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Still can’t believe this happening!

73 REPLIES 73
Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Wow fab news about your partner. Hope all goes ok with you too x
Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Partner is all clear! I have to say I was so stressed over it , just the way our luck has been going recently it wouldn’t have surprised me if it had been bad news! On my way for second attempt at getting results and plan of action! X

Jobey68
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi EmmaLou , how frustrating having a delay in your results, it's hard enough a wait as it is and I'm sorry your partner also has his own worries going on too. the universe seems to aline to kick us while we are down but hopefully all will be well for you both 😊I remember in the months after my diagnosis it was one thing after another within the family , you couldn't make it up but we all got through! Best of luck to you both Xx Jo 

Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi everyone.

ive had a few really up and down days, Friday should have been results day but due to sickness I have to wait until Thursday, so more bloody waiting! I appeared to be healing well but I have had the most horrendous pain and was thinkinking I may have an infection, but seems to be easing a bit now. After not being able to rest post op I am now the opposite and struggling to do anything! I’m meant to be back at work on Friday and don’t want to go. My house is in need of cleaning but hoovering is really uncomfortable. On the plus side I seem to have been able to knock the cigarettes on the head! 

I feel like everything is on hold until Thursday, oh and my partner is having a scan on his testicles as he’s found a lump!,

It’s never ending!

Kayjay
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Yeah, my worries all related to various twinges & sensations in my (non affected) breast. But I'd just stopped taking HRT suddenly, so I figured there were all sorts of hormonal changes going on because of that, which were causing the sensations - a bit like it used to be prior to a period. If you've just stopped the pill it may well be the same. Well done for a whole hour!!

Take care, KayJay x

 

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thanks. Spoke to bc nurse and she said not related to my bc thinks stress or related to coming off the pill. Didn’t think about it for an hour yesterday and no pain so think all in head. So scared if it spreading
Kayjay
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Jobo, hope you are having a better day today. It is MUCH more likely to be stress related rather than anything else. If you possibly can try to find something to distract your attention (gentle exercise/good book or tv/talking to a friend/bit of upbeat music and a jig around in the privacy of your own front room!!) 

Think of it as an experiment - if you can distract yourself even for 2 minutes/or you notice 5 minutes have passed & you haven't thought about your symptom - that's kinda proof that it's probably your mind rather than your body that's causing the trouble. And if you can distract yourself for 2 mins, maybe you can do it for 5 or 10.

Good luck, sending a hug your way

xx

 

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Having a down day again.!! Keep getting shooting pain down from my belly button. Again probably stress. Just wish I could switch off for 5 minutes
Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi how’s everyone doing today
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Jobo,
As Jo says. Friends mean well, but unless they’ve been through it themselves, what’s said is often not helpful, so glad you’re here.
Loads of us become hyper sensitised to every ache & pain at this stage, you’re not alone in this & it’s certainly not “insane.”
If a scan was needed, the team would do it, most of us don’t need one.
ann x

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thanks xxxa again xx
Jobey68
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Well meaning friends have a habit of doing this! 

They would offer you scans if they feel you needed them , I didn't have any. They make their decisions based on the facts and if there was any suggestion things were going on elsewhere they would act on it. 

 

Take a deep.breath and try and focus on what you know for certain at the minute, anything else is just speculation at this point. XX 

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Well meaning friend just scared me even more saying if I was concerned about spreading I should ask gp for a scan
Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thanks ever so much nice to know I’m not insane after all !! Felt it since and now feels normal so was probably tense before. Wish I could stop looking and worrying constantly x
Kayjay
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Jobo and everyone else,

I am doing this all the time - in my case I get convinced that the twinges I feel in my other (hopefully healthy!) breast are signs of something sinister.  Because I did a bit of work on anxiety & stuff in my professional life, I KNOW that these sensations are much more likely to be stress/anxiety related than caused by anything else & (mostly) I manage to control the worry.

Our bodies are amazing things, breathing/circulating/pumping/digesting/responding to hormones etc ALL the time - a constant hive of activity, which under normal circumstances we pay no attention to (because it would be very distracting if we had to concentrate to keep breathing in and out for example). We take it for granted that our heart continues to beat and we ignore the fact that it does - but if you try it's quite easy to sense your pulse and bring it to your awareness.

