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A head full

6 REPLIES 6
Piqueen
Member

Re: A head full

It does help . I think we accept that there will be  physical effects but it's far harder to foresee and  prepare for the psychological impacts they leave scars that one can not see. Thank you and thanks for the  information shared I will take a look. All the best to you x

P ❤️

Eglis
Member

Re: A head full

Glad it helped …… I guess it all takes as long as it takes!

if you fancy some exercise on your own, I really recommend you tube - Rik Bhullar walking Workouts are fun.  Yoga with Adriene is also really good - 30 minute sessions or she has several daily yoga challenges.

it’s a slog but we’ll get there and in the meantime do whatever brings you some distraction, fun or a few laughs into your life!

Piqueen
Member

Re: A head full

@Eglis @catt57 @PJB43 

Hello Ladies 

Thank you for responding. It really helped to write down how I was feeling and is so  reassuring to know that it did resonate with others. Your responses have helped. I do believe that time is a great healer but I suppose the issue is knowing how much time. I agree it feels as though everyone else has moved on from that initial phase of  when I was diagnosed they are at the finish line and I'm still back heading up the hill trying to process everything. I like the notion of being in the moment and will continue to take one step at a time. Who knows may I will look at an exercise class Yoga/Pilates I would usually shy away from such in favour of a solo activity. 

All the best 🤞 And again many thanks  P 💗

 

Eglis
Member

Re: A head full

Hello ladies

can totally relate to all that you’ve written. 
My radiotherapy finished in February and I returned to work immediately after even though I know realise I was quite fatigued.

Life has changed.  I found the Untire app really helpful.  Walking and yoga have helped me with my processing.

I‘ve not made any big changes to my life yet - have family and feel the childrenneed me to be ‚normal‘.  I‘m keeping my mind open to new ideas.

it’s only in the last few weeks I‘ve felt a little happier.  Before I was good at putting on a Fassade - do the hair, put the make up on but inside was empty and flat.

I guess all of this is ‘normal’ …… we are physically and mentally battered and bruised and need to just be kind to ourselves and give ourselves time to recover.  
Be in the moment, step by step, take one day at a time …… all the best 

catt57
Member

Re: A head full

Hi Piqueen,

I know where you are coming from I’m now six months since my operation, and I feel totally lost and alone, but I go to see my oncologist as I have found another lump, anyway yes you feel as if you have dropped down a rabbit hole but not like Alice in wonderland, your mind feels heavy with worry, and yes it takes me forever to get myself to get up and go, doing my hair and lil makeup seems like a huge chore, and the deciding if you really feel like going out, as like you say your hubby tells you your beautiful he loves you, mine says exactly the same but with having to stay in cause of the COVID I feel I’ve put weight on and now finding it hard to shift and with all these hot flushes you feel everything is just taking over your life and yes I will sob my heart out as I feel useless, so I then decided to get in touch with my GP and she has stuck by me all the way she is lovely but I do put a brave face on when I see her but I still don’t feel any where I felt before I had cancer I would love the hot sweats to stop and my energy levels rise so I have a lot more energy and it will hopefully make me feel a lil bit more me cause no matter at the min I deffo don’t feel like me but fingers crossed we will both get there.

 

Take Care

CATT57

PJB43
Member

Re: A head full

Your post resonated with me as I have quite a lot of the same feelings at the moment. More like I’m not sure how to feel, what to do, how to behave etc.  
now treatment has ended it’s a bit like everyone assumes you are ok and moves on and you are still reeling from everything that’s happened in a short space of time. 
I’m looking to go back to work and it’s worrying me as will have to juggle kids housework and going to work and don’t feel completely ready. I’m not sure what the answer is but I just wanted to say you are not alone xx

Piqueen
Member

A head full

Good morning 

I don't know if I'm writing this down just to gain some personal perspective or whether I expect anyone to have any answers ? Diagnosed at the end of April with grade 2ILC (HERS2 neg) I had a Lumpectomy recently completed radiotherapy treatment and started taking  Tamoxifen mid July. The treatment has exacerbated an existing Cervical discs injury for which I'm managing with  analgesia and physio exercises but otherwise all is good I should feel 'good to go,' 'Put it behind me and get on with living,'  'get back to normal.' Only I really don't feel 'good to go' my head is all over the place and as for 'normal' I haven't a clue what normal is now !?!?

I have a head full of questions, worries, of lists of things that I should or need to do and quite honestly it's just  exhausting.  I don't know quite where to start, it's easier to try and block it all out,  only I can't. It just whirls about inside my head space. 

I feel guilty that I've caused my family and friends so much concern and worry I feel guilty that I've been off work for so long. I look okay the scars are neat, heeling well, the blue tinge has faded but remains but am used to it now, from the outside I look okay. I don't worry so much about hair and make up around the house now, but try to make some effort when I have to go out. People comment on how well I look even for the extra little extra weight I'm carrying at the moment and my partner reassures me that I look  beautiful,  that I'm beautiful inside and out. I smile I should feel flattered but that isn't how I feel at all.

I know I need to be back to work, I love my job. The thought if it makes me anxious, I really don't know whether I want to go back to juggling full time work with everything else including  being a carer to elderly relatives and a single mum. I feel tired now, how will I cope? I don't know if I can afford part time and I dread disappointing or letting people down. I need to think moving forward, I need to make a decision but it's easy said and at this point I just don't know. So it's easier not to 

As suddenly as the diagnosis and treatment began it is all over and 'life' is handed back to me. However I have let others guide me through the journey to this point and the realisation that I must now take control seems so overwhelming. I have a jumble of thoughts and ideas,  how  would I like my 'life' to be going forward after all it's my chance to take stock and review, and yet I have no idea where to start. I have become less decisive less trusting of my body and of

own conviction so feel less confident to contemplate life changes it, so it's likely that I shall just slip back into a routine rather than make any meaningful changes. 

  • I realise that this is me trying to gain perspective and if it resonates with anyone else it's good to know I'm not alone in my thoughts and ramblings   
  • Best Wishes P