I am sorry to hear you are finding this such a tough time, which we all understand. Yes I imagine I am going to go through the same guilt about moaning one day 😞 Its just human nature and after all you are not moaning about your mum. You wouldn't have needed to moan about her. It was the person that dementia and illness had made her and that was not the real her. You know that, so be kind to yourself. My mum used to talk to my dad's photo long after he had gone or you might like to write in a diary as you go through this period of mourning. Then there is something to keep to mark this passing. Do you speak to your sister or the rest of your family regularly? This has made you home sick too and isolated. How about planning for when you can come over and fixing a provisional date?
Anyway thinking of you and hope you can soon think of happier memories love Lily xx
Hi all, thanks for your kind thoughts.
I'm still feeling very sad and emotional, as you know, I used to talk to Mum nearly every day. The feelings of not speaking to her, for nearly 3 weeks now is Immense. I miss her so much. Her moaning, her negativity, is such a deep hole for me. Guilty too for moaning about her. I wish I could spend another day telling her i Ioved her.
Her funeral is 26 March, if I am able to go, with current restrictions I will try. Otherwise it will be a streaming service. I've chosen a poem, and some music.
It's hard to come to terms with.
MrP and myself had our vaccinations yesterday, Astra Zenica ones. I've got a sore arm today and feel a bit fluey. Nothing too bad though .
It's difficult with going on with life as she's not here
Lots of love to you both and thank you for listening. Love Carole xx
just bumping us up to the top again. Hoping you can get on here ok as it keeps getting reversed again, so annoying. Carole I wanted to ask how you were and about the arrangements for your mum so I could be thinking of you that day, across the water. I hope happier memories are starting to help you get through these sad days.
Lisa have you made any plans for this summer yet? Its tempting and you always mange to do so much. I am quite afraid of being ill abroad. It is such a scary time to be ill. I have a date for my vaccine now which will make me feel a lot safer at work but a bit worried about the side effects some people have to, as only just better from my last problem. Still its nothing compared to what I could get with covid so I am going to hope I'm a lucky one and be very grateful to have it given to me. Victor seriously needs a slap after telling me the person who did his seemed to think it was a javelin argggh. He has been fortunate to not experience much illness at all so I think he is under-estimating how brave us bc girls are having had cannulas shoved up veins. Carole's were put in between her toes from memory in France (that did make me wince, still does) and mine had to go into the artery of my heart. So I think a weeny injection is no match for us 🙂 Thinking of you both love Lily xx
Hello, I just read the posts behind this and realised I had not mentioned your friend Lisa. She can't have been very old and what a shock to hear that, for you. I am so sorry to hear that it also made you revisit all the sad memories about Graham and those difficult times. Thinking of you too and hope you, well we all can have some happier days and be able to plan the holidays we love and hug as many people as we want. It seems a little way off still but the vaccines are bringing much hope. I catch the next batch after the big group going through. No vaccines for teachers but I am still at home. Its very hard work doing live online lessons and my eyes are wrecked every day but parents seem very enthusiastic so if it helps the kids and families it is worth it. I would very much like to have had the vaccine and the 3 weeks needed for it to protect you but it seems likely that I will spend every day with 1200 people in narrow corridors and hope I stay safe. Hugs to both of you. Lily xxx
Hello Carole, I am so sorry to hear your news. It sounds like she had no quality of life left but I am sure even though you knew this, it is still a big loss and a gap in your life. I wish I had come on here sooner and I apologise that I haven't been here to support you. Its been a difficult time here too but I still would have liked to talk to you. I hope you can gain some comfort from talking to family. You need some company at a time like this and I hope the company of your lovely dogs helps too as they often sense when their owners are upset and stay close to them. I assume you will not be able to attend the funeral which is another blow but I hope you can be part of her celebration online. I watched my aunt's funeral online and it was unexpectedly nice and we felt a part of it, just the same. How old was she? Ask them to put aside some keepsakes from mum that will bring you comfort later on. Cyber hugs Carole xxx
Lisa I am sorry I have not been on here to talk to you too. I am still coming to terms with losing Nicky and every time I come on here it reminds me. In time that will be a good thing. You are right I had tooth trouble but I will say no more until I announce it is done. Mum had to wait ages for her vaccine and we were ringing most days before it eventually happened a week ago. She had a reaction to the vaccine, as expected and the carer dialled 111 who called an ambulance so another dash over there. The paramedic was horrible to the carer and I. She was grumpy and fierce so mum was scared and acted like the downtrodden old lady after giving me weeks of emotional draining and refusing to eat or drink. Her archaic view is that mum being cared for by an expensive agency in her own home (which is her choice) with 4 visits minimum a day and having anything she wants, was in fact mum being not looked after?? At the point she told me I was unkind for not going to a chemist to consult about anti-sickness drugs (that would fit with her massive cocktail of drugs and conditions) despite the fact that I told her that my brother deals with all her prescriptions and drug reviews, I walked out on her mid-sentence. She told mum that nobody could tell her she should eat and not to eat anything if she didn't want to. Mum is currently on the edge of diabetes and has sky high ketones so we have been urged by the GP to get her to eat carbs to combat this and given warning symptoms to watch for. I didn't say anything as I admire the NHS and will just out this down to her having some kind of mental stress. Meanwhile mum has stopped eating again and using it to control people! She has been very kind about my tooth trouble which at least made her think about someone else, which she is at her best in these situations. Sorry Carole, I didn't know whether to tell you about our latest drama. That's 3 ambulances in under 4 weeks. I did tell the old bag that she was not taking mum in to hospital as she was better at home unless they had something specific to treat her with, and she replied that it didn't really matter what I thought as she had already decided that mum was able to make her own decisions. Mum wanted someone to sit on the end of the bed and watch her snore all night! I waited until she was asleep and went home, needed to for my own sanity tbh. Victor had the Oxford vaccine yesterday as they are now on over 65s and I hope he will feel happier as he has been very worried. This morning he had mild flu symptoms and felt a bit warm but gone during the day, so hopefully ok tomorrow. Lisa I was sorry to hear your brother needs an op. Will he have to wait until the hospitals are clearer?
