69.4K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Where did I go????

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Emmy- when my dad (god bless him) finished work just before going on a holiday; he'd come home and go 'yaroo!'. When I read that your results were all ok I went yaroo too! What a relief for you and your OH.
Janice-sending lots of spoons to help you and Phil through the next few weeks; thinking of you both
GI Jane-the chapel sounds wonderful; a little oasis of peace in amongst all the hustle and bustle of life. I really value tranquillity and time for reflection these days.
Well, I think I've finished all the writing for my coursework, can hardly believe it to be honest. Had my last observation of practice today and passed thank goodness; just the final exam to go then I'm done and it will be fingers crossed for a pass....just a scraped pass will be good; I'm not proud!!
Going to daughter's graduation next week up in St Andrews so will be a happy few days for all of us; a real milestone.
Anyway, gotta go...love, hugs and spoons to all; flutter gently

Jane x

katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Janice glad u enjoyed LGFB - mine was lovely as well. It's been overcast here all day but sunny now - a wall along the promenade sounds lovely. Off work next week so going to cleethorpes on a day trip, hope the sun shines.
Emmy great news about your results. Enjoy your birthday.
Still waiting for CT scan appt - will have to ring this week as follow up appt is 4/7 just over 2 weeks away.
hugs to everyone - flutter gently xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Had great time at L.G.F.B was nice having help with make up so will have to get up earlier to put my face on everyday ha ha
Been sunny again today so going for a walk along promenade to get some fresh air take care love Janice xxxx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Whoopee Em now you really will enjoy your birthday have fun love Janice xxxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

O.k it's 9.45 am and I am still in PJ's! ahh but sat with a happy smile as I got my both results in one letter ....... CLEAR! Whoopie for another year! Just get these other tests sorted and hopefully tum as it has been an ongoing saga since chemo, at least I wasn't fobbed off this time with its my IBS which was medically diagnosed along with wheat intolerance some 15 years ago. It made me feel like I was paranoid but new GP is wonderful and being female just feels a bit more reassuring, I have had some wonderful male docs but somehow you need to feel that you aren't being silly and she didn't.
Jane I am sure this is far more than your legacy it's part of yourself! How proud are you? Well done and I am sure it will be well used and appreciated. Love the window it is so calming I just adore stained glass windows and have spent many a day looking around churches It is soothing.
Janice I hope you get your bedroom sorted funny how we all seem to have sorted rooms out? We did and spare room ? I suppose its that fresh start to our new us!
Well can't sit here grinning all day have to sort out our clothes etc I know it's overnight but we don't go out evenings much these days so really going to enjoy!! Thank you all for being there and birthday wishes which is so much appreciated I LOVE BEING A FLUTTERBY!!! I don't know how I would have got through without you! Doz you certainly started something here!
Spoons aplenty, big group hug Em xxxxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Hi all had great weekend with family went to Wallington hall yesterday and as we were looking around this guy tapped me on the shoulder and said he hoped his grandchildren grew up to be as well behaved as mine I thanked him but was laughing inside as about an hour before they were right brats ha ha that's children for you.But it's always when they need feeding they are naughty and I get grumpy if I am hungry.Doz glad sis is doing okay and I hope you are feeling better as well.Emmy have a fab time I am sure you will be thoroughly spoilt.GIJane it's nice that the chapel is finished and as you say it will be your legacy.Anne just keep going and take it slowly and moan as much as you like that's why we are here.
Stella Helen Jane2 hope you are being gentle with yourselves and anyone else fluttering on here
I am now settled in p.js and chilling as its been a hectic but lovely weekend and I have a busy few weeks coming up need to get all sorted before Phil has his op and need to decorate the bedroom just hope 3and a half weeks will be enough
love hugs and spoons Janice xxxxxxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Jane, lovely to hear about the chapel, i was wondering where it was, and you mentioned its in a hospital, our room is a bit bleak in hastings.
Doz, would love to go back to Scotland, i had my honeymoon in edinburgh.
Em, also wishing you a happy 60th,xxx and hope those results are soon there.
I had my mammo a week ago and was told 6 weeks! will phone bcn and just see if she can access the result before 2 weeks.
have been gentle on myself, a bit anxious this morning but went bra shopping, soft t shirt ones. dont hold me up as weel but comfy,
Em, thanks for your words, i dont want to be gloomy anddont always know how to put it inwords, but you are the ones that really get it so Isuppose I can just write freely and know you understand. it is that thing of thinking of the whole picture but i am focussing on what is happening just right now, and thats 10 mins in the garden.
sending gentle hugs to all
Annexxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Doz.. glad your sister is doing OK.... Look after yourself with this chest infection.... have a GREAT holiday

Janice - good weekend = woo hoo!

Emmy - welcome back honey - we missed you.. hope the results are OK..

