I have been diagnosed with only 6 days from investigation to diagnosis, completely.out of the blue. I am having a complete roller-coaster of emotions and am struggling with people telling me to be positive, when being told there is almost a 20% chance I won’t see my child reach 21 makes me miserable and terrified. I work in the health care sector, but never in this area, so it’s as new to me as anyone else. I know all my emotions are very normal, but having always been one of life’s copers I am struggling to see anything positive in my future at the moment.
How do you cope with being told to be positive by people who are trying to be supportive, but cant really understand as none of them actually have been through it?
Hi lizandsarah,
Sorry to find you here, but glad you found us.
The early days of diagnosis are the pits & you’re in shock at the moment.
The responses of others is something we can all relate to, often others mean well, but don’t hit the right note. Before I was diagnosed, I now realise I was guilty of it myself.
It’s really best to avoid stats, they are not specific to you, are based on treatment outcomes from 10-20 years & do not reflect the lastest advances in treatment. Even on current stats, the usual outcome is that you will be fine well into the future as the bast majority of us are.
It does feel better once the treatment plan is in place & things do settle down. There’s loads of support here whenever you need it. We’ve all been there!
ann x
Hi Lizandsarah, sorry you find yourself here. I think when you’re one of life’s copers [like me] you are good at being in the strong position but find the weak position to be quite alien. As Ann suggsted, the early days are really tough and make you feel quite ill with the enormity of what you are facing. Trying to be positive for yourself is hard enough and you just don’t have anything left for managing other peoples feelings. I think we’ve all felt like that. Let others find their own way of coping. Avoid the stats as they don’t help you personally. They don’t predict your personal outcome, only a generic pot based on averages. My stats were pretty ugly and I’m still here and doing well. When I couldn’t be positive I still aimed to be determined and well prepared and I think that kept me mentally on the rails. Once your treatment plan is in place it feels better as you know something is being done and you can move forward but the waiting period is really tough. I finished my treatment (chemo/surgery/radiotherapy) in January for stage 3 locally advanced ER+ and am now almost a year post-treatment but I’ve been through some pretty ugly mental journeys to get to where I am now. x
Oh love, it sounds too raw and painful to be positive so cling on and just get through the next few days and avoid the people that irritate you.It is OK to be selfish at this stage and put yourself first.