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Where did I go????

GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Anne.... we all struggled after treatment ended - hence this thread. I think it was immensely helpful to me to realise that I wan't the only one feeling odd/different/dislocated, and as someone has said, the good days get to outnumber the bad. There have been times when I've thoughth I was "back to normal" and then something happens to make the wheels come off again. For me, the hard thing was learning to be gentle with myself and not expect too much of myself - the girls on here helped no end with that... Flutter gently means just that.... we are fragile butterflies, but we are emerging into something beautiful. We are NOT the same, but what we are/have become/will become has beauty and depth and richness which was not there before.. rather like a diamond (which is formed under extreme pressure, but is stunningly beautiful)...

It's early days with the job - you'll feel as grumpy about people moaning about trivia wherever you go! ! you'll have to see ...

Bless you - take care of yourself, and GO GENTLY.....

love to all
Jane

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Re: Where did I go????

It's early days for you Anne and it is so hard to understand how and why you are feeling the way you do.We are all different but we can empathise with you as we have been there.I started seeing a counsellor towards the end of last year and I found I talked about all sorts of things as well as B,C It takes time to come to terms with all that has happened so don"t try to hurry things and please keep on the site and hopefully we can help just by you writing down your thoughts and sharing them with those who understand.
Hope everyone else is okay I think we will all be feeling a wee bit sad I keep wondering about Amis dad it must be dreadful for him bless love and hgs to all Janice xxxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Anne, such a confusing place to be! There are some of us that joined along the way and everything is just as relevant whether it is the start,halfway through or somewhere towards wherever the heck we are!! I remember when I went back to work and wanted to shout at someone moaning about what I saw as trivial but had to remind myself that it was their normal as I didn't have a normal any more!! The sadness I think is part of the grieving process because you have lost something of who you once were and that will never be the same again, I felt so out of it like living a parallel sort of life whilst people around me were getting on with 'normal' whatever that is! It takes time and a knowledge that we are changed forever by what we have gone through but it's not all bad scary as it seems there is a kind of change we go through which is our normal after all the world just kept on churning whilst we changed. Not a choice any one of us would have made, not brave, not heroes but human beings who had to face our own mortality in a horrible way no matter how much support we have it is a lonely journey and this is the bit where we start to learn how to be with people again, not easy and this is where the time comes in.
I still have my days where I feel on the edge of things and I feel like I don't belong but those moments are less with time o.k maybe I will never be the same but everyone around us is just being who they are and I found that hard but am slowly but surely understanding that unless you 'know' you 'don't know' if that makes sense? As for your job only you will know what is right for you ,I sort of woke up one day and knew I didn't want to do this job (with children being fostered) I could barely cope with me never mind their problems again not their fault but I needed to be able to go home and not think about the pain they were going through, I felt huge guilt about it but a wonderful psychiatrist told me they will step over you and move on to the next person who can help them (she was there for someone but we chatted) so I made my decision based on that with the love and support of the wonderful flutterbys. Give yourself a break, you have been through so much and,really think about what you want to feel when you go home if it makes you feel ill then it's time to have a good old rethink. I don't envy you because this is the hardest bit and you will need to live with your decision so I am sending you the hand to hold you till the time comes to let go.
take care and I am sure the flutterbys will be here for you throughout whatever you decide hugs Emmy xxxxx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Amd please stick around as the girlies on here can be such a godsend and will always be here for you as I will xx
its just been a sad day re one of our flutterbys but I promise I will be in the thick of all the advice ASAP... It will get better and does get better but it takes time to adjust sweetie.. We do come out of this a bit different but we are all in the same boat on the same journey and learning all about the new us daily... It's been a massive shock to the system being diagnosed and the head does wrap itself up in cotton wool for quite a while... It's our healing and dealing mechanism so please don't feel your intruding its always good to have any flutterby on board 🙂 xxx
afghan goes back on Friday morning so things are a bit chaotic at the moment.. His apartment is now being occupied from tomorrow so I have him all his mess and a lot of his belongings in bags everywhere...... Aaaaargh! Plus still no keys! Sigh flutter gently flutterbys I,ll be on board again soon xxxxxhugxxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks ladies, i dont know whether to start a new thread as im butting into your current situation. have read some of your earlier posts so understand the spoon theory and the flutterbys.
am such a jumble of thoughts,
dont feel i can enjoy things anymore, it feels flat that i am just pretending and dont know where me is.
re my school job, it is gutty it wasnt a vocation, something i went into because of holidays and was helpful member of pta etc, pick up so much of teachers stress and their pressure, wake up thinking about kids, day ahead etc. dont know if now is time to add more hours to other par time job and leave it behind. is it too early to be focussed enough to make sound decision? will i then have the summer, lost again and not able to enjoy free time?
ive tried doing fors and against for each job, but it comes back to holidays. and that i am home by 4pm, dont work a full week, dont want that anyway.
i sat in staff room and felt sad, quiet, not interested in conversations, and know that i look grumpy. dont mean to but cant put into words how i feel,
have seen counsellor through cancer charity but seem to talk about different things each time, havent focussed on the treatments, cancer etc. want a magic wand to tell me what to do,
will i jump from frying pan into the fire.
look at other staff in school and know that they like their jobs whereas i dont have much patience, can i get it into perspective and take it in my stride??

