YEY Adella. Here here!! (or hear hear!)
That's just what I was talking about and trying to say in an earlier post.
It's so natural and easy after such a traumatic diagnosis, and treatments etc. to get hooked and locked into thinking ""What if" it comes back", ""What if" it's spread" all the time, that it can freeze or stop you from getting on with life or "living". Granted, that "life" may not be the same as it "was", due to whatever way BC has affected you and it, be that loss of a breast or both, loss of your confidence/trust in your body, loss of your job, even loss of your partner who couldn't handle it (says a lot about that person and just how much or rather little they cared?! So you're probably better off without them!). But . . . that "life" could actually be "better" in some ways, following BC. You "may/could" get a "better" job than you had, you may find a "better, more understanding, loving" partner than the one who abandoned you because he or she couldn't handle you losing a tit (It happens, you read about it on here. Think it rather shallow myself tho'), or couldn't cope with the whole trauma BC can create for you, be that initially or through lengthy, arduous treatments.
So yeh, better to think and concentrate on "What if it DOESN'T" come back or that it HASN'T spread, and deal with the "If" ever it does, whenever or IF EVER it DOES! Which . . it may NEVER do!!!!
Being a now 13 yr survivor, I feel such deep compassion for any women going through this bleepin disease. It upsets me every time I see and read "newly diagnosed" posts in various threads, and what some women have to go through, treatment wise. Often consider myself to have "got off quite lightly" with mine - no chemo or rads, just mastectomies.
Thank goodness it's diagnosed that much sooner, and so many women can now go on to actually survive it, and carry on "living", hopefully a "better" life from their experience of it. Like any life threatening or life altering disease, it has a habit of showing up "what" or "who" is important in your life, and what STRENGTHS you have. Forget the weaknesses !!!
Lots of love to everyone. Hope you can stay STRONG girls xxxxxxxx
Tell your bc nurse that I have copied and pasted this:
We can spend the rest of our life waiting for the worst that never happens or just get on with life and hope or not even think about it till we have to.
This was just what I needed to hear... I am going to put it on my fridge.
I've never been much in to exercising but I had bought an exercise back a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed with arthritis in my knee, I have got this out again and am going on it, I find it does help. Also started going out on walks with hubby and the dog.
Keep smiling x
I work part time but am currently signed off whilst going through treatment.
I am sorry to hear you are bi polar, I can relate to it taking over for you from bc as my 23 year old has suffered mental health problems and was eventually diagnosed as Autistic ( aspergers). As he lives 300 miles away I tend to worry more about him than me.
Thank you for all the advice you are giving us, it's very helpful.
Keep smiling x
I'm not surprised at all you were diagnosed as bipolar you've been through an awful lot with BC twice let alone anything else and all the other crap you have dealt with in life. I think the mental torture of having BC is like nothing I could ever describe! I think there should be a lot more psychological help for us available at the very beginning to help us process what's going on as that is when we need it most, I felt like I did anyway.
I also seem to spend hours, at the moment at least, on this forum reading all the posts too, I find it helps me and I like to know how others are coping/dealing with this. I also think I post here far too much! Thank you for your support after all these years it really helps us "newbies" look to the future.
Lastly how lucky you are to have a yoga teaching/meditation teaching friend, lots of nice freebies for you. Take care and keep posting your advice for us xx
Thanks. Yes Im finding going to my local support group helps and it passes a couple of hours too. Re the yoga, it's very gentle yoga for cancer patients so no balancing required! If you don't mind me asking what exercises if any do you do, and if you are doing some is it helping you? xx
Chelle - I don't think jigsaws at all "sad". It's whatever "floats your boat", and/or keeps those demons at bay. If I was ever ill as a kid, I was packed off to my paternal, Grannie W, who always had a jigsaw on the go. Loved 'em. I don't have a clear space to do them here at the mo', otherwise you'd be tempting me. They're VERY addictive. I'm the same with The Mail crossword and pull out puzzle section. Often the only thing to divert/occupy my mind, when can't even concentrate on tv.
I find this Forum very addictive!! I'll be sat on laptop for hours, when I "should" be getting on with nitty gritty stuff.
Are you both "retired"?, or temporarily not working due to BC?
Shablah - Good for you on the Yoga. I hope you find it helps. A good friend of mine teaches it, plus Meditation, and is also a Hypnotherapist. She's become one of the most calm, "together" people I know from how she was when we met 20 odd yrs ago. She's actually the friend I always refer to on the Forum, as the "listening" one, and it being a very simple, free, but "precious gift" to give someone, anyone, going through BC. Or any other Cancer, major illness.
