New to forum...newly diagnosed

[Jobo]

Thanks Jill keep getting intermittent stomach and back pain. Sure it must be stess

[Feenix]

Michelle, I can only imagine how tough that was telling your children.

Feeling nervous going into the unknown is the norm even with some info/knowledge beforehand. 

This is the start of treatment which is good .... you’ll have one treatment done by the end of today.

thinking of you today

xhugx

[Fairy Dust]

Just read the new posts on this thread, Michelle and realised you're starting chemo today, good luck and hugs. It's scary, but I've already realised we're all much stronger than we think we are, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I'll be thinking about you today. xxx

[Michelle21]

Thanks jo

[Jobey68]

The best of luck for today Michelle 💪💪 Its awful having to tell our kids and goes against the grain as a parent to do anything to unsettle them. We kept as upbeat as we could in front of them but honest at the same time , they were fussing around me for a while but they soon got back to doing their own thing which is just what we wanted them to be doing and not worrying about me! 3 years on they have all but forgotten it even happened! 

It is so tough and had someone told you months ago you would be dealing with this you would have said no I couldn't do it but here you are doing it! 👌 Xx Jo 

[Michelle21]

Thanks for the positive vibes Jean, I am starting to feel quite nervous but am telling myself the sooner it starts the sooner it will be done.
We told out girls tonight, the we’re both great but I can tell they are worried especially the younger one. This is so tough. X

[Jill1998]

Good luck tomorrow Michelle ,both with chemo and telling your kids - tough day for you .x

[Shi]

Hi Michelle, the jan thread have given you lots of tips for chemo on their thread 😘😘💕💕✨✨shi xx

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

I got feedback from my bcn.... no huge surprises on MRI...size is approx to uss and other side is ok. I’ll see what MDT says next Wednesday. Plus I’m HER2 neg.

Sounds as though you have a very supportive husband. I too worried about my hubby but he’s medically minded and has a positive outlook however I have told him he may need to talk to someone other than me about how he feels as things have a habit of catching up. Anyway we prop each other up....

Best wishes and positive vibes for tomorrow

xx

[Michelle21]

Thanks Jill I will have a read x

[Michelle21]

Hi Jean,
That must be very frustrating having to wait for the info, you’re right a quick call to prepare you would help to make this process a little easier. I’m sorry you are having to wait.
We have put off telling our kids until tomorrow morning before I go for treatment, so really at the last minute. One of them is out this evening and I just want them to have fun before they get the news. My hubby has been amazing, we are a strong couple anyway but he has been great. Having said that I do worry that he doesn’t have anyone to confide in and share his emotions with. I guess over the next few weeks we will tell more people and hopefully that will make it better for him.
How has your husband coped? A walk along the sea from sounds wonderful, enjoy xx

[Jill1998]

Michelle there are some helpful tips on the link below from Sue C - Community Champion .

[Jill1998]

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Chemotherapy-monthly-threads/April-2018-Chemo-Starters/td-p...

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

Yes it’s a great sunny day...just been to the seaside for a walk and will be popping back l8r while the suns still shining.

Hope you’ve got sorted somehow today. There appears to be lots to take into account. How’s your hubby / children ?

Sounds as though there is lots of support and good advice for you on here/ other thread.

Ill be thinking of you tomorrow.

Ive not had a meeting with my nurse...she’s just back to work today. I’m finding email seems to be the easiest way of getting in touch. My MRI hadn’t been reported on for the Tuesday MDT...it was a BH when I had it so it’ll be next week. I can’t see why I couldn’t have a courtesy call 🤔 just to give me a heads up .. ie is other side ok, extent etc... just a bit of prep before clinic appt....anything but ‘pigeon post’.

Positive vibes

Jean x

Oh well, hey ho .... feel in limbo 

[Michelle21]

Thanks Feenix, it would be nice to keep in contact with each other whilst going through this jour.... next few months! I hope your meeting today was a good one xx
Thanks for the advice Jill. Although it is quick I can’t see the point if putting off the inevitable. I’m going to be in shock and devastation no matter when I have it. X
Thanks for your post and your PM Shi, you sound like a great group to get to know I’m sure I’ll be popping in to your thread. X
For now I am taking an hour out to walk the dog and appreciate this beautiful day xx

[Shi]