Just taken the first ever service in the brand new chapel.... woo hoo! Official dedication by the Bishop on Wednesday - hope the chairs arrivei by then!!!!!!! It all looks great - go through the last fire doors at the end of the main corridor (OK, that's behind some lifts, but it IS on the same level as the entrance)... and beyond those doors the floor changes (wood) the doors change (wood)... and it's "our" space... new chapel, new Prayer room, quiet room to take distressed people... unisex disabled toiled.. office (with kitchen area).... I really am very pleased with it all. Once it began to take shape, I suddenly realised that this "spiritual space" was my legacy to the hospital - it'll last long after I'm gone... good thought.... my avatar is the window that's been made for it...

Need to make lunch for my children's father.....

Hugs and spoons, especially to those feeling fragile..

love Jane xx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Janice so pleased to hear you have had one of those rare things... A nice week 🙂 bless you hopefully it will last well into the next few weeks so your both feeling up to the next step.. Love and hugs as ever xx
Jane I think under the circumstances you have every right to be naffed off, that was a bit thoughtless of them considering all you.ve been through, take yourselves there hon xx
tuther Jane 🙂 I,ve been advised not to take Melatonin as I have quite low blood pressure which is a shame as I don't want to rely on Z,s so for now if I need anything it's half a 3.75 Zoppi I only get 14 per box which lasts about 6 weeks so I don't think I,m hooked as such but I do have some rotten nights and need something to get me into the land of nod xx
Anne quiet is good it gives us time to put things into perspective, I still need to do that now and then when the bum gets bitten! I think fragile is the best way to describe how most of us feel, Bless our flutterby Ami she hit the nail on the head when she said our body's heal a lot quicker than the mind... And when them blessed little Gremlins start acting up we feel even more fragile so you enjoy the quiet sweetie xx
Em so nice to have you back in the loop... What rotten times your having too, I don't know if your like me but I leave things till last min, then when it's time to do something about it, it all surfaces and bogs me down 😞 I hope all your tests come back ASAP but the old saying hon if there was any worries you would have heard by now xx fingers crossed you can get that tummy sorted soon xx
Sister is plodding on nicely for now, carers are a great help and I bought her a rise/recline chair for her birthday she loves it.. In fact I think she,s taken root... Hav,nt seen her for a while with having this blessed chest infection but going on Tuesday to colour her hair and cut it for her 🙂 she,s very brave letting me loose on it 🙂
Going off on our jollies to Scotland on Thursday, working Monday and wed, so trying to do washing packing etc this weekend... Not getting very far, keep being distracted by the tennis 🙂
Happy 60th Em have a super duper time and have one for me 🙂 enjoy xx
flutter gently Flutterbies love to everyone and take good care.. Praying for some warm days 🙂 xxxxxxhugsxxxxx
emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi flutterbys not posted as I am STILL waiting for results!!??? two weeks Tuesday for mammo and three weeks for bone scan, so going on the 'if there is something they would contact me pronto!', or else go completely mental! Have had a couple of other issues to deal with and going for tests but fingers crossed they should show I need either anti b's or op possible gallstones or ulcer? I am not going to think about it and lovely GP has arranged to start after my 60th birthday for which I have been spoilt rotten already! Going to see Hugh Laurie at symphony hall this coming Tuesday and staying overnight in Birmngham so look out shops here I come!! :))
eJane thank you for the melatonin advice was thinking of looking at getting some so phew! Nicely timed!
Jane flower you sound ****ed off!! Reading your post rightly so!! I would be the same too we are allowed to get mad sometimes for heavens sake woman sending you a flutterby hug xxx
Doz I am now picking myself up and dusting myself off and after these blasted tests are over I am so going to have a few glasses of something!!! I don't drink as a rule with the zoppies but I am slowly weaning myself off them and will treat myself (sad social drinker) that I am!!! Gave up on the Baileys as it made me sick so will make up for it somewhere along the way 😉 I agree with the biting you on the bum thing, I could not feel when they did under my arm for the mammo as it is still numb there so I think they were a bit close and upset the lympho as the arm and side of poor boob has swollen up and no amount of sleeves,bullet proof vest wearing has settled it so looking like a trip to lympho nurse!! Bitten and fed up with it at the mo!!!
Janice so glad that Phil has finished chemo just a case of head down and on to the next thing! I am sending the hand,for when the time comes, so glad you managed to get a little spoiling you deserve your me time!
Anne sad is normal you are still grieving the old you and are also allowed to be sad sometimes just try to remember post, post, post ! We are all here and have been there too, Helen you are so right we all still have our days where it all rolls over you again it almost a realisation of everything and we try to deal with it in one go but it not everyone understands that, it's that if you haven't got it you don't get it thing again!
Well what a rotten day we have had today all this rain!!! I know the garden needs it but not all at once!! Never mind tomorrow is another day and who knows summer might just be around the corner (she says hopefully!) I think we all need that bright thing in the sky to give us a lift!
Flutter gently and be kind to yourselves sending spoons aplenty and a big group hug Em xxxxxx

