We've all been there Janice...swear away....I remember going for long walks after my diagnosis and if anyone could have heard what was in my head they would have been shocked!
We had a scare last week...my brother went off to Norway on his own on his motorbike doing a bit of wild camping, fishing etc as his 50th birthday treat. He was travelling north on what are mostly deserted roads and it was getting colder and colder so he decided to turn round and head south again. Anyway he must have hit some black ice and he and his bike went skidding off the road and out of sight. Very luckily for him there was one other car behind him, the driver saw what happened and called the emergency services. My brother was knocked unconscious and didn't regain consciousness for hours, they had to get the air ambulance out to him to take him to Lillehammer hospital. He's broken a couple of ribs and is sore all over but is ok thank goodness. My oldest brother went out to Lillehammer last Sunday to help bring him home. Had there not been that one car on the road I dread to think what would have happened? Anyway, alls well that ends well.
My daughter has been home for a week and is going back today but we've had a lovely time. Had a meal out last night as we don't have a kitchen at the moment! I was expecting the tiler today but he rang last night to say his last job has run over and he's not able to get to us until Wednesday so we're living very much in a pickle!
Not looking forward to work today because as of today we've all lost our desks and are expected to hot desk. My stuff is packed up in a box and I don't know where I'm going to be able to put it. Monday mornings are usually busy with most staff in so not sure even if I'll get a desk...grrr
Not going to do long post just to say I am having a break from posting and going to have some long walks swearing all the way and get all this rubbish out of my system and calm my thoughts and start all over afresh I hope love hugs and huge thank yous to you all you are fabulous flutterbys Janice xxxxxxxx
Ooooooh busy butterflies 🙂
Em and Jane have a brilliant time away 🙂 and enjoy some well needed ME time .... Xx
Janice I,ll be thinking about you today hoping all goes well for Phil and the traffic is,nt too bad... xxx
Anne enjoy your I day off hope the weather stays nice enough to get a couple of hrs in the garden 🙂 xx
I,m on a study day today and like you Janice will be fighting the traffic...my hospital is 11/12 miles away and at this time it's a nightmare.. So I,ll be driving over the back country rd,s. I spent the afternoon yesterday with my sister, re.arranging hr furniture so she has less to bump into and a better chair to sit in... She,s had a couple of falls and her ankles have swelled up so took her a foot stool and moved her sofa so she can have a higher chair to help her get up.... Came home exhausted but she was much comfier 🙂
Weather has picked up again which is typical when I,ve got to spend it in a stuffy lecture theatre 😞
Flutter gently girlies and enjoy those hols 🙂 xxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxx
Ramble away !! We all do it on here it's excellent therapy! Well getting ready for Cornwall leaving Friday but don't know if it's ready for me! We were lucky and got a refund from the nightmare in Wales so it has paid for this one and it is on a farm two miles away from St Agnes so close enough to get to the sea!! Don't know about you Jane but its what to pack??? So gone for lots of jeans,trousers and tops which can be covered with nice thick jumpers and the compulsary cardi!! Coming back to mammo,bone scan and camera down throat OH DEEP JOY! Looks like I have an ulcer or gall stones (had ulcer before) so going to make the most of it!!
Janice I don't envy you the travel we don't live on the hospital doorstep either and rads was a two hour drive so you have my total sympathy!! I am sending you spoons to hold you up and of course the hand to hold 🙂 I am happy doing that till you are ready to let go. As for the rest of you I will be in touch as the cottage this time has wifi so I will regale you with the days doings like going to the Eden project, the gallery at st Ives and going to look for the chocolate place yum,yum,yum!!!!
Take care flutterbys as ever spoons, love and group hug Emmy xxxxx
JAnice, good luck for phil tomorrow. and nice to hear you have booked time away Doz.
am going to be like you tomorrow, hope to have alie-in and then swim and then some reading.
my mother in law was taken ill monday night so was still at hospital until 2am, and then hour drive to get home. am just getting over the stress and tiredness of it. bless her 92, went a bit loopy but we think it was caused by infection.
am still feeling a fraud at my school job but just trying to go day by day and not worry about what to do for the future.
wish something or someone would just kick me and tell me what to do.
sorry if this is how ive rambled before
We travel to the freeman hospital it's 15miles away but traffic can be a nightmare so if we hit busy time you can be stuck for ages and a 25minyte journey can take over an hour.Hope you get some sleep before your hol starts and hopefully Lyn will behave whilst your away hopefully fine weather as well clouds have now gone and blue skies again love and hug Janice xxxx
Fret not about whether you are cheeful or grumpy Janice. You have a heck of a lot on your plate, and this is a safe place to say it as it is. You are among friends... I'm guessing you have quite a way to go for treatment? All the way to Newcastle? or Anwick? or?
