I'm still trying to get my head around all information I had at my diagnosis appt.. with still more results to come, and no clear idea of my treatment yet. So the last thing I want to do is scare myself further with anything negative I might find on google... or become more confused.. Which I know i will...!
Am already feeling very fragile at the moment.. and super sensitive to anything read or said.. eek !!
Thanks for your reply x x
As far as google is concerned, I avoided it like the plague when first diagnosed, as I didn't want to scare myself. I just relied on what the team told me & now, in hindsight, I'm glad I did.
When I ventured onto google, I'd had my final results after surgery & was over the initial shock of it all. I then became curious & felt better able to sift the information.
Then I found this wonderful forum 😊
Google is a wonderful thing, but I would suggest there is a time & place for google, as it can be a difficult place in the early days of diagnosis.
Routine. That's good to hear !!... as I was told I'd be having one, but not why.
I have since kind of guessed now, but just thought as was not in lymph nodes, that was that !.... but understanding alot more now, and trying not think too much until all results are back .. and from surgery.
I am trying not to google anything.. and to just to listen to the medical team and look on here.
Just heard CT scan in morning (15th jan)
CT scan is to see if has spread to liver or lungs, it's fairly routine, don't worry! They need the info so they can give you advice as to best treatment.
Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear of your second dx -((
Yes, nightmare, scary time while waiting on more results and CT scan to know all the answers- ....been thinking all sorts as lump 45mm and is easy to see.
Is the CT scan to see if it has spread ??....as I was told 2 nodes I had biopsy on were clear.. so confused why I need scan ??.No date or mention of scan yet ?? Pre-op Wed.
A blood test showed liver enzymes raised. Head still in the shed.
I think the hardest part is the period of diagnostics and then waiting for treatment to start when you just flip from appointment to appointment. I was diagnosed with grade 2 invasive tumour with lymph involvement back in 2011 and had lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and got through that and had many healthy years since. Unfortunately it’s come back and I’m facing it for the second time in my 40s but I feel stronger and more prepared and certainly more informed than first time around. My advice is to read what you can on reputable websites. I even got books from the local library on how chemotherapy works and what it does to the body and I got some comfort from that. Once you start on your treatment you will find an inner resilience and strength like you haven’t known before and you will take it forward with you for the rest of your life. But right now you’re in that limbo land needing clarity around treatment and that’s a really anxious and scary place to be. It’s good that you have got a support network around you as you will need help along the way. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it’s understandably a long way off right now. Sending positive thoughts to you. X
Me too Chelles, this disease floors the toughest of us. When I got really low I liked to listen to a bit of Tubthumping "I get knocked down"...... Yup, big girl pants will be needed and Ladybowler usually has them ready on here. xx
Come on Ladybowler, where are those sparkly pants??
Friends all mean well, of course .. and are amazing x.. I don't even know what to say or feel at the moment, let alone them,
I'm normally a strong, independant person.. enjoying my own company.. but now I feel so many emotions and...... lonely
To be expected , I know ..
Onwards and upwards!!.. PMA.. Got to get my big girl pants back on !!
Chelles, I think it's hard for friends and family as they just don't know what to say or how to respond. I think they are constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing (and lets face it, its *really* easy to say the wrong thing when someone is feeling so fragile). Your emotions will be up and down for a while and just when you think you've pulled yourself together something will trigger you again. I got busy preparing and reading to channel my energy into something useful otherwise it was easy for my mind to spiral off into oblivion. xx
Hi Mai7 .. thankyou so much for your reply....
Ye I can understand completely how Cancer can be a scary lonely place no matter what your family situation... Sometimes I drive myself mad being alone with my thoughts.
I do have my sister and my daughter - who is 30 and now married for support.. also my Dad (but I tell him the least not to worry him).. also few close friends (tho life goes on for them, and you are stuck in this bubble)
My sister will be with me on all my appointments... and I hope to know more next Fri.. so then I can get my head around things and hopefully get more prepared.
I still feel as if it is still happening to someone else !!..... and lost a bit of motivation at the moment 😞
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis also, as everyone on here, devastating. I will read your story. xx
thanks- great to know there is so much hope, support and treatment out there .. and guidance from the professionals.. and sites like this to help you through xxx
Hi Chelles, sorry you find yourself here but glad you found us as you will gain lots of support from people who understand what you are going through. As Jill suggested, living with others doesn't increase your feeling of understanding as your journey has gone off in its own direction. Do you have friends and family who may be able to give you a lift to the hospital so you can avoid public transport? You can continue to drive but may need support for your appointments. Even though you've had to wait a bit longer due to Xmas period the cancer doesn't spread that quickly so it shouldn't make too much difference. I was diagnosed March 2017 and my tumour was 90mm and I had 9/12 lymph nodes affected and I'm still here and doing well after chemo, surgery and radiotherapy. Here is my story which you may find some comfort from: lifeafterlola.com
Once your treatment plan is in place you can chat with others going through the same on the "going through treatment" threads. If you are having chemo there is a monthly chemo threads for everyone starting chemo on the same month. I found this really helpful and still keep in touch with my chemo buddies. This is a very daunting time to get your head around and your feelings are completely normal. xxx
Thankyou for your replies.. and kind words.....
Already gained a little comfort knowing that I'm not alone x x
It is certainly overwhelming and scary at the moment, with so much to take in .. not yet having all my results.
I'm so aware of it,, even when I turn over in bed, raise my arm etc... I can always feel this heavy, strange , dragging sensation in my breast !! ..... (awful)
Thanks for listening.. & speak soon..
Hello everyone.. Just thought I'd add my experience on here. Very scary time. Well found lump start Nov 2018, but due to xmas, I didn't have tests until 27 Dec.. (so my 2 week urgent ref took 6 wks- all the waiting, altogether took over 2months, it's been torture) had mammogram, ultrasound and 5 biopsies. Told lump was 45mm and very suspicious. Yesterday 11 Jan 2019 I was told I have breast Cancer .. grade 2 (not stage) and its invasive.. not in 2 lymph nodes where had biopsy.. But - still waiting on grading and CT scan to find out more?.. also waiting if HER neg or positive type of cancer. Not sure of type of surgery or treatment yet.. ! Tho i have been explained to covering everything... I have my pre-op next week, and also another appt to meet with surgeon again.. after he has MDT meeting and talks with plastic surgeon . things should come a lot more clear next week. I can't believe it... Im so emotional. not knowing full picture yet. Lost my mum 6 yrs ago to Pancreatic Cancer.. and feel so sorry for my Dad to have to tell thim this. I live alone, so can be lonely at times.. tho daughter, sister and friends are fab. Im single, scared on my own. I will be 49 yrs this month. X