Most of all Carole, thinking of you, try to keep busy. Perhaps you could make something to remember your mum by, some needlework that you are so good at or planting something in your garden. Big hugs
Oh I'm so so sorry for your news, I csnt even begin to imagine how you're feeling, especially being so far away. Thinking of you xxxx lisa
Hi girls, just a quick post to let you both know that my Mum passed away yesterday morning. It was peaceful, she went into a deep sleep on Friday and just didn't wake up.
I'm not coping too well, I'm here alone and desperately want to have a hug.
Still, times are difficult for everyone but for me I've lost my Mum, the pain is unbearable.
I'm replying at last so sorry, work has been bonkers to say the least, to the point I've updated my cv lol, working St home for almost a year now but I'm sure this is much safer than you Lily.
Carol so sorry to hear about your mum, it sounds awful and so sad, I'm sending you big hugs. Great to hear about your daughters house move sounds like a real bargain too. Yeah they are strict about it saying pcr tests ours had to state it when we nipped to tenerife in early December, oh to be back there now..
Lily, I think I've half avoided as I knew there would be tooth talk but jeez I feel for you it sounds awful and painful. Hope you and is it son had good birthday. What are your thoughts on schools going back??
Not much to report here, mam and dad getting their first jab next week thank god, brother been a bit poorly so think he needs gallbladder out but he's been hospital a few times last few weeks. Sadly, a friend of mine died unexpected. I kept in touch with her on social media but hadn't seen her for a few years. We met 16 years ago when husbands died an online forum bit like this and discovered we were like twins and she was actually born in our town, so we met up, I introduced her to her next husband ans then lost a bit of contact and then gor in touch again. She died in her sleep unexpected and it really hit me as she was my contact with Graham and all we had been through together and her last message to me was about how ide saved her life and made her who she was... I couldn't make her funeral so her son has just sent me a recording of it so feel more tears tonight.
Well been out for a walk so it's bunker down with trashy TV tonight as nothing else to do. Even managed to decorate my bedroom in this look down and made a photo wall collage with pictures ide taken which I love and places I love or mean something 😍😍. Happy weekend both and I've given myself a slap for not being in touch enough xxx
Hi Lily and Lisa
Hoping this finds you both well? As a teacher Lily have you had a vaccination yet? The UK is way up on the list of countries that have given the vax compared to France who is at the bottom.
How is your toothache Lily? I don't know if it will help but when I've had toothache, I've rinsed my mouth with a spoonful of whisky, then I spit out as I don't like whisky and wouldn't drink it. I guess if you like whisky then you get the best of both worlds 😂. Has your daughter had her biopsy results yet?
My Mum spent a week and half in hospital being given fluids and ABs intravenously. She remained stubborn and wouldn't eat, so the hospital decided there was no medical reason to keep her in. An infection hadn't even been diagnosed although something was wrong with her blood test, but no explanation given.
She was sent back to her care home last Friday, and everyone hoped she would perk up. On Sunday the doctor did a video call with mum and my sister, and it was decided to put her on end of life care. I can't bear the thought that her body is suffering, all the family have telephoned her, we've all said goodbye but she continues to live, but can't now move by herself, she spends a lot of time sleeping, she can't swallow so the only relief to her dryness is a wet sponge lolly. The dr hasn't given a time frame, but I imagine she can't continue like this for much longer. She hasn't yet been given any medication for pain, but I think not being able to swallow must cause distress. Sometimes life is so cruel, and with it dying too.
Mr P is now back at work, a lot of our local roads are flooded and the Dordogne river, along with many other rivers have burst their banks in some places.
I'm in the middle of making tomato soup, so better get back to it. Love Carole xx
Hello Carole and Lisa,
Carole what a bother about those 3 letters and I bet he paid a lot for a private test too. Some are £250 here. He will have to keep an eye on the changes. How exciting for your daughter to be moving to a house now, will there be dogs next? I wondered if there was a reason to move. I know you are all dog fans like us.
The thing on the hand sounds difficult to cope with during the day but if it works then it will be worth it. I think you should buy ready prepared veg until you are much better, to save the effort. I have quite a lot of discomfort from having a shattered tooth root dug out. It was quick but I had a swollen face and the nerves are screaming in protest. I rather overdid the tablets to get a sleep last night and I woke up rested and it had calmed. Only soft foods for a few days though and a lot of treatment to come as they discovered there was no bone at all underneath. I am rather scared as they need to graft some in. Not thinking about that. Our birthdays all coming up. I hope you can still have a nice day despite the restrictions. Hugs Lily xxx
Hi Lily and Lisa, I hope this finds you both coping well with the new lockdown, it looks like we will be in lockdown from the weekend again.
Mr P had a saga to return home last week, he had an NHS Covid test first 3 days before his return, it was negative but the ferry company wouldn't accept it because the paperwork didn't say PCR! This was very frustrating for us both as we found out the rules had changed on 19 January. So he stayed with our Son for 2 nights and. in the meantime had to pay for a private test, which took just about 12 hours to complete and again was negative, but actually said PCR!!! 3 little letters made all the difference.
He arrived home Sunday morning. Today I had my follow up visit to the hand specialist, all is ok but I have to wear a frame thing over 2 fingers, 6 times a day to stretch the fingers which is painful at the moment. On the other hand using my hand to cook, chop veg etc is now much better.
Mum is still in hospital, but they are talking about sending her back to her care home tomorrow. She has improved a bit, no infection or other issues except the dementia, she is still very confused but I suppose this will never get any better.
YD moved to her rented 3 bedroom house yesterday, believe it or not she's paying 25 euros more for a big house with garden and garage than she paid for a tiny flat. She is busy with work so is doing well. We are so proud.
Hope you are both doing well and all your families too. Love Carole xx
Hi Lisa and Carole,
I tried to post on here the other day and we were back at the start again grrr. Who keeps mucking it around so you can't post? Anyway it was good to hear from you. The 3 musketeers no or is it 3 little pigs 🙂
We were all very excited about seeing snow and got none on the ground at all. if you looked very carefully you could see a few flakes in the breeze once or twice. Kids are very disappointed. I don't mind as easier to get around. What is the weather like with both of you? I have the dentist this week yuk. Pretty certain I am starting on another giant bill as I have another sheered off crown. It is horrible and had to wait a while to get in to see him. Mum quite a bit better. How is your mum Carole, as she was not well.