I didnt cope well with too much time at home, and need to earn, have been out with friends but feel on the edge of things/
tell me how things picked up for some of you,
counsellor said not good to be in a rut, but dont feel ready to do something new,
thanks for your help so far, will try and find out who you all are,
lots of love
anne
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Re: Where did I go????

Sad news but at least they are together again.Life is so fragile so make the most of it love to all Janice xxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

He loved her so much and she did know that , they will now be together and he can once again be her warrior as he told me it was her pet name for him. Bless them both together forever as they wanted god bless them both xxxx

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

That's such sad news Doz...at least like you say, Tony is with Dorothy now......god bless them both xx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Dear Butterflys
i have just had a call from the Vicar who took Dorothy's funeral.... Today he took Tony,s funeral.. Shocked and saddened to the bottom of my heart, the only consolation for the poor man is that he is now able to hold her hand again and be with the love of his life... there will be no more suffering for him 😞
Bless them both xxxhugxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Welcome AMD...like the others who have replied to your post I know where you're coming from. Like GI Jane and Doz I too am in the caring profession; child and adolescent mental health but had little or no tolerance for whingers and moaners. I remember going back to work and feeling very dissociated from it all like I was standing still and everyone around me was busy getting on with their lives; it was quite a bizarre feeling. It got better with time and I now feel very much a part of things at work again. However, there are days when my emotions hit me out of the blue and its usually when I'm driving to or from work; this must be the time when I get to think about everything that's happened to me and I just well up. Breast cancer changed me both physically and emotionally and I think I'm still grieving for the loss of what I was. BUT there are now far more good days and less bad days and time is a healer.
Flutter gently new flutterby

Jane x

emmy
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Re: Where did I go????

Love it Janice!! I get the same as well with mine and will it let me swear ? will it cocoa!!! 🙂 Mind you it is perfectly in tune with my mush for brains xxxxx

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Re: Where did I go????

Oops meant posting stupid IPadIPad
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

amd. I so relate to her tolerance/patience thing. I work in a caring profession and found myself avoiding the professional whingers...no tolerance at all! Do look up the spoon theory - many of us fou d it so helpful as we returned to work... And, welcome!

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Re: Where did I go????

Hi AMD and welcome to the flutterbys. Em is right we have all been there and it is so hard trying to appear normal when you are all churned up inside trying to cope with everything you have been through but we are all here for you and you can vent your feelings and no-one will judge you or think you are being silly with some of the worries you have we have all given vent to our feelings but having everyone there to listen to you will help you to get through the bad times.I don't think anyone can ever be the person they were before the B.C but you will eventually get there.I have ranted with the best of them and the lovely messages and virtual hugs and handholding have really helped so please keep oops ting and bounce off us I think you are really brave getting back to work so soon so take care big hug Janice xxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

amd this could have been all of us back then! If you read through you will find our ups and downs along this old bumpy road of finding a new us. Yes to the intolerance,yes to the tiredness and yes it takes time 😞 but then ............... Doz started this thread and we became the flutterbys not sure who we are going to be eventually with time it does start to,settle but at a rate that fits you as we are all so different. You have come to the right place to be yourself, we have all grinned, smiled and in our heads committed many murders!! The girls here will hold your hand (virtually) even hold you up when it gets rough, it's a place to vent, share the good along with the bad and no right/wrong way to do it we all muddle through knowing we at least have amazing women who know just what we mean!! I am sure they will be along with words of support which has helped me so many times and just keep posting cos someone will always reply and just the sheer act of putting your feelings down help so much so keep on posting and don't ever be afraid to share with any of the flutterbys. Read back on the spoon theory sorry don't know how to put it on here but it tells the way we deal with things and helps explain to others when they don't get it, hence you will see us sending spoons to one another with the hand to hold which is such a life saver. I am glad you posted here this is your start finding out who you are now 🙂 take care newling flutterby and welcome sending you a hug Emmy xxxxx

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

im jumping into your post, havent read all of them but realise you started back in 2011 and felt like i do now. finished treatment in january and went back to work last month.
how do things start to get back into perspective,. i am in a primary school, teaching assistant and have little tolerance for the children, its a tough class and was last there in october, the routines, conversation, other peoples moans, stress etc, i feel on the outside of it all, just pretending.
im probably too tired to write this properly but need your insights on how to stick with it, i wish i could pack it in but have to be working.
will write more later
thanks for reading this
amd
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Re: Where did I go????

Ha ha Em don't know if sticker would go down well Although he is feeling a bit better today just lack of energy and as he isn't used to lying around he is getting frustrated but his mood is definitely better as he had a good nights sleep which is the first for ages so fingers crossed he continues too improve.I too have had a lovely lazy afternoon and keeping cosy love Janice xxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

So glad you had your app and it sounds like the doc is being cautious which is good, even with my brain I know that isn't twelve months!! I think by the time you have had your scan etc then it will be twelve months so maybe that's how they reckoned it? I am with you on the doing nothing thing! I am so tired today so it bit me on the bum in the end 🙂 so worth it cos it does look nice. Even as I type this Oh is doing garage doors as they have nothing left on them and it looks so shabby (fashionable OH says?) it is cold out there so staying put today and resting so I can catch up with myself. Hope Phil is feeling a bit better today? We will be sending one of those stickers with a grumpy old man and his lovely wife live here Ha! Ha! Ha! Seriously hope things start looking up for you both take care and yes rest too! Em xxxxx

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Re: Where did I go????

