference. Personally I don’t see it as worthwhile putting myself through it.  I’d rather not 💪.   Anyway hope you’re okay and sorry for waffling. They did say happy birthday when they realised I was no longer 47 but in fact 48 ! lol xxxx speak soon xxxx

[Cirrus]

❤️⭐️🥂🎂Happy Birthday to yooooooo!🎂🥂⭐️❤️

Hope the oncology appointment is swift and positive and that you then go and eat lots of cake and drink lots of fizz whilst opening lots of presents!

xxxxxxxxxx

[donnadonuts]

Yay !!  I knew your x Ray would be clear !   Super super super happy for you.  

Blue boob fading and in a way I’m sad as I liked the colour 😂😂😂. I have been mad cleaning too ! It must be something in the air ! 

You should defo come visit Cornwall , it’s very beautiful ❤️ 

Enjoy your break and make sure you keep us updated ❤️😘❤️💪💪💪

love

Donna blue tit xxx 

[Cirrus]

Quick update Donna. Chest X-ray came back and all is well. Hurrah! Now I can really look forward to going to France on the 1st. We nearly went to Cornwall this year - it’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. Maybe next year 😁

I’ve spent the morning maniacally cleaning and sorting cupboards, the same kind of way I did when I was pregnant. Must be something to do with preparing yourself for a life change - wanting everything to be in its right place (fat chance if that in my house though, it’s chaos!)

I’m delighted that your daughter is so artistic - she will get a lifetime of pleasure from it ❤️

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend and that blue boob of yours is getting less so by the day!

xxxx

[donnadonuts]

Yep I’m expecting a cake at least !!!!!  How wonderful that you have a break booked ❤️ Make sure you enjoy every moment and relax !  I’m sure your chest pains are linked to anxiety as it’s indeed a rollercoaster of emotions !!!!’   I’m primary teacher and love love love it !!  I went in two days last week and it was ace 😊 can’t wait to start.   If I hear anything on news about crazy woman exposing herself in Edinburgh I will know who it is !!  Likewise I’m in Cornwall so keep your ears and eyes posted 😉😉. I forgot to say my boob is still blue from the dye they use ! So not only is swollen and looking magnificent its also blue 😂.  Like your dishy surgeon says the thigh will prob be sore as my sorest part was where they took tissue from under boob and flapped 🐈 it over into boob. My boob has never really felt sore to be honest !  My underarm was sore from lymph gland removal but much better now and I can almost stretch my arm straight 💪💪 winning !!!! lol.  Anyway enjoy the break and please keep us updated ❤️  Stop stressing and enjoy your art. How wonderful ! I’m the worst ( literally ) at art , however my daughter has a natural talent and is amazing. Keep going and remember this time next year this will all be a distant memory 😘😘. 

[Cirrus]

Knitted Knocker!! That is absolutely brilliant!!! 😂😘

[Cirrus]

😳😂

[Cirrus]

I think they should sing to you AND get you a cake, at the very least! What a way to spend your birthday! Not fair!  But congratulations on your new career and job - how exciting! Primary teaching? My partner is a semi retired primary teacher (and laterally a head) and some of the stories he’s told me are priceless. Never a dull moment! I wish you masses of fun and satisfaction on this wonderful new path.

Absolute Sod’s Law that the cancer arrived just as you were trying to focus on the new job though. Same with me in that my art “career” is finally starting to get somewhere and then BLAMMO, the big C arrived. But I’m being very philosophical about it and reckon an enforced pause and a step back will result in fantastic new creative output - once the painkillers wear off. My sexy surgeon says that the pain from the surgery on my thighs (where all that helpful fat is!) will be much worse than the my breast or armpit. As long as he gives me a decent thigh lift then I really don’t care 😂 The bio oil tip is a fab one - thanks for that - and it sounds like it’s really working for you! I’m amazed at how fast you’re healing - that is so, so great!! I can imagine I’m going to find it really hard not to show everyone my boob after surgery cos I’ll be so proud of it in all its gory glory! So if you read about a semi crazed woman in Edinburgh, drugged up on painkillers, arrested for exposing herself in Tesco, you’ll know it’s me. 

My very nice breast nurse got my chest X-ray pushed forward to today so I was in the hospital briefly for that this afternoon. Will get the results at my pre op next Thursday and fingers crossed it’s just me being a hypochondriac. They’re going to do the pre op early because we’re off to Provence for 10 days on the 1st of Oct. I can’t wait and am so pleased I can still go! (Apologies if I’ve told you that already - my brain is mush right now.) Back on the 11th and surgery on the 14th. What a whirlwind! 