Day off today. I went to have my hair done this morning, only to find that the drains were blocked and although I could have a cut, they couldn't do a colour. Ah well. The cut is the most important. Apparently the dye was backing up on to the pavement and making rather a mess!
Been doing too much moving/gardening/ironing/cleaning (not that I've done much of any of them!) But Lyn is misbehaving big time....Naughty lady!!!!
Only two more working days...... which is great, because too many nights this week I've been "working" all night instead of sleeping, and then sending out "Midnight musings" emails!
Hope you are right Doz.He has chemo booked for tomorrow so only knocked back a few days.Will have to be up early as we leave at 7.45 and I usually don't get up till 8.30 will just have to snooze when I get there.Managed to cut grass before it rained but just a couple of showers
Hope everyone is okay sorry I am such a grump latelit take care love and hugs Janice xxxx
Aw bless you Janice if its any consolation we,ve had rain and its not too warm.... Hopefully he will get used to it fairly quickly the guy I was looking after was home and living a very normal life within weeks so fingers crossed for Phil... And some quality time ahead for you both.. Sending a bucket full of spoons and a big hug xxxxxHUGxxxxxx
Well Phil went for chemo today they didn't give him it as his magnesium levels were low so they gave him an infusion with it in but by the time it was all sorted we were still there over 7 hours and it was soooo sunny felt like crying as weather due to change tomorrow.Still may get the grass cut before it rains.Jane enjoy your holiday it will be nice to chill out.Doz nice to have something to look forward to we aren't able to plan anything at all for this year as I think it will take a while for him to get sorted with his op and his urostomy.Never mind it just has to get better at some point I hope.
Well enjoy the fine weather those who are having it and take care love and hugs Janice xxx
Enjoy your time off Jane and have a lovely holiday... Hope you got your chapel sorted out? X
I do hope you are able to wind down a bit Janice it's awful getting into such a quagmire not knowing when it will lift 😞 but hang in there sweetie I,m sure if you take each day as it comes then deal with it and put it to bed ready for the next you will get there, I hope Phil is getting on ok and this glorious weather is lifting the spirits for you both! X
Just booked a 4 day break to Scotland with Vik,s 🙂 were staying near Loch Long at the end of June then home for 3 days then Wimbledon... I,m sooooo ready for this break 🙂 it can't come soon enough...
Enjoying the weather while it lasts.. Taken my own advice and sat and read 2 books in the last 3 days in the garden between night shifts and I have really enjoyed it 🙂 today I,ve done some housework... Only because I burnt in the sun yesterday oooops! Get the cream out girlies don't frazzle love and hugs to everyone xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxx
We go to Budle every year, and have been there or on a farm between bamburgh and Seahouses every year for the last, ooh, 24 years or so! We just love the area. I have to say we find Lindisfarne a bit touristy. We go every 3-4 years. the Farnes are on the list, cause of the puffins @ this time of year, but chilling is the top of the list. It's 3am, I'm up, not having slept yet, thinking about storage in the new chapel! (Or lack of). Sigh. I'm on call, so can't take a proper sleeping tablet. Just tomorrow night to do, then that's it. Day off Wed (get hair done) work thurs & hopefully half of Friday, then pack & leave between 5&6 am...
Oooh - bargains! Love 'em! Seldom lucky myself, but I DID get a pair of next "smart" shoes for £3 the other year... can only wear them for a short while, if I don't have to walk anywhere!!!
Doz, what a ******er! (car and police) Re sleep: Have you tried Melatonin? It's the natural substance our brain produces to tell the body to sleep... available online... I find it helps unless I'm VERY stressed (and isn't addictive) I hope you get on the courose - be interesting to hear what you learn.