Dear Jane what a shame bet you enjoyed bread and butter pud sounds yummy.Em sounds like you have been full of busy just need some sun now to enjoy the garden.Its really cold here today.Been for yearly check and am going to have ultrasound scan as boob tender and he thinks its fatty necrosis but having scan to make sure nothing sinister lurking,but he doesn't seem worried so I am not going to worry.Had to make app for next year and she gave me it and said there you are 12months time when I looked its not till next June and when I said thats 14 months she looked at me as if I was stupid so I just took it and left don't think she knew what month this was ha ha.Hope all you working girls are having good shifts I am doing nothing for the rest of the day as tired from garden yesterday.take career love and hugs Janice xxxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Ah well.... We had the starter for supper tonight.... Main course now cooked and about to be frozen for friends next week... Pudding (oozy chocolate) will keep for next week too..... The eggs and milk won't keep, so we made a bread nd butter pudding.. Feeling virtuous! And tired....

time for bed. My little wings were not expecting this morning's frost!

back to work Tomorrow.... Good job I enjoy it!

night night, sleep tight..
xxx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Aw Jane bless you I,m coming too 🙂 how frustrating at least you won't have to cook for a couple of days!
xxxhugxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Oh love you!! I will come!! You just made me feel so much better as I have been having real horrible foggy brain moments! So I guess I am in good company. I bet there were some sweary words going when the penny dropped 🙂 well I would have! My latest thing seems to be a sort of word invention where I cross two words as my brain thinks of one and the mouth tries to say another which has caused some hilarity and a great deal of teasing from OH! Where oh where did my grey matter go? Wasn't that great in the first place and is downright impossible right now, someone please tell me when does it fix itself?
Jane I do hope you got to your dinner o.k and saved the ready meal for another day? Well off now flutterbys did some painting of garden furniture to make them look cared for and save some dosh cos I begrudge paying for something I have that just needs a tidy! Have enjoyed the lovely weather so looking forward to the summer (fingers crossed!) ,had to reply to you Jane I could feel your frustration on your post! Take care all and flutter gently sending love and hugs Em xxxxxx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

I've been off this weekend, and worked in the garden yesterday. It w as mic lovely in the sunshine. Then we came in (tired) and prepared for a dinner party,,,, got the starter ready to go in oven...main course ready to go in oven..... Desert ingredients measured out, ready to mix and cook.... Cleaned the house.. Absolutely pooped by now.....pick up phone and read message. ' really looking forward to,seeing you. This our new address, you find us by,,,,'. They were expecting us THERE..... Anyone want to come for dinner????!!!!

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Re: Where did I go????