Thanks a million for your email address. I will take you up on that lovely offer for sure (and will give you mine). Time for bed now. This rollercoaster is knackering! Sleep well xxx

[donnadonuts]

Jan 

reading that made me spit my tea out !! So funny 😂😂

thank you 😘😘😘

[Jaybro]

Just thought I’d add to Donna’s lovely post as she whips her “boobs out for anyone who’s curious.” I know how she feels. I was sitting in the restaurant at my gym with a group of friends, one of whom expressed interest in my Knitted Knocker (I had a full mastectomy). Without a second thought, I just whipped it out and tossed it to her. After the initial shock, we all laughed but I just hadn't thought I was in a packed public place. Heaven knows what people must have thought but we were in stitches. The fact it, you get to a point where your inhibitions are gone to pot, so often have you whipped your top off. I wish you both all the best. Jan 

[donnadonuts]

Omg brushing !  I mean bruising 😂😂😂

[donnadonuts]

Ooh your surgeon sounds lush !!!!  I have oncology appt on Tuesday ( my birthday ) lucky me !!!!  I hope they sing to me or something 😊 I will find out about radiotherapy and let you know as should find out. I’m four weeks since surgery and my brushing has Disappeared and my scars are healing and fading ( I’m using bio oil it’s bloody amazing ).  I’m hoping to start radio ASAP as I want to start school with it done. Fingers crossed.  This job is my first teaching post as I qualified in July then two days later found out about the blooming cancer would you believe it. Anyway onwards and upwards. Cannot wait to have my own class 😊😊😊. I do now just whip my boobs out for anyone who is curious. My poor neighbor popped in for a cuppa and she got a full on unexpected demonstration of my surgery and boob analysis 😂😂😂. Honestly tho as sore as it is for first two weeks ( don’t lift or do anything strenuous and make sure you REST) it does heal quickly and before you know it your bruises are gone and the scars fading.  My boob looks a really good shape so will see what radio does to it. To be honest I don’t care !  I don’t mind a deformed booby if that’s what happens 💪😊😊.  I said they could have my boob if they wanted it !  My cat flap  🐈 has done wel so far tho  so fingers crossed no more surgery.  Please keep me updated and If you need a chat I’m here xxxx my email if you want it ( to message privately and whenever you need to ) is donnabarnes7@outlook.com   Take care lovely 😘. Remember we’ve got this 💪💪💪💪 donna xx 

[Cirrus]

I’m so glad to hear that your recovery is going so well, Donna. It’s a very good sign that you’re bored and looking forward to a new start next month (new school?) But no beards please 🧔😂

And how funny that our diagnoses are the same! You are forging the way forward and I am following in your wake! 

I’m still on an emotional rollercoaster but am generally feeling very positive - I was virtually skipping down the street yesterday with the relief of the diagnosis/prognosis and today I’m a bit more “thoughtful”. But because I’m not “ill” it’s hard to believe I even have cancer but I I guess that it’ll sink in after the op! Are you ok with how your breast looks now after the cat flap? I guess it must still be very sore and bruised and you probably can’t really tell yet? Do you have a date for starting radiotherapy? They said 6-8 weeks after surgery to me. I read that radiotherapy after surgery can sometimes mess with the reconstructed breast - but when I asked my surgeon he sort of just waved it away. He’s your classic posh, hugely confident young gun - but I guess they have to be super confident to do the job they do! (He’s also ridiculously good looking, which makes me even more self conscious when I have to whip my top off! 😂) Getting used to sitting around with your boobs out is par for the course though. And I don’t care, as long as they get it all sorted and I can get on with life!!!

What a ramble! I can’t tell you how lovely it is to be able to chat to someone in the same position and I’m so grateful to you for your support.

Cirrus xx

[Cirrus]

Thanks so much, Jan, for your wonderful support. Here’s to health and happiness for us both xxx

[Jaybro]

So pleased to hear about your diagnosis, Cirrus. Just go easy on yourself now. There is an interesting time ahead, packed with new experiences and some surprises. Go with the flow is my advice - there is no way to predict how you will be affected so don't expect the worst but don't feel bad about feeling bad (if you do). We’re all different.

Wishing you all the best, Jan x

[donnadonuts]

Hi again ! 

I forgot to add we have have the exact same diagnosis. I wish they’d taken my fat from thighs instead the CAT flap 😂😂was from underneath my boob.  Keep in touch re operation.  You’ll be absolutely fine ❤️

[donnadonuts]

Hey lovely ,

I am recovering well now, been at home a lot so I am bored and looking forward to starting my new job in October. I’ve found the recovery from surgery easier than envisaged and I am positive about next steps which will be radiotherapy and hormone treatment so I am sure I will probably grow a beard !!! 😂😂. I’ve honestly been positive from the diagnosis.  I believe in the power of positive thinking and surround myself with positive people which also helps. The hardest thing is saying that you’ve got the dreaded C and then explaining to people that I’m not unwell !  I am sure your pains are nothing. And more than likely they are anxiety pains to be honest.  I had the same feeling before I went for my diagnosis. Please let me know what happens next and we can keep each other going !  Ps I love being referred to as young !! It’s the best thing !!!    Donna xxx 

[Cirrus]

Hi Donna and Jan

I got my biopsy results today and it’s the best news possible really.