Because of the shock and anxiety of our diagnosis, we have become hyper-vigilant and over sensitive to any slight change in our bodies and are constantly scanning and on the look out for more 'danger'. We are simply now noticing things that were either there all along or happening routinely before, but we just never took any notice of them. If we focus on them we are more likely to keep feeling them & end up in a viscious circle of noticing and worrying. If we can manage to ignore them, they are more likely to fade into the background and disappear (until the next time, or the next twinge pops up somewhere else!!)

I'm saying this like it's easy to do - in theory I sound like I understand it, but I struggle with it too some of the time. 

I hope this makes sense and might help some people a bit.

KayJayxxx

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thank you just so scared
Jobey68
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Jobo, you are not going insane I promise you! I remember all too well feeling so ill and hurting all over I honestly didn't think I would see the week out let alone still be here 3 years on. Anxiety is awful but that's all it is , In reality I had just 4mm of cancer in my breast yet for a few weeks I imagined the worst! 

 

Its impossible not to be stressed but the majority of us have no spread at primary diagnosis and will go on to be fine, of course there are no guarantees but the more time that passes the easier it becomes to relax. 

 

Just try to focus on one step at a time, there's is no second guessing or making things go quicker than they are, dig deep and you will amaze yourself with how strong you actually are Xx Jo 

 

 

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi everyone was doing ok then anxiety monster reared it’s head again !!! As well as aches and pains does anyone notice things physically with there body try and find lumps convinced spread. Just a few mins ago convinced it had speed just below breasts in centre as felt hard. Probably always felt like that I have no idea sorry think um slowly going insane
Feenix
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Jobo

Im the same with aches and twinges, anywhere ... it seems to be a common thought brought on by high levels of anxiety and fear. If I’m occupied I tend not think about them. I try meditation if I feel I’m over stressing. I’ve had 2 meltdowns over the past couple of weeks and I found they did me good ... a good lot of snots and tears got it out of my system ..... just go with How you feel and what works for you.

I became very anxious after I had my MRI as I envisaged I would be lit up like bonfire night when it was looked at .... preliminary feedback about the report says not so apparently.... now awaiting planning consult next week and hoping nothing has changed. Smiley Happy

Just trying to concentrate on one step at a time....

 

sending positive vibes

 

Fee xx

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Silly question but does that mean the pain is real, in my head or caused by stress x
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Jobo

 

It is a lovely safe place to be as everyone gets how you are feeling and what you are going through xxx

Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Glad I’m not the only one. Pain feels so real and every time I try and forget about it it feels worse so viscous circle. Glad I found this site
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Jobo

 

Definitely not just you, every single ache and pain you have makes your mind go into overdrive and you think that it has spread, it is the stress of the diagnosis and teh anxiety monster taking over.

 

Sending you hugs

 

Helena xxx

cazzy50
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Every pain or twinge I get I put down to the cancer spreading, my son however told me it is because i'm 60. Bless.
Jobo
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi everyone I was diagnosed over a week ago anxiety went through the roof. Still can’t believe it’s happening. I am having a mastectomy on the 18th. Does anyone else get pains in stomach/back and get convinced it’s spreading or is that only me. Love the tips on focusing on the op and not the what ifs x
Fairy Dust
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Sorry!! Kayjay!!! See, brain fog😵😲

Fairy Dust
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi, everyone.

 

I found the 3sets of biopsy I had very traumatic, Emmlou, and the naked photos I had to have at the hospital (really wasn't prepared for those).

 

What a great post Jaykay!

 

My brain is beginning to turn to mush now! Not sure whether it's the stress of all this and waiting for surgery (dmx 29th April) to get it out and trying to keep working or whether the Letrozole (side effects now kicking in!) is affecting it (probably a combination). Was going to try to comment to you individually, but now lost track of who's at what stage and what I was going to say, so going to just wish everyone on here good luck, particularly as I think some of you are close to surgery now. Completely lost track of what I've read now. Anyone got any remedies for brain fog 😕 hugs to everyone xxx

 

"We don't know how strong we are, until strong is the only option we have!"