Janice, do NOT apologise for being in a hole!!!!! You ARE In a hole! Sending down a rope...... Glad you had a good time with your grandson... precious...
Emmy, your friend's story is horrendous!
The chapel is on the ground floor of the hospital (we are tucked away next to Intensive care at the moment)... and the window was lovely.... The space we were given was a dark, dingy, dirty changing room. LIghting would be key, I felt. When I went down on Monday I needed sunglasses - it's so light and bright. It'll be finished the week after next, but I shall be in Northumberland then, so we move in on June 4th. Looking forward to two whole weeks away.... Have to say I feel I need them... Kindle at the ready....
Poor you Doz.Years ago I was on my way to my sisters(she had just been told she had cancer) and as I was going up the road a motorbike drove in front of me onto the pavement then an unmarked police car drove after him driving straight at me I managed to swerve out and quickly in again as a car was on other side of the road I ended up on the grass average absolutely terrified of what could have happened.Anyway I rang the police and told them what had occurred and they said they would be in touch 3days later I rang again and eventually spoke to a traffic inspector he promised to come and see me after he had watched the video he said I had been very lucky and that the officers would be disciplined never heard anymore but the boys in blue. Sometimes kela e a lot to be desired.I am still feeling wound up can't cope at all and dreading every day not much support here unfortunately but my sons ex partner brought our grandson today so that was nice he's 13 and a really nice lad Who is no bother he sat and chatted to his grandad about what was happening and was very sensible about it all bless him.Sorry I am such a grump these days seems as if the hole just gets developer but I'll find a ladder one of these days.Doz I do hope you get on the course and hopefully it will help you and your sister and maybe Vikki too.Flutter gently love and hugs everyone Janice xxx
Poor you Doz you really do attract the nutters!! As for the boys in blue strange you saying that had an old colleague tells me (she lived in the sticks) that her neighbour was away and she heard noises coming from their house just over the road from her so went to peek through the windows to see a burglary actually in progress so pretty sharpish she rang the 'boys' only to be told can you keep an eye on them and ring back if they look as though they will try your house???? She is a Yorkshire lass who does not suffer fools so asked if they were serious?? Seems so at this point she put down her phone and rang back saying I think one of the men has a gun!! Do you know within minutes there were three cars and a helicopter!! They were not happy to find that the said 'gun' was in fact something they were using to jimmy the doors but as she pointed out she was alone with a small child and in the dark it looked like a gun 😉 needless to say they were arrested and her neighbour very grateful but what a way to have to get someone to not only listen but send someone specially as the burglary was happening right in front of her!!! She did come to fear going home in the end ,poor woman was in bits at the thought of the creeps coming back so much so she decided for both her and her son's safety she was better living in a bigger place which broke her heart but better safe than as they say!!!
I hope your shifts have been kind to you lovely and as for charity shops!!!! Love them DD just bought some Karen Millen trousers for £4 she was thrilled as no way she could afford the prices new! I do love to poke about when away as well I always come home with more than I went away with! 🙂 So glad you found the dress you were looking for Jane mind you I reckon it found you!
Janice I am hoping Phil is coping a little better bless him and you get the support you need, like Doz I have come to the conclusion that I am just not doing it for myself no matter how hard I try so will give the Haven a ring when I get back from Cornwall, going with son and DIL with their hound and looking forward to being by the sea which I love!!! It's gone all quiet so I am hoping that it's 'cos everyone is busy and getting on 🙂 take care flutter gently sending love and a group hug Emmy xxxxx
Jane I love rummaging in our Dove House Hospice shop and just like you have found some corkers 🙂 well done, with living in a small village we have some rather posh houses around us and sometimes the most fabulous clothing items get sent in 🙂 I,ve had some lovely things and soooo cheap tho I do give a bit extra if they are really nice as its for a good cause.