Thanks for being there ladies.I didn't cancel counselling they did as I think she is poorly but she only does Tuesdays as she is a volunteer at the place I go to so you never know they may find me someone else on another day.Been in the garden most of the day so left to ponder on my own so feel a bit calmer.Its a problem as he has felt so rotten these past few days and he is not used to lying around so I suppose frustration hasn't helped and as e family aren't around he only has me to offload onto.
Em so sorry about your gazebo but as Doz says the view is still there so get that lounger out and enjoy it while the yellow thing is in the sky although it is still chilly here roll on some warmer weather.
Being short staffed never changes and often it's the same ones off sick for the odd day and those left at work pick up the slack glad I don't have to do it anymore although it may have been a mind saver just now.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend and those who are working have quiet shifts love and hugs Janice xxxxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Ah Janice xxhugxx what more can I add 😞 it's such a rotten place to be for you both.. I,ve had times when my sister has been so horrid to me snapping and being grumpy for no reason she even asked a nurse to tell me to leave one day so after I drove home in tears I decided to just let her blow off and ignore it... I know it's not easy sweetie but it is an emotional rollercoaster for everyone be it the patient or the carer.. She has since apologised which made me feel awful as I know it's just the fear and the unknown talking but I do know how you must feel... I,d really try to get your councillor on board during this time, surely they can't let you down when you need it the most? It is so hard dealing with Phils and your own feelings as you have to be the giver and taker at the same time and its bound to bring you down but you are strong you,ve been there and done it, We have more strength and resilience than we realise but if you need to offload go for it lovely were always here 🙂 xxx
Aw Em how sad that your little bolt hole got blown down 😞 perhaps your right it might be time to move onto a better place the view is still there and the peace and tranquility has,nt gone so just look at it in a different perspective.. put a nice comfy chair there so you can both sit back and reflect on times GONE by with a fresh view... Nothing lasts forever not even these shitty times we,ve been in xxx
Jane I can really empathise with the work situation we,ve just muddled through the worst time ever on our ward.. We are getting there slowly... I do hope things get sorted for you all soon.. It's been a long winter and I think we do all struggle with motivation towards the end of it and being short staffed does,nt help at all... We have only just got temporary Consultant cover... 6 weeks without one and hand on heart us Nurses have held the fort together magnificently!! But we never got any praise which does demean the struggle we,ve had 😞 As for you my dear I,m in awe that your kicking back and rewrote your assignment.. My hero 🙂 xx
Still no keys for Afghan 😞 he is in his apartment at the moment but his new tenants are moving in on Thursday morning Wednesday will be spent cleaning through AGAIN.... Then I reckon if the house still is,nt sorted I will be having a lodger till Friday when he goes back!! But I won't see much of him as I,m working nights next week 😞
Our friend Mr Sun is out and about today 🙂 so far I,ve seen 2 bumble bee,s and an hour ago there were 7 long tailed tits on the bird feeder 🙂 tried to catch them with my camera but only managed one 🙂 oh well they,ll be back and I,m at work this afternoon so one more coffee.... And I may... Just may start the ironing... But there again..... Flutter gently my lovely flutterbys hand stretched out to those who fancy a squeeze and try to have a peaceful weekend with love to you all... Alwayz xxxxxhugsxxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Janice-you're going through a really tough time when you sound like you could really do with your counselling sessions. Is there no way they could change the day so that you can still go? Phil is having to come to terms with his diagnosis and treatment; it's an emotional rollercoaster, it takes time to deal with those feelings and I don't know if you ever do deal with them completely...maybe acceptance is the right word to use. In the meantime it's you taking the flak so moan away, rant and rave because we all truly understand what it is you are going through.
Emmy- it has just been so windy...sorry to hear about your gazebo...it was your thinking and reflecting space. We're trying to create a quiet space in our garden but it takes time. In the meanwhile we enjoy going for walks and there are a couple of points on this walk where I love to stop, ponder and look at the view. One is by the lake and the other is looking up towards the castle on top of the hill. It's very peaceful.
Motivation where I work is now officially rock bottom...another psychiatrist handed her notice in along with 2 other mental health practitioners. We're beginning to resemble a skeletal workforce...big meeting for all the team on Monday morning with the managers so should be interesting. Well, after my tutorial I dusted myself down, picked myself up and rewrote my assignment yesterday...will be tweaking it today and then emailing it to uni on Monday. I was thinking about this and actually in the great scheme of things it's not that important; when I think back to this time last year when I thought I may have lung secondaries, well it just doesn't compare does it?
Anyway, today we're gutting the kitchen and getting the last of the units out ready for decorating. I've freecycled the old units and somebody is coming to look at them this morning so hope he takes them.
Got to get going, lots to do...flutter gently and dare I say warmly as the sun is shining..
Jane xx

emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Bless you Janice you moan away flutterby!! We all understand both Phil's situation and yours, I think it's s***e timing though cancelling your counselling?! This is when you needed it most, so moan away and we will all be here to hold your hand. Well as for the winds blowing you down to the yellow brick road they blew away my own little space 😞 it was a beautiful gazebo and cast iron so no mean feat! I awoke to find hubby gone so thinking he had left me in bed as he does sometimes I got out of bed and as I do every morning looked out of the window to see the poor man trying to pick up the pieces! They were everywhere and it had built in seats in a circle so very,very heavy and there it was in bits so I put on a jumper over jarmies and went to try to help but ended up in floods of tears as it was space I went to when feeling rough as it has a lovely view over the valley, poor hubby tried so hard but it won't be fixable 😞 I didn't realise how much it meant but we got it for our son's wedding hence the stupid tears!! Hubby was upset he said my face said it all when I got there!! But I will see it as a new beginning and look to replace it when the pennies are available and make something new for us both!!! After all now I am over the tears bit I realise it's a thing and not a person ,knowing that there are worse things that can happen I can put that behind me and move on!!
I will find this song and download it after all it is a cause so close to my heart as you know and I am sure BCC won't mind after all it's a personal choice and a good cause! Doz I hope things have settled a bit for your sister and it's closer to Dan getting his keys! I am just getting some food now so will say to all the flutterbys enjoy this ball in the sky and flutter gently. Hand, spoons as needed along with love and of course a group hug Emm xxxxxx

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Re: Where did I go????

Hi all wish sometimes this wind would blow me away to the yellow brick road.Phil feeling yuk at the minute so take it out on Janice why don't you, then counsellor rang to cancel as she will be off for a few weeks. Thet will try to re-arrange, but will have to let them know Phils chemo is now on Tuesdays so I won't be able to go for next 7 weeks so feel its all a bit pointless so will just let them give my place to someone else.Sorry if I am moaning but just feel as if I'm struggling to cope at the minute but no doubt will be better tomorrow.Sorry to hear your sister is having problems with R/T its a cure but sometimes does make things worse.Hope Dan does get house sorted before he goes back fingers crossed and hopefully Vikki will get help with her pain management.
GIJane did so laugh at funeral I hope when I go everyone has a laugh i would think it great.Elsa Jane these phone companies seem just set on trying to make money they don't realise that they are dealing with people not machines.Hope you get your assignment done soon I am like Doz my brain is addled nowadays.
I am at breast clinic Monday for my check just hope its okay I definitely couldn,t
cope with anything else at the minute.
Em glad you are cheering up and hope things continue to get better for you and yours.
Yonne Von Stella hope you are fluttering well.
My D in Law has put a song on Itunes that she recorded for the Autistic Society with proceeds going to the society the link is https:/itunes.apple.com/gb/album/rainbows-single/id636977258 it costs 79p to download and I think its quite good and it is for a good cause.OOPS hope I don't get in trouble with BCC for my wee advert love and big hugs and spoons if you need them Janice xxxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