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

just picked out a few of your words, we are all fragile arent we? and emotional battering from Doz. and it is good to realise we are all feeling the same. or you have felt it too.
its just so nice to not feel alone, I sat here just now trying to sumup what I feel and its just quiet. Am reminding myself thats okay, and all things will pass.
Love to you all, and keep fluttering gently.
a xx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks for the warnings about Melatonin - been takinthis for years and find it really helpful. Don't take it every night though.. It helps get skeep pattern back. I seme times use Sominex (never two consecutive nights!) and, rarely, Zopiclone.

We are fragile, aren't we? when I was bald, I so hated it that I swore I'd n ever complain about my hair again, I'd just be grateful I have hair. D you know what? It's still so unlike my old hair, and not soft and too thin and... I.m complaining! My best frieSanand our hubbies were going to go to Florida together, only I got cancer, so they went without us..."next year" we promised each other. That was last year, and her oh booked st lucia, no regard for us. This year, can we go to Florida? Tey want to go to Sri Lanka...hot, very long flight, mossies.... All absolutely difficult for someone with lymphoedema ... *****ed off.. Unreasonably so..

Ejane - have a good weekend, you've earnt it

hugs to everyone love Jane

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Just caught up on all the postsI can relate to the work thing in a different way as I didn't go back to work as I was intending to retire when my registration was due.I didn't even get an acknowledgement when I put my notice in and after a few months I bumped into a colleague and she didn't even know that I had retired.So looks like most places are the same.Still after 2and half years I still have my moments but at the moment I am supporting Phil so not really worrying about me so much.Have had nice week had manicure and eyebrow wax on Tues and then Hair coloured and cut yesterday then phone call from Maggies to say space available on Monday for LGFB as someone cancelled so got that to look forward to and family coming tonight till Sunday so it's a feel good few days.I am thinking of you all and remember be kind to yourselves flutter gently love hugs and spoons Janice xxxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Just been reading that one or two of you are thinking of buying melatonin to help you sleep. This is one of the drugs I'll be prescribing once I've qualified therefore I've done some work around it. Just check it doesn't interact with anything else you are taking as when given with some drugs it can either cause a drop in blood pressure, or increased sedation (might not be a bad thing under the circumstances!!). Look at this website if you need: http://www.medicinescomplete.com/mc/bnfc/current/interactions-of-melatonin.htm .

It is actually only licensed for use in adults over the age of 55 and for up to 13 weeks. Avoid it if you have any liver or kidney impairment.

Jane x

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

I've woken up really early this morning so here I am! Helen, what you said resonated with me; I think you're right saying that sometimes you just want other people to acknowledge the trauma you've been through. Having said that can people who haven't been through something like this really know what it's like? Driving home from my appointment on Wednesday I just burst into tears and I think it was tears of relief that I was ok...I had been so anxious before it worrying about the 'what ifs'.
Today I'm going to finish my portfolio for my course so that I can give it to my mentor to read and sign all her bits next week. I'm on holiday the week after next (daughter's graduation in St Andrews) so want everything done and dusted by the time I get back so that all I have to do is revise for my final exam on July 9th.
We're going to a wedding tomorrow and staying overnight so looking forward to that, I need a break!

Flutter gently
Jane x

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Your right Jane it does get better but there are still times I think when it comes back and bites you on the bum, and mostly it comes from nowhere, so we can all relate to what you girlies are saying, it's been an emotionally battering time for all of us new or old, but those days are getting less so hang in there flutterbys love and hugs to you all.... Intended to have an early night?? Don't know what happened but it didn't happen? 🙂 the sleep or lack of it has been a problem for most of us I think the best wary to handle it now is not to let it become a problem.... Easier said than done I know, but the best advice I,ve had is get up and take yourself to another room, and not to keep tossing and turning as this will just make the bedroom a place where you start to dread, your body will sleep when it needs it! I,ve had 2 years of it now and I,ve read some brilliant books in the wee hours 🙂 tho I do cheat sometimes and take a Zopiclone, I learnt the other day that its a hypnotic and not a sleeping tablet as such it just gets you off to sleep, it's your own mechanism that keeps you asleep.... And it's only a short lived drug it only lasts 4/5 hrs, tho on saying that its not ideal for long term use.. But bloody magic when you need it.......... I should,nt praise it but with my rotten shift patterns I do resort to it when find it really hard to sleep 😞 hey ho! Big hugs to everyone xxxxxhugsxxxx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Anne and Jane, I can relate to what you have both described. I can be upset by the smallest thing - especialy at work. I also seem to have times when I feel totally disconnected and quite empty, almost emotionless. When I was having active treatment I was better at allowing myself to have good and bad days - but not so good at this post-treatment. I have realised that I need others to acknowledge what has happened but at times I don't seem to be able to do this myself - I too am driving myself to be "back to normal" but then feeling low when I can't quite make it. I don't think I ever expected that a BC diagnosis would have such an effect on me psychologically as well as physically. Helen