 

 

 

ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

So right, Sunflower, it’s an unwelcome invader, that’s all.
Thankfully, bc tends to get picked up early & many of us are fit & healthy when diagnosed, hence that surreal feeling.
When I was told my diagnosis, the thought running through my head was “what? me? cancer? are you mad!?”
ann x
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Sunflower

 

I remember when I was diagnosed, on the way back from the hospital I saw a poster on a bus stop with Mr Blobby on, I decided there and then that I would call my tumour Mr Blobby and that he would soon be out of my body for good.  It helped get me through those early weeks to focus on that.

 

Helena xxx

Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thank you Kay jay and glad the surgery went ok for you. Fingers crossed on your results. I am getting there and focusing only on the surgery at the moment. Mornings are still not much better but not so many tears. Get a bit grumpy also which isn’t like me really but when I am feeling grumpy and a bit flat I tell everybody around me so at least they are prepared for when I moan about the most trivial thing that I know are really not important but right at that time they are. I am taking the good days with a passion which helps me get through the no so good or when you feel that anxiety growing inside you. I am now fine when I tell people and always finish by saying check them boobs!! I am just thankful for mammograms and routine check ups as if I hadn’t gone for this it would be a completely different story in 3 years time words said by my surgeon and engraved on my mind. Take care and hears to a good recovery. X.
Kayjay
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Dear All, Gill & Sunflower especially,

I had the same op as you both a week ago today, with results to come this time next week. Obviously everyone's experience will vary, but I think I can say fairly confidently that it won't be as bad as you may be imagining.  I wouldn't presume to tell anyone else how to cope, but these are some of the things that have helped me so far:

  • Remember your op is your first step towards recovery, at the moment all you need to worry about is getting to that day, what comes afterwards can wait for now.
  • Swearing a lot
  • Clean the house & fill the freezer (better still line up someone else to do this if it's an option)
  • Be spontaneous and rebel a little - ask yourself what you'd like to do and if at all possible make it happen - put yourself first a lot of the time
  • Keep in contact with people who make you feel good. If possible avoid anyone or anything that doesn't
  • Cherish your body - eat, sleep and exercise if you can. Your body isn't your enemy & deserves looking after
  • Say yes to all offers of help, company and distraction
  • True bravery means doing things despite being scared. With any luck you'll never face anything this scary again - so maybe once this is over, nothing will really have much power to scare you ever again
  • You have joined a band of wonderful, supportive, couragous, witty people - there is a lot of good in the world
  • Practise conjuring a soothing mental image that you can readily visualise in your mind - make it a 'go-to' place in your head & combine it with some controlled breathing for when they're sticking in needles etc.
  • We are lucky to live in a time and place where treatment and technology put the odds in our favour
  • If all else fails - you have a trump card to play, for a little while anyway, there's virtually no better come back to someone than "Actually I have cancer ...."

Hugs to you all, KayJay xx 

Helenk
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Don't worry about having chemo first. I did, and I understand what you mean about just wanting the tumour out of your body. My oncologist said in my case if there were complications with surgery it might delay chemo and he felt that was the priority. After surgery when they did the biopsy on the actual tumour (10cm) they said the chemo had smashed it to pieces! They also downgraded the grade to a 1 rather than the 2 they said originally. I was glad I'd had chemo first while well as the surgery has taken sooo long to heal, still really sore 4 months on.
Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Sunflower 

the mri was the worst thing and the thing I’m dreading I may have to have again, I was completely unprepared for feeling so claustrophobic. That and the first biopsy have been the most shocking, by op day I had just had enough of having needles in my tit and being poked and injected with stuff, certainly not good for a control freak like me. 

Big hug to you. Xxxx

Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi sunflower. How’s things? Another day gone by hey. Good day for me today positive thoughts at last. Have posted a couple of post but they don’t seem to be appearing for some reason. No tears this morning so a good feeling not to feel as grim even if it is just one day. Hoping this message gets there and sending hugs to all the amazing ladies here. All take care
Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Emma Lou. Thank you for your kind words. Good day for me today. First morning no tears and woke at 7 Instead of 5 and was a good feeling telling hubby no tears. Have to keep busy though, busy doing nothing most of the time but that’s fine. 14 days to go!! Today has been a positive day for me with positive comments to others. Had a little blip when the good ole anxiety just turned up out of the blue but I consciously told everybody in the room it was happening and we all just talked and within 10 mins I was fine again. More days like this please. Hugs to all you ladies out there and yes Emma us ladies are tough cookies and this forum has helped me tremdously get to where I am today. it will be 7 days tomorrow since I was diagnosed and Alton towers can’t come anywhere near this roller coaster. Thank you ladies. Hugs x
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Sunflower

 

I know it worked for me, just deal with what I knew and then handle anything else as it might come along.  Small manageable milestons xx

 

My bp was high the week before my op, no wonder when I was sitting in a hospital having my pre-op with the nurse telling me that I needed to relax!!  My GP put me on bp tablets and everything was fine.

