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Where do you even begin?

16 REPLIES 16
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B4
Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Jowels,

 

I can see where you are coming from, I am a NHS doctor and undergoing chemo at present after lumpectomy and S Lymph node biopsy. This will be followed by radio. Please don't worry as after surgery you may not require chemo (fingers crossed) depending upon the onco Dx test. 

I will be happy to talk with you, please send me a pvt msg if you wish and we can talk.

Only 1 advise- don't ever google, you could read the RCT's if you wish. There is a good study published in NEMG- in 2018, which explains about oncotype dx test (done for early cancers) and chemo (link given) https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1804710

 

Best wishes

B4

 

 

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Good on you, Shelton. Some very sound advice Smiley Very Happy

Hope you are doing well, yourself xxx

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Having just been through similar experience and now at the stage of awaiting chemotherapy or radiotherapy and not knowing which it will be, I have a little advice. Aside from where children are concerned, allow yourself to be completely selfish for the next few weeks and give in to whatever mood or desire takes you without trying to behave in the way other people want you to. This takes away the pressure and allows the mind to process what is happening. While you are going through this you have no responsibility to anyone except your children. Partners can and do bear up to whatever you put them through and you will do the same for themshould the need arise. If you totally put your own needs first, it's an easier journey and the mind goes back to being normal of it's own accord

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

You're so welcome, flower.

I can appreciate your initial worries and feeling in limbo land, until your lumpectomy and then it's pathology to make sure margins are clear, and what treatment it requires. And I can so remember people trying to say all kinds of things. One of my best friends used to ask me questions about what was going on, treatment wise and but other than that, just listened to "me" wise, how "I" was feeling. Was one of the greatest gifts to give me. None of this "Ohhh, you'll be okay. So many people survive it these days" blah de blah! Yes, of course, it's true, they DO. But . . . when YOU are on the OTHER end of it, totally SHOCKED, never thought it would happen to you, and have just had your life turned upside down? Such statements can "grate", to say the least. It's understandable - people want and try to say the right thing, want to cheer and chide you up! Other thoughtful pressies, were "button-up top pyjamas (important Jowels - easier for access and examination), nice spoiling favourite bath/shower smellies, flowering plants and comedy/romcom dvds (ANYthing funny to distract). Lived on music too - upbeat to uplift and some relaxing to soothe too.

xxx

 

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Delly

thank you for your reply.

Im already feeling I have done the right thing finding this forum.

I know what you mean about having medical knowledge,often I wish I didn’t have my background,as I think sometimes ignorance is bliss!

I hope that you are now well after your treatment.

A huge thanks to you and to everyone who has replied.

look forward to helping each other in whichever way we can and sending you all a hug x

 

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Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Jowels - A BIG welcome from me too. Heck, your post is today! I'm so sorry you're here, but you're in such a good, caring and nurturing place on this Forum.

I went through BC 2006 (at 47). Bounced back really well. Then had a different primary in the other boob, 2007, so was unconnected to first. But having the 2nd, just a year after the first, really smashed me to bits, mentally. Had two masts, full ANC's with both (standard then before SNB). Could have just had lumpectomies and rads. First would have taken 1/2 a boob anyway, so opted for masts (and ANC) in both. Removed the need for rads and neither required chemo.

But. . . I didn't know about this Forum during both. So wished I had. My big point is also as Jill says, it's a bloomin godsend. I know you'll find it invaluable. Not just for amazing support from fellow women who "know", but also such an incredible source of information and advice from those who know. Plus hopefully some much needed laughs along the way too. Special medicine!! Wishing you well with your treatment and a speedy recovery. 

And yeh, I have a medical background too. Not as directly connected as yours though. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't - I know you know what I mean Smiley Happy

I feel like Brucey, now Tess and Claudia on Strictly, when I say "Keeeep posting"!!