My probs aren't BC related any more, but Bi-polar, which are that much more of a "threat" to me than BC. Took over from it, in fact. Hence, I may be more "relaxed", BC wise. But I'm convinced triggered/caused by 2 X BC's, 2006 and 07, on top of a series of previous other major brown stuff, then more on top besides. Primarily, I come onto this Forum to offer/give BC support as a long term survivor, and a desire to give something back, out of a huge compassion and empathy with my fellow women diagnosed with it. But contact with you girls, and all others on other threads elsewhere, hugely helps ME back, mentally. So I'm just saying a "Thank You".
I'm not getting on with sorting my house nitty gritty, whilst I'm sitting here, but I look at it as "Hey, I'm still alive whilst I am"! - means a lot, hence my "Thanks".
Sorry for such major serious stuff. Lots of love to everybody xxxxxx
I'm glad to hear you had a better day today and are trying out yoga, once you get to know the other people in the class maybe you could suggest going for a coffee with them sometime. I have been lucky in that my best friend retired early otherwise I would have been in the same position as yourself. Think I would suck at doing yoga though..... I have no balance 😂😂
Take care x
Yes I had a much better day today thank you. It's obviously the weekend and I have people all around me to keep me occupied at the weekend, so today has been good.
It's being by myself all day that gets to me, I think. Strangely before I was diagnosed I used to quite like having a day to myself because that rarely happened! Wow, how that has changed all of a sudden for me!!
No believe it or not I don't have any friends that don't work, annoyingly! 😜
I can't really concentrate on anything at the moment like reading or any activities that take concentration. I have some reading recommendations to plough through once my brain gets in to gear again. Good for you that you find puzzles occupy you. I think I'm very practical and like to be doing things so I've been walking for miles every day and I have just started yoga. I went this week for the first time, I wasn't very good but it fills a few hours for me by the time I travel there and back, and it's something I've never done before so hopefully I'll be able to keep it up. I'm trying to stay/get as fit as possible for the start of my radiotherapy, hoping it will help with the fatigue. Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx
I hope you have had a better day today😀
As the other ladies have said we are on a rollercoaster ride and will be for the forseeable future. To take my mind off things when I am alone in the day I do jigsaw puzzles, I get that obsessed with trying to finish them I don't think of anything else ..... sad I know 😂😂.
If you have any friends who don't work go and have a coffee with them or for a walk, this may make you tired and help you to sleep better
Keep smiling 😀
Thank you Delly and Joemic for all the advice and tips on coping. It really does help to hear how others deal and cope with this, so thank you both for your help xx
Hi Shablah and Scared
Yep. Biggest fears - Has it spread, Has it all gone, Will it come back????
Here Here (or should that be Hear Hear?) to Jan/Jaybro. I'm here, now 13 yrs clear, to hopefully give hope and support to worriers. And I've spouted(! ) this before. Instead of thinking and dwelling on the "What Ifs", which blocks and stops you moving forward, try thinking "What if NOT"(?!), which is that much more positive and freeing. Basically what Jaybro's experienced BCN was trying to say. Try accept your previous "normal" has gone (because that tends to be how a BC experience leaves you), but that you'll be/are much stronger in other respects, be that more compassionate, or won't put up with rubbish the same, or stop vacillating about whether to take that much deserved holiday!!
Remain vigilant to any changes in anything anywhere, but don't get paranoid! Meaning - get any concerns checked out as soon as poss, to help prevent your head running away. Easier said than done, I know. But it also greatly helps if your GP is conscientious about your previous BC history, so realises and addresses any fears you may have early on, as they may crop up, and so either acts, or sensibly helps allay them.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound preachy in all this! I've had time to come to better terms with it all. But also, I didn't have to go through chemo, which must be that much more worrying. Just two masts to avoid rads, and both with ANCs (standard back then in 2006, prior to SNB).
Am I making sense with this? Hope so.
Sending lots of love and strength to everyone.
Up and down emotions seem to be an integral part of bc but try not to be so hard on yourselves, immediately upon diagnosis we're hit with a sledgehammer, definitely blindsided and frantically trying to make sense of 'why me', there is no wonder we have meltdowns and have many dark moments.
Those of us with kids worry ourselves sick on what will happen to them, how will we cope throughout treatment and more to the point how will we minimise distress for them. Those with husbands/partners/parents worry about them, not to mention finances, jobs etc - my point is ladies with all those things to worry about there is no wonder we have meltdowns and dark moments as we're trying to cope with bc, treatments and effects.
Never feel guilty about having these thoughts and don't beat yourself up, our minds have to come to terms with our diagnosis and it's bound to have a bumpy ride - there's a lot to process and come to terms with.
Jaybros' nurses words are very wise, the thing that has helped me through is to come to terms with the fact that if recurrence happens it happens, I can do everything I possibly can to reduce recurrence risks but despite that it still may or may not return, there are no guarantees no matter what treatments we have. We can either spend the next years worrying and let it blight our lives or think what the heck if it does it does but get on and enjoy life.