So demoralising jane! I started a masteryears ago, and quit after the first 3 modules, with a post grad certificate. Just as I was being diagnosed with BC, I had an email asking when I intended to finish the FIRST module! Tired out I'd missed out an essay and no-one had noticed. I could have cried. When I replied to sy I'd just been diagnosed with cancer and had no idea when I'd get the essay done, the poor admin girl was SoO upset! On the event, I had enough marks from the ones I'd done to get a pass, so it was ok.

this week's funny... Monday I took the funeral of my favourite patient. Exceptional, inspirational lady I'd looked after for 8+ years and we'd become friends. She planned her funeral, and the church was packed (160+). i had asked the local vicar to be there to help out, and I ave her a letter from my friend to be read out. On my way out of the hospital. I'd told switchboard that I was goin to be unavailable for a couple of hours, and that a colleague was covering. I asked them to let the other hospital know. During the service, my pager went off. I shut it up. As the vicar started to read the letter, it went off again. It was the other hospital.... Thinks..."this is the only bit of the service I'm not responsible for, I wonder if I've got time to let them know?" So I walk purposefully out to the vestry, and the. The WHOLE CHRCH hears 'hello... It's Jane.' Cause I've forgotten to swich off my microphone! everyone fell about! Shirley would have loved it!

Doz, always worth having a chat with your bcn... Your poor sister.... Dan's not home for,long!
hello to everyone else... Try not to get blown away!

love jane

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Doz-you're going through a really tough time yet you always sound so cheerful. I'm sending a hug to you and yours....
I don't think my brain absorbs things really..I thought I'd finished my second assignment and when I went for my tutorial my tutor said to me, ' I take it this is a plan of your assignment!! I said that I thought it was the finished article but obviously not...I was so demotivated. The tutor did this to some of the other girls on my course too so we were all having a good moan in the library afterwards. I've now got to mentally get back into it again but its proving a bit difficult.
I have a mobile contract with Three who phoned me last week to say I was eligible to get phones for my family at a good rate, and the rate was good and better than the one I'm on. So, i ordered 2 phones and this morning called them to cancel my old phone. Well, the hard sell I got from them, they wouldn't take no for an answer..I had to be very blunt in the end because they are so persistent...grrr
Anyway, day off today...stuff uni work...I'm going for a coffee with a friend this morning..yayy
I would like to say flutter gently but its too windy and wild
Jane x

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

It's a very blustery morning here in the East..... No sun today just a yellowy grey sky which does not look nice!
it has been really nice up to now so we can't complain!
Work has been ok this week we have finally yes finally had our empty beds closed.. Yaaaaaay! We are down to 16 patients, tho as good as that might sound we have 4 staff on long term sick and no funding for bank staff but this staff patient ratio is much better! one of our auxiliary s has just been diagnosed with a tumour behind her eye poor poor girl is having to go to Sheffield for her treatment after a week of not so nice treatment she has been told she will loose the sight in that eye 😞 Had a good long chat with her and she is being positive, I could weep at all the rubbish that's going round for everyone!
Just heard on the news 2 sheep have been found in a ditch alive after being buried in the snow 2 weeks ago :))))) aw 🙂 so there is good things happening!
Vikki has finally been discharged from the Infectious Disease Consultant! Her Discitis has gone but the MRI showed skeletal damage/changes which is common after Discitis 😞 long term prognosis is,nt brilliant with pain but he is contacting the pain clinic Doctor to take her on.... He said her age should be a factor in gaining better mobility and pain control! It's been a long haul to get the first yr out of the way, which is when they usually assess damage and prognosis after Discitis... she see,s the Orthopedic Consultant next week perhaps he can give us better news!!
My sister had her last R/T yesterday and she is not too brilliant it has affected her bladder (which she was warned about) poor girl is now dealing with incontinence 😞
I,m suffering big time again with these blessed hot flushes, I,ve been absolutely dripping (not pretty) I,m thinking of going to see my lovely McMillan Nurse to have a chat about it, it's so wearing 😞 OH for something nice!
Daniels enjoying his time home but getting quite frustrated now as he still has,nt got the keys to his house 😞 he,s still waiting for the Surveyor to complete the survey for his mortgage... He rang them again yesterday and did make me smile when he attempted to give them a piece of his mind, he,s not the most assertive person I know, Hopefully it will get sorted before he goes back next week bless him!
Well Flutterbys doom and gloom is sending love to you all, I,m so pleased Phil is coping well Janice and hope its soon over for you both xx Stella I hope things are going well for you now hon and your healing well, xx Jane you clever girl my brain just won't absorb things anymore its given up I think 🙂 well done you xx Em so good to have you back to your old self again and to read your very funny posts 🙂 G I Jane I hope your not working too hard? Don't forget the me time!! Yvonne Von and all you precious butterflies I hav,nt mentioned flutter gently don't get blown away love and hugs xxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxx
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Re: Where did I go????