Gi Jane I have a passion for stained windows I hope you fall in love with yours 🙂
Janice I really feel for you with the lack of sleep sadly I can't offer any advice as I,m still... Having mega problems too 😞 I take half a 3.25 zopiclone most nights or in this case lately most mornings after working nights 😞 I have just been contacted by our Oncology Nurse Practitioner asking if I,d like to do a 6 week course regarding stress insomnia and other cancer related issues it's being done in line with Penny Brohn cancer care. I,ve just sent in a booking form in the hope I can get on it as not only will it help me but also any info I can get for my sister who is really not too good at the moment 😞 she,s still having so many problems and has been having trouble with shortness of breath when she lies down so has taken to sleeping in her chair and has had a few falls bless her she is going to be getting back in touch with Oncology today..
My brush with the boys in blue has really naffed me off... Not the speeding fine as such as if I was speeding then so be it.....but driving home from Hull on Friday I was in some dreadful traffic and a bus in front of me stopped at a bus stop so when the road was clear I indicated to overtake and out of nowhere came a nutter in a wooly hat who tried to get between me and the bus..... Consequently he hit my front bumper knocking him off his bike and with it happening so quick my car driving over his front wheel... He jumped up and started shouting abuse at me (drunk) so I pulled over really shook up and rang the good old boys in blue, meanwhile the abuse kept coming, fortunately I had a witness who was prepared to wait for the B's in B.... Poor old Vikki was shaking and this stupid cyclist ran off carrying his bike in his shoulder when I told him i was on the phone with the Police... Screaming abuse again... The policewoman on the phone heard him and asked me to wait to see if she could get a patrol car... Guess what..... No patrol cars available so she took my details told me i could go home and said I would get a call.... No call!! Damaged car shook up had to go to work in 2 hrs and nothing! Kind off makes you loose faith! 3days later and still nothing! Bet I would have heard if I,d been speeding 😞 Cynical or what!
Nights have been calm and its my last one tonight till next Friday 🙂 tho I may have been tempting faith by saying that as I,m working a night with our Sister tonight eeeeek!
Hope your all enjoying the bank holiday and all is well in your world love and hugs flutterbys xxxxxxhugxxxxx
Wow Jane how lucky was that.Second hand shops here aren't very good so can't find anything like thwart in them.Dress sounds lovely and I am sure you will look fabulous on the day.
Ann you seem to be chilling a wee bit more so don't try to hard just let it happen.A joke as far as I am concerned as I am wound uplike a spring and sleep takes ages to come and the consequence is I can't get up in the morning.
Fot up this morning to 3 ambulances in the street and found out later a dear neighbour had died suddenly.His poor wife must be in such a state I worked with her years ago and as a nurse she must have been wondering if she couldn't have done something.There is always someone worse off isn't there.
GIJane window sounds lovely I am sure you will come to love it.
All of you other girls take care and have a good weekend love and hugs Janice xxxx
SUCCESS!!!! My daughter and I were shopping and not really looking for anything in particular when I found the dress for the wedding/graduation...couldn't believe my luck..it was in a second hand shop hanging in the doorway and had only been brought in that very morning...it was obviously for me. OH loves it....it is a country casuals silk dress in lovely deep turquoisy/browny tones...lovely. Also my daughter needed a graduation outfit..it had to be a dark skirt and white blouse and the very last charity shop we looked in there they were...a really good mornings work. It's great to have her home.
Right..back outside to finish the gardening
E.Jane I bought a 'vest' with lacy top ina well known store,and it works really well on things that are now too low..
weekend on call.... Going to see a stained glass window that's been made for our new chapel.. Wasn't keen on it when I first saw the finished thing, but I'm getting used to it.
thankyou flutterbys so many lovely messages and help. have been sitting trying to read this afternoon, and feeling pretty jittery. it comes and goe like a hot panicky feeling. am trying to sit and just be in the moment. i just dont wanna feel like this and am probably trying too hard. have been distracting myself on the computer.
i know i need to go gently, i should be able to switch off from school job and enjoy time here. It is still that feeling of being on the edge, and basically not happy. Thanks for your support, i wish i could put things into better words, but you know how this feels and anything you say is a great help.
dont want to be down on you all either,
Jane think an insert for the dress is a good idea, East do such lovely things. or a cropped lacy/crochet bolero cardigan?