Sorry its a quick post but then not much you can do to talk about. We had another of the children's birthdays and I stood outside and watched him open them all, best I could do. Love Lily xxx
Hi all, soz been absent been busy and keep forgetting. Slapped my own wrist and ready for a good read and catch up tomorrow ❤️❤️
Hello Carole, a belated happy birthday and I hope you managed some nice calls from the rest of the family and a few pressies before your mum's condition took over everything. How well I recognise this situation. I spend a lot of time looking at my mother with her eyes shut so I am not sure if this means anything or just a sign of staying at a low level of existence. Keep us posted as it must be such a worry when you are abroad, not that anyone could see her. I hope she is at least comfortable and things like urine infections knock oldies for six. I will be thinking of you. I think mine is pulling out of the latest chaos in everyone's lives as she could not possibly have enough energy to be so mean and moody if she was heading into a coma. I think! I have been pushing the boat and really working on all the family to make more contact with her. Even giving them her very topics and telling them to chat about seeing her when she has had her vaccine. Organising rotas to call her at lonely times of her day. I managed to get some people to be able to see her through the window briefly without breaking any self distancing rules or risking her. I really tried to give her a great morning, She thanked me and said it had made such a difference. Next day I rang she told me to shut up and go away and put the phone down on me. Do you know what I mean when I say its hard to keep putting yourself through this over and over and to not let it overwhelm you? So I didn't call at all for a day, took a risk she wouldn't pop off in that time. Then called in today to see her and she was pleased to see me. Well for 5 minutes then went eyes shut again. My brother can't think of her going but I can't bear to think of having dreadful memories of unkindness, which he doesn't get, just me really. That would be worst for me, if she has had enough. She keeps saying she has. Anyway, sorry that was a bit deep and very gloomy but that is where I am at the moment. No sign of a vaccine coming her way despite the surgery giving them to people in group 4! If you can't get there, tough luck at the moment. Hoping it will turn around very soon. The surgery have both vaccines. Carole I am hoping for the best for both of them and when it happens one day, it being peaceful and easy for them.
Lisa how are things with you? I really think you should get another dog. You were so fond of Robbie. Any chance? How are the family? Hope they are keeping well. I have raging toothache and it looks like another major disaster and many appointments at you know where !!! I think the chemo wrecked my teeth or maybe it was me too as I love chocolate. I need a difficult extraction but they can't fit me in for a bit 😞 Think its heading for an abscess. Well we have last Easter's holiday rolling round again and it just doesn't look like we will get it this year either. I would like to book things and have found a week on the coast in July too but I am not willing to pay the deposit, in case the firm goes under before then. They want 50% deposit so quite a lot to lose. Anything planned you two? I am looking at my postcard of the Spanish steps and the Colosseum and feel like Rome is calling me. We watched a lovely documentary about a lovely rail journey through Sicily and thought yes we will definitely go there. Then they talked about waking up all the time and finding volcanic ash everywhere and we were slightly put off. Have either of you been?
Well I better go now as my tablets are making my tooth be quiet so I can sleep. Carole I hope things improve for mum Love Lily xxx
Hi girls, an update on my Mum. No improvement since my last post. Last night she had a weak pulse, so on doctors advice she was sent by ambulance to A&E. So far they are treating her with fluids and antibiotics, although they don't actually know if she has an infection. I suspect that as she's basically been sleeping for 2 weeks, she's malnourished and dehydrated. So at least the hospital are treating her for something.
Stay safe and hope storm Christoph avoids you both. Love Carole xxx
Morning from a very frosty, but blue sky France. I much prefer days like this than grey and wet.
Lily you mention a pup and an older dog? When did you get the pup, or have I missed something. Has your Mum had her jab yet and how did your uncle fair, any side effects?
As it was my birthday yesterday I did a skype call to Mum, I wish I hadn't. She just looks so awful, propped up in bed and all she does is still droop her head and keep her eyes closed. Her sight wasn't brilliant before all this, so I'm wondering, as I believe it can happen, if someone completely loses their sight they're not aware that they're eyes are closed. My sister and I will query with her home Manager but like you say Lily, a doctor won't go to see her, so I doubt an ophthalmologist will either. I feel so sad that she is likely to end her days like this. We believe she has given up.
Lisa hope you and your family are all staying safe, have you had snow or the floods?
Love Carole xx
we saw snow for the first time today but it did not last long, just very inconvenient trying to get shopping for everyone else I shop for and get in and out all their houses without getting soaked. Roads were a bit flooded but not oo bad. Our garden is like a bog and under water. Our stream is close to overflowing but the house is up much higher ground so it doesn't matter. Dogs getting very wet feet though. The pup was scared of the snow and ran straight back in, so I had to send our oldy out with her for some confidence, That worked. Lisa I heard your town mentioned on the news and about how well they have got on with vaccinating 🙂 Brilliant. Carole you are describing exactly how my mum is before the vaccine!!!! Heaven help us. She is very weak, very low and not wanting to be here, which I find incredibly difficult to accept. The shingles has destroyed her really and left terrible pain in her head and eye so not easy. No dr will come and see her. Its stay home on your own or call an ambulance. No other choice. She is also refusing to eat or drink some days so I have had to sadly say to the family, you might like to try to talk to her because she can't go on like this. They haven't seen her for months and they lift her spirits. She can't even hold the phone for long. I'm coming to terms with her having dropped to an even lower level but she could bounce back if she ate. She is master of her own destiny at the moment. Seeing family walking round her room a lot, is that a sign? Love to you both. Lily xxx
Hi Lisa and Lily
Good news Lily that your uncle has been vaccinated, and I would say be prepared when your mum gets it.
My mum had a vaccination a week ago, she's had a rough time with fatigue. Some days she won't get up, some days she goes back to bed, i skyped her today and she couldn't open her eyes and barely spoke. She seems completely out of it. When she does speak she's talking about living with my nan, who died 25 years ago. It's very worrying as she doesn't seem to be getting over it. The warnings are barely mentioned but maybe Mum is one of the unlucky ones.
