Ange they will likely put you on Tamoxifen once Chemo is finished , I don't think they start you on it during treatment, I've been on it for 7 Months now and very few SE , it hasn't stopped my periods but they are now less frequent, I'd be quite happy if they did!! Xx Jo
Hi Claire, all of my lumps were er+. All were different grades and dufferent stages and my lympths were affected. I had my operations first followed by chemo (still have 4 to go) i am not having radio as the ops should have removed it. I dont about hormone bitvyet but i am stillnhaving periods somi guess they may have to do somrthing about my ovaries. Just take one strp st a time. We are all here xxx
Yes they were but it's a possibility this one could be different . The rest all HER neg too. Find out Tuesday. I swing from positive that they can fix me to convinced that it's spread. Xx
Thank you Delly. I am ok but it's just been a really tough week. I will do my damnedest to get through this. I have a lovely life I want back. It just feels as if everything is in limbo right now. Scary times! I am usually a very emotionally and mentally robust person and have always been the person everyone cones to with their problems so it's hard when the boot is on the other foot!
i hope your cat is ok. I have two plus two dogs. They are part of the family and help us get through tough times. My black cat is purring on my lap right now!
Love Claire xxxx
Dizzydee - Away you go !!! Some extra heavy Dizzy' POWER to add to the RECHARGER, help sort you Claire and anyone else's "Giving In" DRAIN. Could do with a chat with you, cos the "support" group here in Macc has stopped encouraging/attracting new younger blood. Had intentions my first few months of moving here to help/try to inject bit of younger blood ( no disrespect to the lovely ladies - gems !) but actually told me many of the younger women soon drop out (as I did myself) and then don't have ANY support or go ELSEWHERE for it. Can you send me a Private message so we can discuss what or how you've been doing it ? x
Clairee- right I'm up to date with your gawd awful news now, so I've had a word with my fellow sensitively psychic Fuffs/Francine, and we reckon if we work together, we can build a psychic healing Zapper gun that's powerful enough to reach you from where we are to inject some positive healing power to you're usual, but now depleted "POWER" charger supply. Francine even offered to take her bloomin top off (Yes again) to get extra donations to pay for all this extra equipment required to build said Zapper, but I had to tell her "Everybody's a bit bored with seeing and HEARING ABOUT you're boobs being flashed now dear. so can you please keep them covered up for a change and just leave it to my somewhat charming, beguiling personality instead. After all, I have royal contacts now you know, i.e. Sir Terry ( + I'm also working on the not so handsome but often amusing and talented dancer/singer Sir "Brucie") who seems to, or hopefully has been, taken in by my seductions and persuasions". (Innocent seductions not THAT sort, you naughty minded people).
No wonder you're devastated darlin'. Please stop thinking you may be one of the people who does not survive. None of that is gonna help. Have said, NONE of us know. But those kinda thoughts are MORE LIKELY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN !! because that's a destructive thought process that WILL affect your body. My recent black hole has only been PARTLY due to BC, which, so far, I've survived. My heads been overloaded with other massive trauma's on top, when in fact all the BC stuff was less difficult to heal and deal with in comparison, tho' luckiy no chemo and rads. Only affected me so badly MENTALLY because I was still single without a loving supportive partner and depleted my confidence from the potential dating from a no boobs sense, along with loss of profession and income due to superficial nerve damage hit me harder because I only had myself to rely on. You're NOT in the same position. But I can't help but feel and say - you need to be more open with you're beloved family Claire, about how/everything you're feeling lovey, BECAUSE I'm pretty darn sure they WANT to know and to be able to GIVE you extra support to help get and keep you more POSITIVE, along with your friends AND us here ( plus Francine and Delly's Zapper gun, of course). You feel able to speak to us about your fears and devastated feelings anytime, but THEY are THE most IMPORTANT people in your life?? They need and have a right to know, because if anything unfortuately DID happen to you, and you've "kept them in the dark" about how you are/have been struggling with all this, have you any idea how it's going to leave them feeling ???? Like me and my bruvs suicide, they're gonna be left with "IF ONLY WE'D KNOWN, WE COULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING and ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO HELP in ANY WAY. I know what that feels like ? (you listening?) - girl do I. I'd have jumped in the car whatever time, stayed with him and done everything ANYTHING I could until I felt he was more settled, stable again, however long that may have taken. Couldn't do that - because he simply didn't have the gall or balls to let his defences/pride down enough to LET ME IN, his own sis that he could trust. And it's then sooooooo TRAGIC. Please Do NOT do that to YOUR family Claire - it will have serious, horrible long lasting effects on them the REST of their lives, and they will suffer with GUILT and SELF BLAME When in actual fact, YOU will have caused most of that YOURSELF by simply not O P E N I N G U P. Do you really wanna leave them with those feelings ??? Huh ?. And Yes, I am bl**dy well telling you off, in a VERY brutal but honest way, whilst at the same time trying to be kind in the hope that it will hit home to you and also revive your POWER charger. .