thanks for reading
Ha ha Jane I have done the self same before today... And it's such a lovely time to get up everything's really fresh 😉 not a good idea everyday tho zzzzzz! Have you thought of putting on a longish chiffon scarf? They are in all shops at the moment in all colours, knot it just below the boobs they cover the cleavage and look very chic.. I wear them all the time and to dress them up you can get ones with silver balls and baubles on... They take the emphasis off a multitude of sins ie my muffin tum! 😉
Vikki went to the meeting only to be told it had been cancelled as they want the owners there too but could,nt get hold of them? There were already the managers and 3 sons sat at the table? Yet she can't take anyone? Not very good! So rang our solicitor and he,s going to contact them as he said that was very intimidating and they really have to be seen to be doing the right thing sympathetically if.. They intend to finish her.. It's all to do with disability rights and I for one am useless at law and practice! so she,s back to square one not knowing what her future holds... It's very s distressing for her as at the moment her employers have not paid her a penny since she was taken ill and the restaurant is very quiet so it would,nt hurt them or cost them anything just to leave things as they are without causing her more stress 😞
Anne you are taking the right approach small things matter and doing them at your own speed is important.. I suffered with panic attacks for years and they,ve appeared again since my hormones have been blocked.. I don't let them get the better of me anymore, no.one can see what's happening inside your head.. So I try to ignore them and focus on the here and now, it is,nt easy but if you let stress get the up per hand it's harder to deal with, it is so important to have some me time xx you are still very fragile sweetie and it does take it out of us but if you,ve read some of the earlier posts you,ll see what a mess most of us were too.. Still feel it at times but you do learn to accept it and deal with it, and you are doing well so keep it up sweetie 🙂 xx
Oh well back on nights for the whole bank holiday 😞 had a few lovely days in the garden and doing some painting till the wee hours.. very relaxing and good soul food 🙂 Jane if you were going to get a fine you,d know by now 🙂 it's the one thing the Police don't drag their feet over eeeek! Love to you ALL have a lovely bank holiday hugs and spoons to anyone who,s in need take care flutterbys xxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxx
Woo hoo Doz...great news I thought I might be getting a letter from the boys in blue as I thought I was over the limit when I saw a speed camera but, it hasn't arrived....yet! Poor Vicki...she's having a tough time of late, the last thing she needs is that meeting with work I expect.
Ann-it is all about taking things slowly and bit by bit to build up confidence. I remember after my mx that I just didn't want to go out. I thought people would look at me even though outwardly I appeared ok I knew my body had changed and emotionally I felt fragile...still do some days. This time last year I think I started going swimming and enjoyed it, I need to start going again as I've got out of the habit of late.
Well, I'm no further on with finding a dress for wedding/graduation...help!! I've been everywhere....I have got a lovely dress from East (bought pre-surgery) but it's low at the front and I won't feel confident wearing it but I was thinking maybe I could put in some sort of insert...that's my plan b at the moment! I'm struggling with my weight which doesn't help and sitting at the computer doing uni work is certainly not helping matters. Roll on July.
Anyway...good news...daughter Em is coming home this evening, yayy....can't wait to see her. She's just finished university and had her last exam yesterday and as is tradition at St Andrews had water thrown over her.....she was a little reflective when I spoke to her on the phone yesterday..I guess this time of her life is coming to a close and she's loved every minute of it....she'll miss all her friends.
Yesterday I woke at 4am stressing about my uni assignment so I thought I may as well get up and get on with it. When it came to starting work the computer mouse had died so where was I at half four in the morning?...Tescos!!
Flutter gently flutterbies
Thanks everyone, poor Vikki, Doz it all sounds stressful.
am on tamoxifen, and also citalopram for depression which was given last year. onc said to stay on it cos it helps with side effects. am still struggling with anxiety, but it comes and goes. have had lovely sleep on the sofa, after quick dash to asda and a swim. trying to calm down and go a bit at a time.
heres to finding small pleasures tomorrow
That's brilliant news DozI was seen 6monthly for 18 months then consultant said as I was doing fine he would see more yearly and I get my mammo at the same clinic so if I felt the need to see BC nurse then I can.They tried it and it didn't work they could have saved the hassle if they'd listened to the patients.take care love and hugs Janice xxxxx
Woohoo! I have just had the best phone call in the world... Well maybe not the best BUT....