Lily it's ED who had the vaccination as she works in a care home. Her arm suffered but she didn't have any other side effects.
Our young granddaughter is still going to playschool which surprised me as schools are closed, why not play schools?
Our weather was cold and dry for a few days, yesterday we had snow which soon turned to rain, so we are now in wet, milder climes.
To think a year ago I was planning Mr Ps birthday to Italy, in the end we went to Spain, just before the world went into pandemic mode.
Lisa how are you getting on? Have you had snow? Hope your parents are staying safe.
All from me for now love Carole xx
Hi Carole and Lisa,
how are you? Lisa have you had much snow yet? Nothing here but I have to spray the windscreen every morning for a light frost. Carole what sort of temperature do you have over there?
Carole I am happy to hear about your troubles with your mum too, makes me feel like I am not the only one! I made a big effort yesterday to make a nice visit and she closed her eyes and told me to go away and leave her alone! i told my brother that was it. I was done. So he must have been working behind the scenes and reasoning with her, as she was very nice to me this morning. Never know what reception you will get when you walk in. She will get the oxford vaccine as soon as her surgery start home visits for the housebound. My uncle had his second pfizer a week ago so is pretty much protected now. I had to drive about 7 miles to get it but as I've been told he has zero chance if he gets it, I was happy to be given the option. Lisa will your parents be eligible to get it fairly early? I can't remember how old they are. Carole if mum is in a home, she will be getting one pretty soon too as they are visiting care homes first. Carole you mentioned your daughter getting a vaccine, is it because she works in a school as she is in the safe, younger group from what we get told? There is a campaign starting for teachers and school staff here to get it. It makes sense as the schools can't stay open without enough staff, if they are keeping schools open as a priority. Plus if they got on with it while we are off, the 2 - 3 weeks after the vaccine, before you have protection would have started to pass. Who knows what will happen. My daughter works with early years children so she had to go to work. She wasn't happy but said she felt ok when there. Her children stayed home with their dad, who was trying to do his job and zoom calls and having a bit of a nightmare trying to combine the 2 jobs ha ha.
I am not keen on a patch of grey appearing in my hair so I have enlisted son to dye my hair tomorrow. I have not done a home dye before so a bit apprehensive. I've tested it on my arm today and no reaction so far. I bought one of the ones to just blend roots just in case it is not the right shade for the rest of it. I couldn't see much difference in the shades on the boxes. Will let you know how it goes. I am a bit scared but as I don't really go out there is time to sort it out if I need to. Its surprising how much losing your hair colour varies. I saw my neighbour, who is quite a bit younger than me go past with a huge completely white patch on the top of her head. I still have lot of dark hair with greys bouncing in all over the place. They look like they might be curlier too, which might be fun. How are you both getting on without hairdressers?
Love to all. Lily xxx
Lily I do feel for you with the problems you have with your Mum, reading what you described, I could've said exactly the same about my Mum. She hasn't really improved much since being put back on the dementia drug. She still wants to go home, she has lost the ability to use her TV remote control, and never answers her own phone anymore. She hides things and then blames the carers for stealing them. The carers deserve a medal! She does still remember me thank goodness. You mention about your Mum ringing you up in the night, apparently this is a common dementia thing, and often phone 999, that is when it becomes serious. My Mum now often asks my sister (not me yet) why my Dad hasn't taken her home. Sorry that my reply turned out to be a moan about my Mum, I'm just trying to empathise with you and yours xxx
Lisa how are you getting on with work, are you now working from home again? Any snow yet? Hope your dad will be in line for a vaccine sooner than later. Even though not guaranteed to keep people safe, it must be a bit of reassurance.
Our son had a covid test yesterday because he had mixed with someone who tested positive. Thankfully he is negative. YD had a test because she works in 2 schools she was negative. She will be in line for one of the first vaccines here in France, which I think are starting today with Care Home staff and residents.
I woke up today to a complete white mass, and freezing fog. Not snow just frost but it did look pretty. take care girls love Carole xx
Hello Carole and Lisa,
Happy new year to you. Carole I had no idea you were going through so much worry and how lovely when you realised he would be back in time for Christmas 🙂 I am not noticing the restrictions now it is so cold. The family do drive past or cycle past the house and stop but its freezing which restricts the minutes you can stand being still. I am really busy with mum being very ill and bordering diabetes now and diabetic necrosis they say, because she has refused to eat hardly since the shingles. She is like a lunatic living in a dream, talking about driving her car in bed and talking to people in historic costumes walking about her house! I would worry more if she didn't snap out of it and know every single word every dr had said to her and knowing exact times of everyone visiting her over days. Its probably a reaction to a drug which she often has or the mild water infection. All I know is, she is killing me by ringing me in the middle of the night talking rubbish, so I can't get to sleep. None of us can work out what is real and what is exaggerated, another thing she does a lot. I have been there every day but very often she will shut her eyes and not even speak to me. She has been warned how ill she is and immediately started eating again but small amounts. Says she can't even stand and then the carer say she walked to have her lunch. Who knows what is going on! My uncle has had his 2nd covid vaccine so at least he has protection. He was at the very top of the shielded people so that is a relief. I'm hoping he can visit mum before too long. She missed her vaccine as had this other infection. They are keeping me very busy and now its work starting again. I have just been told I can work from home after saying over and over I don't want to go in. Its a ton of work this time as they want a lot more done for every class so i will be on a screen the whole day.
Lisa there is no ppe in schools here. My daughter is in a reception class and they just have hand sanitiser not allowed masks even. Although they are having masks after Christmas and we are in a high risk area now after having almost nobody with it. I think that is why so many more now as we just didn't know anyone who had it. I have had to wear a mask and distance all the time in secondary, only taking my mask off when everyone far enough away. I even have to wear mine outside at work. She has had none. I'm glad you both managed a nice Christmas . It helps you battle on through the colder months. No snow at all down here but I looked out my gloves as so much colder. I left a message on Nicky's mobile but I don't think anyone will see it. Yes the service is recorded and online for a few weeks Carole, if you follow the link from Helen. I really don't think she knew until very late, if at all because of the sudden stop of communication. I hope she wanted it that way as we were in such a mess with the thread at that critical time. I feel like her spirit is still with us and she would be telling us to plan trips as soon as it is safe to go. Happy new year buddies love Lily xxx
Hi both, carole I think you can still log on. Lily I agree it felt like her but a different person too and I blubbed a lot.. Here's to May more threesome xmases.
