At last I have found a site that is not blocking me because I am not in the UK, you have no idea how amazing that is. Originally from Portsmouth but living in the Czech Republic, diagnosed 2nd April and surgery booked for 24th May. Medical staff have all been amazing, I cannot fault the care so far, however it can be really difficult to explain how I feel, I think it gets lost in translation. I am scared to tell those at work that I want to tell, because I don’t know there experiences of the same, so I feel like I am walking around keeping some sort of dirty secret, and that just makes me angry. I walk around with a brave face on, as if nothing is going on, but I want to shout it from the roof tops, I am so so angry, and wonder if I have done this to myself, am I just being dramatic? I am scared to cry, I don’t want emotion to get the better of me, I want to stay in control, but feel that I don’t have any. Have any of you experiences the same mixture of such extreme emotions?
Hi Fatcoke, sorry you find yourself here but glad you found us. It’s normal for your emotions to be all over the place. You can let go and have a meltdown if you want to and then you can pick yourself back up again when you’re ready. I think it is common to want to feel in control but allowing yourself to work through different emotions isn’t a weakness. As cancer patients we feel under pressure to be strong and positive but we don’t have to be all of the time. I was diagnosed in March 2017 and after chemo, surgery and radiotherapy I’m getting back on with life again. Here’s my story: lifeafterlola.com/
You can also go on the “going through treatment” threads on here to chat with others going through the same treatments.
No, you haven’t done it to yourself, it’s just one of those things.
Emotions being all over the place is quite usual, we’ve all been there & it can certainly take us by surprise. Just go with it & try not to place high expectations on yourself. It does all settle down, though, when your treatment plan is in place.
This stage does pass & thankfully, it can now be treated, which is the most important thing.
Sending hugs & come & chat or vent whenever you need to.
fc, I can relate. Newly diagnosed and don’t get out much so no circle of friends to tell. I just want someone, anyone to tell but afraid they’ll see it as my wanting sympathy or a pity-party. I just want to say it out loud so maybe I can begin to better accept it. I drove home from my recent appt with more negative details and started to cry. I stood tough at the Dr’s office though because I want him to know that I refuse to give up before the battles even begun. I fear if I start crying too my family will see it really is affecting me, emotionally too. Maybe a good cry would help get alot out. Anyone out here have any suggestions for us?