The BC nurse who got me on the trials for Letrozole in this area has rang me with the bestest 🙂 of news I,m being moved back to the normal yearly follow up and being taken off the Survivorship Clinic 🙂 it has,nt worked and 99% of the women put on it have complained that they felt discarded and didn't have ant contact with the necessary people... So that's me being looked after properly again YAAY!
Have a lovely day Flutterbies love always xxxxxhugxxxx
Fab news flutterby 🙂 I,m so pleased for you it's time something positive happened to cheer you up onwards and upwards Janice 🙂 xx I,ve been to hospital with Vikki to see rheumatologist her joints are really playing up 😞 good news least week with MRI her infection has finally cleared but her immune system is shot from all her meds.. They are now blaming her meds for the pains in joints so she,s had a steroid injection and they are changing some of her meds but she,s now in agony, they did say it would happen for a few days till it kicks in but love her she,s not a happy bunny... Plus her employer has asked for a meet up with a union rep... She is,nt in a union so my solicitor is getting on board as it looks like her job is,nt a certainty anymore 😞 we have expected it but its not what she needs right now!
how,s this for speed ( literally) my letter of prosecution came from the good old boys in blue 35 in a 30 mile limit..... Such a naughty girl!! And yes fine and points unless they let me go to the seminar.... Wish I,d been doing 60 then it might have been worth it!!
Anne be gentle with yourself sweetie as Janice said its still early days, don't do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable listen to your body and if you want to put your pj,s on and slob all day do it.... We all have and still do 🙂 if the weather is nice enough chill outside with a good book do whatever gives you peace of mind.. It's all about feeling at ease with yourself so whatever it takes do it... Are you on any meds now cos they can make you feel unhappy in your own skin, I,m on Letrozole and they are rubbish for side effects, I just tell myself it's not forever, I hope you enjoy your time off hon it's so important to rest xx
Love to everyone spoons hugs and tons of sunshine is wished for you all xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxx
Hi everyone scan fond just scar tissue so no worries I have enough at the moment.Phils chemo went ok but a guy we met last time couldn't have his as his bloods hadn't recovered so it has knocked him back which is a shame as we thought they may both have had their ops about the same time and be in hospital together.GIJane I agree with Em you breed to listen to your body and rest when you need to.Ann you are still all new with your diagnosis and treatment I am sure you will soon settle and enjoy your days off be kind to yourself.Doz I know you are probably full of busy even on your days off but remember to have some me time..Stella Elsa Yvonne and anyone else lurking there take care love hugs and spoons Janice xxxxxxxx
Doz, janice, emmy, jane and jane.
Bit tired after school for 3 days, loads of silly things happening but tried to just be absorbed with whatever i should be doing.
have 2 days off but it makes me a bit edgy just dont always know what to do with myself. not that i want to be working.
trying not to put pressure on myself just wanted to say hello to all
Hi flutterbys just flying in to send Janice the hand and to say to Jane I think maybe this is your body's way of saying can I have a proper rest please? The tired thing seems to be quite common but it doesn't do us any favours does it? Sending spoons, the hand and group hug all round Emmy xxxxx
The sun has got its hat off hip hip hip hooray 🙂 and I,ve got 3 days off....
Jane you poor love its awful when those days jump up and bite you on the bum 😞 I usually put it down to work but I do think we still have days when the poor old body does just give in, Jane 2 is right nothing wrong in having a lazy day hon a good old sofa session is allowed, hope you feel a bit better for it cos we sure don't need them reminders xx
tuther Jane 🙂 I hope you have a lovely time with your daughter, time flies so quick when they are home so let every second be precious.. It gets harder saying goodbye to Daniel I,ll be so happy when this contract has finished and I think he will be too he messaged me from Dubai saying he does,nt think he can do it for much longer 😞 did you find a dress? I,ve given up on dresses my body shape has changed so much since taking Letrozole I,ve always had a bit of a tummy after 2 Caesarians but now I,ve got an excess roll above my waist...and can I shift it.... Nope!! So trousers and tops it is and the odd skirt I hate it 😞 xx
I went to Dentist yesterday and all good tho again she commented on my dry mouth... Good old Letrozole again! I pulled out of the side road to join the traffic on the Main Street and out of the corner of my eye caught a glimpse of a sneaky little begger With a speed camera hiding behind a hedge 😞 and I,m not sure what speed I was doing possibly just over 30 as I was keeping up with the traffic 😞 so awaiting the dreaded letter! Aaaaaargh! I,ve had one speeding ticket when I was in my 30's I was doing 45 in a 40 limit 😞 so I,ll be a bit naffed off if I get one again!