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

At the moment you may be thinking
of how things used to be -
Before these trying times
which have brought such misery.
Yet please stop and think awhile,
of all that you have learned -
Of just how far you’ve travelled
and all the corners you have turned.
So, try always to remember
that this time won’t always be,
For then you may look forward
to when you shall be trouble free!
Author unknown

JUST WASTING TIME ON THE INTERNET, I QUITE LIKED THIS,IT MIGHT HELP ME A BIT
aNNE XXX
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Anne- you sound quite low in mood...are you ok? I don't sleep well anymore, always waking early these days. It's ok in the summer but the winter months are not so good; would rather be tucked up warm in bed but I just can't settle. I've decided to embrace it and use the time to do something constructive; at the moment that means my university work; when uni finishes I will have to find something else to occupy my time. I love reading and knitting so maybe that's what I'll do. I'm also planning on getting 2 tom kittens in September as both my cats died recently so really looking forward to that as I miss having cats around the place.

Yesterday was a good and bad day for me. I had an appointment to see the respiratory consultant in the afternoon about my sarcoidosis and I always dread these appointments in case they find something else so I was already anxious. So, in the morning I did a school observation of a patient we see in clinic and after that I thought I'd just pop into the office to print off some information for today before going to my hospital appointment. I went to my desk and went to put my laptop on the docking station only to find someone had changed it and my computer wouldn't fit! I asked around who had changed it but no-one seemed to know; then the office manager came back in and she admitted it had been her!! She had asked IT to change it so another worker could use my desk and IT had taken the old docking station away; she never thought about me! I was furious, I very nearly walked out; it was the last straw. I'm the only one in my office to have an older laptop which is ok but it means I can't use any other docking station and she knew that. I decided to walk away before I said something I'd regret. I phoned IT from home and they are putting old docking station back before I go back to work on Monday. I know it sounds utterly trivial but on this particular day it was very nearly the straw that broke this camel's back!
However, yesterday was good because my daughter learnt that she'd got a first class honours degree in biochemistry so really happy for her. Also, the consultant told me that my lungs looked slightly better than they did 6 months ago so that's another good thing and he doesn't want to see me for another year...yayy

Sorry to whinge and whine and I know in the great scheme of things it is nothing but I wish work would treat us as people with feelings not objects to be moved around at will...there, moan over!

Jane xx

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

hi flutterlies, am feeling a bit sorry for myself so am telling myself to be gentle. have had too much time to think and maybe it the transition after 3 days of work. been awake since 5am, shouldve got up but tried to go back to sleep.
I cant really sum up how it feels, just lost and a bit anxious, time to get out a book or waste time on the computer.
tomorrow will be better,
A xx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks to you all for your comments and thoughts. Much better day today - working from home so no chance of seeing idiot manager. I think what upsets me is the lack of respect and the lack of acknowledgement about what has happened to me over the last 15 months. I don't need him to understand every detail just acknowledge that it was a significant and difficult year for me and that I am not the same as I was. Not entirely sure why this is so important to me at this stage but it feels important.
My two sons have a running joke about the nonsensical texts I have sent to them in the past - I now use a stylus as this stops me making so many mistakes but I can still be caught out by predicitve text.
Take care all, Helen