I have chosen the latter but that's not to say I don't have the odd meltdown, I'm human after all. In fact around Christmas time I hit rock bottom but looking back, that is what I needed as since then I have managed to finally come to terms with my diagnosis and treatments which has in turn changed my mindset to becoming more positive, it's been hard but is getting better and it is no longer consuming my every thought, I fully expect to have the occasional meltdown but it's all part of the healing process.
I am a year post diagnosis and getting on with my life. For the first 10 months it was very hard but the time span between meltdowns has greatly improved.
Initially ladies it is a dark, confusing time but take heart you will learn effective coping mechanisms but allow yourself time to come to terms with whats happened to you, once you have then you can start to heal. I think it is very much like the grieving process and you have to go through each stage.
Keep going ladies and getting support from ladies on here.
I wish you the very best throughout your treatment and the years beyond.
Thank you Jan. I hope eventually to come to a positive way of thinking. I'm getting better at it believe it or not. I think I was just having a particularly bad morning. I'm blaming the tamoxifen for waking me up at 4am. 😉Best wishes and big hugs for your MRI results xx
I’m going to pass onto you you what my brilliant breastcare nurse got me to understand - something clicked. She asked how I’d feel if I was told I had a 98% chance of survival. Obviously great. But, she pointed out, I might be in the unlucky 2%. Hmm. Then she asked how I’d feel If I were told I had a 98% chance of it coming back. Obviously horrified. But I could be in the fortunate 2%. Hmmm.
Basically, her point was that we are wasting time and energy on worrying about what ifs that we can do nothing about. Breast cancer can come back, as many members here know, but it also does not come back for the many, most of whom have left the forums now they are better so we don’t hear so much of the good stuff. BC has a recovery rate of over 90%, even higher for early detection.
I pondered on those 2%s for weeks. Obviously they are exaggerations but they made an important point. It doesn’t matter what the odds are, what will be, will be. And we can spend the rest of our life waiting for the worst that never happens or just get on with life and hope or not even think about it till we have to. It didn’t have an immediate effect on me (I’d made a huge mistake and googled something and ended up terrified) but now, as I await my MRI results, my mind seems to have adopted another mindset, the one my breastcare nurse wanted for me - I will worry when I have to worry but otherwise assume all is ok as regards the actual cancer (I’m having a crap time with side effects lol).
I know everyone is different. But I hope my bc nurse’s outlook may set you thinking about your thinking (at least it’s not thinking about treatment or what ifs, which is pointless/damaging unless the oncologist tells you otherwise) and that future you do have. Take good care of yourself and good luck with the radiotherapy.
Yes I totally get where you are coming from. That's how it is unfortunately. One day OK then the next very emotional. I am about 6 weeks in front of you having been diagnosed at the beginning of December. I also feel like I have something stick in my throat (thyroid problems). Each stage of this process brings with it another worry. There isn't anything I can say to make you feel better and as you can see from my post below, I'm not having a great day myself today. Try to stay positive though, I know that's easier said than done but it's all we can do right now. Sorry not much help today, I'm feeling a bit more positive now I've just had a shower, the small things sometimes can help, hope you feel better a bit later today. Keep posting here I'm sure someone with more experience than me at coping will post soon and be more help, for you and me! xx
I was diagnosed on Monday with breast cancer. I’m awaiting biopsy results to confirm type/grade/stage etc which I’ll gwt next Thursday. This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. My GP preached some sleeping tablets to help me over this difficult stage. Yesterday I was strong, ready to fight. Today I’m an emotional mess. Every twinge I get I convince myself it’s cancer. Even though the consultants were convinced it hasn’t spread to my lymph nodes, I feel like I can feel a lump in my throat. I hate this. Xx
This seems to be happening to me every so often, in that I have a mental meltdown inside myself.
I've been awake since 4am my brain is whirring constantly about all the negative what ifs. I feel like this is it, there's no future. Does anyone else get these thoughts. I know I have to be positive but it's just so hard.
How do you cope with this? I can't concentrate on anything. I have a couple of mindful apps, they aren't enough if you ask me. I have no one around all day as everyone is at work and leading their normal every day life's, which is obviously as life should be.
Treatment wise, I'm waiting for rads to start in a week or so and I started taking Tamoxifen a week ago today, I'm a bit achy and I feel like I could eat a horse, it's jockey and the blooming stable hand!!
Does anyone have any tips coping with this on a general day to day basis please and how to actually stop or just get a break from thinking about it? I just feel totally consumed by it. I feel like every one else with this diagnosis is coping great but I'm not, sorry to sound so miserable and negative but this is how I really feel. I'd really love some advice from you x