Oh we are in tier 4 now with you lily, feel for our wee town we're the second lowest district in the whole country but some other districts high nd the amount of folk travelling here from other tiers for Xmas in lakes with snow is unreal, mountain rescue is at their wits end and we have such small hospitals.
Lily, that's my fear my dad picks kids up sometimes from school if weather too bad and it's a big worry there's 100 in each of their bubbles so one kid gets it whole year off. I can't belive you have no PPE, my sis in law works in infants school and she has apron, mask, gloves, mask and visor full kit drpenidn gon what they are doing so I really feel for you and don't blame you being and feeling nervous...
Well let's hope we have a brighter year and safer all xxx attached this as thought you might like it...
Hi Lily and Lisa, sorry for not wishing you both a nice Christmas, for some reason I couldn't log on again. Anyway Lily, I'm sorry that your Christmas was so challenging, and so different for many reasons.
Lisa how nice for you that you had a family Christmas no doubt plenty of food and drink on offer.
We had a few worries just before Christmas because Mr P finished work on 21 December, and what happened on 21st????? France closed its border to anyone from the UK. On top of that Mr P and myself spent many hours on the internet and phoning, trying to get him a rapid covid test. This was like trying to find a needle in a haystack! Eventually he found a private one at a cost of £225, just what you don't need to spend a day before Christmas Eve. So he arrived home on Christmas Eve and the rest of our Christmas was wonderful, just us and YD, lovely. He is worth every penny of £225 lol
I guess you're both on the highest tier now? Or is it a full lockdown? At the moment for us we are free to go anywhere, wearing a mask. The attestation has to be completed if travelling between the hours of 8pm and 6am.
Our weather has been cold and wet. No snow even though it is cold enough. How about your weather?
I'm sad to say I missed Nicky's funeral, is it too late to watch now? However, it does sound like it was a sad and happy commemoration.
So this is to wish you both a very Happy New Year, and let's hope 2021 is nothing like 2020! Love to you both Carole xxx
Hi everyone, yes we had Christmas all figured out and then lost it and not able to see anyone on Christmas day except one of my 2 oldies. We were so upset as had lots of quarantines and last minute everyone came back negative. We were all so excited. Then we went into tier 4 ................................................
We were trying to send food to everyone in the family that had not planned to be cooking and had no food. Half a chocolate gateau in some cases. I was loaded with food so passed quite a bit on. Still trying to eat it. Working in school is pretty scary right now. It feels selfish to say it really as we have jobs and we are not in the highest level of risk like the medical and caring professions but we don't get any ppe. I share my hand sanitiser with everyone else who uses the sane rooms and hits the lid with their hand! My school are pretty good but most around us have folded with so many kids with no symptoms at all. Completely well and carrying out round everywhere. Most people find out when the parent or grandparent gets it and is very ill. Do not let any children too close to your oldies. You really cannot tell they have it.
Did you watch the funeral today. I was there too if you were online, sitting at the back quietly. Very strange hearing about the life of someone you know well emotionally but not at all about other parts of their life. Her daughter's beautiful poem, how Nick would have felt to hear that. i hope she told her. I think she would have. I tried to celebrate our friendship but its hard not to think about what we have lost too .Our dear friend. Another dear friend. And then there were 3. Hugs buddies love Lily xxx
Oh big hugs lily, I didn't realise you were in t4 so I bet it was really hard at Xmas and it sound very stressful with your mum and uncle added in too. It's really hard. We were in quarantine until Xmas day so managed a nice family day probably the last for some time but was lovely. I just wish they'd roll out the vacinne sooner especially the Oxford one. It sounds like a nightmare at your school, up here the bubbles are a whole school year so it's bonkers, but omg why would they expect you to do the tests you're up close and personal enough xxxx here's to a safer 2021 and I'll be watching on Tuesday too.
Carole hope you're doing okay too 😍😍😍
Hi Lisa and Carole, hope you managed some happier moments over Christmas. Its been tough not seeing any of the family but we managed a few drive pasts and zoom each day. Mum still very ill from the shingles and exhausting my brother and I tying to persuade her to eat or drink. She's sick all the time because she won't eat but has to have tablets. Now unable to walk again and she had cancelled most of her care this xmas, been tough at times. Had my uncle with dementia here both days as his support bubble. He had no meals for xmas and is not safe to cook anything. He was very sweet but it was a very odd gathering. He has us in stitches laughing at the same cracker joke over and over. We split and my brother became mum's support bubble as they couldn't be together. Very tricky to cover everyone and follow tier 4 rules.
The whole Christmas I've been bombarded with positive covid calls from the last week of school and they are still coming. I have to remember where everyone sat and if anyone moved or of I was near anyone, going back 10 days!! I feel like I have a target on my back, so many in my classes. School kids are just walking spreaders at the moment as they literally have no symptoms. I thought it was an exaggeration until one came back and told me, he had no idea at all and had sat in my class for 2 days with it. They are completely well and then pass it to their parents or grandparents who become ill and that is when they test everyone and discover the kids are positive. I can't imagine why they think it will be ok to open schools. If enough teachers are ill at the same time, the whole school has to close. My diabetic friend is so worried about being made to go back soon 😞 They were even talking about teachers doing the covid tests on kids. Last time I checked I didn't apply for a medical job so hope that does not go ahead. Really hoping I can be home and teach online before I make one of my family seriously ill.
Sorry its very stressful at the moment. I think this terribly sad news about our Nicky has made me much more focused on how fragile we all are. I am planning to watch the service and will be thinking of you all. We also lost an old chap last week but he was 97 and so much easier to celebrate such a long innings.