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

2000+ posts, thats great, and you are all so welcoming,
Well done doz on your day off, shame the sun has disappeared.
Helen what a horrible manager, i am very sensitive and wouldnt have the confidence to say how its makes you feel, but maybe if it really winds you up, you could make him feel a bit of a knob about it. i did tell a colleagues wife, why does he avoid me, does he not know what to say, because he didnt mention my cancer at all, next few days, i got a big hug and he was lovely. didnt make a big fuss but cared enough to hug me. also good news you finally know about your mammo error, must have been a long few days.
JAnice, glad you and phil are doing okay.
Norm, remember how i have been back at work, i am not really enjoying it and still feel out of the loop in staff room and chats, it seems im not connecting withpeople. but they dont notice it all. i dont want to make them miserable when they askhow things are, its just tough and one day at a time.
had my yearly appraisal today with the head, had to bluff a bit for next year, but still nice to feel supported, i think in a teeny way my patience has come back a bit, dont seem to be so stressy.
spent all afternoon on wet poolside outside in the rain, the childrenwere okay, nice and warm in heated water, but its over for this week.
much love to you all and thanks for being here,
Anne xxx
katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi flutterbys
Just a quickie - Jane1 - do you get your melatonin off the internet? Thinking of trying it - 1am before I dropped off last night and up at 6. Could you send me the website address to have a look at please. Ta very much.
I've also sent the stupid things remember sinniin instead of singing??
You might not believe this but the sun is trying to get through here!! Going to hairdressers now - I've now resorted to rollers when I wash my hair myself - looks much better for 2 days!
Flutter gently ladies
Stella xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Elsa just stopped laughing I have also sent some stupid things thanks for the giggle xxxx
p.s well done
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Helen
its so wrong that an individual can make you feel so unworthy 😞 you would have to go quite a long way back on this thread to see what I posted re my manager... I can only say ditto.. At a time when you really do need all the unspoken but absolute support From your colleagues and you get let down leaves you feeling very low but take it from me sweetie they are the ones who have a problem so you get that chin right up in the air followed by the middle finger 🙂 and keep on taking each day as it comes its a very strange time when you slot back into work but it will all come right.. As Jane said its a very surreal time and I think most of us felt or didn't feel "quite right" it takes time to adjust back to Normal especially after all we,ve been through bless ya xx
Janice you are flutterby of the week it was your post that hit the 2000 🙂 I do hope life is being kind to you both and Phil is adjusting I,m sure you,ll both come out of this with a really solid bond between you, hope you are taking care of you xxx
Norms we all hit the low button now and then and as much as its a rotten place to be the saving grace is that it can only get better, wear your new found hair with pride my dear its your medal of been there getting better 🙂 I admired the ladies at Oncology who just bared it all and didn't try to cover it up.. Why should we worry so much about it, it's what's underneath that matters xx
Still coughing for England 😞 a stupid tickly cough that is really getting on my nerves now aaaargh! Finished my nights this morning and should be at an Infection Control Link day tomorrow at 9 for 9 hrs 😞 can't do it.... As soon as I get warm the tickle starts so I,m having a day off..... to do absolutely nothing! Only to be told I now owe the ward 9 hrs... Speechless!
Time for my cocoa anti biotics and a zoppi... Soooooo looking forward to a good nights sleep, I think I,ve managed about 4 hrs each day between nights and its finally caught up with me says she yawning her head off 🙂
GI Jane Em and all you lovely flutterbys start spreading those wings and get some sunshine on them... Flutter gently and take care xxxxhugsxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Helen..its going back to what we were talking about earlier that people just don't know what to say to you so don't say anything at all! Really hurtful and isolating. Could you take him to one side and tell him how his behaviour makes you feel? ps...glad that mammo appointment was a mistake.
Norms...that first day back at work is always the worst...it is just so emotional. I remember my first day back and it actually felt surreal. I felt like I was standing still and everyone else was busy around me but I felt like I was in slow motion...does that make sense?
Anyway...got my first practical assessment out of the way and passed...yayy!! Trouble is I texted 'passed'to my son but forgot about the predictive text and he received a text saying pissed!! When he told me, I was mortified...!!!

Flutter gently all
Jane x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Helen
You have been through a terrifying time and still going through a lot at the moment and its so hurtful when someone like that cannot see what they are doing by acknowledging or understanding whats happening to you!! It does make me cross and sad that you are being treated so appallingly! I only hope they never have to go through anything like we have!! Some people just don't have a clue! do they? well we are here for you Helen!!
Pleased you have your son to look cook your tea!! Hope you enjoy it!

Big hugs and extra spoons for you honey!

xxxxxxx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi All,
long day at work. Feeling very weary. I have been back at work 9 weeks now and mostly my manager avoids me. Over the last couple of weeks I have tried to block out this unhelpful behaviour and just concentrate on the work itself. As a result I have felt more positive about work. Today my manager came into the office, clearly not expecting to see me, had a conversation with my colleague and then went to leave without acknowledging me at all (again). Why does this upset me so much - I actually felt like crying, which is very unlike me. I realise my reaction is disproportionate and he has behaved this way consistently over the last 9 weeks (never mind the 12 months I was away) but what I feel angry about is how much his ignorant behaviour upsets me. Any suggestions on how I can toughen up?
BCN emailed me to say mammo appointment was a mistake, so that's a relief.
Son is cooking me tea as I am sooooo tired.
Hugs, spoons, kind thoughts to all.
Helen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Flutterbys
Been a while since I have been on here! Had all time low! But feeling much better! Going to my MacMillan day centre once a week now! Having some relaxation and reflexology. Also met a youg lady of 45yrs who was only given a year to live last July, so why don't I feel thankful that I have been able to have treatment?
Missed lots of your threads,
Janice, Helen and Doz thinking of you!
Doz 2000th thread! Well I am thankful you started it, as it relates to us all!
Went back to work yesterday only for 4 hours in the morning! and same again on Wednesday! Its been about eight months since I have seen some of the doctors and surgery staff! So they have not seen my new hair!!! or much less hair do!!Was really anxious about their reaction! But they were all lovely and only comments was how well I looked!! I was proud of myself as didn't cry once, some of them did, so guess it made feel stronger to comfort them! However, different story when I got in my car!! Just hope I'm really ready for work as only 2 weeks since finishing my treatment!
Only thing I found hard was when some of my patients asked why and what have been off with!! I really didn't want to say cancer but think losing most of my hair sort of gives it away. Also didn't want them to worry and think I'm not capable of doing my job!
See how it goes as I really love my job1