Ductal cancer, Stage 1 or maybe 2 (will know after surgery), Grade 1. ER+ PR+

Not had HER2 results yet. (If HER2 and stage 2 then I’ll need chemo but fingers crossed not.) Size is 3cm but slow growing. The surgeon said I’ve probably had it for months.

I’ll be having a wide local excision and reconstructive surgery (using fat from my thighs - every cloud, eh?) on 14th Oct and then a month of radiotherapy 6-8 weeks later.
They will also take out some lymph nodes in case it’s spread as they’re not 100% sure. But even if it is in the nodes they say it’s very treatable. They’ll do a scan of my lungs just in case too as I’ve been fretting about that. Then Tamoxifen long term.

But it’s all as good as it can be under the circumstances and I’m feeling very, very grateful. I know there are so many out there who aren’t as lucky in their diagnosis and prognosis.

x 

[Cirrus]

Jan, thank you so much for these lovely words. I appreciate your support so much. And thank you for your reassurance and sharing your experience with me. It really does help. It sounds like you had an awful lot of waiting for results - it must have been hell. I really hope things are much, much better for you now. I’ve only been waiting for 8 days and I’m wrecked. But I will go into that consulting room tomorrow, with my best friend by my side, take whatever life has in store and get on with it. I think that good can come out of the most awful situations and I believe it will be so with this one. 

You’ve given me real strength, thank you. 

X

[Jaybro]

Hi Cirrus

First, I’m so sorry you’ve had this diagnosis. Reading your post stirred up some memories - Thursday is the first anniversary of my surprise diagnosis (the consultant had it didn’t look like anything to worry about!). But then, isn’t this diagnosis always an unwelcome surprise? We know the odds but it happens to other people!

I can’t tell you not to worry - you’d have to be inhuman! What occurs to me though is that chest pain is a symptom of severe anxiety (of which I have decades of experience) so maybe it’s not another bc symptom. Your lymph nodes being clear is an excellent sign. Not trying to outdo you but 19 of my 21 nodes were infected - yet there was no sign of any spread in the CT scan, bone scan and eventually MRI. My point is, we always fear the worst but it doesn’t necessarily happen. 

So, a year later, here I am as I always knew I would be (my husband carried the fear of the bc, not me - too busy being afraid of having panic attacks etc!). It will be the same for you, hopefully a bit faster than a year. I’m not a fan of the idea of a ‘journey’ but it’s certainly an experience so I wish you and your daughter well in what lies ahead.

Jan

[Cirrus]

Thank you so much for replying, Donna, and for being so positive and kind. It really helps. A strong, sane voice amidst some of the hysterical ones in my head right now - and the cat flap made me laugh 😂

I think I would be feeling less panicky if I didn’t have this horrible sore, tight chest. 

I am 48 so, like you, pretty young (which is what they kept telling me at the hospital and which is always nice to hear, but not in this context of course).

How are you doing now? 

Cirrus x

[donnadonuts]

Try not to worry. Easier said than done ! I know this. When I was told mine was cancer the worse part of course is waiting to find out what type. My boobs were also sore before I went and I couldn’t even feel the lump , I had a dimpling. I didn’t tell my daughters ( 13 and 11) until I knew what stage etc.  Mine is stage one and I’ve had surgery now ( 3 weeks ago ) MI Cap flap ( not cat flap 😂) which has been a success.   You need to remain positive and I’d say if your nodes are clear than I would imagine your stage is also low and you’ve obviously caught it early. Remember breast cancer is so treatable now days and there are so many options to treat that you will be offered. You will be absolutely fine. Stay positive and think positive and please update. If you want to chat anytime I’m here ❤️  Donna (47 year old teacher with a sore left boob ) xx 

[Cirrus]

Hello from a new, very scared, member of this club. 

I was told this time last week that I had breast cancer. It came as a complete bolt from the blue - I’d found a large lump in my right breast in mid August, completely by chance after losing a lot of weight (on purpose) and my GP referred me to the breast clinic. I don’t know why but I thought I was just making a fuss about nothing so when the consultant gave me the news, I just couldn’t believe it. I had mammograms and ultrasounds and then core biopsies and they wanted to check out some calcification in the breast too. They were all so lovely at the hospital with two consultants both telling me they would “make me well again” - words which I am hanging onto for dear life. I am back to the breast clinic tomorrow to get my results and I feel faint with anxiety about it. Haven’t slept properly since I got the news (always been a bad sleeper). I’m trying to keep going (I’m at work right now) but it keeps hitting me like a train. Not helped by the fact that I’ve developed a sore chest in the last 3 days - like you get with a cold - so obviously I’m terrified that it’s metastasised to my lungs, despite them telling me that my lymph nodes are clear. I haven’t told my 15 year old daughter yet (I’m a single parent) and I can’t bear to think of how this will affect her. 

Sorry for the outpouring. I just feel so frightened and then numb and then positive and then frightened again.

Cirrus.