You are certainly not alone in having these feelings.
I am pretty much in the same situation, almost 3 years post surgery & treatment & on the waiting list for TUGflap reconstruction. I had a pre-op assessment a week before Christmas which has just brought it all back & put the fear of God into me. Really not sure I want to go through it all ! I was very positive about reconstruction after the initial treatment but this far down the line, I feel I've moved on & have learned to live with the tissue expander, which can be rather uncomfortable at times, but bearable. I'm now totally stressed out about it all & don't feel like I could make a sensible decision!
I'm sorry my situation doesn't help you, but I can totally relate to how you're feeling x
The only advice I would give is to talk it through again with your surgeon or BCN to allay any worries or concerns.
I am 2 half years post mastectomy and treatment. I have been on the surgical waiting list for a year now and today received a call with a couple of days for a reconstruction. I have wanted this so much but when I took the call I felt in a bit of a panic and am not sure if I am ready to go ahead, I am so worried as I had failed breast implant surgery after my mastectomy and although I am positive about this surgery I am just so worried about the outcome. Did anyone else feel like this?