Hope you are all being gentle on yourselves. big big hugs to you al!l
Norms xxxxx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

We are doing okay Philip feeling a lot better and been out walking as not so breathless now just the chemo brain to sort out now and then no doubt worrying about the op as its a 6 hour op so will take a long while to recover .Enjoy the shortbread yum yum xxx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thank you Janice. Made shortbread biscuits tonight to take into work tomorrow - long meeting expected. Baking = welcome distraction. Strangely calm - I guess I will worry more if they confirm that I do need more scans as at the moment I am thinking it must just be an admin error.
How are you and Philip doing?
Helen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Helen try not to worry to much I had to have ultrasound after my last check because of all the fat necrosis and it was just to make sure all was okay I am keeping everything crossed for you take care big hug on its way love Janice xxx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Evening All (knees bent slightly as I typed this!)
Hope everyone is well - Doz, hope the antibiotics have done their thing and you are feeling well. Well, 2000+ posts on this thread - amazing.
I had a great weekend - my friend took me to London to see Billy Elliot; a belated birthday present. Had a great time - laughed, cried, laughed again. Such powerful production, you forget the tension between the miners and the government back in the 1970s. Even went for cocktails before catching the train back home. Now planning to go and see Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake later in the year - yippee. Not much sun here for the last few days so no sunbathing just fleeces.
The mystery of my mammogram continues - BCN not in work today so no reply from her. Had my 6 month check with Onc and although they could see the appointment they couldn't find what the trigger had been - but confirmed it was a request from surgeons. I have done a pretty good job of denial since receiving the letter last Thursday but as I drove over to the hospital in Coventry I did try to imagine how I might handle the idea of a recurrence - decided that there is no way I can anticipate this. So, back to denial and a strange feeling of calm (numb?).
Take care all, Helen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Well done Doz you sent 2000 th post bet you didn't realise what you were starting when you first posted xxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

2000 posts 🙂
Congratulations Janice 🙂
JUst read a few posts before starting work and read the bit from Jane re... unsure about advice on sunbathing I was told not to expose the radiated skin, So tonight rang the girls on Oncology when I got to work to see what advice they gave as it is a bit confusing..
They said they advise patients who have had either Chemo.. Radiotherapy or both to not expose the skin for at least a couple of yrs after treatment has finished, after that they said er on the side of caution and wear a full skin block on the radiated skin as it has been damaged by radiotherapy and will be more sensitive....
I guess its up to the individual 🙂 if you,ve tried and you are ok then go for it 🙂
Weathers turned a bit naff but to be honest its a welcome relief not having to work in sweltering conditions... love to all xxxhugsxxx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Cloudy here as well Jane but not cold we are just surprised we had some sunny days you know what it's like up here.So right everyone about people who avoid you it's as if they think you are infectious or something.Philip says the same some people just aren't there anymore.
Jane2 good luck with your exam type things will be there urging you on
Doz too true you need to look after yourself or you will need looking after and who is going to do that with everyone around you needing you to help them
Take care love Janice xxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

It really is weird how people react, and how some of those you expect to be there aren't, and some surprise you! One of the things I have learnt is to say what I need... comes of living with chaps with mild Aspergers... no point in expecting them to read my mind, or guess what I need... (which is why my daughter was such a god-send)

Doz - you take care of that chest of yours - ya here me? Don't wait for someone to send you home - if you're not well enough to be there, take YOURSELF home!!!!!

Sun... I went to Turkey last yeary and am sure BCN said "just normal suncare" - no mid-day sun.. lots of creams etc...

It's so COLD here again today! no sun.. wall to wall cloud and a wind.... brrrr!

flutter well (and GENTLY!)

love Jane

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Just been catching up on all the posts...I've had the same problems with my family (brothers mainly) and them not knowing what to say or how to talk to me and I've found that quite an isolating experience. They're ok if I talk about normal everyday things but talking 'c' is a step too far! Have to say though that my OH, son and daughter have been fantastic with me through the highs (??) and lows and without their support this last year and a half would have been unbearable. My best friend (who has also been great) told me that another friend didn't want to come and see me because she just didn't know what to say to me and to this day she has never mentioned my illness. So, this website has been a lifesaver for me because you all understand what it is to have this diagnosis so thank you.
I've got another month to go of my university course and I can't wait for July 9th to come around. I'm being observed in practice tomorrow afternoon and the following Monday so a bit nervous about that and will be preparing for those sessions today.

