71.3K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Telling parents

8 REPLIES 8
jacqu
Member

Re: Telling parents

@Viewpoint That must have been very difficult telling your parents, you must feel somewhat relieved now that you’ve got over that particular hurdle.

Best wishes to you x

Eglis
Member

Re: Telling parents

Totally agree - it’s not easy .......

people are generally stronger than we think!  
Wishing you all the very best!

Eglis
Member

Re: Telling parents

It’s not easy.  I told my parents over a video call as I live abroad - was tough but so glad I did.  They were devastated but have been great source of support.

I have children too so felt I couldn’t keep it all ‘quiet’ but hated burdening everyone BUT as they constantly reminded me, it wasn’t my fault and they wanted to be there for me.  I would want to know if they were in same situation and that was the deciding factor to tell them.

I tried to keep to factual information about diagnosis and treatment plan rather than exposing my feelings.  I got very good at talking about situation with them and my doctor as if I was talking about someone else...... that helped me but we are all different.

I’m sure you will find the best way for you....... trust your instinct.......there’s no wrong way of doing things in this process..... just the right way for you.

Good luck

Viewpoint
Member

Re: Telling parents

Gosh Jacqui that is tough and I really appreciate how you feel. 
I did tell my folks yesterday and kept it light - I’m having an operation as I have primary breast cancer. Tried and tested procedures, consultant knows what she’s talking about etc.  They were both quiet and I guess they are both processing it now.    I didn’t feel great telling them as I am person who hates fuss and I find it hard to talk about these things anyway but I felt I couldn’t not tell them. They would be upset if others knew and they didn’t.   I believe it’s about telling them how much medicine has moved on in recent years ( need to keep thinking that myself too). 

You know your mom best and will make the right decision. It’s a shock for all not just yourself and people need time, even my close friends were shocked.  I will check in on my folks and see they are ok. If they can see or hear I am they will feel more comfortable too. 

good luck ! 

Shi
Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: Telling parents

Jacqu and viewpoint ❤️ You will weigh everything up while making your decisions, it’s so hard knowing what to do for the best, but you must do what’s right for each of you and be comfortable with your decision, it is totally your choices, you don’t need to feel guilty if you choose not to tell them, there is nothing to feel guilty about, being diagnosed with breast cancer is something you never imagine will happen to you, so you must put yourself first now and always do what’s right for you. Loved ones will understand and support your choices ❤️ They might feel hurt you didn’t tell them but they will understand you wanting to protect them. Sending big ❤️ And I know you will do what’s right for your decisions ❤️ You are and always will be still you. 💕💕Shi xx

jacqu
Member

Re: Telling parents

Hi viewpoint

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the dilemma of whether to tell my frail 87 year old widowed mother who has had a very tough time (two family deaths last year), I really don’t want to add to her worries. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and will have my treatment plan this week. My husband is a great help but neither of us have any family nearby, my mother and one sibling live 400 miles from me, my other sibling lives abroad. The question is whether to keep quiet and not tell them or to tell my siblings but not my mother? If I tell only my siblings I know for certain that they will keep it to themselves.

I was planning to visit my mother after restrictions eased next month (not seen her since December 2019 due to lockdowns) and surgery/chemotherapy will prevent any visits from me in the coming months.

Not only do we have the worry of our diagnosis to contend with but also the added worry and anxiety of the affects on other family members. 

Viewpoint
Member

Re: Telling parents

Thank you Shi. It’s really hard to get any words out and I know I’ll fluff it!  Need to practise what to say. They have enough on their plate with caring for each other. Concentrate on the positives I think. 

best wishes 

Ax

Shi
Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: Telling parents

Hi Viewpoint, sorry you find yourself on here. Have you tried calling the number on here and speaking to a nurse, they might be able to guide you in how to tell your parents. It is such a personal thing and a conversation none of us ever imagined we would ever have to have, but then out of no where you are in that Bob sleigh going down the Olympic run after diagnosis, treatment plan, telling who you want to know, some taking it ok, others doing a beam me up Scottie, some treating you like a China doll while all the time trying to get your head round everything yourself. For me, I was in narnia mode, I told only family and close friends, told them it was going to be fine (obviously didn’t know if it was or still will be) but had overwhelming desire to protect them. Told them I was still me and to treat me like me, not look at me with head on one side with pity in their eyes, it can happen but for me I didn’t want that, I was still me. Your parents will be upset but they will want to protect you, i know when my grandparents had the news my auntie had cancer they were a rock for her, never letting her know how worried they were, they were a rock solid support all the way ❤️ I am sorry if I’ve rambled, Just’s didn’t want to pass your post by and not try and help, others will pop on too to help ❤️ Sending big ❤️👭❤️💕💕Shi xx

Viewpoint
Member

Telling parents

Hi

i was diagnosed a few weeks ago with lobular breast cancer and got my treatment plan yesterday. I have told few people and tomorrow I need to tell my elderly parents, in their 80s and both with poor health.  How the flip do I do that. I am dreading it and considered not telling them but whilst their health isn’t great they are both mentally sound. They would be hurt if others knew and they didn’t. How do I find the right words. I find it so hard to tell anyone anyway. 

anyone any advice...

A