Hugs to both of you. Love Lily xxx
You are right it's been hard as been friends for so long, and it's been a while since we've had to deal with this along with yourself meeting her. I 100% think you kept up with her lily she loved the advice from the Dr lily and it was amazing. The fact you got to meet her was lovely too. The photo posted with her grandson was adorable too. You're right she lived life to the full and we need to do the same for her and all others gone too early xxx
Hello Lisa and Carole, thank you for asking Carole. Its been tough every time one of our buddies passed and we have had so many go sadly. Nicky was always trying to stay one step ahead of this disease and had an amazing knowledge of the drugs and treatments available. I tried hard to keep up with her journey to support her and to offer ideas when she hit another low point and the bar lowered again. I hope very much it helped. Her going has been the hardest to take so far. I did know the symptoms she told us about meant it was moving to another level but local friends had a lot more time from that point. We may never know exactly what happened. Such a terribly difficult time for her husband, lovely girls and little grandson. I think I have a photo of the 2 of us from when she drove over here so I need to track that down.
I think most of all we always agreed when that we lost a buddy, that they would want us to have a great time, do things we always wanted to do and enjoy the extra time we have been fortunate enough to be given. Carpe diem as Nicky always used to say. Night night buddy xxx
Lovely bloody message. She was a total fighter and always thoughtful and appreciative of the time she had, loved her holidays and wee family which I lost track of how many there were.
In the sadness and frustration we had loads of giggles too and you've just made me laugh about the god hair, that cheered me up that day xxx sleep easy buddy xx
Couldn't have put it bloody better Lily. We share a great sadness with the loss of Nicky.
Can't say more except what a great lady, and buddy friend Nicky was xxx
in honour of our much loved friend I am going to do one of my favourite bloody posts.
I was bloody lucky to meet up with a group of bloody fantastic bloody girls who all shared one bloody horrible thing - bloody BC. One of bloody fantastic girls in our group from the word go when i posted, was a bloody fantastic girl Nicky. She became a bloody good friend to all of us and we sailed through bloody chemo together, or the bloody dark hole as we referred to it. We had bloody good laughs through this such as shaving our dogs to stick hair on our bloody bald heads . Nicky had a bloody good idea to see how fast she could bloody drive in he favourite little bloody sports car with the bloody top down to see how fast she could bloody drive without her bloody wig falling off. We had a bloody good laugh that bloody time and laughs and sadness was bloody shared as we kept each other a bloody float through thick and bloody thin. Bloody posts always gave a bit of bloody light bloody relief. How many bloodies could I get in a bloody bloody post? One a bloody moderator bloody told me off for saying bloody. ha ha. Nicky and I met up. I remember her daughters being worried she was driving to meet a total stranger and her saying Lily please don't be an axe murderer? I also visited her at her old home and she was bloody amazing.
We have lost so many bloody fantastic people in our thread to this bloody disease but we bloody salute them all. Bloody Carole, bloody Lisa and bloody Lily - we soldier on, remembering or friends every day.
Fight on everyone xxxxx
Well hello buddies. This is the first time for a couple of weeks and I'm on my phone so won't type much.
Nice to hear from you Lily, like you I was beginning to think we would never chat again.
My mum has been pretty bad with dementia for about 8 weeks. She was started on a dementia drug, and improved then the stupid home stopped giving her it. Consequently she's even worse now. She wants to go home, and can't understand why my dad hasn't visited, and won't believe he's passed away.
Hope your YD is coping ok whilst waiting for results, and you get treatment for your eye.
Nicky sending lots of hugs hope you're doing well. Lisa where are you? I don't see you much on Facebook.
After this experience with the forum maybe we should exchange email addresses or something, what do you think? Well enough from me take care buddies, it's good to be back xxx
Hello everyone. i hope Nicky and Lia get back on here too. I was so disappointed when I thought we had lost it all. No news yet for my daughter but the stitches are out and nobody else can notice the scar already. Hopefully that is it. I am at the hospital this week for a lump on my eye, shouldn't be serious but I am hoping they will remove it, as anything growing worries me. My oldies are good still and my uncle has been offered one of the first covid vaccines and I could have taken him tomorrow 8 Dec but I can't get off work at short notice so going at the weekend instead. We had literally dozens and dozens of choices for every day going forwards, very encouraging to see but Mum is trickier as we can't get her out. I am very pro the vaccine and will have it for myself as well as everyone else I might pass it to if I don't. I always follow health advice so wasn't a difficult decision for me. I won't be surprised if some countries don't let you visit without proof of it once things settle across the world. Time will tell how it all goes. I once met one of the first ladies who volunteered to have chemo. I can't imagine how much we all owe those brave souls who knew they could die. It had an impact on me thinking someone did that for everyone coming after her. She was ok too 🙂
Carole glad to hear your hand op went well and keep up those exercises to get a much mobility back as you can. I think the early days count. Yes very chilly and a lot of fog here, making driving in the rush hour quite tricky. How are you manging with the dogs and everything to do with your hand out of action?
Lisa I hope all is well with you. Nick I hope things are going well with you too and that you have been able to get all the next treatments ok. Hope to hear from you all soon love Lily xxxx
Hi Lily et al, I've had big problems too so just a quick post to bring us back to the top.
Firstly I hope you are coping with life as it is? Nicky how is your treatment going?
Lily has your daughter got results from biopsy? Sincerely hope all is ok. Hope all your oldies are coping ok?
Lisa how are you getting on, are you still able to work from home?
My hand op went well, 2 tiny incisions on the palm of right hand. I'm having physio to try and reduce swelling and enable good movement of my fingers. Fingers still a bit stiff, but I keep doing exercises every day throughout the day.
YD had another course of ABs and the groin node seems to have gone. Thanks Lily for information about cat scratch infection.
Weather here is now cold and wet. Until today it's been glorious during the day and frosty overnight.
We're still in lockdown, until 15 December but I'm not complaining. Just hope this virus dissipates through the winter. Anyone interested in a vaccine when it's rolled out?