Flutter warmly in this sunshine
Love
Jane x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Doz It's a fact unless you've been there you don't understand both Phil and myself now know what the other one goes through and I must admit things are so much better now he is over the initial shock of it all.We have had such a lovely day today as he felt so much better so we went for a nice walk had lunch then came back and sat in the garden it was so nice and no mention of the c word just so relaxing we have a lot to face but so nice to have a chill day.Hope everyone had sunshine and enjoyed it take care and hope you have good shifts Doz love and hugs Janice xxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning Flutterbys
Exposure to radiated skin will always be a no no unfortunately 😞 though in our cases or mine I,m not sure I,d get my boobs out any more nor would any one want me to 🙂 and it's good to just slap a bit of total block on the area as sun will damage the cells more.. Another joy of good old BC 😞
Anne I think most people avoid talking about IT... My sister hardly mentioned it when I was going through it.. But now she rabbits on about C when I,m there all the time, I think unless you,ve been there yourself it's hard to discuss it! Hence the reason we all seem so easy to talk on here?
Started with a chest infection Thursday night at work.. 😞 Came home went to bed at 8 could,nt sleep so got up and thankfully able to get a cancellation at Dr,s ( wonders never cease 🙂 and now on anti biotics, was going to go back to bed at 12 but the semi finals were on in the French open 🙂 so snuggled down in the chair all day 🙂 hence a nights sleep gone kaput! while I was at work thurs night I saw a really bright light moving high up towards the east... 10 mins later Vikki rang to say she,d seen it too so went on Google and it turns out its the International Space Station at its closest orbit to earth!! So didn't get to bed till 11 last night as we went out to watch it again.. It comes over every 90 mins and it travels at 17,500 mph it can be seen for most of June so take a look its fascinating 🙂 also last night we saw 2 smaller satellites tailing it, it was probably supplies as one of them didn't appear again while it was in our sight... no I,m not turning astrology head ha ha! But it does fascinate me knowing a team of guys are up there in it.. Very brave!
Well back on nights tonight for 3 nights... Feeling a bit better after sleeping the clock round literally last night.. Tho if we,d been ok on staffing I might just have rang in sick... Most of our patients are down with this bug? so one more coughing is,nt going to keep them awake bless them....and no.one suggested I go home so work it is 😞
Hope you have a lovely weekend and everyone is coping well.... Flutter gently and remember the sun cream 🙂 xxxxxhugsxxxx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

IWas told to be careful in the sun but usually wear factor 30 anyway but that summer was awful so I didn't need to cover up as we wore macs most of the time I would keep area covered just in case xxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Doz and Janice, good to get your updates, And Janice, i think its nice that Joan fixed things for her own goodbye.
Doz, nice to hear your sister being matter of fact, i met two ladies who have similiar diagnosis at a local charity day, its not easy but they were able to smile a lot, in fact makes you feel a bit guilty.
Saw counsellor again and am glad we are continuing. i realised when i struggle in the staff room that im angry cancer has changed me. and i think that is something to explore, a case of not letting it win but janice i liked how you described falling back into the hole that you thought youd come out of.
had a quiet lunch wth my mum, still pretty wobbly going over there, but continued, she finds it hard because she doesnt know what to say, but talked about other stuff instead.
My daughter seems to have settled a bit, said it was just the stress of her exams and she undestands a bit more that this is not easy and just to bear with me, and i will try to keep it away from her to a degree.
flutter gently and enjoy the sun, should rads skin be covered up completely??
Anne xxxx
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