Plus, your MIND and negative feelings all have a NEGATIVE influence on your body and it's capacity or failure to heal. You and EVERYbody else has to help YOU to keep positive because that way you have a much stronger chance of surviving - 3, 10, 20, 40 more YEARS !!!! Plus, please will you ASK for/ or accept EVERY opportunity of help, therapy, counselling, alternative therapies - hypno, massage, acupuncture - some of it WILL help. If you DO have to have chemo you're going to have more time off work and so have more time to be able to take every advantage of whatever's offered to/thrown at you. Take advantage and "pamper" yourself body and spirit. xx
Sorry everybody for all the capitals, expletives, excalamations etc. All used to give extra stress on points to this poor woman, and try to gently but firmly get her POWER charger plugged back in and switched on. Are we all agreed ?? Good.
I haven't even started on the rest of you yet - see what happens when you help plug my charger back in. On a mission - to take over the country with my DB Services. Might work out better if I give up the bad jokes hahahaaaa
I'm carrying on with the catching up with the rest of you now, so you've not got rid yet
Dastardly-but-also-determined Delly xxxx
Taaaa - Jilly. She's my only direct family left (all together now - AWWWWWW) tho' not through blood or my loins (!!) x
Anyway, I've missed 'X' again but don't care cos I can catch up with later repeat int week. Would rather sit catch up on news of last 3-4 days on here
Delly-who-doesn't-give an X flip-welly xx (D'you like that one - I'm trying to cheer you up those who aren't feeling good - am not being flippant) x
TINA - don't expect too much too soooon ref movement. Just promise me, from one who knows, to persistently and strictly keep "plugging" away with the exercises. As long as they're not causing pain, do them as often as poss, and don't forget, wait till after you're morning painkillers to do your FIRST SET of the day. Do as oft as you can - every hour if you like !! You WILL be absobloominlutely amazed at how QUICKLY you WILL progress - please believe me. JFDT - Just Flippin Do Them x
Claire - have "songbird" CD and track on as I speak. Yeh your right with your choice - it's more "fitting" in its words AND more uplifting than "Waley, Waley" (still beautiful tho'. I so do hope get played tomoz. My friend Sir Terry is going to be off apparently :-(( sniff) x
Just had bit traumatic 2 hrs with cat at emergency vets (animal A & E ! ). Never helps me when foreign medics, and now VETS don't speak understandable English - takes bloomin ages to decipher/translate which only adds frustration on top of your worried upset.
Delly- exhausted-doodaa xx
It doesn't matter if she can actually say anything to help just knowing that they have some compassion for what your going through would be a start! I was so upset with my body for doing this too me and I've not been through anything like you have so I can only imagine how your feeling love, you will feel stronger as the days go by but right now your still in shock at the way your life has turned on its head, I've never used so many cliches but it's the only way to describe this, it's totally unbelievable , they only way I could deal with it was by thinking well this happens to people all the time and I'm no one special in the grand scheme of things so why not me, it's all bloody crap Tina but somehow we get through it Xx Jo
Thanks guys....... Been a long day. Still feeling down and peeved off with lack of her support..... Though I'm not entirely sure why!? as I don't know what I'm expecting or wanting from her? What can she or anyone else come to that do or say? Only my body knows what's going on, it's throwing up shocks left right and centre and I feel so scared and let down by it. Hoping to feel better as the days go by, I need to find my fight again, it'll come back when I'm stronger. I've got my exercise sheet but I'm struggling to lift my shoulders up to my ears let alone rotate! Anyone else find this hard to do so soon after surgery? I'm 48 hrs post. Hate this!!