So, hope this posting brings the thread more easy to find and thanks to moderators for helping us out. Take care and love to everyone xxx
Hello everyone, I hope you can get back on here. I was completely trapped not able to get to the end of the post and sent a help post for somebody to sort out. Three cheers I am back in now, although when I click on our thread it has gone wrong now. I am having to come in through the bell sign?? Thank you whoever sorted the order out 🙂 Lily xx
I am hoping this will take the post back to the end of our thread as it is back to day one and you can no longer jump pages. This is very annoying please change this system
Hi all, something has happened to the forum again! It's taking me back to posts from 2009 instead of 2020!! Hope you are all doing ok with current lockdowns? Weather has been nice here for a few days, bright sunny skies. I'm not looking forward to my hand op but by this time next week it should be over. Before that I have to take a covid test on Tuesday, not looking forward to that either. Anyway enough from me, just posted really to try and bring the forum up to newest posts. Take care love Carole xxx
Hi all, really sorry I keep forgetting to log in. All okay here out town was in tier so wasn't too bad but numbers increasing at Sellafield and other areas. Wish he'd gotten his act together earlier and done lockdown. We have mams 70th on 17th so had to cancel wee trip and get together so had a quick one night before lockdown with kids. Its hard eh my dad keeps going to supermarket so getting a telling off. We had booked a break to tenerife early December as numbers so low but looks like thst will be off due to testing, which if can get it sorted is a great idea. I've worked at home for 7 months now it's hard work and work long hours. But least still working.
Lily must be hard when get positives in class even with measures in place it's scary. I've had a friend whose worked on cocid ward from start don't know how she's done it.
Carol, what a worry about your daughter but glad it's sorted and ouch re op sounds painful x
Nicky lovely to hear from and glad your appointments are going ahead. Really hope the drain helps to get rid of the fluid, it sounds really uncomfortable xx
Take care all xxx speak soon x
so good to hear from you. Nicky I do know exactly how uncomfortable ascites is, having watched a friend be constantly drained, sometimes 2 litres and having to have a large range of sizes of trousers to accommodate the expansion. She was very annoyed if they would not take her in and made her wait, as there are restrictions I believe but cannot remember why. Hope they don't keep you waiting for long and can provide a solution apart from draining regularly, meaning more hospital visits and needles grrr. How lovely that you can see the girls from her moving in, brilliant plan. You have to be inventive these days or break the law so easily. Victor is on the case and not budging from the exact rules so squeaky clean. I am worried about Christmas but buying online like crazy to make sure the littles all have parcels to keep them busy. have you all started yet?
I have had a worrying week, having had a positive sitting in my class for 2 days before a random test showed she was positive and asymptomatic. I didn't take this well at all and felt upset and worried for my extra vulnerables. Not everyone was sympathetic and that was even more upsetting that my feelings weren't considered. I am still teaching and don't even get a test due to distances, etc as the school is really strict and rooms measured for safe distances even. So I have a huge number of my class in quarantine and I have to try to teach them as well. So even busier really. It won't be the first time this happens so maybe I will be calmer in future.
Carole glad they found out what your d had. I don't know anyone who ever had that. I googled this and wondered if it was a flea bite. rather than a scratch?
Sorry for absence, I never seem to get around to updating on this thread, just give out advice and support on the secondaries board!
Generally lots of appointments and things going on to investigate fluid build up. I am hoping to have a drain done next week which should ease things as it is now getting quite uncomfortable. Luckily our hospital seems to still be accepting patients for more routine procedures and not shutting everyone out like some seem to have done. As ever the oncology are being brilliant and being available to answer any questions by text or phone call. Face to face appointments are also being used. So, we soldier on......
Yes, Carole, we’re all back in lockdown again! We didn’t get into any of the Tiers which were more restrictive (like Lily did) where we live so didn’t have a week or more of limitations prior to lockdown so still had our freedom. My brother lives in the Bolton area so had been under strict limitations for weeks ahead of the rest of the country. I am not being shielded this time, as other in the ‘extremely vulnerable’ group were last time, just to be extra careful and make some conscious decisions about what and where. I have resurrected my Tesco deliver slot for the time being but did go out to the smaller supermarket near us on Thursday, the first day of lockdown. It was completely deserted, with just me and one other shopper in it, what bliss, nothing like the queues of people last time (according to what YD used to tell me when she did my shopping). If it stays like that I will go occasionally for odd bits but wouldn’t queue or go in if it was busy, after all we’re wearing masks now and all seem to be observing the ‘keep your distance’ signs.
YD has come out of London again but this is more down to not being able to work from home rather than any other reason. In lockdown 1.0 she was furloughed so had nothing to do in London and came to childmind our grandson, who wasn’t at his own childminders. This time he is (thank goodness for all concerned) and she has a full time job. She’s staying with her sister again as they have space for both of them to be able to work from home. It means we can also see her (plus our other daughter and GS for walks - separately of course) Let’s hope it’s only for 4 weeks!
Hope you are all coping, whatever life it throwing at you.
Hi all, here is hoping you are all doing well with the current lockdown, we are also in a lockdown which started a week before yours. We're in the middle of the countryside so fortunately we can go for weeks before seeing anyone. Today is really windy. Our polytunnel is taking a battering. 🙄
YD was finally diagnosed with cat scratch infection, which is very strange as she doesn't recall being scratched recently, and they think it must have been recent. She was given a type of antibiotic purely for this, which she has now finished and she still has the swollen lymph node. I can see them having to do a biopsy of this if it doesn't go down 😥
Lily how is your YD? Any news yet? How are you managing to teach in the current lockdown?
Lisa I expect you are back to working from home? Remember to take time off and relax sometimes.
Nicky I'm truly hoping you are ok? We haven't heard from you for a while and hope it's because you've been enjoying time away before the closedown this week.
That is about it from me, i'm off to pick up some devastation in the garden from the winds. Have a nice weekend ladies love Carole xx
Hello everyone, how are things with you? I hope everyone is managing to keep covid clear and their loved ones too. We have not had a positive at our school yet but there are occasional cases in some other local schools. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't suddenly overwhelm our area.