Michelle you can always post on earlier chemo threads and ask for help and tips and guidance, we are all loving and supportive, the January chemo starters are a great bunch of ladies who are swimming through chemo together and will be a great source of help and info with chemo and there is also the BCCF helpline that you can ring too, please post on the jan chemo thread for any 👭👭👭these forums are filled with 😁😁😁👭👭👭😘😘😘💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻🕺🕺🕺🤪🤪🤪👍👍👍and ❤️❤️❤️For the 😢😳moments. Get those wonderwoman pants on and be 💪💪💪💪we’ve all got each other on here 😘😘😘💕💕✨✨✨shi xx

[Jill1998]

Goodness Michelle - chemo on Friday that's very quick indeed .If you feel you need more time to prepare you can ask them to put it back a few days - a few ladies have done that in order to get themselves properly organised .If you would like support and advice going through chemo - go to the going through treatment section and join the April chemotherapy monthly thread - you will get lots of tips from ladies who are further ahead in their treatment and support from those going through it at the same time. .

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

That words probably a throw back to work .... ex NHS !!!

My goodness Michelle, that’s quick but you’re starting treatments so that’s positive.  You’ll definitely have lots to sort out. There’ll be lots of information and support from those who have been and are going through chemo now. 

Glad to hear you’re looking to have  the ‘social stuff’ in your diary also. 

I’ll be thinking about you on Friday and hope you will let me know how you’re doing. I’ll keep an eye out for your posts anyway. 

Sending positive vibes 

xhugx

[Jobo]

Thanks can’t believe how I can’t think of anything other than how scared I am want to be back to my normal chatty self. Look at my kids and even that makes me scared and feel guilty of what I am going to put them through. Loose weight and panic its the cancer when it’s probably just stress. Nice to hear from people who have come out the other side

[Michelle21]

Hi Jobo welcome to the thread. Yes it really is a scary place we are at but we just have to trust in the process and that so many ladies have gone before us and come out the other side. I know this is no easy to think when the fear and anxiety take over but try. I cannot believe I was only diagnosed 6 days ago, it has been the longest 6 days of my life!
Keep chatting on here I have found it to be a real strength x

[Michelle21]

Hi Feenix,
I hadn’t noticed you’d Said ‘journey’ but no not my first choice of word to describe this mess we find ourselves in!
I understand your feelings on your op, getting it over and done with is one step closer to recovery.
I have had quite a day. Saw the Dr who explained about chemo and then told me I could start on Friday! This time last week my life was completely normal and now I’m starting chemotherapy at the end of the week, it is totally surreal. Again I am glad it will start as like you I just want to get on with treatment but I was in shock all over again today. I have been through my diary putting in all the chemo sessions and seeing what social stuff I can still do and what I will have to cancel and it did actually make me feel quite hopeful, which has to be a good thing.
I hope you get lots of info from your meeting with your nurse tomorrow, I will be running around like a headless chicken as I have a lot to organise! X

[Jill1998]

Hi Jobo ,welcome to the forum.All that you are feeling is completely normal and we have all been there - every ache and pain suddenly becomes very scary - it does get better -keep posting - you will get let's of support here from people who understand .

[Jobo]

Hi new to this only diagnosed last week. Scared beyond belief due a mastectomy on the 18th. Agree with the rabbit caught in headlights and every ache and pain convinced it’s spread. Even noticed today my tummy looked lower on one side so off to gp who said it’s just loose skin but Head says it’s spread. Which o could get a handle on my anxiety. Thanks for all the posts on here

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

Apologies...can’t believe I used the journey word ..... I have lots of words about what we are all going through but I don’t think I can post them !!! What do you call it ?

thinking of you today and everybody else 

xx

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

It must be very difficult regarding your children....I don’t have that added stress.

I think you are right about “ getting organised”... it is clawing a bit of control back and it does help plus I don’t want to leave it to the last minute as I’d end up like a headless chicken !!!  

I have a date for surgery which in a weird way I’ll be happy to have ....just get it out of the way but my plan may turn out to be different so I’m not holding my breath.  I realise that this journey we are on is complex and very individual.

I will prob start to feel anxious and panicky before appointment to get results/information.... it’s only natural.

You will have more information tomorrow about your chemo which is a step forward although it’s still scary but I expect we will feel more at ease when we have information to work with instead of being up in the air.

Your appointment change could probably be part of the system ... availability of appropriate doc. 

