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Waiting for results, going crazy

15 REPLIES 15
Bonny66
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Teagold

i have been thinking about you and hoping you got on ok with your appointment. Mine was a positive outcome as the cancer has not spread and although I have to have a mastectomy on 24th I am taking the positive from it and am grateful I can be treated. We all have to focus on the good bits (not easy I know) but that’s what will help us through. The big pants and DMs helped ( I did wonder why I got DMs at Xmas, when I had no idea just always fancied a pair, now I know! ) if you feel like please do let me know how you got on xx

Feriel
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Morning 

Bug hugs to all of you starting or in the middle of treatment. Teagold, the hospital information pack is helpful to know what to expect. Speak to your breast nurse to prepare for your chemo. Use all the resources available to you. Don’t hesitate a moment. They are all there to help you through the journey. As everyone says, everyone is different and treatments have changed a bit to the better. Good luck to you all xxxx

Feriel 

Bonny66
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Evie

Thanks for the message and hug. Had my appointment Friday and some good news it hasn’t spread:) still awaiting HER2 results but in the meantime booked in for a right side mastectomy on 24th! Other options were ruled out mainly because of the size of the tumour. Then depending on results of op and test most likely radiotherapy. So from this I take the positive in the fact it hasn’t spread. My big positive pants and DMs did the trick! X

Shi
Community Champion
Community Champion

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Teagold ❤️ Surviving Triple Negative Breast Cancer by Patricia Prijatel (she is a 2 x tnbc survivor) helped me, it’s not for everyone but it helped me, just wanted to share. TNBC is survivable, Joan Lunden and Robin Roberts in USA are tnbc survivors as are others here too ❤️ 💕💕Shi xx

Teagold
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Evie, thank you!

I think taking it all into consideration today’s appointment went well or at least better than I’d feared. The PET CT scan was clear so no sign that this has spread beyond breast and they now think one node. On the less rosy side it’s a big tumour (but I do have big boobs!!) and it’s also triple negative. I haven’t been googling the various different types but can see from this forum that triple negative isn’t “good” - but to be honest at this stage I’m just so relieved that it hasn’t spread that I’m taking today as a good day compared to where my imagination has been.

In terms of treatment it’s chemo then surgery then radio, and they’re not mucking around, start chemo next week. So I guess I’ll be on the feb thread.

Thanks again to everyone who messaged me and sent hugs. I hope everyone is doing ok and so glad to have found this gang.

tg xxx 

Evie-S
Community Champion

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Teagold - all the very best to you too. We will be with you holding your hand - and do come back and update us if you feel up to it. Hugs, Evie xx

Teagold
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Bonny,

 

Good luck to you at your appointment today, will be thinking of you. Mine is later this morning, I’m really terrified but I really liked your big positive pants and DMs reference so I will try to channel a bit of that fighting spirit this morning. Let us know how you get on later.

xx

Evie-S
Community Champion

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Bonny66 - I’m sending you a big hug as you wait for your appointment tomorrow. If you feel up to it, do come back and let us know how you get on - and if we can help with any questions. Evie xx

Bonny66
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

I couldn’t agree with you more. I too have had a CT scan (not MRI) and have been waiting two weeks for the results. Such a strange feeling knowing something is going to happen but not quite knowing what! I have my appointment tomorrow and although I’m nervous I will be glad to find out the plan! Time for big positive pants and DMs! I feel lucky that it can be treated in one way or another 

Amy1988
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi teagold. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling stressed about scan results. I know how you're feeling, I've had a few scans since my diagnosis in june 2020 and I always panic about them! And like you, I convince myself the worst has happened. I'm currently waiting to have a new lump checked and I think I'm slowly learning to wait and see instead of torturing myself. Once you know the results and plans then I think it becomes easier to accept. Your team will do everything they can to get you through this and the breast cancer nurses are very helpful too. I hope it all works out ok for you 

Teagold
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Thanks so much everyone who replied. The hospital called and I have to have a pet/ct scan tomorrow, I don’t really understand the difference between all these scans but have decided for tonight at least I am NOT going down a google wormhole trying to figure it all out and second guess anything!

I find it so strange how mood can change literally from minute to minute and hour to hour. I feel calmer this afternoon. Your replies have definitely given me a boost so thanks.

I am really intrigued by the progressive hypnosis healing thing on YouTube, Jan, I am all up for that and will check it out. I really hope you can get your biopsy done soon and get good results.

