Hello Whytefawn (I think you're from the wonderful October chemo starters thread? I am from the November starters thread and your group was inspiring to me when I began treatment),
I had a contralateral Mx in April plus node clearance having had 8 cycles of chemo first. I thought I wouldn't want reconstruction when I was diagnosed and by the time I had surgery, I was sure. Everyone kept saying during chemotherapy that I might change my mind and I did a lot of research to 'test' my intuition about reconstruction. I spoke to women who had reconstructions and those who had not. The more I found out, the more my intuition seemed right to me. I joined Flat Friends and found a lot of reassurance that I wasn't 'strange' or unusual in wanting to avoid more surgeries. I have hated being a patient (no one likes it though, I know!) and just felt that I didn't want to undergo any more procedures or 'tweaks' than I needed to.
I was worried about the look of my body without breasts, whether my clothes would look odd, how well I would or wouldn't adapt to prostheses etc. It is early days, but for me, the look of my body is nowhere near the issue I thought it might be. I am amazed really but I have been able to accept that this is me now and I don't feel the need to change it. My clothes look fine and although style may need some rethinking in the summer, I feel I can adapt and it doesn't push me to think about reconstruction one little bit. It is has been quite a lesson how little people seem to notice. I went back to work between chemo and surgery and was my usual buxom self. I returned after surgery in a new physical state and no one batted an eyelid. I have been pretty open about my treatment, but even so, no one seems to be staring because I am flat.
I am limited in what I can say at this stage about prostheses because I haven't yet gone for a proper fitting etc. However, I do have some softies and knitted knockers. I prefer the KK but it has been a surprise to me how rarely I wear them so far, especially as someone who likes to look 'just so'/takes care over my appearance (my family might even say 'vain'!). That may change, but at the moment, I prefer the ease and comfort of getting ready without them. I want the option of prostheses, but I am also reassured that I can and will manage without when I feel like it. I also love being able to dance, walk fast, run up and down stairs etc without the benefit of my previously well-endowed chest! I think when it comes to choose a prostheses, I will go smaller, maybe much smaller, than I was before this all began.
Throughout all my ruminating, researching and talking to others, I have realised more than ever that it is a deeply personal decision and one that only I could make. I might change my mind later and explore reconstruction but I feel pretty certain that I won't. My only 'advice' to anyone would be take your time, think it through and see where you end up. It is great to be able to discuss this - thanks so much for starting the thread. xx