So glad your op went well Stella and that you're not in too much pain. Sounds like you had a great weekend, the magician didn't try to cut you in half did he, lol ?
Love and hugs to all of you Flutterbies.
Keep smiling.
Von XX
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Re: Where did I go????

Hi everyone yes it's lovely to have some sunshine and doesn't it make you feel better.Well Phil had chemo today and has next week off so he is going to rest well ready for the next lot.He is coping quite well up to now so fingers crossed it continues.How lovely to see butterflies no doubt it will be a while before they emerge here up north but did see a bumble bee on Saturday so hope spring is eventually here.Stella glad op went ok and you are on the mend.Doz glad Dan eventually got home and he likes the house do hope your sister gets good news when she goes.back she has certainly had a rough time.Elsa Jane you seem to be doing well on your course I am sure you will succeed how clever you are.Em Yvonne GIJane Yvonne and everyone on the site thank you again for being there for Phil and me the hands do help love and hugs to all you lovely flutterbys Janice xxxxxx
emmy
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Re: Where did I go????

Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes Doz gremlins everywhere!! I have lost a couple of longish posts lately so tend to try one shorter one now! It's so frustrating when you do it and with my DOH brain I forget what I have written so can't start again!!! I am glad Afgan managed to land safely even though you probably know the motorway quite well by now it's so wearing to do which is why I don't do them if I can possibly help it!!! Just been out the front of house as hubby is painting windows and door whilst stood chatting a flutterby landed and sunned itself on the drive so pretty and a couple have flown over the house so yep reckon it's ami!!! It does make you think of us all.
Stella you are one brave lady I just opted to never go for any further procedures, I am glad you are happy with the results it's good if it makes you happy 🙂 , Blimey getting my inside out knickers twisted between the Jane's who have my admiration one running round like a blue bummed fly 😉 and the other studying like a good 'un phew!! It makes me tired thinking of it!
Janice so glad Phil started his journey it feels better when things get going then you feel something is being done, I felt like that the waiting room is the pits!!! I am still holding your hand and wishing you both the very best. Yvonne I hope you are doing o.k? Von I hope that ball in the sky is showing itself where you are, I read with interest about the massage thing sadly nowhere near us but I do go for reflexology every Friday and don't know where I would have been without it throughout everything! I can go as long as need to but am slowing it down to fortnightly so someone else can benefit from it, there are people waiting to go whose needs are at this stage far more pressing than mine now! You have to book for months ahead or can't get in!
Well got one eye out for the gremlins so am off to make hubby a cuppa take care all enjoy that thing in the sky! Flutter gently sending spoons,love and of course a group hug............the hand if needed too! 🙂 Em xxxxx

Doz1949
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Re: Where did I go????

HAHAHA! Now that is wierd! I didn't do that? Xxhugxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Phew... How strange 🙂 xxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Flutterbys
Afghan home safe 🙂 no worse for wear... Just tired, he fell asleep coming home which was a good job cos I missed the turning for the M62 eeeek., and he was non the wiser 🙂 he looks soooo well and healthy and dare I say an amazing tan!
He bought me a new ipad 4 for being in his words... A Diamond 🙂 I filled up! Not at the present but at his comment, and there was me just thinking he expected me to do things for him, How wrong was I 😞 then I filled up over the present!
He absolutely loves his house YAAY! I can now breathe ha ha! Still waiting for the keys but its imminent now 🙂 so he will get to sleep in it before he goes back at the end of the month 🙂
I did rest my thumb honestly... I did the gardening before I had it done last wed, 🙂 but it has,nt worked as well as the other thumb did its still quite painful in a morning till it unlocks then its fine so won't be needing the axe yet!
My sister has completed her 2 chemo courses and was discharged today just 5 more R/T sessions then finished... And the proverbial 6 week wait till she see,s the consultant.. She,s ok Just very tired and drained but glad to be home!
Jane I,ve seen butterflys too this week 🙂 I always think of you all and wonder which one of you stopped by to say hi 🙂 think this one was Ami xxx
not sure what just happened but I think my post is going to go into cyber space??? Half has posted half is still ready to post ooooer!
i will close just incase I loose it but sending you a big hug Stella so glad your ok love to Phil hope he,s staying positive and massive hugs all round xxxxxxxxhugsxxxxx
katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning flutterbies
Jane 2 - sounds as though you're going to be very very busy! But all sounds normal -we're getting there.
Doz - what are these lads like - I've got 3 similar ones! Well hope he's here safe & sound and enjoying his new house. How's the thumb, as Jane 1 says 'rest the the thumb but doing all that gardening'!
Janice - glad to hear Phil's first session went okay and managing to get out for a walk is really good. I hope they're all like that for him. Hope you're ok too, sending a big hug.
Emmy - glad to hear you're laughing again - does you a lot more good than any tablet.
Jane 1 - a reaL LETTER! Unheard of nowadays. I've had two cards with notes inside, does that count? Probably not!
My op went well, was allowed home at 9pm - think the anesthetic made me a little dizzy so had to wait a while longer. I've not had too much pain - just had paracetamol when I needed it. Some bruising coming out now. Wearing spanx knickers 24hrs a day is a bit uncomfortable though! Had to go have dressings changed on Friday so asked if I could have a look and was really pleased - both same size now and look level if you know what I mean. I could actually see why somebody would now have a nipple done, cos they'd just look normal - but i won't be going down that road.
I had a nice weeked, son & his partner came down from Manchester for my eldest son's birthday (35) and he had a party Satuday night with a band and a magician - who was brilliant! Then we all went for Sunday lunch yesterday, very nice.
Yvonne & Von hope you're both ok and anybody else I've not mentioned.
Think the round thngs trying to come out again, still windy, but nice to have any warm weather.
Take care all
Stella xxxx

