My lovely husband died suddenly on the 26th of September of a heart attack. He was fit and healthy and had no symptoms. We’d been married for 36 years and he was my everything.
On the morning of his funeral, I found a lump in my right breast. You couldn’t make it up, could you?
Earlier this week, I attended the breast clinic and got confirmation that it was cancer. I don’t know any more than that right now. I go back next Tuesday to find out the details and what the treatment plan will be.
I don’t know how to feel about this. I’m too sad and lonely and the person who should be holding my hand and helping me through it is gone.
I have a wonderful family, including my two grown up children, and they are all doing their best to support me. I just can’t make any sense of what’s happening.
I know one of the key things in tackling this will be positivity, but how will I ever find the energy for this fight when I’m already struggling to breathe?
First of all my condolences on the passing of your husband xx
One thing is for sure you will get loads of help and support from the lovely ladies on here who know exactly what you are going through in terms of your diagnosis, honestly at the moment it will feel totally surreal but once you know what you are dealing with you will be able to focus on what is to happen and when. Just come on here to rant, rave, cry , ask questions or whatever there will always be someone and we will do our best to help you in whatever way we can.
If you want to let us know how you get on after your apt on Tuesday.
Hi AJOrchid, Im sorry you find yourself here and I hope we can help you fill some of your empty space. It sounds like you are having a rough time of it all and I’m so sorry to hear you have lost your lifemate. I think many of us have had a major life event/experience preceding our diagnosis and we try to correlate the two together but there is no scientific evidence apparently that the two are related. I was in a car accident two months before my diagnosis in March 2017 at age 48. I still can’t help but feel that the increase in inflammation and emotional stress broke my immune system in some way but I’ll never know and it doesn’t change what you are faced with either. I’m glad you have a supportive family around you and please come on here to offload when you need to as we all understand how you feel. We all come here because we struggle to relate to our “normal” world around us. Here’s my story which I hope you find some comfort from: lifeafterlola.com/
Life just seems so unfair sometimes but we have to find ways to keep picking up the pieces, find new reasons to live and be there for others who need us too. Once your treatment plan has been confirmed you can join the “going through treatment” threads on here to chat with others going through the same. I found this really helpful. Sending hugs your way. xxx
AJ I am so very sorry you are having to face this now while grieving for your husband, life is just so unbelievably cruel at times.
You are right that being positive is the way forward but that’s hard enough without dealing with what you are already going through, Baby steps are all you can do, each day will be different and your emotions will be going haywire, leave it to your team to look after you while you try to put yourself back together.
You could scream to the heavens about the unfairness of it all but sadly that won’t change a thing but there is nothing you need to be doing right now other than whatever gets you through each day.
I wish to god there was more I could say to help Xx Jo
Thank you for your messages of support. It helps to know that I’m not facing this battle alone. Ever since my husband died, I’ve felt so frightened of what the future held. Even so, I never pictured anything like this!
Hi AJ,
As the other lovely ladies have said, you’re not alone here,
so do come & chat or vent whenever you need to.
So sorry to hear about your husband
Sending hugs
ann x
so sorry. Sometimes life just stinks. Don’t worry about being positive, just take things a minute at a time. You’ll get through it, even if it feels like it’s impossible right now. The beginning is the worst bit, once you have a treatment plan and know what’s going on, it becomes alot more manageable, but there’s alot of hanging about and uncertainty at the start.
I went through exactly the same, 12m ago. I had my diagnosis while my husband of 36 years was in intensive care with sepsis. He passed away 6 days after my mastectomy. He didnt know about me, thank goodness. You have to be positive. I cry all the time, even now. Youve lost your soulmate and there’s no hurt like it. I had chemo and radio, finishing in july. Then was my time to grieve. I have amazing family and friend support. Take all the help and counselling. You wont get over it, i wont. Only we know how it feels and its **bleep**e (apologies). Take it 1 day at a time. Remember him and your fun times. As for our breast cancer, i keep positive too. It aint gonna get me. Be kind to yourself. Love and cwtches from one who knows. Xxx
I am so saddened to read your post. I’m sending love and condolences to you. You’ve found a great place to come and chat, vent your anger or let our your sadness. There is always someone to listen on here and, as you have already found, people in similary situations to you who will truly get how you feel. All I can say is the beginning of this cancer road is tough, so many tests and results to get through before the treatment begins, but once it does you will be feel more in control of it and can deal with that. Don’t ever feel like you have to be strong for everyone, just go with how you feel day to day, hour to hour. Don’t be afraid to cry, it does help, and reach out for any help you can.
Big hugs to you and to all others on the “newly diagnosed” sections, its a tough road but through Breast Cancer Care it doens’t have to be a lonely one!