Going to spend the day in the garden I can't be bothered with household tasks today I need fresh air and sun 🙂
Janice hope your ok and Phil is doing well, love to everyone flutter gently and get a bit of sun on those wings 🙂
A day spent snoozing in the chair is fine from time to time...sounds ok to me.
Well I just can't find an outfit anywhere for my daughter's graduation and a family wedding in June...my OH and I went to Chester yesterday and nothing doing. Help!! There was one dress in East which may do but it wouldn't be my first choice as it had a wrapover v neckline and I felt a little self conscious that my lack of cleavage would show if I didn't stay standing bolt upright throughout the day! What to do. I have seen a VERY expensive dress on the John Lewis website and they offer free returns if you don't like it so may order it...just to see what it's like. It's got a butterfly print so would be very apt for me.
Anyway, been quite busy today...gardening this morning; weeding then planting potatoes and then chores this afternoon such as washing and ironing...but, all done now so putting my feet up for the evening. My daughter's coming home on Friday for a few days and I can't wait to see her; the last time was christmas so I'll be so excited to see her again.
Dreading work this week as I'm on call Monday and Wednesday for anyone who threatens or actually self-harms...roll on Wednesday evening.
Oh Doz.. Always so hard to say goodbye... How's your sister doing?
i feel rather tired today. actually, I feel like I did after chemo, no energy, everything an effort, including eating. I'm on call..yesterday was quiet till late evening, so I was late to bed, but I had the morning unexpectedly free cause a colleague did the service. I came home and snoozed In the chair most of the morning. Don't like the reminder of chemo!
I dont know what the weather was like today 🙂 Got home from work 8am did a cooked brekkie for Afghan and spent an hour with him before the...... Ex took him to Manchester, very sad 😞 does,nt seem 5 mins since I was picking him up and he,s gone again 😞 till August sob!
So i,ve been in bed all day it was lovely when I first went to bed and quite nice when I got up at but it looks as if it had rained a bit... Well done Anne for taking the plunge... literally 🙂 I did quite a bit of swimming early days as its a place you can go on your own and not feel uncomfortable..
Janice i,m pleased to hear you had a bit better day bless ya hope things stay that way for you both,
Stella you are very brave just to even contemplate more I didnt even contemplate any so hats off to you sweetie 🙂
Well its a sssssh! quiet night again dont usually say that as it normally ends up being hectic but my patients are all fed watered and asleep 🙂 lots of snoring going on bless them so I will wish you all a fond night night sleep well and have a lovely weekend wherever you are and whatever your fluttering your wings doing 🙂 take good care love alwayz xxxxxxxhugsxxxxx
thanks janice, doz stella, etc. glad you had better day janice,
i plucked up courage to go back to gym and have a swim. hair has grown back since january but still very short. wanted to say i have enjoyed a bit more of today, always loved being in the water. didnt have much confidence today but nice once i was in there.
same for us weatherwise, sun, rain, hail.
lots 0f love Anne x
Better day today thank goodness.We had sun thus morning then sun hail sleet and wind this afternoon what on earth is going owights the weather.Hope everyone has a good weekend I am going to relax tonight watch tv and a glass of vino take care love and hugs and big thank you'd to you all Janice xxxx
Janice, I hope you and Phil are both having a better day today. It must be very difficult for both of you. I think it will help to talk face to face with somebody so you can let it all out and get some advice. Be gentle with yourself.
Well we've had sun, rain, sun. Don't know what to wear. I've been to the hospital this morning to see consultant for follow up to op. Very pleased with results but says she can do more!! I'll have to have a think about that one, got another appointment for 4 months.
Have a good weekend flutterbys.