Lots of love to you, and everyone

xxxxxxx

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Your a nurse. Give yourself (back) all the kindness and compassion you have given others. And shop for those creatures comforts. X 

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Wonky, I can certainly relate to feeling like you been hit with a brick.

wishing you all the best x

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Jill

thank you for your reply 

you are so right I have felt incredibly isolated despite having support from family.

thank you for the link I’ll have a look now.

x

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Community Champion
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Community Champion

Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Jowels,welcome to the forum .The first few weeks after diagnosis are very difficult and it almost feels like it is happening to  someone else ,it can also be a very lonely experience as even the most supportive friends and family will struggle to understand how it feels to be diagnosed with cancer unless they have been there themselves  .This forum is a lifesaver -you will get so much support from people who really understand how it feels .If you need chemo the monthly threads are an amazing source of support and advice .I am nearly 5 years on now from diagnosis but I am still in touch with the group of ladies I met on the forum that I went through treatment with .I will post you a link to the chemotherapy monthly threads .

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Of course you can. I was diagnosed in early May, lumoectomy early June. Rads whole month of August. Tamoxifen for 7 years. Not huge in bigger scheme of things, but it hit my like a brick. 

Girls who have had more extreme treatment will post you, no doubt. x

 

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Thanks wonky I will 

can I ask where you are at in your treatment?x

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

I didn't get chemo, nearly but it was ruled out as more detrimental in the bigger scheme of things, than advantage. Hit the shops hun, and make the most of this forum; it has been an invaluable support to me, especially during 'wobbles', both big & small. X

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Wonky 

thank you so much for your reply.

I haven’t had much support from the hospital if I’m honest,which I believe is due to a resource issue rather than them not caring. 
Im a planner so getting prepared sounds like me for sure.Ill start thinking of box sets that I’ll no doubt be watching over the coming months.

I think I’ll start by maybe telling my husband and friends that I’m really struggling so they can lend and ear.

im so pleased that I joined here as feel it will really help.My friends have been very supportive but I guess I feel frustrated when they say stuff that isn’t helpful and I want to scream and say how would you know how I feel you don’t have cancer.This is not me at all usually I’m very placid,but such a shock does funny things to us I guess.

I feel like I get my head around one part of this for example surgery and think right let’s get this done,then we see the consultant again and he says oh I may need to do more surgery if I don’t get it all.
my biggest fear was having chemo as I used to administer this in a previous job so know too much about it’s effects.

The planner in me has thought about cutting my very long hair into a bob once I know what chemo it will be then shaving it all and donating my hair.

thanks again and wish you all well wherever you are in your treatment x

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Member

Re: Where do you even begin?

Hi Jowels, I have sent you a hug. It's totally understandable that you are reeling from shock and, despite your profession, frightened.

My advice is don't bottle it up. TALK! To your husband, son , medical team, friends & family. You are never truly alone in BC. 

It's very hard to rationalise 'it'. I guess if it was forums such as this one wouldn't have been set up. 

I found preparing practically helpful; and some indulgences I could justify, remotely as practical - buying lovely soft PJ's, stocking up on books, box-sets etc. None went to waste.  X

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Member

Where do you even begin?

Hi everyone.I have been diagnosed with breast cancer this December after being treated for a cyst for 3 weeks.Like all of you I was completely shocked.

I am having surgery next week to remove the tumour -wide excision plus reduction then likely chemo and radio.

i don’t know where to begin trying to come to terms with any of it.

i am a nurse myself so feel like I’m on the wrong side of this.like many of you feel too young (40)to be in this situation after being healthy and fit by whole life.I have an amazing husband and amazing 5 year old son.i know there is a huge road ahead and I’m in a complete daze right now.Unfortunatley I’m also in a lot of pain due to the tumour having liquid around it meaning I now have had to take morphine which makes me feel rubbish.I expect to have post surgery pain but to be in pain now seems like a cruel joke.

Does anyone have any tips on how to start coming to terms with this situation as right know I don’t know where to startThank you for any help.