 

Helena xxx

Michelle21
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

I have the same feelings of just wanting this out of me. I will be having a mastectomy but I don’t know when. I have more results on Thursday and will find out if it is Chemi first and then surgery or vice-versa. Do most people have surgery first? I really just want to get on with it. In my head I’ve built up surgery to be the solution, getting rid of it all and moving on. If they tell me on Thursday that it is chemo dirt I think I’ll be disappointed, how weird is that?!
I still can’t believe I am saying, thinking and going through all this stuff.
Good luck for your op’s 2 Gill and Sunflower. I’m sure everything will go fine after all it is surgery that is done regularly. X
ladybowler
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Sunflower

 

You are certainly not alone with the feelings of "what if" because it stuff that you can not control.  I know it is going to be easier to say than do, but try as much as possible to deal with what you know so far, the "what ifs" are stuff that you can not change and do not know if they are going to happen, so try and put them out of your thoughts otherwise you are just going to cause yourself more anxiety.

 

I am not sure, but I do not think they would cancel an operation because of a cold.

 

Sending you lots of hugs

 

Helena xxx

 

 

Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Gill & Sunflower.

reading your messages are exactly where I was , and I did get a cold! A real humdinger, I dosed myself up with vitamin c cold and flu and took a few days off work before hand. My mother used to say colds are like an internal weeping, in the case I think it was totally true. I was still a bit stuffed up on the day but no temperature and my blood pressure was fine.

as for the getting grumpy! Oh my I was horrible, my poor other half saw me in a way he’s never seen me before I was completely losing it with him, and then I had a complete emotional break down and blubbed for hours. I felt I wasn’t coping but you know what I think I was doing ok , just the same as you both are now! We ladies have developed some sort of super strength,  

i have to admit on the day of surgery I was fine until I had this wire put in my boob and I just lost it cried continually until I went home. 

Im trying not to think about the results I think the worst is over now? I find it hard to rest, not that I want to do cleaning and crap like that, I want to to go out drive etc, I went to a wedding on Saturday, my best friends sons wedding, and I overdid it a bit, I know I need to to rest my body is saying stop it! I can’t control everything so have to give into it a little bit. 

This is a horrible situation disease and basically the crappiest of crap time, but we can do this! We’re fabulous women after all!

im sending you my love and hugs if I can do this so can you xxxx

 

ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

The mind does go into overdrive in the early days, Gill, but it does settle. Of course, you now know that it is there, but nothing will change between diagnosis & treatment, the most important thing is, it’s been diagnosed & it will now be dealt with.
I remember that feeling of just wanting it out of me & I was so relieved when the op day arrived, that I almost enjoyed the experience! Just to add, I had a WLE so not major surgery.
ann x
Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi sunflower. Yes countdown has now begun as we are now in the month it will take place. Have my hospital plan but not my plan yet. Don’t seem to be able to get my head in the right place somehow. Had a good day yesterday and thought maybe turning a corner. Wrong. Today not so good and feel the anxiety growing inside. Mornings are horrendous just cry cry cry. Then usually ok. Know what you mean about getting a cold and thankfully I can work from home remotely so have requested I do this for just that reason. Almost over reacting and getting a tad clinical but if it helps then so be it. Seem to be a bit grumpy also over silly little things which really are not important. I just want the day to be here and get rid of this thing that is suddenly making me aware it is there whereas before I was absolutely fine and well. Is this sychological or is it growing and moving that’s the fear. Speak soon x
Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi sunflower. Yes having exactly the same op as yourself and going through very similar motions as yourself. Reading the brochures and leaflet in the pack give. On the day of my results. What a brilliant idea on doing the excercises prior. On my to do list for today once I have pulled myself together as mornings are not to good for me. One thing for sure is I am so glad I have found this place it has helped so much already with amazing ladies . I am sure we will speak again between now and the next few days of which I am counting are you? I am doing my best to go day to day and not beyond but this is so hard as automatically go to “ waiting for the results after the op” and what if. Try hard to focus on other things but very tough.
Gill3105
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hello sunflower. I to have my surgery on the 16th from being diagnosed earlier this week. The emotions are unbelievable and it is so scary. Like other posts you mind goes awol then I seem fine then a complete wobbly. So so scary and the posts on here having only just joined less than an hour ago have made me see that I am not alone in what I am about to go through.
Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