Tina the helpline here are wonderful, I rang several times pre results and they were just brilliant, one lady I spoke to was 26 years clear of BC, it's just what you need to hear at a time when your feeling so scared. That is really poor of your BCN, mine was lovely as were the rest of them and they rang after my op to check I was ok, support is what you need from her, a call to see how your doing would make all the difference and some reassurance that if you need her to talk to she will be on the end of the phone, I know I Say it all the time but don't even think beyond tomorrow for now it's just too over whelming, when you do begin treatment you will be in a stronger place than you are right now and it won't seem quite so daunting, you need to recover from the onslaught you've had the past few weeks first Xx Jo
Lorna i was kicked out after rads with no follow up either, Only saw Oncologist before rads started and no one since, on my discharge letter it said I would be seen in clinic a year from diagnosis , I have been invited to a Moving on afternoon where my oncologist will be along with some Drs and BCN but it's an open afternoon in the cricket Pavilion so just a happy clappy day and not a check up, will not be going! xx
SORRY - still haven't caught up on you all from last few days but intend to tonight - probably the night shift again with this Eva Cassidy in background !! Claire, I think when you hear this one, you may change from "Songbird" as I'm putting it down for my funeral request along with Stings "Fragile" which I had played at my bruvs funeral - the words vey apt espesh to the nature of his death. Anyway let's move away from this subject and I don't yet know your news etc.
I've had an acknowledgement back from BBC for my request but due to high popular demand they cannot promise. However, I did put my "charm" on with Sir Terry, told him he was looking in fine feckle in his website photo (must be 80 now) and how much I always enjoy his shows - comical, always interesting and soothing !. so how could anyone refuse meeeeeee! I've dedicated it to all of you's, what little family I DO have left, my friends/old neighbours and new, ALL have whom have tried to support me through 10 gawd awful years.
Chloe pussycat, my "bestest" friend, still not good so am not going ANYwhere until I see some improvement. Just been out and stocked up again on tasty pilchards in tom sauce to try keep tempting her. She ate well yesterday but sicked it all back up last night. If no better tomorrow - vets first thing Monday. Think she's also enjoying Eva !!
That's all for now will post later. Hope you're all doing well, better, coping.
Delly very concerned mummy welly xxxx
Hi all. Well, this morning I completely lost the plot! Tears thick and fast and sobbing uncontrollably. I hate what's happening and feel very out of control today. OH consoled me and brought me back round to reality. I'm controlling the pain though feel quite sick with the numbness and can't stop the dark thoughts of the next step.
Going to ring BCN Monday to see if there's anyone closer to contact.......She's based nearly 2 hours away and I've been told to contact my nurse for drain concerns especially when removed. Think I'll get my surgery to remove. Though the hospital staff, my dr and consultant have been great, my 'nurse' I feel hasn't been as supportive as I hear others have. She popped her head in my room Thursday few hours after surgery (I was still sleepy), just said hi how you feeling? Won't stop I'll see you in morning...... She never came, I left hospital 12:45 and I've not heard from her. I appreciate I'm not her only patient, but I feel quite alone. Since all this started in August I've spoken to her probably 3/4 times and that was to tell me about appointments. She was with someone else when we went in for results last Monday. Don't really know what I'm expecting or what I want from her........ Confused, angry and upset today xxxx Tina
Hello Dear Peeps,
Just wanted to let you before I rabbit on about anything else, that I've put a request in to Sir Terry Wogan to replay that Eva Cassidy track again THIS SUNDAY MORNING between 11 -1.00. I've ask it to be dedicated to you lot and others besides, so tune into Radio 2 and see if it's been accepted.
DellyDJ ! xxx
Glad you're home Tina, you'll sleep well tonight, even with the drains! I'm surprised your hubby had to the the bottle, district nurse did mine, like Sissy's...until they forgot to come to remove it! Rest well and eat what you fancy and you will be pottering about in a few days.