I hope the toad in the hole went ok. 

sending positive vibes for tomorrow

 xhugsx

[cazzy50]

Hi Cass, I too was diagnosed last week with stage 3 bc, waiting for a CT scan to see if it has spread. Waiting is horrible. Itry to keep as busy as possible. Dog has walks , the ironing is done soon as, drawers have been emptied. Soooo up to date with everything. Trying not to read too far ahead on this site, gave myself a wobbly yesterday , so trying to keep it to what I know now. Should have CT within 14 days. Keep busy, talk to people  and use the Forum. I too feel that every twinge is a sign of cancer, my son said 'no Mum, thats because you're 60' Bless him, had to laugh. Take Care Cazzy

[Michelle21]

Hi Feenix
Today hasn’t been too bad but like you I struggled in the morning. Having said that evenings are generally worst for me I think because I haven’t told the kids yet. I can feel like I’m suffocating and my heart races. I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything on the TV . I’m much better just being out and about and busy.
You sound like you are really getting organised before your op. That is a good thing, do you feel it helps you feel in control of something? How do you feel about 19th and the op?
I’ve had a call from my nurse today giving me an appt to see a doctor to discuss chemo tomorrow. I’m pleased the appt has come forward a day as less time to think and worry but now I’m worried I’m some desperate case that needs to be hurried through the system.
I know what you mean re cooking, I’m the same with the cleaning, and it’s starting to show!
I hope you get all the info from your nurse on Thursday, let me know how you get on and I’ll report back on my chemo trip.
Off to attempt a toad in the hole now xxx

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

How are you today ? 

I don’t think everyone has an MRI... docs just want to check extent .... nothing else on my mammogram or USS but I thought I had a dimple but not evident on exam. It’s very individual. 

My op is booked for 19th but wle may change depending on mri result. I’ll be contacting nurse Thursday to see if I can glean some information. Preop  next week.

Mornings seem to be the worst time for me... the one thing I really don’t have the motivation for is cooking....just want something easy... my husband would probably say that nothings changed  !!! 

Been out and had bra fitting @ m&s ... got a post op bra and sports bra so that’s something. I’ve sent away for a couple of soft front fastening bras from Asda so will see what they’re like.  Xhugx

[Michelle21]

Hi Feenix
Must feel good to have the MRI done, something to tick off the list and you will know exactly what you are dealing with. My dr said I won’t have MRI unless they find it in at least 4 lymph nodes which I’m a bit confused about as everyone else seems to be having one as a matter of course. Do you have a date for your op and know what you are having done. Hope you have had a good day and wake up positive x

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle

I had my MRI today. I’m not due appointment til next week, preop,  although I’m going to catch up with my Mac nurse on Thursday. Sounds as though you are going to have a good day... positive vibes. It’s good to sleep well and makes such a difference.

Will think of you on Thursday.

 Feenix xx

[Fairy Dust]

Yes, today is going to be a good day. I'm going to gave a good fettle today, so the house should look better by the end of it!

[ladybowler]

Michelle

Love the sound of your day, it is amazing the difference having a good nights sleep can make to your overall wellbeing.

Have a lovely day despite the weather xxx

[Michelle21]

Good morning! Can’t believe I actually slept last night, only woke once and went back to sleep without crying! I have a nice day planned, walking the dog and afternoon tea with my beautiful family. Today WILL be a good day.
I am focusing on keeping busy and getting to Thursday which is my next appointment. When is your next appointment Feenix? I hope you have a good day today. We can do this just look at the thousands before us that have come through the other side.
Thank you Jo your message radiates hope which is just the ticket. X

[Jobey68]

Ladies I so feel for you all at the minute, I will never forget that awful time in the early days when the fear was so over whelming and you just want it all to stop, it's was the lowest I felt throughout .

Things just begin to change as you tick off each stage and without even realising it the days and weeks are  passing and you are dealing with it, as you say there is nothing you can do other than go with it and Personally I found none of it was as I'd imaged at all! 

3 years ago I couldnt see past the end of the week let alone to all this being over and life ever being normal again but it is , life is great ! We go to work , we chat about our day over tea , go to bed and repeat! 

You appreciate the simple things , our motto is boring is good! 

Xx Jo 

[Michelle21]

Thanks Helena and Feenix, tomorrow is another day x

[Feenix]

Can relate to how you’re feeling Michelle21.

Can feel myself dipping again tonight ... thoughts of MRI / results / all my twinges seem to be too enhanced to be nothing etc etc ... start to get scared. Even Top Gear isn’t distracting me  

Waiting for a few good vibes to come back but I don’t find it easy to feel optimistic or hopeful... tendency to be on the dark side when the old brain cell goes into overdrive. I’ll work on it though.

