Hello, I found out 2 weeks ago that I have breast cancer at my referral appointment.
Yesterday I went for the results and treatment info. Not brilliant news but not worst. 2 areas of cancer in right breast - 1 could be 2cm 1 could be 6cm. Though not 100% sure as my tissue is very dense. Consultant told me there is no way I could have found the lumps myself. It has spread to a lower armpit lymph node… which is what I went about so I suspected (knew?) it would be cancer. Though I admit to waiting a few months as sometimes I could feel it, sometimes not.
If there is any good news they are herceptin -ve. Got to have CT scan in the next week or so. If that shows no spread then whole breast off because of size and where the areas are with lymph nodes out 8 Jan but said sooner is a possibility. Already have pre-op assessment appts made this morning. Radiotherapy after for sure could be chemo too. Depends on what they find when they take it off.
Good pals and close family have been told and they have already been so supportive.
The CT scan is worrying me something rotten - feel sick, shaky. Trying mindfulness which isn’t kicking in at the moment. I can get my head around the op and post-op treatments. All I want is a cuddle - getting upset because I can’t hug anyone and have a damn good cry at the same time (bar my hubby and that will have to stop soon due to having to self-isolate).
The diagnosis is very hard to take. Then it’s followed by uncertainty, until all the results are in. It’s very hard to convey the sheer difficulty of the time before treatment - then you know you’re in your team’s hands and you know what to expect. There is no way of making it easier for you except to say that there are thousands of women here who have been through it and understand.
You have come to the right community. It’s informative, supportive, at times distressing but more often amusing. The nurses are so helpful and reassuring and the practical advice you get from women who know exactly what you feel is invaluable. We’ve all been there, some are still there - and we are proof that it’s all manageable, though you’ll feel overwhelmed right now.
A CT scan isn’t scary (I’m phobic, including claustrophobia and afterwards I felt a bit daft for being so dramatic). Tell the radiologist of your fears and they will do everything they can to minimise the impact. The idea of having contrast dye injected feels frightening but you get only a few seconds of sensation (for some reason you feel you have to pee, just for a few seconds, then it’s gone). If your fear is a major obstacle, tell your breast care nurse and they may prescribe a mild sedative - they did that to get me through my chemo fears.
Then I’m afraid you have to wait for the results which will inform your treatment plan - whether chemo is essential etc (though surgery and an examination of the lymph nodes is another indicator. Lymph nodes do an amazing job btw. So, it’s not the best time to be hanging around for tests and surgery but, like COVID-19, cancer doesn’t recognise our needs. I had my first chemo on a Christmas Eve! Steer clear of Google (guaranteed to terrify you) and do everything you can to look after your mental health. Persist with the mindfulness but maybe look at other things. Breast Cancer Haven is currently running free online courses on Zoom and I can strongly recommend the EFT. There’s also a wealth of stuff on YouTube - videos to plug into and relax. My favourite is Progressive Hypnosis’s Manifest Healing which saw me through all my treatment and up to now.
So, here’s a virtual hug from one woman who’s had breast cancer to another currently with breast cancer. Surgery will remove it, then treatment will prevent it coming back. Remember, it’s all doable. Look after yur emotions for now, top priority.
I would re-iterate what Jan has said, and welcome to the forum, although I know this is not a club any of us would want to be part of!
As Jan has said, the CT scan will be fine, but do discuss your anxieties about it with the team.
I completely understand needing the hug - it was a very lonely time during this period due to Covid. If your husband is in your support bubble, he should be ok to give you a hug? The breast care nurses via the number above, and also the macmillan teams are really good at listening when we need a cry. I used them a lot. I cried at every appointment - the staff didn’t bat an eyelid!
With regards to mindfulness - you might find trying journalling or simple exercise more helpful (I was a runner, and did my most amount of miles during the week before surgery). I also found doing things with my hands a useful distraction, eg sewing/knitting/colouring.
You didn’t say whether you are still working or not? If so, it might be worth having a chat with your employer, about what is going on for you.
I hope this is helpful. In the meantime, big virtual hugs. We are all here to support you, so don’t hesitate to message again.