You just wouldn't believe it but they rang this morning to tell Phil the C.T scanners weren't working so we were able to go to the funeral which if I say so myself was lovely we laughed and cried and it was so nice afterwards to talk about Joan.She was a remarkable lady and there were loads of people there.I am sure she had wanted us there so used her mischief to put scanner out of action
Doz glad your sister has that attitude as it will help you as well as it is a tough time for you all.
GIJane enjoy your day off I intend having a few lazy days as have worked hard in house and garden so a rest is due.
all you other ladies hope you are okay love and hugs Janice xxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Butterflies
Its the small wee hours just before daylight and I cant wait to get to bed.. just jumping in to mention that when I saw my councillor I was refered by the McMillan Nurse and saw him at the Oncology centre at the Hospital... I,m not sure all area,s do this but its certainly worth going through your BC team Helen as they deal with this all the time.
Had my Tut Tut Speeding seminar yesterday.... Enough said!!!!
Janice I hope everything goes ok for you both today, I went to a friends funeral this week and bawled all the way through it... we had been friends since being 16 and he married a close friend of mine... He was a musician and played Bass for David Bowies Spiders from Mars.. it was a very big shock to learn he had passed away as his brother also passed on in March this year.. leaving only the eldest brother.. spent some time chatting with him and trying to give him a bit of support... I want to go to weddings and christenings!!!!!!!!!! 😞
Sister is doing quite well now she is home though the news is still bad re the tumour as its not shrinking as much as they would have liked.. but as she has said there is nothing she can change by worrying so she,s just enjoying each day for what it brings...bless her.
My shoulder xray came back ok so the next step is to see if its muscular or nerve damage... or hopefully nothing to do with BC op and possibly wear and tear from all the yrs of helping patients up the bed 😞 back at Dr's monday so we shall see!!!
Weather has been incredible these past few days and i,m finally getting a nice golden sheen to my winter pale skin 🙂 from pottering in the garden when I get chance 🙂 but remember to wear your suncream girlies we dont want any burns on our delicate skin I hope everyone is feeling a little better we,ve had a few rum old weeks recently so sending hugs and a hand for Janice today xx Flutter gently onwards and upwards xxxxxhugsxxxxx
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Go gently tomorrow Janice. Hug.....

as a trained counsellor, one should not talk about yourself. The time is set side for the client. If you felt brave, you could say at the end of a session that she seems to have shared quite a bit. And does she have supervision, because that might be helpful. All counsellor s should have supervision.
pants about the rogue letter.... Hopefully if there really HAD been something wrong they'd have jumped on it immediately, but this will be a tenseweekend. Hug for you too.
day off tomorrow....

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

I go to a place called Contact which is a charity organisation and the counsellors are volunteers who givtherein time one day a week.Mine lets me talk and guides me to encourage me to basically let it all out she has said to me that just because my diagnosis and treatment was over 2years ago that it is still not a long time.She certainly doesn't talk about her problems and I do know she has them as she has joint problems but she never complains and is verity helpful.I think your counsellor needs to be thinking more about her clients.My friend who is anR.M.N &cb therapist says it is about the client not the counsellor so maybe ask if there is someone else available.I am just hoping for a few more sessions but she is off at the moment.Hope you get someone more helpful.
Gutted today as lgfb is cancelled till 22nd July so will have to go when Phil is in hospital which may be better time for me
Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine.We have Phils C.T scan tomorrow then on to my friends wake as funeral is same time as scan but family have asked us to go so we will flutter gently ladies love and hugs Janice xxxxx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Janice, how did you find your counsellor? I have had 4 sessions with an ordinary NHS counsellor rather than someone who speialises in working with cancer patients. I am a little dissatisfied as I feel that as soon as I get into topics that are at the core of my feelings she changes the subject! She also talks about herself quite a lot which is not at all what I expected. Helen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Anne no cbt just really bringing all the hidden fears to the surface and also just ranting about those who I felt had let me down.I really felt as if I bared my soul and did realise that I had tried to go it alone and I shouldn't have so have to try to put these things behind me and accept the new me which I am trying to do.Obviously it has been even harder with Phil being diagnosed with cancer just after I was referred for counselling but it has helped me cope with my anger I do hope you can get some help as it does help you cope even though there are days when it seems like you are falling back into the hole you are just managing to climb out of take care love and hug Janice xxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Helen, oh bum, what great timing to have to wait until monday, not that me mentioning it makes it any easier, trust in the system that your cala back would have been ages ago, and fingers crossed, write down your fears if it might help.
in my counselling today it came out about the fear that it could come back and you are right, it is under the surface. i think i am doing my best dealing day at a time but the whole episode is obviously affecting me,
much love to you all
flutter gently xxx

janice can you remember whether your counselling was specific with cbt, ie challenging your feelings towards the cancer and how it left you feelng xx
HJU63
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi All, we have had a really lovely day here in the Midlands - soooo sunny and warm. I have had the house to myself most of the day and have really enjoyed pottering around. Hope you have had a good day to.
Had a bit of a scare when the post arrived - there was a letter with an appointment for a mammo later this month, requested by my surgeon. I was not expecting this - so immediate, physical reaction as I went into full-blown panic. Rang the hospital and was assured that this should not have happened but couldn't explain why it had(I had a mammo in March). Not reassuring at all. I am worried it is a late call-back following my mammo in March. Have to wait until Monday to speak to the lady who made the appointment to understand why she has done this. Realised that the fear of recurrence is only just under the surface even though I am trying not to dwell on it. So, deep calming beathing and lots of activity to distract my racing mind.
Helen