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Gi Jane-I'm not the slimmest of people and find certain makes fit me better than others so i will be looking at dresses by Adini, East or per una maybe...having said that my sister who is a similar build to me likes dresses from Holy Clothing, an online site, a bit gothic but I'll have a look.
Well, I had a good day on my uni work today and hopefully finished an assignment but that could all change after my tutorial on Tuesday!! I'm trying to whizz through the work as my daughter comes home for a holiday at the start of May and I want to be able to have some days out with her without worrying about my coursework. It's certainly kick started me into writing which is a good thing. Also I want to be able to spend time in the garden now that the weather is warming up.
After my course is finished we're planning on getting two tom kittens as we lost both our cats recently and I really miss having them around....can't wait.
Flutter gently flutterbys....

GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Doz, one minute you talk about resting your thumb, then you're sorting the garden!! Me confused! Hope Dan is back safely, finally, AND that he likes his house!
janice, hope phil does ok...

ejane - where will you go for your new dress?

how you doing Em?
saw two butterflies in the garden today ... Thought of you all, and smiled...

love Jane xx

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Re: Where did I go????

Glad Dan eventually on his way Doz very expensive drinks bless him.been nice here today so been busy in garden got lots of tidying done.Pots ready for plants when it warms up a bit more.Phil has been ok but dear knows how next lot will affect him hopefully he won't be too bad.he has been getting out for a walk most days so maybe the exercise is helping.Hope everyone is ok Stella how are you doing hope all went well with op.I hope you managed to get a nice new dress E.Jane I can remember mice in our shed decimating everything they could chew paint rollers and boxes such a mess.Saw one in the garden on Thursday so will be watching it doesn't get into mischief.Love and hug as Janice xxx
Doz1949
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Re: Where did I go????

Happy shopping 🙂 the little mouse only came to tell you to go out and treat yourself 🙂
Afghan up date.... He had a few drinks in the Hotel fell asleep and missed his blessed flight!!!! So at 5am received an email saying go back to bed Mum 😞 hardly slept anyway! he,s spent a very anxious 23 hrs waiting to see if there were any spaces on the next 3 flights, all to no avail..... Just heard from him to say he lost his money for his Emirates flight £500 but has managed to get a flight via Paris with Air France £480 he,s now waiting to board...... Finally! I messaged back saying that has to be the most expensive 5 drinks he,d ever have! Stupid man... All in all £200 a bottle stupid stupid beggar! But I,m so relieved he,s on his way....what a day 😞
i hear we may have temperatures in the double figures this weekend WooHoo! 🙂 Enjoy Flutterbys xxxhugxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Doz...will a 5am start matter, I don't think you'll be able to sleep anyway!!
Em...giggling, fun...bring it on I say..laughter's the best medicine there is.
Janice-thinking of you and Phil..hugs to you both x
I think I'm a glutton for punishment, I'm in the middle of my uni course with deadlines looming so what did we do last weekend? Rip out the kitchen..new one's arriving 9th May...help!!! Loads to do and the garden's growing now that the weather is warming up that means weeding and planting and mowing.
In June we're going to a wedding and our daughter's graduation..I had 2 dresses that I was going to wear, my best dresses. What happened to them? Well, I went to bed last Friday night and caught movement in the corner of my eye and when I looked again there was a mouse! I really don't like mice. Anyway, we got it out but when I went in my wardrobe I saw all these coloured threads on the floor matching my dresses...it had only shredded both hems. Probably made lovely nesting material I expect! I was furious to say the least. Anyway, every cloud has a silver lining...tomorrow I will be shopping for a new dress.
Warm weather is predicted this weekend at last