I stil feel that I can’t quite believe it! I’m not sure those feelings ever go away.

best bit of advice is be kind to yourself, and lots of pillows I bought a v shape pillow which is great strongly recommend one of those. 

Sunflower when is your surgery? I know you’ve been waiting a while.

 

xxx

Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

No thought is a crazy thought, you need to process this ordeal in your mind. How your conscious and subconscious deal with it is down to the individual, I feel envious of those that are not openly screaming inside!  Well the ones who are admitting  it openly! 

Im now 2 days post surgery well nearly 3 as it’s sillly o’clock, and I’m starting to worry about the follow up appointment, did they get it all? Is it in the lymph nodes? Will I need further surgery, chemo , radiotherapy, tamoxifen .........  my mind is working overtime a lot of the time but to be honest I’m too exhausted to be worrying about it at the moment!  I’m more concerned about being constipated from the codeine, I’ve never had this problem before, usually the opposite! Senekot it is! 

Animal mad
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi to all I’m waiting surgery and 2 more results from biopsy’s, worrying about chemo if it’s needed and will I be able to wear a bra afterwards and then I argue with myself and say hey be lucky it can be sorted... but am I lucky I got it... slowly cracking up. But lovely to read other stories and no I’m not alone in my mad thoughts 😊
Fairy Dust
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Thanks, Sunflower. Yes it's the control freeks in us. Why do we find feeling vulnerable a problem. I've even had a recuring dream where I've done the op and sorted myself out!!! I don't know about anyone else, but the worst Tims for me is when I'm on my own. Both my husband and son have been on nights and I haven't seen them for three days because I work during the day. Then I remembered last night that I had felt really bad the last time this shift pattern came round. It really makes me feel for those who have no choice but to be alone through this. It's good to feel we can try to support each other a bit, if only virtually, on this forum.

 

Good luck for the 16th, Sunflower and best wishes for your recovery Emmalou. xxx

Emmalou66
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi all, 

I had my surgery yesterday, the surgery is not as bad as I was anticipating, but I was so emotional cried continuously from when they put a wire in to mark the spot it wasn’t the pain I’d just had enough. The staff were lovely one nurse came and sat with me and talked to me for ages and gave me a big hug. 

The drugs are great take them if they are offered to you it keeps the pain down and your sense of humour up as I got home totally spaced out to the amusement of my other half! I just wanted to eat! 

Oh and blue wee! From the dye they inject, very disappointed I don’t look like a smurf though. 

I went off sick from work a couple of days before the surgery, I had 5 days off prior. I developed a stinking cold. I’m glad I took the time, I was worrying about being too ill for surgery and having to go through it all over again. 

I spent the time buying post surgery bras!! And a v shaped pillow, also some little heart pillows . I got lots of advice from ladies on a Facebook group. Cushions cushions cushions pillows plillows pillows.

 look on Facebook for “Jens Friends” they offer free heart shaped pillows for post breast surgery and just ask for a donation towards postage. Waiting for mine to arrive.

big hugs to you if I can do this so can you xxxx

Fairy Dust
Member

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

I know exactly what you mean Sunflower.

 

I've finally got a date for my surgery, 29th April, and thought I would feel better having the date. Nope I'm down in my boots at the moment and not sleeping, hence rediculous hour for this post and I've got work later!

 

Good luck to anyone facing surgery. xxx

Mai7
Community Champion

Re: Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Adele, yes, having people to support you is nice but I was quite independent and went to some appointments alone or took a friend.  Just take whatever help is offered. People reach out and help but you have to let them know you need it.  I didn't tell many people about my diagnosis early on but now I'm all finished and doing well I've told a lot more people and have been overwhelmed with how supportive and kind everyone has been. Xxx