Aw Janice its so hard is,nt it honey.. they say you always hurt the one you love and I can relate to this with my sister I think they forget how hard it is to be standing on the outside looking in and not being able to do much to help... I do hope things settle down for you both and this blessed C would just leave us all alone for a while so we get chance to pick ourselves up a bit.. 😞 take good care Janice I,m sure when its all over and done you will both be able to look back and pat yourselves on the back for getting there sleep well flutterby..
Love to all xxxxxxxhugxxxxx
Go with the flow at present Anne and I am sure you will eventually decide what you are going to do just don"t be hasty as everyone says flutter gently.
Take care everyone else I am feeling a bit fragile this evening Oh not a happy bunny so have had a bit of a row he is needing to talk to someone apart from me so I plan to see nurses on Tues and ask for some help and advice Going to my bed so goodnight all love Janice xxxx
Thank you all so much, this will be my home for a while too. i need to be more gentle on myself but i have this internal argueing going on all the time, must keep saying its early days.
counsellor suggested i write down 3 good things from school each day, may get in perspective then and have a bit more positive to say, just dont know what i want to do
What fabulous words of wisdom our flutterbys have wonderful people and so helpful so stick with us Ann and we will help you if we can.I took the cowards way out and didn't return to work and even though it was hard financially at the beginning we are doing okay.I think you are amazing the way you returned to work so soon so just think what a big step you took.Iwas nearly a year post diagnosis when I came on the BCC site and Doz post jumped out at me as I to was a nurse and could identify the person who asked where did I go take care and be kind to yourself love and hug janice xxxxx
Hi Anne- it is early days for you emotionally, you finished treatment in January, returned to work in March and its no wonder you feel the way you do. For me it took months and months to get back to anything resembling 'normal'. I remember just before christmas, I was approaching the 1st anniversary of my diagnosis and I felt so low; I wasn't expecting to feel that way but I did. I'd be driving to and from work in tears some days and when at work I felt as though I was on automatic pilot, going through the motions just to get through the day. Once the anniversary had passed I began to feel better in myself and it's mostly been ok since. I think Doz's advice of talking to someone at work if you can, at least they'll then understand what you're going through..maybe arrange to see someone after school because it will be an emotional discussion for you and you don't want to be going back into the classroom after.
Morning everybody - just catching up with posts - very sad to hear about Tony, perhaps he couldn't go on without Dorothy. I hope they are now holding hands and will rest in peace.
Anne - when I found this thread I thought yes! - somebody feels like me! We all go through it and come through it, This thread has been a massive help to me with advice and encouragement from Doz, Emmy, Janice, the 2 Janes to name a few. Stick with it. I worked through some of my chemo as didnt want to be at home all the time but got a lot of support there as well. I think you should tell the counsellor how you are feeling or even ring the BCC line - they are very good too. BIG HUGxxx
Janice - hope you and Phil are doing ok. Been nice weather for Phil's walks.
Doz - I hope your sisters improving.
Back to choir tonight, one of the songs we sing is 'Something Inside So Strong' - I always think of us when we sing it, cos we are all strong!
Just fluttering on to say I think all you have said and feeling is normal to what we all felt and still feel at times, I went back to Nursing a month after my treatment finished and struggled big time.... I felt I was living in a bubble there but not quite there plus R/Therapy still keeps on affecting you for quite some time after treatment, many a day/night I would come home exhausted and fit for nothing so you do need to give yourself more time honey.... I was soooo close to retiring at times but like you need to work and better the devil you know.... Perhaps if you talk to your peers about how hard you are finding it they can give you some well needed support till things level out a bit? I know the body heals quite quickly but as our beloved Ami once said the mind is the hardest part to heal.. Very wise words!
its really important to be selfish at times and take a bit of me time... Switch off and do something you enjoy, we all still take that time whenever possible 🙂 it is hard, it seems never ending but it is getting better and the mind does forget sometimes how hard this blinking journey can be... Once Cancer has touched us it does make us different though there are positives we will come out of it stronger and more tolerant.... Look how far you are coming by just going back to work.. It's not easy but you have done it, it's a very big hurdle after all you have been through and left feeling so vulnerable.. Keep your chin up flutterby the day for spreading those wings is,nt far off!
love hugs spoons and a hand to hold you will get there 🙂 we all do xxxxxxhugsxxxx
big hug to everyone xxxhugxxx