Jen, hope you're not too down now, I can go up and down like a flick of a switch and several times a day! You start to want to slap people who tell you to stay positive! It's just that everything is so relentless, seeming to stretch out for ages to come, screwing up your life and ruining your plans and you're not quite sure when some sense of the 'new normal' will return. Feeling down actually also makes you feel bad in itself, you just have to ride out the lows and enjoy the 'ok's' and those occasional highs! The diagnosis is bad enough but you're now dealing with a deluge of drugs, too!
Sissy, that must be a relief, mine is still growing and I will be seeing BCN at Canterbury on Monday to get it drained....might have to go and get some lunch after that, too!
Well done in looking after your friend Delly, sounded like you will have really helped your friend... you should try to call her once a week or so, I'm sure it would be good for you both.
Love and hugs to everyone, Amanda x
Great to hear your home Tina and snuggled in your own bed ☺️ Don't even start trying to read anything in to what was said in the hospital just try and concentrate on getting yourself recovered Xx Jo
Hi guys....... I'm home and tucked up in bed with tea and toast and the dreaded drain! The hospital staff were great as usual and I was in my own room this time (2 bed room last time) So fortunate that this is a breast care ward and not mixed in with other patients like some of you were!? Arrived at 8am yesterday, admitted, saw my consultant, anaethatist all by 8.20. Told was 2nd or 3rd on list and before I knew it the theatre staff were there for me at 10:15! In surgery longer than expected and back in room (where hubby was waiting for me) at 2:20. Felt so so different this time! I wasn't able to waken up properly, felt very woozy and light headed. Given liquid morphine at 2:40, that really threw me! Hubby left me just after 3 and all I can remember is people in and out and though I answered them could hardly keep eyes open! Couldn't face food, had sips of water and managed a cup tea at 9pm when I was more awake. Restless night, sweats and terrible headache.
Saw Miss S this morning, said all went 'ok'....... Ok?..... WT? Paranoia starting again!? Home with drain, dressings and meds. Nurse showed hubby how to empty and measure it and once it's down to 30ml over 24 hr I'm to contact surgery or BCN to remove? Feeling very sore, tearful though glad to be home.
Now have another 3 week wait for results again!!! Xxx thanks for all your messages xxx love to all Tina
Jen, I have had the toughest week so far with Tuesday being the absolute pits. My lovely BCN phoned and I told her how I was feeling. She said we are entitled to have bad and low days and it doesn't mean you aren't positive or strong. You just can't be that way all the time. She said I will get sick of people telling me to be positive which everyone does but they are just trying to help. I agree it's not a fight but I am determined to so my absolute best to get through this as I have a wonderful family, great friends and a pretty good life I want to keep on living. It's bloody hard and I have been overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety that's it's as spread this week but I am trying to control it.
I am glad you are feeling a bit better. Thank god for this forum and the amazing support it offers. Only those of us living through it really get how it affects us.
lots of live Claire xxxxxx
Jen it's a natural reaction to tell people this unfortunately, I was doing it to one of my very dear friends going through treatment over the past few years, it's only now I understand how patronising it can sound! You have to feel able to aknowledge the enormity of what's happening to you, and go with how the mood takes you each day, yes I do think we should make some effort to try and lift ourselves at times as feeling low constantly is no good either but you cannot keep a face on all the time and I'm certain I would have had a total mental melt down had I not had my low times, mine were mainly anger but I always felt so much better afterwards and my lot soon learnt to shut the bleep up while I was like it and NOT try and snap me out of it!!!!!! Always here for you Jen Xx Jo
Hi Jen. You're bound to feel down at times with a long haul ahead of you - I think we sometimes underestimate the psychological toll of diagnosis and treatment, and the exhaustion caused by treatment doesn't help our mental state. Personally I don't identify with the "fight" against cancer, though I know some women experience it that way and it works for them to feel like they're battling it. I felt like the cancer was part of me and that I had to adapt to its presence and find ways to make my cells healthier. Take care. Marcella