Nicky you haven't posted for a bit and I wondered how things were and whether something more had been found out about the fluid. I hope all is ok but keep you keep popping into my head so I hope that is for good reasons. Hugs xx
Lisa are you still in tier 2 or have you got tier 3 now? There is so much illness and infection in parts of the North, hopefully not right over your side. Its horrible not being able to plan much isn't it? I keep thinking about if I will be able to see everyone at Christmas or not. Number 5 had his 6th birthday and we just had to stand outside and its pretty chilly and rainy this week. We have ordered a gazebo and outdoor gas heater so they can come round still. Hoping that will help manage the outdoor temperatures.
Carole I am sorry you are heading for another op but at least this one will bring you great benefits and more movement in your hand. So sorry about your daughter, any news yet? I wondered if she could have glandular fever as that makes glands swell a lot. I hope she is getting sorted out and its not anything bad. Its quite a wait for my daughter's biopsy and although she is going to a private hospital to have it done, there was an even longer wait for the same hospital if she used her private insurance?? She is ignoring it but the isolation from being able to sit at our house is making it more difficult. She likes to eat here twice a week in normal times, hence the gazebo. I think i just became an outside cafe.
Better finish here as watching a film and they are moaning as I left it on pause. I did my big Christmas shop today. I couldn't get as much as usual as my donkey ie Victor said he had a work crisis and couldn't come!!!! At least I have made a start. Take care all love Lily xxx
Sorry I haven’t been on for a couple of weeks, I don’t know where the time goes.
Lisa it’s nice to hear from you and pleasing that your absence is not down to anything serious, like Covid. Hope all your family are well and staying safe.
Lily I’m sorry to hear about your YD and hope that by now she has had results and that everything is fine? Of course we all have worries, because of our own medical histories. Yes I do think that “the twerp” is leaving a lot to be desired. One rule one week and another the next, and for different areas of the country. Do you have to wear a mask at the school?
Nicky how are you? Is the fluid better now? Do they put you on fluid tablets to drain it? Anyway, hoping you are still managing well on the new treatment, which I guess isn’t so new now.
In the course of recovering from my ribs, I had a mammogram, just routine every year. This showed that the muscle is causing me pain, due to the LD reconstruction I had in 2013 and my doctor explained it will never stop, will be with me all my life. Great! I’m having surgery 20 November on my right hand to release the tendons which have become tight causing my finger/hand problems. It’s a LA but I asked for a bit of sedation as I’m such a whoosh. I won’t be able to use the hand for 15 days as it will have a dressing until the stitches are removed.
We have a worry with our YD as just over a week ago she developed a lump in her groin. The doctor thought it was a hernia and sent her straight off to A & E for them to push it back or operate. However emergency doctors decided it wasn’t a hernia and did an ultrasound which showed a swollen lymph node which has 3 nodules on it. Then a few days later there were further developments and so our dr arranged an urgent CT scan, which has showed nothing. During this week my mind was racing with the C, ovarian as a lot of her symptoms could fit that diagnosis. They are purely treating for an infection, which they can’t find as her blood test was normal and no UTI. She’s on antibiotics but if the lymph node remains enlarged they are going to investigate further. Worries, worries, so I understand how you feel Lily.
Our weather is very wintry now and we’re in for a storm, a tempete the French call it, with strong blustery winds. Mr P will avoid it as he is travelling back to work tomorrow. We are busy getting in the summer plants to try and prolong them for next year.
Better get on and assist, love to all Carole xx
Hi, hope everyone is keeping well and staying safe from the virus. Our area has been very fortunate compared to more northern cities and towns so it is very irritating to be moved up to the next tier without actually getting to that level. I know its good intentions but I could just poke the bloke in the eye. We managed to celebrate mum's birthday but one of the gs just misses out on being able to do anything or us to see him easily. They seem to think it is 8 weeks which takes us dangerously near Christmas and so I am starting to shop early, especially as a lot of birthdays before and straight after Christmas to worry about to. Do you even get a big turkey, crackers, anything? I am trying not to think that far ahead but also think I need to as deliveries will clearly go OTT and have long delays as we get closer. How are you all feeling about it all? Lisa is there much in your area? It was lovely to hear from you. The cold weather has shocked me into diet action as I realised none of my dozen work trousers could zip up comfortably and I can't stand being cold. So I have just reduced things I eat and it was enough to help the zips within a week or two, so might keep going and not have lunch lunch any more. There really isn't time when at work anyways so that solves 2 problems. Work is manic but I'm getting used to it. Its not much fun being a teacher and running the risk very day but you get used to it or you have no pay.
Carole has the pain from your fall started to ease at all yet? I am sure the cooler weather will not help you either. I as listening to a dr who said covid is at its peak at 4 degrees C so everyone should have their houses warm. Suits me. Have you had all the rainy weather we have had? One extreme or the other for us in the south but at least the lawn is green again instead of burnt beige.
Nicky how are you getting on now? I wondered if you had any further information about the ascites and what is causing it. Do you think it is building or is it staying pretty much the same, that would be nice as it can be uncomfortable and annoying. I hope all is still going well with your tumour markers and the treatment is being kinder to you. We have had a worry as yd insisted something was wrong with a small mark on her face and after going to the gp and hospital, which we thought would be fine, she now has to have a biopsy and stitches to check it. That was quite a shock and so we have that hanging over us. She never reveals much in these situations so I just took her out for some retail therapy afterwards and hoped I had helped a little. She would normally come here a lot but the stupid twerp putting us up a tier mean she can only stand in the garden. So annoying when you still go to work with 1200 germy people every day but can't see family. Better stop here as you can probably tell I'm not happy about it. Hope things are good with you. Love Lily xxx
Hi all. So sorry I've been missing in action. 6 months of working at home is taking its toll as I don't tend to switch off although I'm managing to eat and drink for the whole of the country I think 🤔🤔
Catole, ouch ouch re your ribs sounds awful and I bet its a real struggle.
Nicky so sorry to hear about your build up of fluid but it's also a relief thst your results are showing favourably so hopefully nothing untoward. Cornwall sounds like just what the doctor ordered.
Lily, the dentist word I don't even want to get the details and I bet school is hard work too. Let's hope things get a bit more under control before Xmas....
Will try to be better at keeping up and just tweaked my notifications which always gives me a wee reminder to post 🙄😳❤️. Take care all xx