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

😞 he could,nt get the early flight! so very early 5am set off for me Yuk! But worth it 🙂 xxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning fflutterby's sorry Janice I had it logged in this dreadfully forgetful brain of mine that chemo for Phil was next Monday how terrible am I... 😞 just cos I,m on annual leave I presume everything stops.. I am sending you both a hand to hold during what is a rotten time and hoping he sails through it without any hiccups xxxx
glad to hear the humour has returned Em it's horrible when it takes a step back bless ya.. On the naming things beginning with a c or e or k I,m the worlds worst! The more I try to pull it out of my head the more elusive it gets 🙂 and I can actually wake up the following day still not remembering! And as you said it usually begins with something quite different 🙂
i finally had my cortisone inj, in my thumb this week, I had to delay it as I,ve been told to rest it afterwards so had to wait till I was off work... Done dusted and oh so painful! I managed to get the grass cut over the weekend..... In the SUN!! Which started me off with the gardening and 3 days later all ready for planting and pots 🙂 looks so nice and tidy tho ii,ve a few scratches and a thorn in my head.... Eeeek got up too quick under the standard rose and got impaled!! Fortunately Vikki managed to get it out...
just waiting to hear from Afghan Dan he left base Monday night and left Kandahar last night so fingers crossed he gets to Dubai to catch the early flight today then I,ll be shooting off to Manchester this afternoon YAAY! If not it,ll be the 7am arrival in morning! I can't wait for my hug 🙂 and to see his face when he goes to see his house.. I hope to goodness he likes it ha ha! it's a bit late now if he does,nt 😉
my sister is,nt doing to well 😞 she is back in for her second week of Chemo but they are keeping her in for a while when its finished as she needs another transfusion and her skin has broken down really badly around her undercarriage 😞 the abcess has,nt healed and her skin is red raw bless her, she has been really breathless so the they are doing tests today... She,s starting to feel rubbish tho to be expected with it being such long harsh treatment, I feel so useless 😞
Its been a chaotic week so far but I,m dutifully resting my blessed thumb now and looking forward to seeing my lad 🙂
love hugs spoons to you all and a special hug for those having treatment this week flutter gently precious butterflies xxxxxxxxhugsxxxxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

good that Phil had some "company" (I know you were with him Janice, but you know what I mean!!!) horrible when they have to keep fishing for veins....Here's hoping & praying about the side effects (and efficacy).... and holding your hand too Janice.
I lost 3 long posts over the weekend - most frustrating!

Have a spare hand today Stella....

spitting with rain here....don't see much of the weather once I get to work though...

God bless... must get dressed!

love Jane

PS loved to hear you giggle Em.. we all need more of that!

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Re: Where did I go????

Well got today over a few hiccups as Phils veins didn't cooperate very well but got there in the end and a bloke thebasis having same as him so they were comparing notes bless.Just hope he doesn't have too many side effects.I just hope we can get through these next few months okay.Been freezing here today and a few snow flurries what's going on my daffs are only just flowering just hope it warms up soon.Doz I bet you can hardly wait for Dan to come home.Hope your sister is coping sending her a special hug.
Love and hugs to all ,Special hug for you Stella will be handholding tomorrow hope all goes well Janice xxxxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Have we got them there gremlins again?? I did a long reply to everyone just after Jane posting about getting a proper letter and it has just disappeared!?? How strange and frustrating! I can't even remember exactly what I said apart from to say that my sense of humour seems to have made an appearance after an absence for some time! OH was trying to remember an animals name the other day saying it began with a C so we racked our brains and as I hadn't a clue what he was on about forgot about it then it came to me an hour later when I asked him did he mean an Alpaca!?? it was talking about various wools that started that and I could not stop laughing starts with a C indeed! My memory is appalling so it really tickled me so much so that whilst shopping I caught his eye and started all over again!! My tum and jaw ached and people were looking at us like we were due a visit from the men in white coats but it just made things worse so the laughing just would not stop!!! I haven't done that for ages so it was a good feeling which also made me realise how serious I had become so I think that three letter word needs a bigger place in my life FUN!!
What lovely weather! I am sure that thing that Jane referred to came out again so am whispering for fear of scaring it off! We have really been naughty and ignored the garden and gone off to local garden centre along with some shopping (laughing!) I will be good and get some bits for the garden and OH will be tidying,cutting back stuff this week but it was so good to play truant from everything! I even left my phone at home and no one knew where we were actually quite liberating then of course it was a time several peeps tried to get hold of me 🙂 any other time it is usually quiet so typical!!! I think it did teach me to do it more often!!!
i hope you have all had a lovely weekend sending the hand Janice as I am sure you need it as much as Phil and I agree it's the not knowing how you will be or what s/e to expect scary place to be 😞 ,Jane I really felt for you on the letter thing I adore getting letters they are good for the soul as you can reread them if you feel a bit crap and they lift you! Doz Afgan home soon I am so happy for you just what you need a pick me up right now, I hope things keep steady for your sister. For all you lovely flutterbys whom I haven't named I am sending spoons, love and of course a group hug Em xxxxxx

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Re: Where did I go????

EnjoyEnjoy your pottering I am off into garden one to finish what I started yesterday. Gone are the days when I would have got on and finished it in one day I have got less energy as I have gotten older.Have a quiet day everyone love Janice xxxxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Lovely to have some sunshine to be in the garden.... I remember feeling very nervous about chemo (even though I wanted to "get on with it"). My nurse had a student with her, and she said to the student "Jane is expressing anxiety about this treatment, as most people do on their first visit. It's quite normal... and you'll be OK Jane"... the anxiety's not really about ohaving the drugs put in, it's about how you're going to be affected afterwards... let's hope and pray all Phil's se's will be little ones (or non-existent)...

The pager was blissfully quiet yesterday... going in to take the service this morning then hoping for some time pottering in the garden this afternoon...

love Jane xx