I loved Evie’s door analogy too - it does feel just like falling down a rabbit hole several times a day. I’m at the very early stages, I literally got my preliminary diagnosis last Friday so I don’t even really know yet what I’m dealing with or anything - this week is just a blur. I will try to close that door this evening and go and have a cuddle with the family.

thanks again xx 

Jaybro
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Teagold

I’m sending a virtual hug. I know exactly how you feel as I’m going through something similar, though maybe at a different stage, having had my diagnosis and treatment 2018-19. In my case it’s just something that needs to be checked out to be on the safe side but the biopsy has been delayed because of a local covid issue that led to all operations being cancelled. More waiting, not just for the little op but then for the results because the surgeon uttered the words ‘breast cancer’ and ‘high risk’ to me.

My way of looking at it is this - there isn’t a thing any of us can do to change the outcome. What will be, will be. There is as much chance of the result being fine as there is of it being back to breast cancer again for me. It may be different for you as you didn’t say where in your treatment you are. So we need to work on ways to look at things more positively and focus on strengthening our emotional health for both now (the terrible waiting time) and later (dealing with whatever treatments are presented to us as our ‘options’). I’m back to my lovely Progressive Hypnosis’s Manifest Healing (on YouTube), which sends me off with the fairies for a good respite and can also send me to sleep at night. There’s a massive range of videos to help with relaxation, refocusing the mind, dealing with negative emotions - I think it’s worth exploring. Others use apps like Calm and Headspace, both recommended by the NHS. Others take themselves on long walks or 5k runs! You need to choose something that will break this cycle of fear.

Everyone here will understand how you’re feeling. Many of us will be looking back with the wisdom of hindsight, recognising where maybe we went wrong in dealing with our emotions at the time. But I’m  certain many of us wish we’d done things just a little differently and this is one area where you can have some control, can make your own choices and possibly find some positive benefits, calming those adrenaline surges that feed our fears (or is it the other way round? Who cares! We just want to break that cycle).

I hope you manage to reduce the anxiety, get on with those other tests (a range of tests is not exceptional) and await the actual diagnosis with a little more ease. I wish you all the best,

Jan x

Evie-S
Community Champion

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Teagold - you’ve had some very wise words from Feriel already, and another lovely message from Bernard. I totally understand how you are feeling, in fact I’m sure almost everyone on here can relate to that fear and noticing every ache and pain in their body and imagining the worst. When I had some counselling after treatment my counsellor suggested I try imagining a big door that I could close to stop me going down the rabbit hole of fear. Once I started going down the rabbit hole it was hard to come back, so I tried to stop myself by closing that door before I got started down the rabbit hole. I don’t know if that sort of thing could help you too - it’s a question of reading lots of ideas about how to manage and seeing if one of them “clicks” with you.

As Feriel suggests, try to take it one step at a time and concentrate on facts you know - and come back on here any time you feel like you are losing your mind and need to chat. And I mean any time, it doesn’t matter how often you come back and write another message.

Sending you love and hugs, please let us know how you get on - and keep chatting. Evie xx🤗

Feriel
Member

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Teagold

It’s very normal to be scared. There is no right or wrong way to go with this, try to occupy yourself with other things if possible. Lots of people have to go back for more tests because the breast tissue is a bit hard to differentiate from abnormal tissue. So it may be nothing. I hope it’s nothing serious. 

With these things the best way to go is deal with 1 thing at a time and not anticipate the unknown. It’s fine to think it but not let it spoil your present if you see what I mean. Whatever it is it will help you appreciate the present life better. I have been dealing with B CA for 12 years, so I have some experience. Good luck 

Bernard_BCN
Community Manager

Re: Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi Teagold

I'm sorry you are stressed and feeling this way.

It is great news that your MRI went smoothly - appointments like that can cause us a lot of stress... it's great that yours is done and that it went well.

I hope you are able to relax and focus on other things. If you think chatting to someone who understands may be helpful, please don't think twice about calling us on freephone 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm).

Sending our warmest wishes your way x

Bernard

Teagold
Member

Waiting for results, going crazy

Hi,

I’m looking for any words of encouragement as I feel like I’m losing my mind. Had my MRI yesterday and that was actually completely fine, not scary not painful at all. I also spoke to the BC nurse yesterday and felt pretty “up” all day - she did say that I’m likely to need more scans which panicked me a bit but will just have to take it as it comes.

Now I’m convincing myself that every other little thing I notice in my body - every twitch or ache or pain - is a sign that the cancer has already spread. I know the best thing is to keep busy and I’m trying to, but my mind is in overdrive, it’s like I can literally feel my brain whizzing like my head is going to explode.

hugs to anyone reading this, thank you xx