Feenix

sending hugs to all

[ladybowler]

Ladies

Just wanted to send you all hugs and honestly it does get better in time

We are all here for you whenever you need us

Helena xxx

[Michelle21]

Thanks Gill, it’s good to know others understand. I just want to scream out “someone help me” but obviously know this is useless and that all I can do is go through the process like everyone else here. The whole situation feels so helpless. X

[Gill3105]

Michelle I know exactly where you are coming from. Fear of dying horrible thought but daren,t say it to anybody else. And feel the anxiety growing suddenly coming from nowhere. I had a good day yesterday but not so good today. But you can come on here and talk on things that you can’t talk to family about for whatever reason. I am really achy today and tearful and thought I could cry no more.

[Michelle21]

Omg where does that fear come from. I’ve actually had quite a good day and laughed quite a lot but just sat and watched tv and I can feel the fear and anxiety building up. It comes from nowhere, I just want to burst into tears but can’t because my girls are here. This is sooo tough, all I can think is I don’t want to die. Sorry for saying that but I don’t know who else to say it to.

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle21
Sounds like a good idea to return things bought if you're not happy with them. I searched online first so I could target shop....think I was on a 'good' day yesterday. Pleased you got through last evening and it helped you push things out of your mind even for a short time... but obviously very emotional evening.
I know what you mean about telling friends and others. I've told only a few friends at present, some family know. It's hard because I live away from where I come from.

Feenix xhugsx

[Michelle21]

Hi Feenix, your PJ purchase sounds way more sensible than mine. Looking back on yesterday I was a women possessed!! I think I will return what I bought when I can trust myself to be slightly more level headed! Last nights event was great and bad. Bad because I cried when I said hello and goodbye to my friend. I don’t want to tell anyone until I know what’s going on and after we’ve told our girls so now my friend is worried. But it was great because there were points in the evening when I actually didn’t think about it, which is a great achievement. There was also someone there with pancreatic cancer so even though he didn’t know about me it made me feel less alone.
Well done on the hoovering!! Xx

[Michelle21]

Hi Mai I’ve just read the first page on your blog. Thank you so much, even though I’m crying again it has given me hope xx

[Mai7]

Hi Cass, sorry you find yourself here but welcome to the forum.  I had a similar diagnosis to you, stage 3 including lymph nodes.  I finished all active treatment in January and am now a year post-diagnosis and feeling pretty good and very alive!  If you want something to relate to here is my blog for you to read (warning: may contain humour) http://lifeafterlola.blogspot.co.uk/

Try and be kind to yourself and pamper yourself a bit to feel better.  It's really tough in the beginning but it does get easier. Xxx

[Feenix]

Forgot to say....I’ve done some hoovering !!!!

[Feenix]

I’ve been around the shops too Michelle21...got a pair of pj’s from Bon marche...front button top with short sleeves..in sale £12. Went into m&s but no bra fitter but have ordered a couple of front fastening sports bras as I understand they are comfy and I’ve booked in for fitting next week. I’ve also had my hair cut short...easier to manage + who knows what treatment I might need.

I do hope your night out might provide a bit of distraction and you get through it ok... I guess it’ll be hard being in a crowd.

sending a big hug

Feenix xx

[Michelle21]

I’ve just been into town on a mission to get a dressing gown and pj’s. Rushing round from shop to shop in the end it got the better of me and the tears came. I’ve bought a couple of pairs of pj’s that probably aren’t even suitable after a mastectomy. I just felt I had to do i, had to buy something. I think it’s about trying to get some control back, anything even just buying nightwear. How nuts is that?
I better you’re glad you didn’t attempt that jump Cass, could of been a bit awkward when you realised you were already on the ground!
We’re going out tonight for a big event, I’m hoping I will be distracted but nervous that I could start crying at any point.
Good luck with your MRI on Monday Feenix x

[Feenix]

Hi Michelle21

Im having MRI to determine size as I’d mentioned ‘dimple’ although not there all time. 

I’m like you with all my twinges ....

Feenix xx

[Feenix]

Hi Cass

I was saying to Fairy Dust that if I was a runner I’d probably keep going....

I do find it hard concentrating at times. I’ve started a journal of sorts...have a notebook I can jot things down in when I feel the need....usually at bedtime. Being on this forum helps too.

Sending a hug and good wishes for ct scan result next week.

Feenix xx